/brit/

having a coke

Need that Chinese satellite falling out of orbit to crash land straight on my sack lads

Painted my bollocks green then climbed some lad's pear tree to dangle them off branch
Counting down the minutes 'til plucking season, if you know what I mean haha

⸮⸮⸮

waiting on a reply rorky boy

also thailad's input would be appreciated as well

Is egg fried rice easy to make, lads?

I've never made it before.

had sex with my gf last night

putting deutsche bank out of business as we speak

Yes.

>job requires me to be: highly motivated, enthusiastic, very outgoing and also a team player

shan't be applying to this job

pics

Just looked at my Uni timetable this year lads

Not sure I even picked some of this shit, I don't like any of it.

Another year to kill I guess

I have phimosis and it's too late to get it fixed

so what you're saying is that same percentage of council estate lads go on to become millionaire MPs as those that went to public schools and attended oxbridge? I'm not saying that leaving the ghetto is impossible, I'm saying there are larger factors at work that it extremely difficult to do so.

The lad you posted is 1 in a million, and of course the daily fail will spam him to make poor brits feel more socially mobile than they actually are.

Every time I've tried it's dry as arseholes. Maybe look up a recipe online first.

yes

the simplest way is to scramble an egg in a pan, add some day old rice and mix it in and then add some soy sauce until it's at a desired colour

though you can spice it up more by frying some onions, ginger, garlic first and tossing some black pepper on them, then at the end you could also add some chopped up green onions

Can suddenly smell oranges very strongly. Wonder if I'm having a stroke.

>I'm not saying that leaving the ghetto

Ok so you know nothing about the UK.

ring 999 and explain to them whats going on x

You haven't followed the conversation, I was referencing america with that particular usage of the word ghetto.

you can always do stretching exercises m80boy

*111
Wind your neck in

I want to suck a hot, juicy cock

do you think girls would be put off by me having a scar on my willy?

girls like scars right?

are you perhaps eating an orange?

Looks like you'll need to get booked in for a Knobloboffotomy

If I'm outside work and meant to start at 9 and nobody is here to open up, what time should I wait until before leaving? Should I call anyone? I'm the most junior one here.

no kike is touching my wanger

in north america its one number and they ask what the emergency is, sorry

yes call a senior staff member if possible

Hence the neck-winding, now chop chop

But what if they send someone over to open up? I want to go home.

no you're a fanny

what the fuck is phimosis even like? i always had way too much extra skin on my dick, its been quite a nuisance.

>put condom on
>hood rolls up over bellend
>literally cannot feel shit

i pumped away for 20 minutes before taking the damn thing off

Daydreaming that I have a bf again

this isn't fucking school

do your job

Life's a lottery and everyone gets dealt a different hand, it just seems like if BLM spent half as much time not being a nigger as they did complaining then they wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

this is as far back as it will go, comfortably
any more and it's like putting my dick is a vise
putting my dick in something will probably rip it up

I don't want to though

I wonder if I feign ignorance at not knowing anyone's number I'll be OK. Gonna have a fag and give it until quarter past, if they're not here I'm leaving a note and going home.

whats the number for fire then?

111 is for emergencies when we don't want to make a fuss or bother anyone.

dunno lad id dip my cock in vaseline and gently tug it for hours on end if i were you

how did you manage to become an adult and avoid the stretching exercises?

what about the smegma

dr. pavel, i'm cia

I think I had slight phimosis when I was younger. It just felt like your skin is fused almost to your bell end. When I first pulled it back in the shower there was literally about a tablespoon of fucking smeg under there.

999

I was told from an early age not to touch it

usually just blast the shower head into the opening

I'm convinced phimosis is a meme.

