/brit/

Nth for penis enlargement therapies

Vaseline

dentist slowly poisoning him

Ummm I think you mean black country
Learn the difference

because that's what they're called paddy

dunno

they probably used to only have numbers on

ax^2+bx+c=0

what's it mean lads

a severe and enduring mental health condition

>people who take ages to get up in the morning and are zombies for hours afterwards

Absolute mongs

the dentist and DPD working against him

doing soft effeminate coughs

me

It's a quadratic equation you fucking autist

>don't talk to me until I've had my 2nd cup of coffee

you got nothing

post your ride lads. frogmobile here

>he laughs at the brummie accent
>she doesn't want a man from his city or town

BITTER AND JEALOUS

they were quite do the job

It'd spelt licence you silly goose

no it's a graph teehee

mong

>My dear Lucas, mixing bleach and ammonia together makes a gas that will kill you if breathed in for.to long, trust me. If you wanna have some fun and you dont give a damn about human life, fill up some waterballoons with the bleach/ammonia mix, go to a bday party and just throw them, it will take 10-15 seconds before it actually works, but my friend..........youll enjoy it.

Genuinely cannot speak English for the first hour of being awake.

>clock in at 7.30
>fuck around til 8.30 when everyone else arrives
>tea break at 10 til 10.30
>lunch 12.30-13.15
>clock out at 1600

ah yes

pls vocaroo :3

literally

please don't tell me you drive that

>Depends what area of NI tbqh, Derry/country accents are horrendous, Belfast less so.

>mfw

All nordie accents sound like somebody is cutting metal with a power tool, no way you are getting laid or even understood by normal people sounding like that

tim looks almost presentable there

Excellent post

Also have a peaugot 207 haha good motor for the price range

I have the 1.4 sportium top spec though bet you have some runty edition

Anytime I see a DPD van in real life I can't help myself, I start raucously chucklong

...

...

*pokes straw into your house and sucks it up gradually shrinking it until it is gone*

goal car

quadratic or order 2 polynomial

why ask?

Hello from New York

>raucously chucklong
what did he mean by this?

I have the 125cc runtium spec

Police Interceptors on right now lads

Black country is a different place from Birmingham you mong

Neeson makes it work tbf. Him saying Belfast isn't horrendous is baffling though.

t. Belfast who loves his accent

>london is 2% whiter than birmingham

cant make this up

>sportium
the element they make go faster stripes from.

t.associates with working class chavs

No its not you absolute bollard

from NI and i've been complimented on my accent before
albeit some people in this very city oftentimes think i'm from elsewhere
i guess extended isolation would do that

I wonder if he was handsome in his 20's

Acidity in atmosphere minimised to preindustrial levels

quick someone call me a bender

very

fucking bender

then why haven't i noticed, huh?

bender

Me too

I'm from Suffolk County, the last bastion of conservative voters in this shitty state.

I have the 1.6 HDI Sport 110BHP. My brother gave it me for free too lmao

How about you come to Wakefield and I'll fucking bend you in half

binder

it means you're a pouncy twat LOL

So called "posh" nordies (and I use this very loosely) have American-esque accents

he doesn't look half bad

almost haunting

bit gay

Culchie girls love my Belfast accent for some reason. Especially ones from south of me, like Newry and shit.

>Anyone in Northern Ireland
>Not a working class chav

vinay should be ashamed, does he feel proud he turned tim's life to ruin?

.
Fuck I live in Brooklyn
Help

bit gay

*comes to Wakefield*

want to work in the petroleum industry lads

How many portions of chilli can I get out of 750g of mince?

>tired of getting blackout drunk and making a tit of myself so have resolved to give up drinking

First night in and I'm bored to tears. What the fuck do people even do with their evenings if they're not getting pissed?

*gets banged*

bit gay

I know what you mean, I've found a lot of lads also using quite a lot of Americanisms too. Lots of "alright man" and shit like that.

