/brit/

Lads

listen you fucking spanner, like I said it's a long story, it's not in London, it is in in a wealthy area, but most of the money is being used to pay off my mum's mortgage so why don't you suck a fart out my arse and choke on it

...

>movie
FOY

*stabs you both consecutively with a used heroin needle*

PETERBOROUGH MENTIONED

not mentioned

>No Milton Keynes
Into the bin it goes

/cymru/ pryd?

*in the moments before my body dies due to over liquidation*
*my enlarged brain allows me to perceive*
*matter and energy is but an eternal cascade of fractal possibilities*
*ahh yes... finally I understand*
*twists the paddy into inhuman contorted shapes, snaps his spine, and demolishes the molecules his mere body is formed from*
ahhh yess........

Exeter>all

I have to work tomorrow.

Someone tell me something to make me feel better.

>average salary in Bath is £36.5k

hm

GOD TIER

Edinburgh, Lancaster, York

GREAT TIER

Bath, Canterbury, Chester, Chichester, Durham, Oxford, St Albans, Winchester

GOOD TIER

Aberdeen, Brighton, Exeter, Hereford, London, Manchester, Salisbury, Westminster, Torquay

MEDIUM TIER

Bristol, Cambridge, Lincoln, Liverpool, Norwich, Plymouth, Truro, Worcester, Ipswich, Eastbourne, Gloucester, Milton Keynes, Northampton

SHIT TIER

Birmingham, Cardiff, Carlisle, Coventry, Glasgow, Leeds, Lichfield, Londonderry, Newport, Rhyl, Nottingham, Peterborough,
Portsmouth, Preston, Salford, Sheffield, Southampton, Stoke-on-Trent, Swansea, Wakefield, Wolverhampton, Huddersfield, Barnsley, Blackburn, Blackpool,
Bolton, St Helens, Loughborough, Southend, Basildon, Chelmsford, Colchester, Bury

WORSE THAN HELL TIER

Belfast, Bradford, Derby, Dundee, Kingston-upon-Hull, Leicester, Newcastle-upon-Tyne, Sunderland, Luton, Telford, Rochdale

*slices your leg tendons with a large blade*
*stamps on your head repeatedly while you attempt to crawl to safety*

MODS MODS MODS

Bob Saget raped and killed a girl in 1990

*snipes you*

only 35 years until retirement lad

colour my life with the chaos of troubles~

just farted and took a deep whiff

Gonna post here because Brits are very warm and friendly, right?

Oi, where's Ely gone?

Ordered a cheeky dominos and watching Lucy on netflix

>good tier
>London, Manchester

Ahh yes, getting upset because you are incapable of managing your money and are honestly considering investing it in paying off your student loan.

You're obviously not very bright, nor very nice, and in fact a bit of a cunt, but I'm not, so I'll give you some advice as I did last time - not that you'll follow it.

Go to /r/ukpersonalfinance and ask for some help with 60k, they'll be able to point you in the right direction to make it work for you for life.

Good luck and get a grip you spacker.

love arab music
youtube.com/watch?v=cXmv2pskP_c

there would be a whole 5 of us I reckon including the 190cm twat

*knocks you unconscious with a blunt object and makes you bite a pavement*
*stamps on your head and skullfucks your limp unhinged jaw*

life is hard but the drugs work hahahaha

Waheeey, get fucked retail wanker

Preston is superior to the rest of them. Must be horrible not living here.

>SHIT TIER
>Southend

wtf mate leave it out

The war on terror has been going on for 15 years

>York
shithole

literally where

therapist recommended they up my dosage lads

thought i was making progress

bad feel

is that high?

Yeah, you alright mate?
What's that Canadian beer that starts with M? I had a pint of it at Niagara Falls and I can't for the life of me recall it

Not retail.

