ITT: Make up fake artists/bands and others rate them

Thank god I have this kid filtered

Catalyst Concession

mike cunt and the bends
Genre: pop punk/indie rock/emo
Debut: Mike cunt on the hunt
Followup: I like to eat a smith and wesson in the morning
3rd album: Hanging by a rope
4th: Shit
5: my career is going to start like Varg and end like Kurt
final: The bends are breaking up and mike is ded (rip)

Failed Male and the Bleach Chuggers

The Shit Eating Grins
Pioneering grindcoreand, gore/pornogrind, and powerviolence band
Active 1980-1984
Most albums averaged 5-10 minutes in length and comprised tracks of barely half-a-minute long

Albums:
-Reamed By The Man (1981)
-Weed-Whacker Dildo (1982)
-Tokyo Chainsaw Massage (1983)
-Any Deeper And You'll Be Sore for a Month (1984)
-Raped By Reagan (1987) [Live]
-Recorded In a Medieval Torture Chamber (1991) [outtakes compilation]

That sounds like it would either be shitty crunkcore or something like Mindless Self Indulgence.

If the former, 2/10. if the latter, 3/10

Hirsute Jordan and the Roller Derbies

Sickle-Cell Anemia

the isopods

Post-grunge that takes itself too seriously, bassist is an alcoholic. Debut 5/10, everything after 3/10

The Fucking Holy Shit

Ten Out Of Ten

The Absolute Madmen

Centrifugal Force

The Ju-Clang Effect

(The) Freeloaders.

Genre in order of a general timeline: Punk, Post-rock, psychelic rock

Active: 1989-2012

Albums:
- Fuck her like the animal she is EP (1989)
- The Freeloaders Caved In (1992)
- A Lightray Through Meaning (1996)
- An Encore To Remember (1999)
- Formerly Equipped (2006)
- Sketches (2011)

Backstory:
(The) Freeloaders were formed by the bands' frontman Thomas Ummel, a rebellious American 18 year-old who was inspired by bands such as The Ramones and The Sex Pistols. He and his buddies decided to make an EP that some argue is a carbon copy of that style of music, but the people in his hometown ate it up. Confident of his newfound musical talent, guitarist and singer Thomas was able to make an album that focused less on his own personal problems and more about the social struggles of his time. Sadly, his limited perspective and intellect of the world outside his small-scale town resulted in an album that many agree was Thomas arguing with an evil strawman. His ego burst, blaming the negative reception on his bandmates, resulting in the bassist, Johnny Smith, leaving. After seeing a Swans concert Thomas tried to replicate their style for a few years, with almost no succes. Their last two albums were the most critically aclaimed, with Pitchfork giving the last album, Sketch, a whopping 5.0. Thomas ended his musical career after he blinded himself after he tried to change his own guitar strings for the first time, instead of bringing it to the shop. His last words in an interview were: "I'll never touch another fucking instrument again, thanks Ibanez." The rest of the bandmates got a proper job. Johnny, the bassist, worked on a Acid-Hop album that became an underground hit, receiving a light 8 by a popular youtuber.

I'm so bored.

GAS THE SHELLIES

Nice hat, Mr. Squidward!

John Cage the Elephants
A silent cover band of Cage the Elephants

The Microagressions
Genre: Ambient powerviolence

Flamefuck Armageddon

Genre: War Metal/Deathgrind

Career: 2001-2008

Albums:

(2004) Singecunt Putrefaction [Demo]
(2005) Firecancer Infection [Demo]
(2006) Pussyslug Immolation [EP]
(2007) Coprophasia Cataclysm
(2008) Genocidal Necrophilia
(2010) Torchrape Assimilation [Demo Compilation]