Smoke weed

bit gay

depends on the bean content la

one you fucking anorexic cunt

Edge for hours

will be very difficult nowadays. oil has gone to shit

ax^2+bx+c=0

sum of roots=-7
product of roots=15

find the equation with the roots alpha^2+beta
and prodcut (alpha*beta)^2

3-4

Clinton or Trump

fuck off
fuck off

t. concerned parent

neither.
also, FOY

bernie !!!!!!!

if you're serious mate go to an AA meeting, after a while you will find it very hard and go back to heavy drinking :)

bit gay

i HATE vinay

HATE him

Think I'm gonna buy it lads

donedeal.ie/modifiedcars-for-sale/once-off-citroen/13256505

"Bernard" Sanders

kon

*punches you in the face*

P O N C E Y
(typed to daft punk song beat)

>out with coworker and his wife and her friends
>when I arrive they all look at me and start whispering amongst themselves
>ask me if I'm single and how old I am
>ask me if I'd be interested in going on a date with one of their friends
>say yes cos I'm drunk and think nothing of it
>coworker texts me this today

fucking hell lads I'm too autistic for this

...

recommend me some ambient choons

Do it lid
You've got nothing to lose

She is going to be a fat ugly hambeast with a personality to match

tell her you're gay

f u c k o f f t w a t

(typed to blondie song beat)

Lmao he looks like he's about to start crying

go it lad

>sit in lecture
>seating wide open
>autistic nerdy looking runt sits two chairs down from me, completely warding off all potential of qts sitting beside me

FONT

Go for it la

She might have a feminine penis

Would you say this is the GREATEST PC build list in existence, /brit/?

uk.pcpartpicker.com/list/N87n6X

fishmans- longseason

CHOON LAD

ask for her facebook first for gods sake
never take a blind date

youtube.com/watch?v=Q0q1gCsZykg

dont listen to it on headphones though, you need a good soundsystem

youtube.com/watch?v=qL7I9BWFqdk

me on the right

friendly reminder that you didn't win the genetic lottery

listened to it a 1000 times bucko

>B L O N D I E
(typed to my bloody valentine song beat)
(seriously are you my dad lol)

trip hop to be honest lads

already seen her pic lads she's alright looking

me standing on the rock having a think

...

me on the left in the water

youtube.com/watch?v=nkJA6SYwa94

Do NOT trust the pics. Was it just her face?

Is there a graphics card?

Just work out bro

muh dick

Neither did he.

full body la, nice chebs but she is 4 years older than me

>guy is tip toeing

manlets

Neither did swarthy Arabs.

For what? Gaming is for children.

(yes come home son)

(typed almost to the beat of dead or alive song

3 months on estrogen lads
Making lightning fast progress

Jesus Christ la, you don't know what she looks like? This isn't fucking Hollywood, she's not going to be a shy cute 9/10 with glasses. She's going to be
>Fat as shit
Or
>Ugly
Or
>Mental
Or a combination thereof

I'd have just wasted it even if I did win the genetic lottery desu

...

>implying

That's two years of lifting and not eating like a hog unless you're talking about the woman in which case yeah she's genetically perfect

>you will never be this alpha

Me on the left

I use a GTX1080 for browsing /brit/

the colours really pop

dad where have you been :o

(typed to the beat of a uknown mortal orchestra song)

I was sent here from Cred Forums, can any one of you lads tell me what a 'carvery' is?

I stopped drinking at 20 because it was boring desu.

Don't understand alchies. Is your life really so shit you have to spend most of it sober?

post peng tings

...

Treated myself to a Lidl pizza tonight lads

Still managed

Glad he'll die of weight related issues desu

Congrats! Hope it's going well. This is me... be nice!

Had an older girl invite me into the bathroom while she was in the bath when I was younger tbqh.

totes gonna be a pretty girl xxx

She's short and her bio is:
>need someone to reach tall cupboards/shelves

Help me lads

POLISH

Dumbass TA wrote all over the whiteboard with a non-erasable marker

this is proper comfy like

>tfw this speccy twat has kissed more girls than me
What's this from anyway?

>losing weight

never had to deal with this, maintained constant weight so far haha

cafepress.co.uk/ fuck-white-people clothing

err

>treated myself to a LIDL pizza

literal definition of a runt right there

I wonder if trannies genuinely believe people will fall for their shit when they have shoulders like that.

was she paid to kiss that child?

looks like my mum

she's hot

*tips*

if you listen long enough you can start to hear like really faint sort of synth like pattern noises hidden in the background

No, she was just high as fuck

>his mum looks like young Demi Moore

Did you ever sneak a peek of her in the shower?

'gizza cheeky succ ye'

k

When I was about 8 I went to see family friends and their daughter was 10 and we kissed loads and lay on the bed and pretended to have sex.

>tfw 23 and a virgin

I used to be alpha when I was young and it all went downhill when I went to secondary school.

Online maybe, they can carefully choose angles and lighting. IRL - shovelhands, adams apple, shoulders, square hips, all make it obvious

"shame, maybe I could get you a stool to stand on while you suck me off?"

