I can't erase my memories that i used to be beaten hard by elder brother and had to work household things being without...

I can't erase my memories that i used to be beaten hard by elder brother and had to work household things being without mom.
It causes some serious anger even when im being in normal fine state with no reason to be angry or stressed.

Those Thigns happened when i was teenager,

Now im 20 and it keeps coming up in my mind.

When i look in the mirror, My eyes reminds alcoholic father's face
And i can see my nose curved since i beaten almost to death from my brother.

The most of afraid thing i feel right now, Is that if i will be the same person as my brother or my father. I keep try to stifle the memories in my deep place, But one someday it might rage out, I think i would be looking the exactly the same person as my dad.

What do i do?
Soon i will be counted in the suicide static

Other urls found in this thread:

youtu.be/_AWIqXzvX-U
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

Maybe if you weren't such a little shit your brother wouldn't hit you.

just transition from male to female. then you won't have to worry about being like your father or brother

I don't wanna be any violent
To not be the same kind with him. That would be the most tragic thing

That somehow i can be deformed as the kind that i used to hate so much.

I fucking hate alcoholics so much.

I want to fucking kill every one of alcoholics.
I really wish every fucking one of them just burn and vanished

:(

I don't share very similar experiences with you, but I hope you can find a way past these things. I wish I could offer friendship to you but I don't know if I would make a very good friend. However, we can chat for a while.

>It causes some serious anger even when im being in normal fine state with no reason to be angry or stressed.

This is because you are traumatized, user. Even the smallest things can lead someone to be traumatized, it all depends on the individual and their experiences. I hope you can recognize that this is something that many, many people have to deal with and that it is even manageable with time. There's no need to give up. Have you looked for any kind of professional help? Do you have any supportive friends? If not, you have us, which is obviously not perfect, but it's better than being alone completely.

>Soon i will be counted in the suicide static

Please no user, don't do that

Well, this I can agree with, to an extent.

Well shit...
I know it's hard, but just learn to catch yourself. Some people are more predisposed to anger than others, if you aren't an angry person you just need to let it go.
Maybe one day you could go talk to your brother about it. I bet his reasons for doing it, while not justified, were understandable.

PS, you mentioned you are 20, so I may be wrong but i think I may have talked to you here yesterday, you (or someone) was calling me 미국누나 and also said they were 20

You are all pretty emotionally well-made people.
Thanks..

I just wish i could be raised as normal. Not hearing alcoholic's swearing shout and oneday finding myself doing the exactly same thing

It simply keep drives me really insane. That i will be the same person who contaminate others pure mind just like zombies

im actually not the 20 yo korean boy... but anyway Very much appreciate to you.

Professional helps idk. It's a good clinic enough to shitpost on Cred Forums and get some sweet solacing from you nice people. Thanks.

They have alcoholic beverages in Korea?

>american education

>I just wish i could be raised as normal.

Well, sadly, this was not the case. I think most people have regrets about the way they were raised, some more than others. Like I said I don't have very similar experiences to you, so I can't relate. I did have to live around some drug addicts when I was older, though--I'm really glad I never had to grow up with that.

>Not hearing alcoholic's swearing shout and oneday finding myself doing the exactly same thing
>It simply keep drives me really insane. That i will be the same person who contaminate others pure mind just like zombies

user, it's not a guarantee that this will happen.

I'm curious, do you drink now? Are you an alcoholic, even if you are not violent? Do you notice if you have vilent tendencies?

I can see how it would be frightening to you if the answers to any of those are yes. But you seem to care so much about it that I don't think you will ever reach a point where you completely lose control of yourself.

It's hard to stay logical and motivated when you are suffering emotionally. What can help you feel better emotionally, I'm not sure. But if you are asking yourself how to improve your life, that is the first step toward better things.

What do you think?

Yes...

Try r9k
and try using ilbe

>Been raised surrounded by drug addictors and didn't be one of those
-> that's actually a great accomplishment.

I try to, Not to even sip any kinds of alcohol
All the addictors start it thinking some easy and playable thing. I never think so about alcohol

I wanna literally delete. whole kind of alcohols in this world.
However, still many people enjoy it...

