OoT as Yourself

A la:
If you're dumped into Link's role as soon as Navi introduces herself to you, how far could you get in the game?

Assuming it's 100% realistic, everything would most likely kill you in one hit. And I don't know if I'd even have the stamina to do shit at the rate Link does. I can't roll or even jump like Link, and I especially can't grab onto ledges like he can, his wrists are incredibly strong given the height he can fall and still latch onto something using his fucking fingers.

Also, if I were Link I'd just smash eternal Loli pussy all day.

I'd get far enough to meet malon and then I'd be too busy fucking like rabbits with her and raising a comfy farm family to save the world and shit

Some loose rules:

>realistic human physiological and physical limits

>start with kokiri tunic and boots

>either all anons in this thread are teleported in together allowing for teamwork at the cost of the ability to use magic, or magical abilities are granted but you're all alone

>glitches work but will take their physical toll on your body

Note that you can run around the game as only your body; not the ideal Olympic athlete or Link's infinite stamina and grip strength.

I'd roll all the way to Hyrule Castle, rape Zelda, get put in the dungeon.

>Break leg falling off thing in the shitty elf village
>Just fucking sit there, moan in pain and die from infection
Man I wouldn't even bother. Link heals his gut trauma with milk. I'd just leave and get a job or some shit and wait until I get drafted in the army to achieve anything.

>kokori tunic
So I'm a half naked fat asshole with my tallywhacker on show wearing a green bra.

Good to know.

>everything would kill you in one hit
how is this even remotely realistic?
This statement alone doesn't even make sense

Do the NPC react?

Not immediately, but you'd be incapacitated by the mildest of shits.

I'm a pretty good climber and assuming hearts heal my wounds I'd be fine. The long jumps will be hard but given enough prep time itbcan be done. Most things are achieved through powerups anyway so it's not too big of a deal for a human.

I think I wouldn't get very far. I'd be okay until I saw my first skulltula, then I'd just nope the fuck out of there like a pussy.

They don't react to Link breaking their shit and acting like a spastic.

So no. It'd just be chilly.

I'd fall out of my tree and break my neck

Do we start off as kids?

Can't believe nobody asked that yet.

Are you retarded?

You'd die in the first dungeon where you have to jump 4 stories down through some webbing and fall another 4 stories into a 3ft pool of water.

Fuck that I'm staying in Kokiri Village and fucking forest lolis all day.

well am I 7 again?

>nut shot from a deku or stone from octoroc
Nah
>skellies at night
I can evade/duck sidestep better than clunky link and their scratch would neet to hit vital organs ro be deadly
>wall spiders
Terrifying but assuming they're not venomous it's ok
>bats
Lol

Bosses and armed ebemies like the lizardmen and stalfos are scary, the early game shit isn't. Even the wolves would be doable with sword n board

Hard Modo: your 9-year-old body.

Just kick over the idiot who won't let you out of the forest, fuck the first dungeon.

Are you?

Have fun getting the Master Sword with no Forest Emerald.

You would easy kick ass in child link land since you are much bigger (4u) than he is and therefore can fuck shit up much better. Assuming health potions work you should have no problem until you get to the adult parts. After that you are pretty much fucked unless you somehow have arms of steel capable of not getting ripped to shreds from the hookshot and falling 100 meters onto a ledge, and somehow are able to use a bow

All in all i think most people would juist stay in kiddie land and shag lolis. I choose maron so gtfo

Could find a way to burn the web maybe, then climb the vines down.

How the fuck am i gonna get even the sword? wasn't the kokiri sword in the middle of an indiana jones death trap? without a sword they wouldn't even let me leave the village, let alone reach the giant tree.

>Inside the Great Deku Tree
Wouldn't the fall kill most people? I'd imagine the water would feel like cement from falling so high.
>Dodongo Cavern
Does lava just burn people if they get too close? If not I'd probably die from mishandling all those explosives.
>Jabu Jabu
I wouldn't even wanna fucking do it. Imagine the fucking stench. The fucking eletric jellyfish. Accidentally stepping in stomach acid.