Reeeee, font

she had me when she was 40 and she's fat now :(

she was fit when younger

willy is now STIFF

She has great tits even though they're fake

I went away son

for a long time

>get you a stool

Alri Hans

Being sober isnt as interesting as being drunk. There's that two drink sweet spot where I become more articulate, wittier and more confident which is the most enjoyable aspect of booze, but I don't understand alcoholics either. To swear off it completely makes you a bender though

*stabs u*

really love short fat girls

Sissy British boys

*walks towards you*

*stabs you with a broken bottle*

No one I hate more than this fucking Russian bender

Some people just can't handle it and it's best to swear off it entirely

I haven't drank in years because I picked up a benzo habit instead
Can't wait to come off that haha

>drink
>head swims a bit
>everything else is the same
>don't feel any happier or articulate

Never worked for me desu.

Rasheed

sounds like a bad case of micro chorodus lad

is stool a german thing?

I'm almost certain the little 3 legged things we have are called stools

obviously I dont mean a poo hahahahahaha

I only listen to radio 4

NEED a lethal dose of heroin lads

Wish benzos were readily available here desu, they sound like good fun. Difficult to get a hold of though, you need to know a certain kind of dealer and they're not common

>I'm almost certain the little 3 legged things we have are called stools

They are indeed

>two drink sweet spot

Christ, why can't I get to that and then maintain it for the night. When I start drinking I go to that, surpass it, get fucked up at pres and end up acting like a complete cunt. It's not even enjoyable to be completely fucked up on booze. Costs far too much, leaves you suffering in the morning and gives me the fear.

imaging actually feeling like a girl all the time but being stuck in a male body, waking up everyday to look like a horrific clown, who is seen as a lesser being by society, who can't reproduce will almost definitely never find love
it's a surprise only 40% of them attempt suicide in such a shitty situation

why call me hans then

;-;

just microdose it like i do

makes life easier

>Talking with a Yank girl for two hours on Omegle
>Seemed to really like me
>Then she randomly asked me my height
>I told her
>She disconnected instantly
REEEEEEEEE

>got a photo taken of me
>one where I wasn't smiling and look like a gimp
>that's the one everyone's uploaded to instagram

wasn't me lad, was backing you up

It was a joke about Germans and scat porn you bilk

what's your height?

what is your height?

2 girls asked my height recently too

oh ok

good man

oh

*laughs awkwardly*
*goes and talks to somebody else*

vinepair.com/booze-news/drinking-makes-you-smart/

It's science nerd

5'4"

>Talk to a qt
>get along really well
>Decide not to ask her out because she lives a fair distance away
>Start talking to a different girl
>Holy shit she's so fucking boring how can anyone be so fucking boring
>Talk a new girl
>Holy shit how the fuck are all of them so fucking dull
>And another
>and another
>and another
Ah shit. I've fucked this up. I should've asked her out. I never realised how rare an interesting woman is.

this is a staubsauger. it saugs staub

3'6"

literally just laughed out loud

Why the glum face?

For me it's always
>Look unphotogenic 99% of the time
>1% of the time I look ok someone else has decided that this is the funny 'look like a twat' photo of the night
>End up with 0 photos

Never had alcohol. Neither underage nor Muslim.

Well lads

Doing a year in uni (I'm 24), and fuck, I'm too cultured for this shit. I know this is a tippy thing to say but everybody is literally a pleb. How do I find mates who are into things that aren't just getting pissed?

>There's a girl doing fine art
>I joke "do you know your Manet from your Monet?"
>She says "Who?"

Some great banter in this thread.

shit..

Sounds like classic chasing the purple dragon addictive behaviour, maybe give booze a rest for a few weeks

ahh, must be autistic then

5'3"

actually snorted a bit there

poor lad

*pats your head and goes and talks to someone else*

Don't laugh...

>Well lads
>Doing a year in uni (I'm 24), and fuck, I'm too cultured for this shit. I know this is a tippy thing to say but everybody is literally a pleb. How do I find mates who are into things that aren't just getting pissed?
>>There's a girl doing fine art
>>I joke "do you know your Manet from your Monet?"
>>She says "Who?"

GET A LOAD OF THIS FAGGOT LMAO

haha

You sound like a twat desu senpai

...

do you know your Manet from your Monet?

I have a prescription from my psychiatrist
Have for over 2 years now

They're all good and fun until they start to destroy your brain
I feel like I've lost the ability to think and I am incredibly unproductive

Don't worry lad, I've seen manlets with qts before.