*hides in the corner from the violent irishman*

took too much xanax one night last week and pissed the bed a bit. i was pissing in my dream but i was so zonked i struggled to realised i was waking up and actually pissing,

>spend a good 5 minutes articulating and spell-checking a point
>350 posts

*reports irish ripper to the relevant authorities*

*sneaks a lethal dose of morphine into your medication*

deja vu

not too bad

average across uk is 26k

just farted again and took a deep whiff

*poos into your mouth*

you can only stay if you personally know this man

youtube.com/watch?v=RPNc5IAwp6g

I fucking despise middle class people.

*spits in your face*
*does a 360 and moonwalks away*

heh, nothing personnel, kid

awful

Molson?

Meet me round back of The Cutter in 30 minutes and I'll knock your teeth in

was checking out some stats and it says computer science grads at imperial get average 39k starting
is cs that good or is there no progression after starting

we all hate ourselves m8

It was in reply to me and I read it and enjoyed it x

*stabs you in the adams apple with a scalpel and sticks one hand down your esophagus pulling out your tongue while pouring sulphuric acid down your gullet*

imperial is for autistic genuinses

Might have a cry

Might've been tbf

at least you don't work in home bargains/poundland etc

*sets off a car bomb*

Chin up, lad

unironically sent my cv into home bargains

>tfw you played the shittiest versions of games as a kid and now you think they're the best
Thanks mum, I know the SNES was expensive.

how am I incapable of managing my money? It was an innocent question you autistic melt

the flat sold for ~200k
after that came lawyers fees
then 70k to pay off the mortgage
then 120k split down the middle between my sister and I

if I'd kept the flat and rented it I would have to pay fees to a letting company as my sister is at uni and my mum and I work full time, I would have to pay maintenence fees for the building because it's in a nice area and has gardens etc, then I would have to give ~450 a month to my mum to pay off the mortgage, which assuming everything went perfectly and we had a tenant in there constantly, would take 12 years. On top of that any earnings I got would have to be split with my sister, leaving us with about 50-75 quid a month

in short, it just isn't worth it you fucking weapon

>I studied a humanities degree
>I earn £32k starting salary
STEM-purists btfo

*talking to myself just to fit in*

anything good on telly lads?

*sends a letter to the authorities*
"believe it or not, my victims are not chosen randomly. I assess a persons worth and psyche and decide wether they are fit to live amongst society. Every time I kill I wipe a runt off the face of the Earth.

Scotland yard should be grateful, sincerely

Paddy the ripper"

More like Waheyyysia
alri mate

what degree what job what uni

Fuck it, you're a thick cunt and also pretty rude.

Good luck with your money, you'll end up blowing it.

>Just got some money lads, should I pay off my student loan or just buy loads of lottery tickets XD

i said "in paris lads" in the last thread, none of you replied by accident

>trying this hard to be irish

EXCLLENT post

>united states of Malaysia

*Looks on phone at the party to pretend I don't know anyone and can't strike up a conversation*

that's not even good for CS, i am a php developer and i made 42k a year when i started

still struggle to pay the bills though

same lad, fucking based

only on 30k but get some nice bonuses, free travel, lunch allowance, free gym usage etc

For the nth time

twitter.com/JackWilky_95/status/775052877496737792/video/1

*sneaks into your place of work*
*laces your coffee with cyanide*
*watches covertly from the corner of the room as you sit back down and take a sip*
*sniggers to self as your heart palpitates and you fall in stiffened rigimortis*

Sarah's dad lmao the apple doesn't fall far does it

>David Gillborn, Professor of Critical Race Studies and Director of the Centre for Research in Race & Education (CRRE), University of Birmingham.

*does a big stinky poo on your face*

welcome to /brit/ haha

vintage gimmick

what's the average salary in london lads

yeah go on then tell me I didn't make the right decision selling it with the info I've just given you mate

Will I be able to live in Britain after Brexit like now?????
I'm Flemish btw

>php
not worth it

damn prostitution pays well

Lads I really fucking hate this wee Cornwall dickhead

I can't imagine being this fucking stupid.