And that's just the child temples. The adult ones are even more fucked up.

What?
>climb hill
>walk past fences
>crawl through hole
>don't fuck up with boulders
>open chest
Bam.

Be smart and make a rope

The lava doesn't burn you because link doesn't need the red tunic there

Don't be a pussy and rescue the princess

>Shag lolis
Speak for yourself. Dibs Bombchu minigame lady.

Can I just poison Ganon while he's fucking around in the castle and call it a day.

I'll shank a mother fucker to save a kingdom but I'm not fucking around with skellies.

It's always interesting to note that all three child dungeons have you going into a giant creature's mouth like Jonas.

Dodongo counts. Could be the cranial remains of a fossilized giant dodongo.

Even if you made the rope, Queen Gohma would kill just about everyone in this thread.

I actually like grown up girls more, but getting shanked by deadly dudes in grown up land is not worth it imo

How?
We have more power than young link so we can defeat her just after shooting her down and there are still deku nuts

If you can aim with a slingshot you might have a chance. Deku nuts make close-combat workable.

Of course if you run out of them you are beyond fucked.

Link isn't a disgusting heterofag, so you'd be better your boipussy smashed instead.

>We have more power than young link
Young Link's shots go straight with no drop in trajectory until they meet an object. There's no way you have more power to your shots than that.

But fair point on the deku nuts. I forgot about those.

I think the real wall would be the Jabu boss. You'd have a pratice a shit ton to be able to throw a boomerang correctly and strong enough so that it cuts shit and you can catch it without harming yourself.

Holy shit I never noticed that. That's a pretty cool motif.

>Queen Gohma would kill just about everyone in this thread

Her attack pattern isn't too hard. Once you're in her range she rears up and slams down on you (dodgeable with feinting). She doesn't bum rush you and will just climb up to the ceiling and poop out babies for you to farm ammo.

As long as you know how to backstep in time, you can beat her irl pretty handedly.

Just convince the King Ganondorf is an evil shit, like Link does anyway when the game ends.

I like this approach. Following in Link's footsteps 1:1 would be impossible, but there may be other methods to achieve victory.

implying anyone here would have the charisma or reputation necessary to do that

id just off myself because who the fuck would want to live in such a shit game

Couldn't you just take the King to the Great Deku Tree? It's not like the Kokiri Forest is hidden or anything.

If that doesn't work I could just chill out for like 6 years or however long it takes for Dorf to take over, then I can just submit to dorf and be his faithful slut.

I imagined the boomerang to be magic because it the way it flies ingame is already pretty unrealistic

>fairy sword unlock
>last dungeon

fucking why?

To fight Majora's Mask if you didn't get the Fierce Deity's Mask, even though Majora's Mask is fucking easy anyway.

I guess yeah but still I wish there was more to use it in(replaying dungeons sucks)

You can make odolwa your bitch boy with a real sword

>spawn in the village
>rape all the girls
Especially the one sitting on top of the shop.

kek

just do the dot skip. All you have to do is do a roll and jump back and you go through the door of time. Of course, its a .5 degree angle, so you'll need to do it like 130 times to get through, but once you're in you can pick up the master sword and save warp out (im assuming you can save warp around in this scenario)

its 7 years silly

And the first dungeon in the game is going into the massive "mouth" of a tree.

>wake up
>some fairy barges in and starts mouthing off
>"ok"
>leave comfy treehouse
>Saria waving at me all smiley dovey
>tell fairy to fuck off
>smash Saria pussy endlessly
>Ganondorf fucks shit up
>die to some deku baba
>worth it

Alternatively, let the fairy stick around so she can rimjob me while I pound the pussy

Yea but I'm assuming it took an amount of time for him to take over

YOOOO SHIT! I can't believe I never noticed this before. I always find it funny when there's some shit in the zelda series that I haven't noticed after all this time, especially since im an oot speedrunner.