>How do I find mates who are into things that aren't just getting pissed?
>is at uni

mate..

>Binge eater
>Smoker
>Gambler
>Heavy drinker
>Porn addict

Had a daily speed habit but fortunately my flatmate threatened to rat me out to the uni and flushed it and I never got round to buying more BTC.

How many vices can a man sustain?

Literally just pooed my pants

Had that issue too. Minus the whole "I'm too cultured" bollocks. I just don't like going out on nights out and that's the only thing girls ever invited me to.

Do you ever wank to interracial porn?

>do you know your Manet from your monet?

I am, yeah.

There has to be some middle class slightly autistic repressed and cripplingly socially awkward people here.

Literally just milked my nips

...

Fucking hell lads it fell flat

Porn is for gays.

and I feel bad at 5'9.. thanks for making me remember that there's always worse

Jeg snakker dansk og engelsk

*gets a job at DPD*

I'm working from the inside now

where u get this pic of me

??

piscine is swimming pool if I remember my french from secondary school 15 years ago?

Almost exclusively

Nah it's either normie or autist mate, pick your side

lol

Was that supposed to be a joke or something?

I don't mind nights out sometimes but it's just too much doing it every night.

>They're all doing ring of fire
>Comes to the truth questions thing
>Every question is about sex

H-haha

why :s

why did it take you 4 days to reply?

Yee

...

*sips on some Pilk*

ah yes deloinkful

t. clueless virgin

Speed was fucking great for revision cramming sheshes. Must've been incredibly uncomfortable for all the chinks in the library to see me and the lads tweaking off our faces memorising economic models.

Seriously though, if you're still at uni they'll have substance abuse counselling for students

*puts you out of business*

doing a grindr

Why would you feel bad at 5'9", I would kill for that height.

>they pick out the photo where you look the worst
>thats the one they upload
and they wonder why I dont like having my photo taken

Imagine how I felt, given that I don't even drink.

Black women and white men is good desu

This desu, going out is so much hassle, don't enjoy clubs that much, not worth the hangover in the morning either. Rather just sit around and smoke green with mates, unfortunately I don't have any.

looking for some 45 yo twinks??

got an advert for grindr yesterday (pretty sure it was on youtube) for some reason

This pic is my phone wallpaper ;_;

Really want to play with her fat tits

Hey Lightweights,
My name is Donald J Trump, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are sweaty, retarded, choke artists who spend every second of your campaign putting on make up. You are everything bad in this country. Honestly, have any of you ever built a skyscraper with your name on it? I mean, I guess it's fun memorizing the same speech given by your handlers and screwing the electorate because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than having Conservative Gay Foam Parties.
Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I built hotels and casinos around the World, and a whole city in the Upper West Side of Manhattan. What jobs have you created other than "robocall smearing ghost-writers"? I also got my own Boeing 757, and have a banging hot daughter (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.
Pic Related: It's me and my daughter Ivanka

That's penis milk m8 you do realise

Ordered a VERY big sushi takeout meal

person on the phone had a hard time understanding my address so I had to spell it for them.
hope it actually gets here.

thank the baby jesus every night that I am 6ft3

perfect height

>youtube stops buffering for a sec
>whole website has a panic attack and drops to 144p because it assumes I'm at fault and am using Windows 95 and can't handle 1080

Fuck you Youtube

lol

Stop watching gay porn

I know that I'm smarter than 99% of all people because I've had my IQ tested by different psychiatrists many times but I haven't accomplished a single thing with my life and my mind is full of regret over what could have been and I feel as though I'll never be successful despite having the potential to be the next Einstein

Society needs to be more accomodating and recognizing of genius so that it can be properly cultivated

...

>if you're still at uni they'll have substance abuse counselling for students

Yea, but not sure if it's even just one thing. Is there such thing as just a stimulation addict? I do stupid shit to relieve boredom and then it ends up ingrained as a habit.

>First thing I do at uni is get blind drunk on the first night
>Everyone thinks I'm some sort of party guy
>Never get that drunk again and everyone realises I'm actually a sperg

Yup. Now explain

The gf sent me a topless pic again
LITERAL A cup chestlet sMh FaM

>>First thing I do at uni is get blind drunk on the first night
isn't that what everyone does

M A G A
A
G
A

It's what gets me off but I always feel disgusted after I watch it

I swear the normie twats do it on purpose desu

I haven't watched any

>applying to an MBA program in Taiwan because I'm too much of a loser to get one here
>please enter your GPA
>please enter any academic honours
>please enter any extracurricular activities
>please enter work experience

poo kid

I did this and everyone thought I was a party animal. I was also the first one to have a fight with campus security that year.

