So Cred Forums, what is the gamer way to wipe your ass after shitting

Do gay people get turned on from looking at themselves?

>not being close enough with your family to talk about your shitting habits
What else are you suppose to discuss with them? No but seriously we're just really close, we talk about funny stuff like that typically.

>public toilet
>precariously lay out 10 layers of toilet paper before sitting down
>put 10 more layers into the toilet to prevent splashback

What about soy water running down your legs? Do you pick up the lid and throw it from the shower hoping it lands in there?

Do you get turned on from literally any female you see?

You take the toilet paper, wipe, fold it over, wipe again.

I wonder if more straight men would try anal play if they knew it wasn't just a magical gay ability to feel good from your prostate.

I wipe until the toilet paper is clean-looking. Then I take some (a 3 square piece folded) to the sink and wet it lightly. After that, I add a little hand soap.

Wipe once or twice with that, then with a dry piece.

Shitty*, auto correct

I just hover over the seat, of course I only go in public if I absolutely must. I seriously have held shits for 4-5 hours justvto avoid public bathrooms

Ass is too tight. Also every time I try my finger smells like shit for the next hour.

You shouldn't do that. A few germs here and there dies wonders for you immune system.

>putting paper in toiler to prevent splashback

My nigga, it also helps if you have eaten shitty food so it doesn't stick to the bowl.

I sit, squat, and stand.

Best of all worlds.

better question
how do I shave my anus?
its like peanut butter in carpet down there

...

You need to wash, my friend.

wash your hands after shoving your finger up your sphincter, Pajeet.

This is a shitty diet problem, not really a body problem.

Eat less junk food. Eat less trans fats. Cut out soda (massive amounts of sugar are hell on your colon).

Drink LOTS of water. Almost a gallon a day.

Fantastic comparison. Use Nair.

I put my butt on the toilet seat and shit into the water. This is the normal way of doing it you freaks.

Enjoy your smelly anus.

Not really. I'd totally fuck the shit out of myself every day if I could though.

>its like peanut butter in carpet down there

I stood to wipe for the first 20 years of my life, not giving it a second thought. Then one day I had to use a tiny foreign public bathroom that literally didn't have room to stand, so I leaned forward a bit while sitting and wiped that way, and everything just fell into place and I couldn't believe I'd been doing it so wrong for so many years. I haven't stood to wipe since.

As a former standwiper, it's a disgusting practice.

Also bidets are amazing

My anus is as clean as a whistle since I became a vegetarian.

Okay, people in this thread need to learn how to eat and bathe. 1. Shitting shouldn't require effort. 2. You have to scrub the starfish in the shower.

how do you wipe your ass while sitting? ive done it standing all my life. i figured thats what everyone does.
do you reach between your legs and wipe from the far side towards your balls? that doesnt seem like you would be able to wipe efficiently

>he doesn't put some toilet paper in the water to suppress the splash
u wot mVIII

>4-5 hours
m8 i've done 4 days to avoid other people's bathrooms and public bathrooms

I wiped my ass with huggies wipies until I was 14, am I the only one?

Sitting and making ahegaos

Uh, no... Many grown men use baby wipes. I have a hairy ass. It's kinda essential.

I will always laugh at the pretentious fucks that think they're too good to sit on a bare public toilet seat. Sit down, take a shit, wipe your ass, wash your hands, and move the fuck on.

Pick a clean stall so you don't have to wipe piss off the seat first.

Your ass is not sacred.

You fags wouldn't survive in any other time period.

>days
I'm sorry but I can't believe this. How would you sleep? How would your body function holding it that long?

how do girls wipe? do they have to stand?
they cant get shit in their snatch

No, don't need to. My shits are healthy size and taper off at the back end well enough so there's no splash back. If your shits are so hard and coming out with such force that it's like a comet hitting the ocean, you need to learn what a proper died is.

Ask anyone in the military. Baby wipes are like a treat for the anus.

I've a theory that only fatties wipe themselves standing up.

Front to back maybe?

have you tried that while sitting? it just doesnt feel right

My public bus station doesn't have doors on the shitter stalls so when you poop you have to have a staring contest with the next guy in line.

Baby wipes are a god send whoever the fuck invented those. Holy fuck! its so smooth and silky in the ass as if you're being caress by an angel every fucking wipe.

Front to back only.
Also less of a challenge due to many women not having a fucking jungle like men do.

>Shitting in public

Are you serious?

Thats disgusting

People who stand should be put in concentration camps 2bh famas

The shit the next day was fuckin great.

wait, is this a meme or do people actually wipe while sitting?

>not taking a shower after shitting
are you guys barbarians or something?

You lean forward and move your hand around the back.

>being so fucking fat that he can't control his bowels for a few hours until he gets home

You're one of those guys that can stop farting all the fucking time and answers with "it's just natural man" when someone asks him to stop, arent you?

Usually first wipe is done while sitting, the rest is done standing.

Europeans do it thay way so they think it's the correct way and become enraged when others don't.

>they don't shit in the shoewr and stomp it down the drain like they're making a fine wine
I'm not the only one am I?

>take piece of paper
>wipe
>check paper for shit
>fold paper
>wipe again
>repeat until clean
But shouldn't take more than two papers.

Some of us do this thing were we go to work. So sometimes we're forced to shit away from home. I generally poop around 11am, after I've had my morning coffee and have been working for a few hours.

You fucking NEET.

>taking 3 showers a day
Maybe if I were a lifeguard.

>I became a vegetarian

enjoy dying from organ failure lmao

I'm glad I'm not the only one who does this. I don't even need to take a full shower, I just need to soap my ass up. I feel dirty if I take a shit and don't use soap.

I just take my girlfriends dildo and push the shit back in. If necessary, I use my buttplug.
The intense shit that tears through my colon, screeching like a banshee as I exorcize it out of my tight hairy pucker is fucking worth it.

the first time i had to shit in a public bathroom, i ended up shitting everywhere because i decided to use the hover/squat method.

i didnt think my shit was going to be wet so i kinda let it out pretty fast. it was literally like a shotgun blast of shit that sprayed behind me.

i cleaned myself up as fast as i could and got the hell out of there.
this was at a grocery store bathroom by the way.

This t b h
Wiping is disgusting.

DUDE WHAT THE FUCK? I think ops picture is a picture of me. What in the actual fuck.

If you're a true gamer you shit in diapers. Biology doesn't have to interfere with long sessions.

Proof?

>not taking an enemy after every shit
Feels amazing to be clean both on the outside and inside.

only civilized answer

>all these niggas that can't handle shit
>have to wipe their own kids when they get some
>even change their bio hazard diapers before that
Personal robots can't come fast enough.

You're literally autistic. You know that, right? Not buzzword autistic, actual autistic.

my shower has a detachable head so i switch it to the "massage" setting and shoot my shit with water to mash it down the drain

holy shit this is some ancient 9gag meme

This. After having 2 kids in pretty sure I'd be fine cleaning out sewers with my bare hands before eating a heaping plate of hotwings. Shit ain't shit.

I can't say I'm knowledgeable about plumbing but wouldn't that clog the fuck out of it?

How do you guys shave your balls/anus etc.?
I use a normal disposable razor right now but shit takes forever and is a hassle.
Was thinking of getting one of these but I heard horror stories of it catching people's scrotum skin.

My detachable shower head can actually reach the toilet. It's a high powered bidet.

I never did differently in my whole life
Front to back only

Standing on the toilet.