LYRICS THREAD

ITT: We post our lyrics and rate/give feedback to others.

Rate my new lyrics

Okay, my money band longer than a Nascar race
I told her keep going on the gas, fuck the brakes
Only here for one night, let me put it on your face
Let a nigga nut, only way I'll go to sleep
Boolin, rockin' all the Frank Muller
I know some hoes with good head, fuck a tutor
So many hundreds I done added, I'm going to lose 'em
Put me in the Jaggy or the Wraith and now I'm coolin'

Play around with my cash
End up in a body bag
In the store and then dash
Pull up, hoppin' out a cab
She know she got a nigga bad
She know she gotta keep me back
She know I gotta keep me some cash
She know she gotta hop on top the dick
She know you gotta ride that motherfucker
Her mama done walked in, but it's too big
She can't hide that motherfucker
Even if she divided the motherfucker
Man even if she minused the motherfucker
Join in get demolished motherfucker
I ain't gon' disguise it motherfucker, nah
Shop at Saks Fifth, flow on DatPiff
Yeah I'm that swift, ask her and him
Yeah ask 'em, put a bone in them
Put a choker on 'em, let 'em choke and all
All my jewelry small, yeah, they got it all
Daughter sexy and my son got the broads
Spent racks on my son and his squad
Daddy boy, never play with toys
Better not play with 'em boys
New AK with them boys
New feng shui with the boys
Drippin' all day for the boys
Bitch you ain't ready for the boys
I'm in that Wraith homeboy
If you ever play with the boy
I'ma turn the blade on 'em boys

shitty bait
if this isn't bait, you spent way too much time on this and you should feel bad

It's a Kanye song idiot

Too overt/abrasive.

this is young thug? this is what neo-Cred Forums has been salivating over?

I get why impoverished, deprived black urban kids obsess over material wealth. They don't have it, they ascribe more spiritual importance to money because they're poor and that deprivation contributes to the diseases of voilence etc that afflict their communities.

The average Cred Forumstant, a pasty suburban white kid, doesn't have that excuse.

If you are this person, take a good look at yourself, think about why you like this stuff. Realize the effect that has on you.

Use more literary tools and figurative language

asuka is shit

beath, beth, breath, breth, creath, greth, heth, leth, meth, meth-, neath, neth, peth, rewth, sdeath, seth, sheth, slewth, sneath, speth, strewth, trewth WE WUZ KANGS

you repeat what you just said to my face, motherfucker?

ITT: people who are too afraid to post their actual lyrics so they goof around and post retarded shit instead

Asuka is fucking garbage and all Asucucks need to burn in hell

Pic related, it's justice

beleagured by wind, dust specs caught my eye/unwinding the trails that stray newspapers fly

you'd be no good at catching flies
hey, neither would i

are these actually yours or am i being memed
if so +1

I only want to dream
I only fit a feeling
Cause I don't wanna seem
That I'm never healing

I should've said to you
That you'll never fail
While I'm afraid I'll lose
When my routine's stale

Thanks! the first two lines are mine. Another user jumped in for the latter two and I commend him!

sounds like something ben gibbard would sing

They're a little vague. the last two lines have a nice honesty without getting solipsistic but the first lines veer a bit towards that. If you put these to a good melody it shouldn't be a problem, of course.

Here's a Dylan pastiche I wrote while drunk, pls give feedback:

Its not storytime now its after dark
streetwise comedians with broken hearts
are looking which way for the caller's mark
oh he made it look so easy

lucidity itself can be hard to grasp
when your watch is on backwards and your face is a mask
answers to the question asked:
who was it now, who owes me?

Her cavalcades of dust-blown sin
stained glass windows shes looking in
she could shiver the cold and prick the pin
O has it always been so lonely?

reminds me of elliott smith desu

this nigga beat me to it.

>lucidity itself can be hard to grasp
>when your watch is on backwards and your face is a mask
>answers to the question asked:
>who was it now, who owes me?

This sounds like something right off of From a Basement on the Hill

>The king's crossing was the main attraction
>Dominoes falling in a chain reaction
>A scraping subject ruled by fear
>Told me whiskey works better than beer
agreed

I hope you find it pleasant
For our shared path to split
I'll burn the pictures and dump the ash
So no birds rise from it

well fuck, I only ever heard Figure 8 and thought it was alright. I'll look more into him if that's the case.

You won't be disappointed. He was a very good lyricist (and all around amazing musician). I recommend you check out Either/Or first.

tell Kanye he spent too much time on this shitty bait

>streetwise comedians with broken hearts//are looking which way for the caller's mark
I feel like the second line doesn't quite flow naturally from the first line. maybe replace 'are' with 'they're'

you're right, just tried it like that and it was easier on the song. Thanks!

the last two lines have some good-ass imagery. Second line is kind of murky and uneasy to my ear.

Here's a little scrap I wrote this morning that I might develop:

Divine vivisection, stripped of all virtue
butterflies and raspberries fall to the Earth. You
step into the dawn to make it all apparent:
your honesty was just an impairment

You are very close-minded. You can like art for the context of it's creation

reminder that without audio demos or sheet music this thread has nothing to do with music and belongs in /lit/

Here we go:

She creeps up like a spider
And wants you deep inside her
She turns you into stone
A twisted little show

That's how it was to all begin
'Cause good girls they like to sin
Way back at the starting line
When Eve was on Adam's mind
And he was the first to go
In search of the great unknown
And falling yet again
'Cause good girls they like to sin

Nobody deserves to have such an anxious son/but you took it like a champ and tried to get me to have fun/The older aunts have said you were as happy as can be/But I guess your luck ran out when you and Dad decided to have me/You learned how to tell yourself that it’s okay if not everything works/You’ve tried your best to deal with a being that won’t stop yelling “everything hurts”/When’s Mother’s Day? I need to save up for the child you deserve

lyrics as songform go way back, before the written word even

That's deep

I don't consider myself a very good lyricist but the last song I wrote that had lyrics went like this.

I went out, and I saw
Everything I'd come to know as green and alive had died
the grass and the trees
all bent or cracked
under my feet

I can post a clyp of the song if you want

Dope shit bro

I need a source on this

Are you a poet?