Should have tried harder user

I'm simultaneously an arrogant self absorbed elitist cunt and a cripplingly self-conscious misfit.

You?

...

>hating on DFC

Unironically hope he wins desu

>When A Pregnant Woman Couldn’t Find A Seat On A Train, This Man Stood On His In Solidarity

which one of you was this ffs

then start lol

gf sent me this

everyday i live is another day of pain

A high energy alpha male such as myself does not hurry to speak to a mere woman. Only a desperate weakling would respond within 48 hours. The longer you wait, the higher energy you are.

just do it stop procrastinating

I share that feeling

Kek

>tfw no gf

lovely barm cakes

Fucking hell what would cause someone to do such a whoreish thing?

What is dfc

don't know is this is top level banter or not

the girl sitting down has hair for a face

It's from clickhole, it's satire

as long as it was your friend and not some random street cretin

HOT!

more like this please

>Americucks

>that pathetic load

Me too

shitty Cred Forums meme, delicious flat chest

Going to have another year of being alone lads even though I'm surrounded by a gorillion girls

all me

>where is the swimming pool
don't understand this joke

I hurt myself today

Have you tried talking to them?

What does that even mean? Am I getting memed?

DO IT AGAIN BOMBER JANNY

>ameriCucks

the man with the plan, jan is here

nu

Oh dear

Big J is here

Be on your best behaviour

Madman

not really fair how some people are born rich, fit, happy and get loads of friends, go to loads of parties and then get a great job, loads of money and a great happy family whilst i'm stuck in this shitty horrid situation of being a friendless virgin neet with severe mental issues for the rest of my life

hes walks among us

bloody anime nonces

ah ha yes

I am, worst they can do is say no honestly and I'll still go to Taiwan anyways.

I've emphasized how white I am in my application and wrote a solid entry letter.

just need to convince my boss to write me a good recommendation letter (even though I work a runt tier job)

though I think it might be better to just go to Taiwan in the interim, work there, then apply next year with better work credentials and Mandarin experience since the deadline is coming up on the 30th as it is for this year.

where ya been, jan?

Quick hide your memes Janny (PBUH) is here

>shitty Cred Forums meme
Ah yes
Anime fans and their paedophilia

Take mine tbqhwymm

r/NSFW_Snapchat

hes here

...

>(PBUH)
Rasheed

Comment allez-vous ?

got a £25 voucher

what do I buy

190cm Masterrace/Kevin Boyle/Marcus Hauser is also the caretaker?

the plot thickens

I will, thanks lad.

me

Font

3 more vouchers

ah ha yes :P

25 scratchcards from the paki cornershop 2bh

>janny shows up
>posts per minute descreases

ah yes

safety in numbers

hhmmmmm

Might do a buy of Mafia 3 when it's out

because all the would-be jokers in here don't want to waste their prime banter on a dying thread

saving a bang out post for next thread but janny won't let us make a new thread

>open /brit/
>lol Tim janny poo poo DPD janny janny xDD poooo wank poo janny

I thought the summer holidays finished?

Love those Tesco salmon mousse appetisers

make new thread plz

Tragic but true.

>Labour: Is the Party over?
Is it lads?

woah, there are mentions of the janitor immediately after he just deleted a new thread?
fucking dolt

>I thought the summer holidays finished?

>cant post my new gimmick until the new thread
>have to wait until jan jan goes away

fuck sake lads

It never began

no, now the memeshitters are just concentrated into the after-school hours
morning /brit/ and late night weekday /brit/ return to extra comfy levels.

smashed my head full force on concrete on two seperate ocassions I but was completely fine somehow

(I fell, wasn't deliberately smashing my head into a wall or something)

>was never allowed a flame shirt

My parents were lame

*annexes /brit/ into my personal realm*

>Cred Forums is LITERALLY impacting the election for the most powerful person in the world
why can't /brit/ ever do anything meaningful?

>>open /brit/
>>lol Tim janny poo poo DPD janny janny xDD poooo wank poo janny
>I thought the summer holidays finished?

NEW

tell that to the people of iraq

waheeey #tonyblair

*declares /brit/ an independent state*

morning /brit/ has turned complete shit due to the reddit twat and the paki australian

New

janny wont be pleased