>IT WOULD TAKE 12 YEARS

Are you 15? Getting the full rent between you and a sibling when you hit that age would be infitely better than taking 60k now and that's it.

I'd have done that, banked the 50 quid and never thought about it and then used it for help for a deposit in a few year,s in 12 years take my share of the rent when it kicks in and let it basically pay any mortgage I had.

Remember this 12 years from now, you'll wish you were getting a few hundred quid a month for literally just owning a flat as your 60k is long gone

*rugby tackles you*
*ground and pound you with brutal flurries of elbows, hammerfists, hooks and headbutts*
*spits on your limp lifeless body*

>I'm Flemish btw
Aw bless
*gives you a strepsil*

Literally who?

twenty dolla

...

She wants a prof from brum

Like that gimmick that one lad does where he posts stories about his testicles getting smashed

*encourages you to post a vocaroo expressing your hate for cornwall*

Na. Was happy to help and point you in the right direction as I did with your savings, but I'm not going to justify your poor decisions over the internet.

Particularly don't feel like helping you because you manage to make me think you're a genuine bellend over Cred Forums, which takes some work in the land of people writing 'doing a poo' over and over.

>I'm Flemish

Ahh yes we like the Flemish. You're all good fellows.

>Sorry, the requested media could not be found. It may have expired or been deleted

Off to >THE UNIVERSITY OF CENTRAL LANCASHIRE tomorrow lads, pooing it

women are the real jews

>have a 2:1 humanities masters from a RG institution
>earn 21k FIVE YEARS after graduating
>so entrenched in my shit job and mired in depression i can't bring myself to try and climb out of this mess

JUST
END
MY
LIFE

playing fifa but only ironically

chewin some orbit gum right now haha

*knocks you out with an empty glass bottle*
*drags you back to my shed*
*sticks your testicles in a vice and crushes them*

*teleports behind you*

Nothing personal, sunshine

*beats you to death with teddy bear made from wood*

This better be a fucking troll. Fool and his money etc etc

lancashire more like wankashire lmao

i posted "in paris lads" a few posts back

vocaroo.com/i/s15TA0gXONpV

the gf

I've literally spoken with my uncle who is a millionaire from renting property and he said there's no way I shouldn't sell it

what am I going to do for a few years then? just live at home? fuck that, I want to get on the property ladder as soon as possible - I can't be a fucking landlord for 12 years in the hope that one day I'll finally have enough money to get my own place!

i have 2 pieces of Extra white peppermint in as we speak aha

fuck sake m8

*turns self into the authorities*

in london lads

Ask a professional trick vaper anything

where u at

You do that then lad, just ask him to help you decide how much of your student loan to pay off too.

Now fuck off.

more like pestershire lmaooooooo

do not desire my balls getting decimated

it's to pay off a fucking mortgage you utter spanner

funnily enough I don't want my mum having to work for another 12 years just to pay off a mortgage

*it was a hologram*
*kicks you in the back of the head with steel toe boots*
*smash your head in with a metal bat*
*watch you groan in your death throes while you vomit bile and drown in your own blood*
*piss on the bone shards and brain matter*

need to teach you potato niggers a lesson

What's the farthest you've gone without taking a shit?

More like prick 'bater

thanks
actually having a sore throat right now 2bh

any1 watching the fight tonight?

your uncles a nonce n ur mums a slag

lying in my hotel room in the north east

the gf

There's honestly no helping some people. As I say, hope you're joking lad just to get some yous

this cultural marxist tool

*it was a hologram*
*i turned myself in for my series of violent crimes and i currently reside in a maximum security cell in HMP Maghaberry*

Homosexuality is a middle class perversion. Funny how you never see gay working class people, do you?

vocaroo.com/i/s0FjGXE87gLx

vocaroo.com/i/s0b39e2hIMgQ

>tfw wasn't born a brit
>tfw never will be

life is suffering, lads

>ask 1 question
>suddenly incapable of making any other decision

it was just a fucking question lad, no need to fucking sob over it fucking hell

your nan wears clingfilm knickers in the bath

Having a giggle at how unnecessary this post was desu lads

the gf

really want to shag a ginger lads

it's FIRMLY on the bucket list

well lads, it's been a long time coming but i've finally perfected my time machine. to what end, you ask? kill hitler? stop 9/11? no, no, my naive friend. you see, i intend for my delicate ballsack to be poking out of the soil in the centre of hiroshima on august 6th, 1945.

the gf

Is it possible to get reproductions of the maps from the Churchill War Rooms?