Label: Edgy records

Corkscrew penises
EP: Shoving a coffe cup up my ass

M o n

Dranal

Augmented

Augmented is an American band originally from the Los Angeles, California neighborhood of Highland Park. Formed in 1992 by brothers Luca (Bass, Backing Vocals) and Aldo (Lead Vocals) Perata along with schoolmates Reynaldo Reyes (Lead Guitar), Gary "Pinche Guero" Burton (Drums) and Kyle Dominguez (Rhythm Guitar/ Melodica) Augmented was originally a hardcore punk band. Performing at the original Church on York until its closing in 1995. Original Guitarist Reynaldo was shot and put into a coma during the summer of 1995 after a Backyard show. The band relocated to Hermosa Beach, california after signing to SST records. They were later dropped in January of 1996 after several members of the band expressed interest in a reformation of the bands sound. Eventually Luca left the band and was replaced by Ygmir Oblermann from norwegian Black metal band Black Scumfucking Vikings. Ygmir was able to aquire his old label "Bloody Rectal Cavity Records" and signed augmented to it.
Augmented alienated a lot of its old audience when they decided to incorporate electronic elements to its sound. From 1998 to february of 2000 Augmented played a total of 6 shows. The band regained some popularity after opening up for Powerman 5000 for the japan and American legs of their 2001 tour.

Discography
Augmented Penises Ep (1992)
Calvacade of Crap (1992)
Tread Lightly (LP, 1994)
Woah! Electro Journey to the center of the mind (1998)
Fine Martian Robot Women attack (2003)
惡數個哦 (2006)
Titan transistors (2014)

The Society of Righteous and Harmonious Fists make song music

Slutty Dads

His Debut - 9/10
Follow ups - 7/10

One Size Fits All
Skate Punk

Bump
I'm writing a gigantic wall of text right now

"Bones" Harrison

Bones Harrison, born Thomas Harrison (Dallas, Texas, 1902).
Conceived outside of legal marriage and raised by Mariana Morton (a single mother), Harrion began playing the organ in public at local churces due to financtial reasons as early as 1913, at the age of 10 or 11, where locals nicknamed him "Bones" due to his severely underweight condition.
It is speculated based on Morton's correspondence that in 1918 Harrison's maternal grandfather passed away in World War I, leaving his grand piano to Harrison.
Harrison practiced his keyboard playing on his recently inherited piano attending to local Jazz clubs during the peak popularity of Dixieland, then practicing at home what he had heard.
By 1926 Harrison was a part of a Jazz trio named "Leonel & His Great Rhythm Babies" which he soon left after having attended one of Blind Lemon Jefferson's performances.
Fascinated by the Blues, in 1928 Harrison signed with Okeh records and relased a series of singles. Failing to attain commercial succes, Harrison could not continue his recording deal.
Little is known about Harrison until 1933, in which he signed with Victors Records. Unfortunately, Harrison only recorded four sides until his tragic death on a fire caused by Morton.
Discography:
Tiger Rag / I Still Think of You [With Leonel & His Great Rhythm Babies] (1927)
Leonel's Strut / (I Wish I Was) Dead and Gone[With Leonel & His Great Rhythm Babies] (1927)
No Place for Me Blues / Mama, You Don't Have to Cry (For Papa) (1929)
My Heart Aches for You Blues / Heart Ashes Blues (1929)
Mr. Harrison's Blue / Big Fat Mama Takes my Pay (1930)
The Blue Devil Blues / Deathbed Blues (1933)
Bedbug Keeps Bugging Me Blues / How Long - How Long (1934, Posthumous)

Misery tourbus

>Genre - Post grunge, punk, Ambient and noise

>Backstory
Misery tourbus was founded by Thrombone Ukelele, a holocaust survivor. He started the band when he was 60 and he mans the banjo. At the drums, they have Zachen Forest, the lead drummer (ex) of the band towering nigger birds. Has a really fucked up way of playing his drums (uses 3 sticks and one's inside his foreskin). The lead singer is Bjoyokerken Lmaone. Pretty retarded fucker. Likes to sing about pedophilia and not getting enough blowjobs.

>Albums
3 uptil now
Debut was "Suck me off little jew!"
2nd album was "My little penis goes HHAARRRRDDD"
3rd was "See you later/My dad's a closet"

Every single fucking EP is about getting fucked in the shower.

