/brit/

can't make the gf cum

feel a bit pathetic

>ebin depressed nihilistic millennial twitter meme

I will fucking murder you cunt.

love schmoyoho lads
actually not lying either

...

choon 2bqh

coz all irish posters are awful apart from me

shall be back later tata

my presence shall be missed

...

Asuka.

still haven't completed /GoalGF2016/ ffs

globalnation.inquirer.net/145146/duterte-turns-ire-on-eu-calls-them-hypocrites-and-uses-f-word

Top lad

when girls cum is it just the same as men but without ejaculating?

as in you have to stimulate the clit until you get that feeling where you know you're going to cum..

as easy as a shag as you'll ever see.

why?

i think i was lucky in the moment tbqh. tried something similar again and it didn't work quite so well. i've had mostly decent performances in the bedroom, a few of meh ones, and a handful of absolutely fantastic shags

my gf struggles to make me cum sometimes since i've got a weirdly insensitive dick. i usually get her to cum at least twice every time we shag but there are times i don't always succeed. i think i'm better at fingering than shagging as well

>tfw your lifetime of honing your pun-making skills finally delivers results by getting a girl to laugh

Stop pretending to be me

see

>tfw no gf

Anyone want to roleplay spooning in bed with me?

>women

Get fucked

who are you

Yes pick me please.

I will be whatever spoon you want.

Literally copied my exact words

STOOOPP IIIIIITTTT

STOOOOOPPP IIIIIITTTTT

*eyes start convulsing*

OH CAN'T YOU HEAR IT I DID IT I TOOK THE RUNTS THEY'RE HERE UNDER THE FLOORBOARDS

STOP PLEASE MAKE IT STOP IT'S THE SQUEALING OF THE HIDEOUS RUNTS

I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T TAKE THE INFERNAL SQUEALING NO MORE

*lifts up the entirety of /brit/ and takes the runts from the ground and walks over the a vat of grease and dunks the runts in and eats them*

eat her out lad ffs

Same

Thinking about giving up on it and going cocoon mode

...

Not quite my tempo.

Not quite my tempo, it's all good, no worries.

You're rushing.

You're dragging.

That's my tempo.

Found 9/11 footage proving Rodney did it.

I conjecture that the vast majority of those that make it to 25 as a virgin will never have sex

>tfw no gf
>tfw will never have a gf
Thinking of doing a suicide

*spoons you*

can't say I'm a fan of this post at all...

Do the dead have to wait until he returns before they can be judged? Even if they died before Jesus did?

ah yes
duterte
the murderer
lets listen to him

Uhm, do you have a boner?

...

Yoga 710 lad?

yes

youtube.com/watch?v=3Fq_OYmLC3w

Are you able to hear 'April' at all?

I can literally only hear 'Trump will go'

I just watched a video made by a brazilian girl saying that english people tend to take unexpected photos to capture "spontaneous" moments whereas brazilians like to pose for photos. How true is that? My bullshit sensor tells me it is not.

I've literally spent 10 minutes stimulating the gfs clit like she tells me to and it always seems like she's just on the edge of cumming for most of the time, but I just don't have the stamina to sit there for 10+ minutes rubbing her clit

why is Andrew WK's hair always greasy?

that attitude you have is honestly because of feminism.

get rid of it.

Reckon I will if my life doesn't drastically improve within the next 2 (TWO) years

>boner
well not anymore, you yank twat

seriously though, i probably would

Think the ageing process really speeds up after 45

>ah yes
>duterte
>the murderer
>lets listen to him

SOLI DEO GLORIA

Same, if I can't get on track I am giving up.

are you meant to finger them at the same time?

no idea, only ever touched my sisters fanny and that was by accident

Ahh yes, a Brazilian girl is an authority on the english

>that attitude you have is honestly because of feminism.

>get rid of it.

I'm an optimist but also depressed

pleas respond

pirate scumbags

Tell me more.

Sorry it's my first time

Yeah it would be nice to be spooned, then feel a hard cock push against your bum. I'd drop my pajama bottoms and rub some spit onto your head then guide you into me.

yeah bullshit

post funny pics pls

This is currently one the most important political elements in the world.