Just made this

What became of this gent?

where at north east

Got there in the end mate well done

>born a brit
>wasnt born japanese

just

just shagged a 16 year-old in the back of argos

But chicks are turned off by insecure dudes asking questions like that.

i don't bloody think sharia allows it!!

Are external graphics cards a meme lads?

bout to smack your mums jaw so hard she'll fly into orbit

brilliant post

*hires a crack team of lawyers to petition for a parole date*
*wait 30 years until your first parole hearing*
*enter the courtroom with a suicide vest*
*blow the entire building and everyone in it to hell*

thought you could get away, did you?

the dog

who is taking care of him?

there is no way he is just spending his days rehashing Carpenters songs, talking to his teddy bears and defaming his local dentist ... and meticulously sorting out his finances/bills at the same time

is the NHS putting him up in that flat?

FANCY SOME QUIRKY MULATTO BEAVER, LADS?????????????

you should put a "For Sale/Rent" sign outside one of the windows

lads
isn't the current student loans system basically a "graduate tax", except you know how long you're going to be paying the tax

why do people want a graduate tax? Do they just want to not know how much they need to pay?

>giving it the attention it wants
fuck off

Why is Argos such a hotspot for shagging young sluts?

not a fan of this gimmick

I don't even know how far left girls operate desu. Do they stick to their bullshit in real life?

My Irish gf said she is cucking me a lifestyle punishment for empire

Business idea: sell a compilation cd with the best ball crushing choons

Here's an obvious one:
youtube.com/watch?v=6M0xdLO_bmo

Want an irish gf, only without the irish accent.

she's good looking

*does a frontflip through the window*
*teleports right behind you*
WAAAAAAA...
*karate chops you*
CHA!

Banksy is the greatest artist-philosopher of are generation.

*deny any chance at parole during my time in prison to reflect on the heinous crimes I have committed*
*this cancels your hypothetical version of events from taking place*
*i was jailed for life anyway*

your dad wears total 90 astros to asda

I dunno I went to college before the crazies became a majority.

Because having a real loan like the yanks do is fucking shit, because it basically cripples you for most of your life and even if you can't afford the repayments they want it or they'll take your house.

This works much better, somehow the uni has to be funded and instead of crippling people you just pay an amount you won't miss each month when you can afford it because you're working.

After 30 years they just fuck it off. Seems reasonable to me

chance the rapper is fucking shit

youtube.com/watch?v=7IjgZGhHrYY

HOW ABOUT SOME SKINNY YANK BEAVER, LADS???????????????????

get one from south dublin then

nope they all love normal ladm8 probably sexis semi racist chads
cant overcome biological desire

delete

just shagged a 16 year-old irish lass in the back of sainsburys

how do people manage to get photos of popular tourist destinations during the summer which are completely empty

do they go in the early morning?

>

Dinner lads

Feels weird knowing what ASMR actually is now

I thought it was just whispering softcore porn honestly

she better be taking some of the big celtic cock stretching out her tight little pussy as she screams in pleasure and you stare on in embarrassment and euphoria

Do you know what else is shit?

they have a bunch of beta orbiters who they ignore while going for sexist chads

Just shagged a girl of questionable age round the back of the local spoons

business idea: living room in ireland

What is it?

YER DA
YER DA
YER DA SELLS AVON

Just shagged my 40 year old sexually frustrated boss in the back of poundland

Where you gonna have the kitchen though?

bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-37365509

There's so much problematic manspreading in this article desu

My dad would shag your dad and your dad would like it

Good one

Ahmadine jads

same

spending your saturday night on /brit/, /brit/?