Holy fucken kek

Stasima

The Radioheads

Early 90s one-hit wonder.

Another bump for the same reason.

dick cheese erudite

Adolf Hipster and the Vinyl Solutions

Kurtz

Rawadoodoo's Doodoo Band

My Eternal Cuckage

Ultraviolet

(As english is not my main language, I'm sorry for every typo this post has)

Saddlebow

Andy Barnes* - Vocals and Guitar
Jefferson Keith** - Guitar
Bryce Acosta - Bass
Lukas Anthony - Drums

*Frontman, wrote the majority of the songs
**Also does the producing and adds the noise

Genre: No Wave (Temporary), Noise Rock

Late 70's - Early 90's

A british band formed in 1977, known for their noisy and fast sound, they traveled to NY and entered the No Wave movement, even getting an appearance in the No New York collection, they always were an underground hit but their only album that gained a little bit of popularity outside of the obscure was their penultimate work.

Albums
>>Saddlebow (also known as The Lamp Album by the fans) - 1977 (Recorded in the USA)
Their No Wave origin, extremely noisy songs, all of them in the speed to rival Grindcore tracks, having the huge quantity of 25 tracks in it but just being 40 minutes long.
Even if it's a self-titled album, it is known by the fans as The Lamp Album because the cover has no text in it, it only shows the image of a broken lamp.
The album sold bad and got low scores from the critics, the frontman of Saddlebow said the album was a mistake and should have never been released, as it was just a shadow of what was yet to come.
Some track names: Flasher Chandelure Skull, Lamp, Roman Nothing

1/?

ya wot mate?

>The band goes on a temporary hiatus due to the members doing solo projects with other famous No Wave artists at the time like Arto Lindsay and Lydia Lunch

>>Ancient Tongue and Paper Knife - 1981 (Recorded in Britain)
The band is no longer No Wave but you can see they didn't change their sound completely as they were still noisy and fast, but now, with longer songs, a smaller track-list and a more concrete / less sloppy sound, think of Atomizer-era Big Black or The Jesus Lizard.
It's cover is an iron statue resembling a man in the middle of a children's park.
Different from the self-titled, Ancient Toungue and Paper Knife got great scores from the critics, now being considered a classic and a step in the history of Noise Rock. However, they continued the tradition of being an underground band that sells badly.
It's also considered by many to be Cred Forumscore
Some track names: Ancient Toungue, Paper Knife, Or a Handgun, A Slow Ride Through the Great Fields of Steel (by far their longest song, a mostly instrumental 15 minute track located at the end of the album, considered by many to be their magnum opus)

>The band releases some Non-Album singles and finally decides to do something new

>>Stall - 1983 (Recorded in Britain)
The same type of music that appeared in the previous album, but now, it's slower and the average song size is 7 minutes long, it has the small quantity of 6 tracks.
This album was polarizing, some thought it was mediocre because the songs were way too long and dragged out, some thought they are better at doing longer songs than short ones and the album itself was pretty good.
The cover is exactly what the album's name is trying to say, a painting of a Stall in the middle of the desert.
Christgau shit-talked the album saying that "some parts of this album are so boring that you feel like in the middle of the desert in the cover.", giving it a C-.
The "it's sales are bad, but it is popular in the musical underground" wave continues.
Some track names: Pillar Territory, Sand Pact, Women of The Wind

3/?

I'm telling the story of a fake band I created because I'm bored.

the world is a DISGUSTING place and i am SUPER afraid to die

>Saddlebow releases more non-album singles
>does a lot of live shows
>they enter on another hiatus, this time, even longer
>while the hiatus happens, members of the band do appearances on other bands' albums, the frontman releases two solo EPs

>>Useless Hands - 1991 (Recorded in Britain)
After so much time in hiatus, they finally decides to do another album, different yet similiar to their past works, for the happiness of some, the short songs in fast speed are back, yet, as the producer was already tired, so the quantity of noise is way lower than their older albums.
The album received mediocre scores, all of the reviews said the same thing, "the production was bad and lazy compared to their other works".
The cover is simply a gigantic tree, "why would someone have these hands if they can't use them them to get to the tree's top?" was the message the cover was trying to pass, yes, we all know it's a terrible pun.
This album contains their only famous creation, who entered the Billboard's Top 10, "Forgotten Tree", a casual 2-minute long Rock song with almost no noise in it, very different from their average piece of music.
Some track names: Forgotten Tree, Babylon's Nose, Ancient Liquid Talking

4/?