I've only ever heard of it on Cred Forums.

really want to fuck a thicc girl with pillowy chebs and a bouncy arse who has Germanic blonde braided hair

uncircumsized willies fascinate me

Fucking grim lad

>Not needing to paint any of the other parts of the body to blend in with the tree
Habib detected

>im browsing a thread with smegma collectors

did (((they))) give you that advice or what? its like they were grooming you to lose your foreskin as an adult

I'd plough a furrow in that bird who plays Lagertha in Vikings

Think that show has given me a bit of a fetish

Getting my daily dose of Molyneux and Sargon lads

get a circumcision

single people who would knowingly have sex with someone in a relationship are equally as subhuman as normal cheaters desu
all need to be put on a cross

>(((meme)))
what is this meme

I believe he's making a joke based on this post

is it uncomfy to wank without foreskin, lad?

bbc.com/news/technology-36459990

didnt give me a (you) so ill do the same, but

the parentheses are meant to denote merchants aka yanks greatest ally

Just do it yourself, circumsions are a scam. You need some meth and some nail clippers.

and savlon

also SJWs found out about it so lots of Jews and Liberals, including quite a few famous ones, are ((()))ing around their Twitter usernames to reclaim it from antisemites. It's pretty fucking weird seeing Cred Forums memes go internet viral

Filthy casual

people from ghettos and shit just lose hope and fall into patterns that perpetuate that shit. plus I think there would be massive survivors guilt if you managed to claw your way out of those areas

most yanks ive talked to online unironically cant have a good wank without the aid of lubricant

one once told me he'd "mastered the art of jacking it without lube" as if he'd accomplished something of note

having a sleep

>Those identified were then subjected to anti-semitic abuse via social media.

>The extension was developed by a far-right group called alt-right.

fucking woeful journalism

blending???

its self fulfilling prophecy really i mean putting parentheses around jewish surnames is about as intolerant as putting a little cross next to a deceased person. and now all these media savvy jews are outing themselves? congrats you put parentheses around a twitter profile dedicated to spamming sjw stuff

>Amal Clooney has called on the UK to take more refugees from Syria

ahh yes, why don't you house a few in your billionaire mansion instead

it means race-blending

morning PJW

I used to be like that. What you do is get soft so you can pull it back all the way then get hard and let your dick stretch it out. Your dick can only get so hard so it shouldnt be able to tear the skin, just stretch it.

It will hurt at first but over time it will hurt less and eventually it will be ok and you can pull it back all the way and get hard and it wont really hurt anymore.

Its still probably slightly tighter than normal but i figure if i can get hard with out it hurting then its essentially loose enough.

I'm not a blender/process operative and I have no experience in blending but I think it's when you mix stuff together lad.

...

why did george clooney marry a 'sheed?

That first sip of the day...

virtue signalling

tried that once
the tip of my bellend turned purple
so much pain that I've never tried it again

Why don't you drink coffee instead of that cancerous shit?

VIRTUE signalling the MAINSTREAM MEDIA

65164056
pathetic

gf won't suck my doodle lads

really engaged my thoughts

Pain means its working.
Just keep at it a few times a week. You dont have to do it for more than a minute. If it starts hurting too much stop, but just keep at it. Eventually it will get better.

@4108

woeful post

would love to shatter this insufferable runt's jaw

alri

wasn't that first one like 10 years ago though?

>job description doesn't explain what the job is nor what the requirements are
>doesn't even give a postcode for the location

ah yes

What's gonna happen with our politics now lads? Labour are gonna keep Corbyn and either split the party or have momentum purge the party from the grassroots and ukip have elected a shit leader and will fade into obscurity. Have we got another decade or more of tory dominance?

A Rasheed post. Imagine my surprise.

I predict 30 years of tories

going to get absolutely cunted tonight

>Have we got another decade or more of tory dominance?
Hopefully

Seems like the best option for now

>Have we got another decade or more of tory dominance?
Almost certainly

had a good day lads
> overcast as fuck in brisBane
> wake up at a nice early time of 7am, full night's sleep
> go to gym
> go shopping
> come home and play dead rising

>implying based Corbyn isn't going to win

Converted to Islam for the craic, went down to my local Sunni Mosque yesterday to see what it was all about.

I don't really believe in it though, but the Muslim lads treated me like a celebrity, they were so smug and proud that a white guy like myself converted to Islam. One of them even offered me a job in their shop, haha.

This man will be the leader of British people within a decade.

How does this make you feel?