*gets brutally murdered by an autistic irishman*

>Go to visit some distant family in Ireland
>It's so rural there's no train track that goes that far
>Get there
>It's just HUGE fucking houses that look like celebrity houses because the labour and land is so cheap
>They're literally living in scenic forest places in giant houses

Fucking sneaky Irish

Boris "Beachball Bollocks" Johnson

Do people really claim to be 'gender fluid' and all that other bollocks?

IF YOU HAVE A FANNY BETWEEN YOUR LEGS YOU'RE A WOMAN, IF YOU HAVE A COCK BETWEEN YOUR LEGS YOU'RE A MAN. That's it. End of story.

yes what about it

just shagged a 17 year-old in the back of coral

fuck off Frankie
go do your poof comedies in the toilets

*lies in a slump vacantly in my prison cell*
*sticks hand down pants, scrapes off some smegma and snorts it*
*headbutts head against wall repeatedly*

where do the cooolest peeps download their movies these days?

corentin cariou, it's like 2% french here haha

your dads signature outfit is a crisp white dress shirt a bow tie a waistcoat a pair of three quarter length denim shorts a pair of white tube socks and adidas predator astro trainers

just realised i know absolutely nothing

>run
>at this hour
have fun seeing nothing and hurting yourself or just getting raped and murdered

*hire the mafia to break you out of jail*
*they handcuff and blindfold you before flying you out to a remote location in the bavarian alps*
*you see me smiling as you're dropped off*
*drag you to an abandoned barn*
*hang you from the ceiling by a hook and cut your throat like an animal being slaughtered*
*film the entire event*
*sell it on gore sites and become rich*

Literally don't care what flag flies over the government buildings or what the national anthem is, just want a comfy life.

business idea: create goods for $2 and sell them for $9 in order to make a recurring profit

efukt.com/21671_When_in_Thailand.html

me in thailand

WOULD YOU DABBLE IN SOME POINTY KNOCKER BEAVER, LADS?

this is literally thailad everyday

"In my defence God me defend"
What did Scots mean by this?

unironically me if i ever go

Geocities

might go downstairs with mummy and daddy but they might make me feel uncomfortable so perhaps not

Aye, I'm unquestionably the biggest waste of space on here.

some type of tingling sensation you experience, people try to use the youtube videos to trigger it

Guess which one is me

yeah the XIX is quite shite

wid a leetle beeta luck we cun make it tru de nigh'

hes right

If i ever went to thailand id shag a qt ladyboy

nothing gay about it

It's defense you fanny.

Even the scots don't get that one wrong.

none of my lyrics are stolen
go on then
go on then
thats my slogan

>company i done internship at asks if i want to work for them when i finish internship
>say yes
>ask me when can i start etc
>say i'm going on holiday and will email them when i get back and they say okay we'll sort it out then
>email them back
>no reply after 5 days

fucking demented cunts

>be british
>get windscreen smashed

me breddahsss.....

I'll kick your fucking head in mate

Kek lad, do you live in a shithole or something? Also, have you never heard of street lights? Fuck me, lot of runts around

One of those green things hanging off a tree

the rasheed

pet shop boys - west end girls
synths a bit naughty on this lads

lmao

on the bus

*rides a kiddy ride*

me and my doge

I ripped it from wikipedia tßh

...