It bet their twitter profile says #bluelivesmatter

The Denver Twins
Genre: Post-twee

>Saddlebow decides their creativity has ended and that finishing the band would be a great idea
>They decide that releasing a live album with recording of both old and modern songs as a way to say goodbye to their fans would also be a great idea
>They enter on tour and record various songs from it

5/?

The Globalists. a Neoliberal punk rock band, disbanded after releasing an album of beyonce covers

Gorillaz

>>Cleaning the Dust - 1992 (Side A-B: Recorded in Britain) (Side C-F: Recorded while they were on tour, not on a specific country )
This record is absolutely gigantic, more than two hours long, it can be described with only a single category as it includes studio and live recordings of stuff made from 1977 to 1991. The first disc (sides A and B) is a collection of every non-album single they have released. Sides C to F is made of live recordings of tracks they played while they were on tour.
The album received suprisingly great scores from the critics, some reviews said that, even if the album wasn't sad, a lot of people cried while listening to it as it was a form of saying farewell to their fans.
The cover is the pratically same photo, took in the same camera, that appears in Ancient Toungue and Paper Knife's cover, the main difference is that there is no statue in the park. The back cover is a broken lamp, a broken statue, a broken stall full of holes and a tree chunk separated from it's original tree, all of them in the middle of dumping ground.
All the live tracks from sides D-F are performed in chronological order, with the exception of Flasher Chandelure Skull (the first track they wrote, also the first song from their first album), which was the last track they performed on their last live show and is also the final song on this album.
Some track names (Sides A-B): Bloody-Red Suede Shoes, Eye Eater, Surrogate Gate
Some track names (Sides D-F): Live versions of every track mentioned in the "Some track names" category and a half-minute recording called "Cleaning the Dust" who isn't really a piece of music, just a record of the band members destroying their instruments in the stage after they finished performing Flasher Chandelure Skull.

6/6

this is my one man band
our latest album is called HARMFUL

The Christopher Poole's

The One-Eyed Owls: a death metal/Stephen Foster cover band out of Pittsburgh.

>make an autistic wall of text since I was bored
>no one rates

2/10

6/10
Could be a cool Comedy Metal band

8/10
Sounds Krautrock

6/10
Another shitty Grunge band

6/10

That already exists, it's called Anal Cunt

Edgy as fuck mate 8/10

The Pelhams

DJ Nikisei (1980 - 2014)

DJ Nikisei was a Greek-American producer and guitarist from Chicago, Illinois. Known for being a pioneer in the relatively recent genre of primitive footwork (a fusion genre of American primitivism and footwork), he has become a critical darling receiving praise from critics of both footwork and American primitivism all around the world. He released 8 albums, 2 EPs, 1 single and 2 live albums before his fatal vinyl collapse accident in 2014 which resulted in his young death at the age of 34.

Discography:

>Albums
Y'all Don't Know How I Feel (1997)
8 Days a Cheek (1999)
Broke (2000)
We Workin' on Our Feet, You Workin' on Minimum Wage Labor (2002)
Greek Blues + Beats (2005)
The Goldberg Variations Gone Primitive Footwork (2006)
As I Passed the Sun, I Cried Out in Fear Contemplating Whether I Wanted to Go Through With This Fatal Mission or Not (2009)
The 65 Hour Long Primitive Footwork Collection (2012)

>EPs
Aphrodite Footwork EP (1999)
Chris E. Pus Death by Laughter (2013)

>Single
Drop Yo Elbow on the Economy (1997)

>Live Albums
DJ Nikisei Plays Old American Folk Tunes With Leo Kottke (2005)
The St. Petersburg Concerts (2011)

Wew long text. Seems like a 6.5/10 band to me desu. I guess I'm just not too into noise rock anymore tho.
>post-twee
Not even a thing so 8/10.
Cult status/10
Meme/10.