>corbyn will be 70 by 2020

ah yes definitely a suitable candidate for PM

was taking the metro today and branjelina splitting up was one of the THREE news items in the short news previews on the giant projector screens they have

trump is 71 and he's going to lead the West through the next world war and i can't think of anyone better to do it

it's just pneumonia

I CAN'T STOP WANKINGGGGG

Good god I hope Prince Phillip lives long enough to make some gaffe about that

is he also going to make anime real?

the absolute madman

fuck he's like a lighter skinned Obama

he's the kind of guy to say wog under his breath

What kind of window licking spastics would put a 70 year old in charge of their country. You'd have to be retarded to even put a pensioner like that into contention for something so important.

>A RASHEED post. WHAT a SURPRISE

Nah, I think Khan wants PM though, as he's been fairly moderate with his language and he's been appealing to the anti-immigration sentiment lately.

He's definitely positioning himself for PM. Perhaps he'll be leader of the spin off Labour party when/if a split happens.

trump or hillary will both die in office if they're elected

I wouldn't mind a state issued girlfriend.

>he's been appealing to the anti-immigration sentiment lately

how?

I'm A Rasheed...Get Me Out Of Here!

well argued

as much as i love the queen i really hope she dies soon just to see the shitstorm on /brit/

gonna grab 40
give us a shout at 12 yeh?

boards.Cred Forums.org/v/thread/352487937/

hmm

just had a stroke haha

standard.co.uk/news/mayor/sadiq-khan-rapid-immigration-is-leading-to-communities-feeling-isolated-a3345791.html

Of course he doesn't really mean it, he just thinks he can PM one day.

Hillary will because shes in bad shape medically, im suspect she will even make it to the election at this rate, shes been employing a body double of late for appearances.

People acted like mccain was too old to be president when he was running in 2008, like he might die at any moment. Hes still a senator.

Reptilians probably live for several hundred years, or more.

was just reading the news and so many articles were about blacks and pakis doing bad things.

love this new country we live in!

>Sadiq Khan will today warn that some new communities in London are becoming “increasingly segregated” as rapid immigration transforms parts of the city “beyond all recognition”.

>The Mayor will also say the growing gap between rich and poor was leaving some white working-class areas feeling “left behind

must be the first time i've seen him speaking truth

Filthy.

you guys are catting bare fucking shit

you HONESTLY think a new labour rump party with FUCKING SADIQ KHAN as their leader would get elected to form a government? what the fuck is wrong with you. tory echo chamber

bbc.co.uk/news/uk-37423040

Oh good the BBC finally agrees with me.

yeh

Lads, do you ever respond with something stupid because you're never fully in the conversation?

Seems like my brains always on auto-pilot these days.

alri thailad

going into the kitchen to make some tea and get a banana lads

pray for me that nobody else is there, I can't be fucked to talk to anyone

...

>you HONESTLY think a new labour rump party with FUCKING SADIQ KHAN as their leader would get elected to form a government?
No, but I think Khan thinks that.

:3

alri

This is your life until May

wish we'd fucking ban halal meat already. slaughtering animals for food is already a bit grim but the pakis take it to the next level.

>The mayor, Londons first muslim mayor, also made the stunning revelations that the pope is catholic and bears do in fact occasionally shit in the woods

ah yes that won't rile up the muzzies

the people, including our resident commie slags, are fed up with the status quo desu

corbyn is IN laddo, as soon as that time honoured pendulum of tory vs labour swings back it will swing into the red zone

good

fuck normies

out for a jog lads, keep yourselves beautiful x

he's Labour though. someone from there admitting something like this is a difficult thing.

>corbyn is IN laddo, as soon as that time honoured pendulum of tory vs labour swings back it will swing into the red zone
>implying Corbyn isn't going to be found dead face down in a ditch outside Doncaster North with "You should've got around the fucking negotiating table" scrawled in blood on a wall next to it

was literally having a think 10 minutes ago if brit politics are as meme tier as yank ones with hillary's body count

if corbyn dies mysteriously ill send you enough money to cover a pint over paypal, if he gets elected you do the same

wish we'd ban meat, full stop.

im inclined to agree with you 2bh.

but, i would like to see meat grown in labs to replace livestock. i have no qualms about that stuff really.

we should just ban cows

cows are shit

there'd be bible groups protesting it probably

>wish we'd ban meat, full stop.

having a giggle at this vegan bender

>why yes i do consume sentient beings' corpses

How have you avoided Interpol for so long anyway, thailad?