WHAT ABOUT SOME CHEEKY BUM BEAVER, LADS????????????????????????????????????????/

need a southern yankee gf

yes but my familly is so cheap, they would go to a literal ghetto if it meant a cheaper hotel

if everyone in this thread was cloned and put into a big pit my clone would be the last clone standing, easily, she wouldnt even need to put up a fight

that comme aisha is really really cute. do you have her instagram by any chance

>tramp stamp

why do they do it?

tiny plot of land near me went for £1.6 million

area isn't even that nice

kayla

Moar

okay, rorke

>you may never shag anna friel

why live lads

*soul leaves body and goes to heaven*
*god thanks me for my service removing the mortal social excretement on earth*
*grants me 24 hours back on earth to complete a kill of my choice*
*gets zapped back down to the bavarian alps*
*sneaks around your majestic and breathtaking edwardian manor*
*finds you reclining in an armchair drinking fine whiskey whilst puffing on a cuban cigar relishing todays achievements*
*smashes through window and puts the cigar out in your eye*
*headbutts you repeatedly and kicks your teeth out*
*as you lay screeching in pain I sit you upright in your chair and tie you down*
*lock the door*
*your screams attract the attention of your henchmen whom beat frantically on your door but the cast iron lock will not budge*
*grips your lower mandible with one hand and your upper with the other*
*disconnects your jaw completely until its unhinged and hanging vacantly open*
*you scream in agonising pain*
*forces liters upon liters of fine whiskey from your crystal cupboard down your gullet*
*watches in pure euphoria as you attempt to puke it back up but end up choking on your own bile*
*you die both of brain enlargement due to overliquidation, alcohol poisoning and choking*
*henchmen finally break through the door*
*they shoot into thin air as i teleport back to heaven*

oh right. I live in the countryside, just a house on its own in a bunch of fields. Perfect for running honestly, just not at night.

Still, anywhere there's a town, village or city in this country, there's niggers. And anywhere there's niggers, there's rape and murder. Have fun!

Deadlifts with a 5 second pause 2 inches off the ground are brutal

>have you never heard of street lights
no, considering they're called lamp posts in england you dirty yank

Bravo

reading about the battle of rorke's drift

wee on it

Oh really?

*walks off and talks to someone else*

...

Fuck are you on about mate, there's like 3 black people in my town

next thread will be an anime edition

can't stop, I'm a very busy man

want a curvy gf lads

YOU LIKE THE THICK JEW BEAVER, LADS???????????

Sheltered fucking mong

she looks a bit 'tarded

but then again so are all liberals

*dies*
*goes up to heaven*
*does a stinky poo on your cloud*
*blame it on one of the angels*
*watch as you beat up the angel in pure rage*
*god sees this and sends you down to hell*
*spend the rest of my existence in heaven, obsessionally looking down and laughing in pure joy as you burn in the fiery pits of hell for all eternity*

Will Jeremy Corbyn's reelection herald the return of the lib dems?

*you fall into a pit I'd dug earlier and covered with branches and leaves*
Heh...they never learn...
*throws spears at you*

Beaver edition pls.

Small towns in Canada are more sketchy than mid sized suburbs

Way too many meth heads in small towns

Not even telling ligs here

If I could find an attractive, interesting man I would consider being a poof

I fucking HATE women (except for my mummy)

*acts like a total jackass*

Doing a flit between nostalgic music videos in the relateds section of youtube

18-30 year old men who elaborately live in the countryside to get away from people are basically potential murderers

Don't live in England so don't care desu
>Culchies actually believe this

buhhhhh..... trump good ...

ok

*the devil recognises my mutually valient yet evil nature and christens me an agent of lucifer*

(((G))) f

Oh really?

*walks off and talks to someone else*

Judging by Trailer Park Boys, I believe you

WHAT ABOUT THAT BATH BEAVER, LADS???????????????????????

Wish I had a PhD

>don't live in england

fuck off then

>Don't live in England
we know, now turn your proxy off yank

>tfw Prince George

new

NEW (couldnt risk next thread being an anime one)

Lads, I truly, honestly, actually, 100% seriously, with all my mind, body and soul, and every fibre of my person and part of my being, absolutely NEED a qt3.14 Korean gf.

She from Bath, is she?

*jezza nationalises her*

fucking hell lad

strawman

*god notices all my valiant deeds and promotes me to be the guardian of the pearly gates, replacing saint peter as he goes into retirement*
*i deny all your families from going into heaven and instantly send them straight to hell*

what degree gets the highest salary

Performance Arts