What would you wish for after winning Twisted Metal? How could you word it so you won't get fucked over?

Uh, I'll have two Cokes and some chips.

Sure thing user, I hope you like New Coke

Enjoy getting fucked to death by a horse moments later, while your friends and family watch and applaud.

AAAAARGGGHHHHHHHhhhhhh--...

>I am Calypso! Thank you for playing Twisted Metal!

I'll just sing this to him by all eternity: youtube.com/watch?v=ZIfpCLrjXVU

Just do what Sweet Tooth did wish for his job

i wish for all porn in existence to now cater exclusively to my obscure and backwards fetishes

Congratulations, now you have Calypso's job and have to listen to whiny people ask for stupid shit until one of them is dumb enough to wish for more wishes.

without restriction means I'm neither forced into his job, hosting TM or granting wishes to other people.

I WIN

I want a regular ol' leather wallet that generates a 5$ bill whenever I, and ONLY I, open it.

Wouldn't matter since he always screws you over regardless of the wish. Warthog's ending in Twisted Metal 3 is probably the biggest example of that. Dude just wanted his body and head to be the same age, instead got his head placed into a jar? How is that remotely like what he wished for?

He's a bipolar asshole
Crazy-8 in Black and Hammerhead in 1 got their exact wishes with no consequence

Calypso just puts you in a pocket universe where you have unlimited power. You can do whatever you want, but get pretty bored almost instantly when you realize you can only interact with the things you created, and thus know exactly what they are going to do.

Basically, you get stuck playing Minecraft with cheats on for all eternity.

He would just pump you with enough PCP until you started thinking that you were omnipotent.

I hope everyman in the world only able to drink soy to get his dick hard

Id be fine with that.

You wake up with your conscientiousness in an empty void.

Oh, you wanted a body? Sorry, that's a restriction. Oh, you wanted other things to exist? Sorry, that would restrict you. Oh, you wanted other people around? That would restrict your free thought.

See, now in this blank void of nothing, you can be free to do anything... as long as it's nothing, because creating anything would restrict you.

I am Calypso! Thank you for playing Twisted Metal!

The fact that you aren't playing minecraft right now tells me you are not.

Maybe you're just a brainlet.

Could only imagine the jar being as old as his head is

Am I given a time limit or restrictions on how specific I want my wish?

You get one wish. If you use a conjunction like "and" that's two wishes.

I want to be a comic artist! Not some lame ass comic, I want to be as big as Disney!

Can I write it out specifically how I want it so he cant turn it against me?

I wish for twisted metal to end forever

If you can do so without saying "and" or "but" or "except" etc.

granted! I am Calypso! Thank you for playing Twisted Metal! Goodnight, folks!

Why can't I use but or except?

You'd get bored as fuck in a week and crave vanilla. Vanilla would be deemed extremely illegal and you'd be arrested within hours of viewing it.

Conjunctions.

"I wish I could eat anything without getting fat"

That's two wishes. 1. to eat anything 2. not to get fat

>If you use a conjunction like "and" that's two wishes.
That wasn't the case in 4. The Jones family kept adding on to their RV and they were given everything just to shut them up.

I hope you like two lines of cocaine and some french fries from England.

I wish Dean Cain didnt star in "The Dog Who Saved Christmas"

>police officers wish for world peace
GRANTED
>they lose a job
but its fucking world peace it seems fair to me

I wish Michael Ironside was cast in the role of Sam Fisher of the Splinter Cell series again

>I wish for Dean Cain to do more work

I never understood this one. What's stopping them from getting new jobs? Hell, the woman could be a stripper.

So what if I wished for this mask with its abilities in perfect working condition that only I could use freely

I hate how Sweet Tooth turned from crazy clown (wanting ice cream and candy, etc) to an insane murderer. He was funnier as he was.

Enjoy your nigerian dollar!

Writers probably didnt care that much its just a joke really

youtube.com/watch?v=UjohuspXMwM

>The Joneses kept adding on to their wish
>Sweet Tooth thought he was gonna get to fuck Meter Maid
>Drag Queen actually got what he wanted

If I'm gonna waste his time I might as well get something out of it.

didn't sweet tooth outsmart Calypso in his own wishing game once?

that's the plot of TM 4

I always felt they forgot to add the shot of his headless body standing next to the jar. Probably the same way they forgot to make TM3 as good as TM2

More than once, in 4 he just had a bunch of clowns beat the shit out of him and stole his ring. The wiki says 3 and 4 aren't canon, though.