In 2 years I'll be 30 and if you don't have your shit together by 30 (ideally much earlier) then it's too late and your life is essentially fucked for good

why do south americans love the simpsons so much?

tickling her once and she was just innocently in her underwear

hand slipped down her knickers by accident and i felt her pubes and lips

pulled it out instantly and we both just kind of looked at each other awkwardly

Jesus fucking christ get over yourselves lmao

It's a fucking cunt. If you really want it, go out and get it. If you can't, you don't really want it.

dumb pirate frogposter.

when did you lose your virginity lads?

lost mine on my 18th birthday

bart

I'm 21, 22 in a month. If I can't sort my life out by 25 I will just take it as game over.

duterte supports extrajudicial killings of drug users and hes actually in charge of a country, like a real country

...

>murder
>wrong in anyway

bart....

There you have it gentlemen...even if you are Brad Pitt, you are still not good enough.

Well apparently Brangelina are splitting up, so even Brad Pitt can't keep them loyal.
And if you look at the timeline, you can see just exactly where things went wrong. They started dating in 2004. But didn't get married until 2014. Then not even 2 years later, DIVORCE.
Why? Simple, he was no longer the bad boy she fell in love with, he was domesticated, she got him, so the excitement was gone. And once they get bored, it doesn't matter who you are, you'll be shown the door.
Now she is claiming that he is a bad father, smokes weed, drinks, and has an "anger" problem(gee, you'd think we'd heard from TMZ about that if that was the case)...just so she can get sole custody.
And that may be the case, but again, with how famous he is, it would have been all over the news if that was the case. And seeing as to who she picked for her lawyer, something tells me it's probably a lie in order to get sympathy in court.

25 here, just sorting my life out now, don't waste those years lad

Smart man. Worked for Northern Ireland during the 70s.

youtube.com/watch?v=WYvji5AXOfk

that's hot

Conduit is not amusing.

haha?

yeah i wanked to the idea a few times, it was a while ago so i don't have the fresh memory any more

kot

Yeah I know, I'm trying.

and his war on drugs is going extremely well so he must be doing something right

dont get why this is funny
underfloor pipes haha

look again. what do you see?

Spoopy

lisa

I always wanted a hot sis who I could fantasize about shagging

ironically redditposting is still redditposting

fuck off

TIL: how to delete a Cred Forums post.

I can only hear April

Not him but I used to wank with my sister's worn underwear.

she isn't that fit, started getting fat now

Lunch with the Annasophia Robb-looking girl went very well lads.

jomer

he's killed one of our aristocracy
theguardian.com/world/2016/sep/19/daughter-of-late-british-peer-killed-in-philippines-drug-war

sounds nice

>Moynihan was the daughter of the 3rd Lord Moynihan, a British peer who fled to the Philippines in the late 1960s following fraud allegations. He ran several brothels and was allegedly active in drugs trafficking until 1991, when he died of a stroke.
Asking for it.

ah yes
northern ireland is now fixed and has no trouble with drugs

>extremely well
he's not making a difference to usage rates at all lmao

I hear trump will go

She was a druggie. Her dad was a drug trafficker.
The country is in a drug crackdown

So...... your point is?

Whereabouts in England should a tourist go besides London, Bath, and Oxford?

I got dealt such a shit hand
Lost the genetic lottery AND no sisters

I was just always doomed to a shit life

hahaha

number stations freak me out

Lads if you go to some remote areas of Ireland with an English accent

Will you get your skull caved in?

>you should have your consciousness vessel destroyed because you possessed the "wrong" molecules

Peak and lake districts

Greasy faggot

Do you realise how utterly non-existent heroin was for 20 years in Northern Ireland? Compare it to the rest of the UK in the 70s and 80s.

bristol
salcombe
dartmoor

Blackpool and Bradford

Duterte is fucking based

I wish we could have a leader like him

...

no

Philippines has 100 million people

what's the point, sink the whole place

i heard duterte is pro TPP though

lake district is pretty nice 2bh

Business idea: acquire a posh gf and live off her family's fortune

They trigger me as well
Hid under my covers listening to that

did not know Ireland was this nice

Illegal drug trade declines 90%
3,074 killed
17,759 arrested
715,393 surrenders
god knows how much product confiscated and destroyed

going quite well if you ask me

prefer this if i'm honest
youtube.com/watch?v=RnK79F1p5vs

business idea: acquire a council estate gf and get her pregnant

i'm in love

>based
respecting illiberal leaders because they are strong men is the most beta runt third world behaviour imaginable

even in the irish-speaking regions? wouldn't they just refuse to speak to you?