I find myself extremly ragious sometimes swearing at the air in a loud sound. I just do it and after i realize that im going to be similar with my father.
The voice tone, swearing word kinds, and even the face everything is so fucking same.
If i have family someday, I would've done to my family and make vicious cycle again.
That's the reason why i mentioned suicide . because i want to get things over in only my life.
Not contaminating to my sons or family. with shitty stained memories

I do find solutions to control my mind though, Thanks for caring
youtu.be/_AWIqXzvX-U

Yes....
Actually i've done ilbe since 2010.
The percentage of 30% of the website nearly have the same experience with me.

Those are bunch of drought people.. Very really.
The stories of the posts always containing backbiting someone or blaming someone, Or even blame their own lives telling how shitty life they're living (labor worker life, NEET etc..)

Cred Forums is actually much better and valuable people. when we only about to say Cred Forums users though, Not flattering

>I try to, Not to even sip any kinds of alcohol

That's good. I'm not a fan of it myself.

>I find myself extremly ragious sometimes swearing at the air in a loud sound. I just do it and after i realize that im going to be similar with my father.
>The voice tone, swearing word kinds, and even the face everything is so fucking same.
>If i have family someday, I would've done to my family and make vicious cycle again.
>That's the reason why i mentioned suicide . because i want to get things over in only my life.
>Not contaminating to my sons or family. with shitty stained memories

user, I know it doesn't feel that way to you, but at age 20 you are still very young and have alot of change and new experiences in your future. I am very different now at 26 than who I was when I was 20. I never could have predicted the changes I have gone through. I don't think you should assume that you are going to turn into your dad.

If you don't want to be like your dad, you won't be. It is going to take time for you to improve. To be honest, it is probably going to take you years to reach a point where you feel comfortable. But as I have said, there are tons of people who have similar problems and have found ways to cope with it.

You seem intelligent to me, and you seem like you really care about how you affect others. If you don't drink, you'll never be an alcoholic. And if you get control of your anger, you will never abuse your family.

Nobody is a perfect person, everyone has anger and sadness at some point, and everyone causes other people pain at some point. The difference is that you can see yourself and try to change, and you can apologize if you hurt someone.

Also, having a family is not the only path in life. You can find other things that make you interested in living, it doesn't have to be the typical wife + kids.

Have you gone to the military yet?

My service was only during 4 months.
Thanks for long conversation. user America nuna.

Very scarce but very solacing.. This online communication.
Since i'm almost a NEET in my room.
You're a good person. Are you living pretty normal healthy life now? i wonder

>Thanks for long conversation. user America nuna.

:) It's no problem. I don't like to see someone suffering and I am interested in hearing about your life. I used to feel like Cred Forums was the only place I could ever talk to people. I felt like I could never have a true friend. I ended up making a really good friend here on Cred Forums and now we talk outside of Cred Forums alot. Note that I have been using Cred Forums for more than 10 years and felt pretty hopeless and friendless.

Like I said, I'm not sure if I will be a good friend to you or not...I don't know if we have very much in common. I have 카톡, maybe you want someone to talk to outside of Cred Forums? But I used to be pretty scared of adding people and trying to be their friend, and I still am a little bit, because usually online friendships die fast.

>Are you living pretty normal healthy life now?

Yes, the future looks bright for me. I dropped out of uni when I was younger and worked alot of jobs, and lived in some unhappy situations. (I mentioned before I had to live around drug addicts, this was when I was ~22-25, not my childhood.)

I don't want to go into too much detail about my life here on Cred Forums, though.

Now I am going to return to uni again and try to get a better job.

I think this thread will be deleted soon.
Just mail me on [email protected], and thank you

Kpop

Also hang in the my brother in the end we all want the best for our kids. We all want to be better then what our parents were

Okay, I sent you an email.

Make a vow not to behave like your brother/dad and then go beat the shit out of your brother. Or go to talk therapy.

>I don't wanna be any violent
>I want to fucking kill every one of alcoholics.


if this is both you op..famm

Emotions fluctuate widely

Sometimes i feel really intense but sometimes i feel pretty chill
pretty aweful.

Once before i go to the military service, I knocked him down,
But my father was with this situation, He tried to stop me kicking my body and smashing long stick from beat the fuck up my elder bro when i kept him down under my knee.

Pretty disappointing memories when i recur that he used to make my face crammed dumpling when there's no any adult in the house. And dad used to come in the home being totally drunk and shouting swearing again in the midnight.

I honestly fucking hate both my family.