She's wearing tights again

need a poo lads

I browse Cred Forums and Cred Forums

get their trust then do a brevik lad

if we lived in a socialist paradise everyone would be able to afford to eat free range beef that eats sweet green grass and enjoys the sun spending its days making shit cakes and getting tugged by a farmhand getting paid minimum wage, not a machine that hurts it
and the bulls well you only need so many, but still

bought a €4 lotto ticket

won €4

quite a hollow victory

>if we lived in a socialist paradise everyone would be able to afford to eat free range beef that eats sweet green grass and enjoys the sun spending its days making shit cakes and getting tugged by a farmhand getting paid minimum wage, not a machine that hurts it

>I broswe Cred Forums and Cred Forums

Hey poley hasn't posted yet

I wonder if he's killed himself

DO NOT misquote me

>DO NTO misquote me

>mfw some vegan sjw in uni tried to tell me that humans aren't the smartest species on earth in a debate

...

Because Jews are smarter still lad

Poleaboo is currently trying to achieve an erection by sniffing his sister's used underwear

i grew up next to a farm that had some well treated cows, that got a shot gun blast to the brain after a long and useful life and its what i think of when i bite into a burger, not that mass produced Auschwitz meat

Who /alt right/ here?

meat is murder desu lads

Recommend be a good router for under £100, lads.

Milo pls attention whore somewhere else

>meat
>murder
pick both

Every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness, and dies by chance

im not a vegetarian but i am a vegan

screenshotted and sent to chris sykes of the GMP

If China and Russia went to war with NATO right now, whose side would you be on and why

dont ISPs provide routers?

Just wanted to let you know that i could easily 'hat' this post. be more careful. In the Future i wont be so forgiving

He said a good router

NATO

I have faith in the US Navy.

Yes, but they're shit double-shit with a 99 flake in it.

...

are different routers easy to set up?

you're a big computer nerd

what difference do they make?

What do you need out of it?

Just max range for wifi or specialist config or what?

Stop playing your computer games and get outside

Anonymous would win.

yeah
Better wifi range, or specific controls over your network/users.

For example you could set the admin computer priority bandwidth, stop the plebs using torrents or whatever..

youtube.com/watch?v=imm2gb_7kFQ

Are TP-LINK Archer D7 AC1750 or NETGEAR D6200-100UKS AC1200 any good?

She'll be brown

customising my router lads
gonna have lights on it and a sick sound clip when you reset it saying "the janny will catch up with us all one day"
gonna use it for porn n Cred Forums mainly

We've learned how to create so many incredible things in the last 50 years, but we forgot how to make white babies

Why haven't we deported the Brain family?

You need activated almonds

>First day back at uni
>Mate just tells me I've had my flashlight on all day on my phone like a bellend

Walked around town like this too ffs

>white

cringed. stop acting like a yank.

trustedreviews.com/tp-link-archer-d7-review

trustedreviews.com/netgear-d6200-802-11ac-dsl-router-review

tim farron is the future for britain
looking forward to the sdp control of the commons in the 2020, a referendum on the terms of brexit, a cross-party cooperation forum and lots of restructuring of nhs middle management

Why does the NHS need/have middle management

surely it should just be doctors and nurses with a handful of admin staff?

Getting my daily dose of Poleaboo

poleaboo.wordpress.com/

ah yes the ol' caffeine shakes

>flashlight

fuck off yank

ah yes, a great way to build confidence in your ability to lead a country

I set a double home button press with screen off shortcut to the led torch.