>PS4 store only has 2 TM games, Black if you buy a "Classics" bundle and the PS3 reboot

Why would they not offer the whole series? Why the fuck do they keep things on the PS3 store and not put them on both?

No backwards compability
Its why i often switch between ps3 and 4 whenever

>Trashman wished for the whole world to be garbage
>He was put into a trash can
Even with monkey's paw, this doesn't make sense. It's not like "his" whole world is garbage, he's just in a can.

>No backwards compability
But they have PS3 games on PS Now. That doesn't make sense.

Ps now is just streaming games

my sides

Congrats. Now you got Tommy Wiseau

Well, to him the whole world is garbage now. Literally.

No it isn't. He was put in a trash can. The camera zooms out and shows the world is normal and trash is being collected as normal. Nothing says someone can't pull him out of it.

I would wish for one

>I wish for Tommy Wiseau to be in everything
>Calypso turns away, and lets out a familar, forced laugh
>"Ha ha, what a great story, driver. So how's your sex life?"

NOOOOOOOOOOoooooo

Not if he can’t get out tho
A world of nothing but Tommy Wiseaus...

Wew lad

I wish for a loyal woman who would never cheat on me.

How would this fuck up?

>woman has every known STD in existence
At least she loyal tho

Loyal to the point of absolute obsession, her obsession drives her completely mad and causes her to be closer and closer to you more and more, until it culminates in her eating you alive to have you inside of her all the time.

I’ll make a wish that can’t backfire. I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard and-and I don’t want any zombie turkeys, I don’t want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any other weird surprises.

The lettuce has parasites that kill you from the inside. That isn't "weird" for unwashed vegetables, it's common and expected.

What happens if you don't want a wish? Do you get to leave with no consequence?

Yeah, can I wish for a fuckin uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

You mean the Naira? No, I asked for a wallet that makes $, the American dollar. Only loophole is economic inflation and I don't care about that because I'll always be able to afford anything

I would wish for Vigilante 8 to be revived

Its a shittier Crossout

>Wish for the big 3 companies to merge and make one console that gets every new release
>It's restricted to Japan only and imports are now highly illegal

Maybe he is while shitposting on Cred Forums, brainlet

You will be a Dio-level vampire shitter since the mask just unlocks your potential. I guess that's still good enough. Have fun getting incinerated by the sun though.

Why would you join twisted metal in the first place if you dont have a wish?

The turkey is a little dry.

youtube.com/watch?v=xThh0z5J6zk

To hurt people.

In that case Calypso'd pull some goofy bullshit where America abandons their currency and moves to a new non-dollar system.

youtu.be/K-MyAv-DyS0

Rob zombie got a pretty good wish I’d say . Why did twisted metal black go full edgy?

One of the guys entered it without even knowing he was taking place. I think it was in Head-On, he won a car via a radio contest. He ended up wanting money in the end but at the start he didn't have a wish.

...

>Why did twisted metal black go full edgy?
To appeal to current teenagers? I liked the wishes having some comedy to them.

DAMNNNN YOU CALYPSO

What or who the fuck even is Callypso? Just some mad chaos god who loves to trick people?

I wish that calypso get turned into kyubey and all the other wishes are now also contracts.

Granted!

I wish that anyone would follow my every command at any time without any kind of repercussions for me.

If I ask a woman shopping in a store to show me her tits, she does it with a smile and any passing cop just looks the other way. If I ask a man to give me $100 out of his wallet, he does so and hopes I have a good day.

Where's the fuck-up?

If you believe TM1 and 2 "lore" he tricked/seduced/contracted a demon for his power/artifact/likeness and adopted it to use on earth for his own means.

People literally cannot act without command from you. You enjoy your new found power for about a week before the majority of the world around you starves to death, leaving you and a select few alive, depending wholly on your orders to sleep, eat, piss, etc.

I don't see a problem with that. Only the people I interact with daily and therefore the people who matter to me, like my family and friends, will be around forever. I can command them to instruct their loved ones to do what their bodies require of them to live. Everyone's happy and keeps on living.

Have fun living a life absent of any sort of technological advances, modern medicines, everyday niceties, and all.

I know that you imagine yourself a very clever NEET for that one but even you depend on quite a few tens of thousands of people on the daily, moreso if you don't leave the house.

Back to the stone age all for a few shows of tits.

Huh.

the fuck-up is people can say no with no repocussions

JC... the net's going black