I've been all over Ireland. I speak with an English accent and never been given any trouble whatsoever. I'm part Irish myself, but people other than in my Grandfather's town don't know that. British and Irish people get along really well outside of this festering pit of autism and childishness that is Cred Forums

TPP is good for the workers of the Philippines and bad for the workers of the United States

He is only looking out for his people

WTF, I want to annex Ireland now!

>never seen GoT

looks like a nice place to get kneecapped

>get off the ferry in ireland
>50 UFC training lads cave your head in after hearing your accent
>kev drives over your carcass

business idea: acquire immense wealth and status and then marry a NEET (not)

Fucking this

Closest I have is a cousin who is definitely down to fuck but is underage.

Some might but they don't speak to English speaking Irish either

t. drug dealer

Canterbury

ah yes
game of thrones
the fake-nerd normie shite that is literally a soap opera with tits
very good

time is a flat circle

What is this bullshit about "silenced singer"?

Haven't watched any Tim vids in a while

Nonce

Fucking do it lad you'll regret it forever if you don't

love how autists on this site love a show but somehow detest it after it becomes popular

youtube.com/watch?v=TgF9ZlI_R-8

>literally said she is underage and therefore I cannot do anything

Absolute opposite of a nonce la

how so

wouldn't be if weed were legal 2bh

What the fuck kind of advice is this.

>Finds underage girl attractive
>Not a nonce

>doesn't know the age of his cousin

>of course people who take [some] drugs should be killed immediately! the government said [some] drugs are bad so we need a war on [some] drugs!

this show was fuckin great

literally watched 2 episodes of it
it's shite
/brit/ is one person and you btw

Just popping in to remind you lads that a virtuous, moral life free of dereliction and vice is the best life

Not sure where I said that either lad

Looks like you're projecting here Jimmy

the last two seasons were shit no matter how you look at it

Then he should go be president of the Philippines

would ice pick him/10

It was implied in the original comment.

>Closest I have is a cousin who is definitely down to fuck but is underage.
Implies you find her sexually attractive. Nonce.

It sends jobs and money to the Philippines and cheap goods to the United States

>trade deals are only good for the other party
ah yes
tell me more about international trade

I would but she might be a feminist in a few years and get me done

Don't think we'll ever have a political commentator as great as Pete

is there anything tastier than an ice cold coke lads?

Ramon Mercader pls go

More likely regret it forever if he does

It implies jack shit lad and you know it

how did someone with such a boss brother come out so terribly terribly wrong

rip the only good hitchens

Pussy juice

I find this hard to believe. Hitchens permanently looks like he wants to off himself

>It sends jobs and money to the Philippines
That is the reason why duterte won, because they do not like that
he is a hero, but our (((intellectuals))) despise him

NEED a skinny brunette pornstar with decent natural tits to have a wank to please give suggestions

coke/pepsi is disgusting

t. Nonce

...

Where can I find more music like this

youtube.com/watch?v=N78NfMXeA4A

>coke/pepsi is disgusting

The Credo sounds like shit in English, it's so undignified.

you're disgusting

>virtuous, moral life

Genuinely amuses me how easily I could knock any of you out.

Give me a few at once I'll still have you eating pavement within seconds.

cola rankings (just personal opinion and constant drinkability IS included in the rankings hence the low sugar variants):

>coke zero
>coke
>coke life
>pepsi
>pepsi max
>diet coke

just want to spend my entire life hiking in the alps

>Trump will go 26th

Credo in Deum Patrem omnipotentem, Creatorem caeli et terrae,
et in Iesum Christum, Filium Eius unicum, Dominum nostrum,
qui conceptus est de Spiritu Sancto, natus ex Maria Virgine,
passus sub Pontio Pilato, crucifixus, mortuus, et sepultus,
descendit ad infernos, tertia die resurrexit a mortuis,
ascendit ad caelos, sedet ad dexteram Dei Patris omnipotentis,
inde venturus est iudicare vivos et mortuos.
Credo in Spiritum Sanctum,
sanctam Ecclesiam catholicam, sanctorum communionem,
remissionem peccatorum,
carnis resurrectionem,
vitam aeternam.
Amen.