Had to disable it because I kept taking my phone out of my pocket and shining it at people on the train accidentally. :/

>have sex with grill
>she brings you a baby
>one more white baby in the world

Not hard, especially since normies are constantly fucking

>white

>cringed. stop acting like a yank.

lot of admin to do desu
gotta have a finance dept and hr dept for each hospital, obv got those comissioning bodies, because it's state run it needs loads of staff to check nobody's wasting or stealing money, which ironically wastes loads of money

>500 calorie diet
Jesus christ

non white here, ive got one of your white sheilas in the bag

I don't know who's more delusional, labour voters or lim dem voters

applied for a job as a cemetery groundskeeper lads hahaha

too spooky x

fucking absolutely ABSURD how London-centric britain is lads
the student loans should NOT be propped up for london, nor should civil service pay

>hr departments

they don't need them

purge HR

It's pretty normal among those who are seriously trying to lose weight

same but with ukip and conservatives desu

but you need a good HR team to make sure you get the best HR staff you possibly can

*but don't know what the fuck they're doing

so what are you implying? that all voters are delusional despite who they vote for?

Poleaboo are you aware you have a recruitment advertisement hidden in your website?

catching up on my daily dose of The Spectator (TM)

recc me some other magazines worth reading lads x

yeah everyones stupid af except me and the lib dems really

If you do 500 one day and eat normally the next, you can avoid starvation mode

I wasn't because I can't see adverts because I'm not a child who doesn't have ad/script blocking

lads, any tips on moving out on your own for the very first time?

getting my daily dose of TheReportOfTheWeek

That wouldn't be hidden though, would it?

sounds like delusion to me

That's what it's called on my phone mane

At least you probably recognised, I was blissfully unaware the whole time

don't hack me

>so what are you implying? that all voters are delusional despite who they vote for?
nah thats everyone else, me and the party i vote for are the only sensible people in the UK

Bought some porterhouse steaks, dad took it upon himself to cook them up himself. The UTTER troglodyte cooked them well done. When I specifically said I WOULD cook them, and prefer to have them Medium Rare - Medium. Whilst eating the steaks everyone around the table just exclaimed how delicious these steaks were.

Fucking IDIOTS.

went to a party last night

felt weird, glad to be home. cant say i didnt at least try to be normie.

Yeah but recognising as your holding it at someone's face right next to you on the train isn't that good either.

>well-done steaks
think thats when you start to think about divorce init

Am I awkward around normies....

or are they... awkward around me?

hmm??

makes you wonder

fascinating blog

fuck off murderer

meat is murder lad
the best kind of steak is attatched to the rest of the cow as it lives its life and dies of old age

recommend me some magazines you fucking vermin before I.. I ....

oh I just don't know WHAT I'd do

anyone fancy a cuppa? was just about to stick my pasty in the 'wave

I am seething lad.
Well done steaks are a culinary faux pas

*flicks you with my pinkie finger*
*watches you crumble to the grown*
heh, try eating some iron next

just ate a whole 'za

was it a 'go 'za or a 'w 'rk 'za?

did you put some 'cha on it?
love eating my 'za with some 'cha on it, if im honest

fuck off poles

*camera pans to me as you lot babble on*
Jeesh, look at what I have to put up with!
*shrugs*
[End Scene]

it was one of those oven ones you get from aldi, plain cheese

the economist
international affairs
le monde diplomatique

...

How much smegma can one individual produce? I'm a dirty motherfucker and I produce minute amounts even if I don't shower after two weeks. I'm more self conscious about my dick papules.

patrician meal for the lad too occupied with /brit/ to cook

I've been working on the railroad
All the live-long day.
I've been working on the railroad
Just to pass the time away.

absolutely rooted lads, gnight

>the econo-

stopped reading there haha x

rest might be worth a look, ta-ta

Spooky

never been on a date lads

i've gotten numbers before and asked girls out on dates and they agreed, but they've never gone through with it. Same experience on tinder, I've gotten matches, created a rapport but then they didnt respond on the day when we were meant to go out

it just seems so impossible for me. i'm fit, not bad looking and i've taught myself how to approach women and be confident and cheeky. but they just don't want to play ball.

it blows my mind that some people can just have sex on a whim whilst i can't even get a girl to commit to me buying her free food or taking her bowling or something

Mum bought some chicken fillets but doesn't know how to cook them

Telling her to just grill them but she thinks she'll fuck that up and is leaning towards making a curry with them

*rolls down a grassy bank into the thread*
WHEEEEEEEEEEEE

youtube.com/watch?v=C0n88tZQc4Q

paki

*takes aim*

font

>date

FOY

His mom is still alive to this day. He was just blessed with his mom's superior genes.

i'm not a normie though
im a friendless virgin neet
i read some semi-PUA shit tried it and got numbers. i asked em out and they agreed but then decided against it nearer to the time.
what do you call taking a bird out?