Just for you lad.

Love a bit of pavement anyway lad so you lose really.

Imagine you're on a beach with 2 of your mates when you notice a group of 4 middle eastern decent youth staring you down

You and your mates find this odd and approach them and ask them why they're staring at you, to which they reply your group was staring at them

Suddenly, one of the middle eastern guys says "'I'm allowed to; now fuck off and leave our beach"

How do you respond?

i hope dolan trunks win the ellections

26th is the first debate day isn't it

youtube.com/watch?v=Ua94OV9Ter8

WHY DID I START WATCHING THIS SHIT BEFORE BED

"you're shit"
"calm down mate or i'll call triple 0"
"you can't get arrested for heckling you dumb cunt"
"nah mate it's for the ambulance after i smash you to the floor"
*audience applauds*

>Drinking any soda

Fuck off dago.

Fuck off mike

You better start learning how to lay bricks

pirate music ahahha

buiild the woll XD

Plug him

>not drinking fizzy drinks

it's literally 2016 lad what are you doing drinking water

I'm gonna post my name cause it's so common it doesn't matter and I want to know what my nickname would be in Britain

Michael O'Reilly

>drinking fizzy drinks

lower class

I would call you Bill O'Reilly because of that guy on Fox News.

Stupid Paddy Cunt

Thinking about incorporating a cape and walking cane into my daily wardrobe desu

I drink 2 or 3 litres of water a day

...

oh really?

'that dumb republican fuck'

fucking lmao, there's an Cred Forums thread up about why yanks don't understand banter and all the replies are furious yanks sperging out

The first part is right though

LOL

Yanks think banter is just insulting people.

...

yanks are fucking awesome

poleaboo, the mexican, the icelandic and the dane/german is all one gimmick run by the UTV guy

I'm never going to dance again. Guilty feet have got no rhythm.

mexican isn't a race though

It is actually all one gimmick by me.

what is UTV?

youtube.com/watch?v=Vo5qX1Yr-hQ

That's not too friendly lad

Rate my fridge lads

the most autistic thing to ever happen on this site

*engages power stance*

heh... nothin personnel kid

farmers have a special technique for sheep shagging. you put the sheep's hind legs in your boots while fucking it and it's struggling will get you off

>jingoism is ok

Had a little chuckle.

Fuck women

>if I put it next to a funny face and use bad grammar it invalidates it

Mosques are all ugly as fuck and should be demolished

Back to Cred Forums with you

...

>00:00
the brit to yank conversion commences

>Mosques are all ugly as fuck and should be demolished

trump is the saviour of the white race

wrong

very good post

there is no god and anyone who thinks there is is an idiot

Having a quarter life crisis

Or it might just be a 3 day comedown

Probably the latter

Pakis detected

even confirmed this IRL when i went to a travellers bar in europe and it was full of americans and when they learnt i was english they kept saying "oh we love english humour, we banter each other all the time" and most of their conversations with me would be them very non-intelligently insulting something trivial about me and then getting offended when i returned the poor banter that they gave out and they thought i was an asshole because i said one of the guys patchy beards made him look like a team america stunt double and they said "that's not banter you're just an asshole!!!!!" after they spent the last 45 minutes talking about shit like how wearing trousers instead of shorts made me look like a member of the beatles, which apparently was an absolute belter

fucking terrible, would never attempt to humour such abysmal 'banter' ever again, plus they were drinking coors light

there is a god anyone who thinks there isn't is an idiot

scoober doober doo
where are you
i need a--aa poo
in the lewey lewey

Have a better one

PIRATA

>posts a picture of an ugly mosque
yeah, you sure showed that silly seppo

>Pakis detected

Because you literally ruin the boards quality when you unrelentingly shitpost. It's fine in moderation but when autists spam >hurr poo in loo >hurr cuckmany >hurr a fucking leaf >hurr shart in mart over and over again in every thread, there is absolutely no way to have any normal or interesting discussions on this board. Autistralians are the largest cancer on this board because of it.