>did a biiiiig day on duolingo about a month ago
>now once a week i have to do the same again to keep all my bars full
fucking rooooo i have more important work to do you cunts

*a yank tries to join in*

>what do you call taking a bird out?

Being a degenerate Hetronormie

Don't think I ever want to go on a date desu. Would feel like a job interview where she's constantly judging you, and you pretend to be someone else completely in order to hide away from all your insecurities. Just want a comfy relationship where I get closer and closer with a female friend until she eventually becomes gf. Never had that either though desu.

that lad max resdefault gets around

>There are "English" people here who don't have their countries flag hanging opposite their bed

Explain yourselves

english flag is a shit flag, unless you've got your county or british flag you can do one

dates can be fun pham (i think).

the first girl i got a number of, i aksed her if she wanted to go bowling. because i know taking a girl out for a meal is fucking dull.

you sit there listening to her, whilst she judges you (and you don't stand out that much seeing as literally any guy under the sun could sit there listen to her and buy her food), and then pay for the privilege.

bowling or activity dates (in theory) are better. for example the bird was like 'i don't even know how to bowl, you'll have to show me!' > see that was a cue for me touching her and being masculine and shit.

can't see the pakistan flag anywhere desu

Kek, fair enough. At least I'm not the only bellend with the problem ;)

>tfw poleaboo's room is niceer than my own

what a horrendous post, gas yourself

I like the idea of dates with girls I know, just not some total or near stranger.

your flag is upsidedown

Girls are usually more stylish than boys

Where do I find black girls who look like this?

gonna talk a nap

why?
i feel you
unforutnately i don't know anyone and i find lots of total strangers

its fucking six in the morning

have to leave the house in 5 hours

the toilet

As if a Taig would know

Get a circumcision, I did because I had to. It's not that bad aside from the sensitivity for the first few weeks after the surgery.

I also have fordyce spots, so I'm fucked when it comes to getting with girls, but it's alri for wanking.

just woke up lads

>It's a granny complains that I don't have a job or any friends and berates me for just waiting for people to tell me what to do episode

Don't know how it ended up like this. Does anyone else think they ended up with a shit life just from bad luck?

>Shitty English Flag
>Carpets

At least you finally changed your spiderman bedding

>the toilet

I fly a Yorkshire flag along with a Texas flag.

hmm
*ponders*

Might take a diazepam or two and have one of those hazy mongout days

wasn't bad luck
you have a weak personality due to your having given up on life, and it means you'll never succeed at anything
it might suck but its your fault so stop complaining

No I'm the same desu, it's not like I'm going on any dates with female friends either. I'm pretty confident that if I downloaded Tinder and messaged all the girls I matched then I'd be able to get a few dates, but that sort of thing repulses me really.

You are Poleaboo now

>parents compare you to your chad and stacey cousins in terms of achievements and general personality to make me feel bad
>compare my parents to their siblings who are much easier going and allowed their kids to hang out friends after school
>they then complain about me unfairly comparing them to their siblings and saying they tried to raise me as best they could

ahh yes, very impressive

tinder is awful for getting women, going out and just approaching strangers is far easier.

university campuses are the easiest place i've found.
From asking things like 'where can i get some water' i've managed to get numbers at uni campuses

NEW

No topic -_-

real new

>mum always banging on about my cousins achievements while simultaneously hating my aunt and not taking responsibily for her own distant parenting

Ah yes

>to make me feel bad
Stop being such a sensitive, egotistical child and you'll realise they're trying to encourage you

if you twats didn't keep making shit editions we wouldn't have thread wars

one doesn't even have a fucking subject, if /brit/ was filled with new mongs there wouldn't be any thread wars

wasn't*

Because I have a Banksy canvas hanging there. It's really one or the other.

My Duvet cover's a Union flag though, if that makes things more acceptable?

[citation needed]