S4S and Cred Forums exist for this purpose. I want to discuss countries cultures, history, etc . Not read the same memes spammed over and over again ad infinitum. Point this out and you get "HURR BUTTHURT CANT HANDLE BANTER XDDDDD"

There is no big bang and anyone who thinks there is is an idiot

who wants to get fucking knocked out

shan't be reading a single word of this

that's not a mosque you twat

oops, posted my unfinished version

*logs onto /brit/*

Hmm... Not a single quality post here.

*logs off of /brit/*

>Why, yes! I am from Canada!

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Royal_Pavilion
:^)

Your banter is shite too lad

screamer of a post

pirate scumbags
newstatesman.com/politics/politics/2014/04/how-thatcher-gave-pol-pot-hand

*hacks your account and posts obscene status updates*

Hey I'm gay any lads want to put their willy in my nilly hole?

Having a sensible chuckle

Ill nock your block clean off lad step 1 step 2

you'll shit your pants before you hit the floor cretin

...

youtube.com/watch?v=fbFgxucxVcM
my favourite numbers station

>gary larson
top lad
one of the few yanks to banter with the best of 'em

i only make high quality posts

why does this beaner think pirate is an insult

I like the thought of terrorising the peasants on the high seas

lol dude im laughing so hard

>BoC
good lad

seen it before
repulsive

AAAAAAAAAAJJJJ

haha

u wish

seriously lads I don't want to be a drone for 40+ years, I just want to go do me I think

but that's not what society sees as right is it

go on a killing spree then off yourself as the police close in on you

trying to collect all the original LPs in non-shitty condition
probably impossible but nevertheless

>I like the thought of terrorising the peasants on the high seas

mates used to call me "vangefnar hendur (very fast hands) i know where literally every single pressure point in the body is located, i could paralyse anyone with a single lighting fast jab, or even kill if my honour permits.
i could honestly kill every single person in this thread 20 times before they hit the ground

The next person to post fucked his mum for a Twix

no

A series of tubes!

*chortles*

oh my yes

una vela...

read every word of this

think a cheeky suicide may be in order

youtu.be/QzBD7-_YD68

big choon lads

Has anyone ITT ever gone to Parliament and witnessed a debate in real life?

Was it worthwhile?

...

...

they are breaking up :(
youtube.com/watch?v=wZeul75dfWM

tfw Microsoft Edge automatically 'corrects your British English spellings and you get FOYed in /brit/ even though you're literally the most British person here

yeah. they were absolutely banterless cunts and had me removed

>tfw 5'4 and built like an Icelandic tree surgeon

been microsoft edging for 4 hours now lads

there was a tree surgeon who used to post on /brit/ last year

finding it hard to be intimidated by a bunch of blonde chubby-cheeked twats

ok thanks for letting me know.

Are you Dennis Skinner?

youtube.com/watch?v=qvIUa47x_Oc

what is this gay shit

wow these lesbians looked so happy together
youtube.com/watch?v=IKq_3IkA_qg

reply to me again and I'll cave your head in

tfw Microsoft Edge automatically 'corrects your British flag and you get FOYed in /brit/ even though you're literally the most British person here

>trees in iceland

one is a pirate and the other an american

Chrome always underlines my English spellings as incorrect. Apparently "Colour" is wrong.

>tfw 5'6 and built like an Australian petrol sniffer

...

time to wank

>Tattoos shouldn't be a barrier to hiring, says employer advice group

(((they))) are trying to push for something new again lads

just kill yourself already

change the language to English (United Kingdom) you utter runts

wow so edgy

I'm happy for you to come to Wakefield and try me you soft cunt but I assure you it won't end well

i would like to apply for an opening in elderly care

>hiring people who make terrible long term decisions
yeah nah ur alri

...

no one likes you spic, go back to your mud hut and try to not get beheaded

genuinely scared of getting into a street fight

is there anything i can do to improve my fighting ability

Depends on the job really

If it's something where you're going to be dealing with customers or clients or people from other businesses then you need to look professional and that means no tattoos

If you're working construction or as a programmer or something else where you're not being a representative of your company then tattoos are okay

kill yourself fucking scumbag

new

yes

Come to Wakefield and pay attention to the way I smash the fuck out of you

It bloody well should be. As should shit beards and long hair.

improve your sprinting. kick in the bollocks unless someone might jump in

the new fiver is pure mental bants WAHEYYYYYYYYŸ niggers