4/10
5/10
6/10 if was anything other than a father john misty style sound
2/10
1/10
5/10
6/10
1/10
0/10
0/10
4/10
6/10
2/10
1/10
0/10
6/10
3/10
4/10
0/10
4/10
0/10
6/10 for the band name 2/10 for whatever the fuck you decided to write
2/10
6/10
7/10

The Lysdexics

10/10 would def. listen

This Was a Triumph

damn I realised I have no idea why that particular Spongebob pic is the pic used for all threads like this

does anyone know why that is

Scam Parrot-

A Chimp Rock band (low-fi shoegaze; think Swirlies) with deadpan vocals, guitar and drums only, and avant garde tendencies.

The first time I made a thread like this a picked a random pic from my folder, then someone else continued it after the old thread died and it just stuck.

Graf Orlock Deathsquad

French industrial black metal band that lifted riffs and vocal styles from early Peste Noire records but also included industrial percussions, voice filters and electronic noise elements. Illegally shot one music video in the sewers of Paris in 2003, released two demo tapes, one album (with cover artwork commissioned from John Blanche), and a split with Diapsiquir before disbanding in 2009.

2/10

Huh ok. I guess I shouldn't really have expected anything else.
6/10
6.5-7/10 maybe. Idk I think Peste Noir are just ok based on one release I've heard from them but the added effects here seem interesting.

which one did you listen to?

You damned hipsters need to bring back GOOD genres, like Chimp Rock.

9.6/10

La Sanie des siècles – Panégyrique de la dégénérescence

That's pretty much what I have in mind.
You gotta admit the vocals on it are gargoylish as fuck.

Yeah I guess. Idk the album just kinda struck me as a bit boring a lot of the time. Still an alright release.

WHY YOU NOT LIKE MY RECORD ?
IS PRACTICALLY PEARL JAM WITH BURZUM RIFF
YOU ARE VERY UNCORRECT IN THINKING I LISTEN TO NORWAY SHIT
ONLY FRANÇAIS MAKE TRUE BLACK METAL

Inverted Hearts

A pop-punk trio from the suburbs of Houston, Texas. Their debut album, The More He Glows, is set to release in early 2017.

vomitory

May 16 Proletarian Popular Music Group - garage psych/ proto-punk from Chongqing, China. Formed in 1968 at the height of Mao's Cultural Revolution by a group of fanatical teenage red guards . recorded a number of often crude but always energetic lo-fi singles expressing deep love and devotion towards Chairman Mao. By 1970, the band was broken up by political purges.

Crawling Terror

Old school death metal
Released two EPs and one album on small labels
Inspired by Dying Fetus, Morbid Angel, Vader and Debauchery
Entirely riff-focused
No techdeath wankery, not too many slams, no cavernous production, only ferocious headbang-friendly riffs

7/10 would pit against GrOb

the east coast rapper Lungg Dizeez

born and raised in Georgia, Lungg Dizeez never really made it very far, and was killed in prison following the release of his second LP.

What does pizza delivery spongebob listen to?

Mid-Afternoon Canadian Summers

they have a of monsters and men feel, but do it worse. They really only had that one good song.

Band name: GRELCH
1st album: GRELCH
2nd album: GRELCH II
3rd album: GRELCH?
genre: GRELCH
iconic song: "GRELCH II-8" (from GRELCH II)

Shuriken 8. a pop punk band formed in 2000 in the suburbs of Dallas, Texas. their first album earned comparisons to blink-182 and bowling for soup, while their third album 'Red White Blue' was much in the vein of Green Day's American Idiot, but unlike Green Day, Shuriken 8 were strongly supportive of the Bush administration and the War in Iraq. frontman Liam Roche recently participated on American Rehab, a reality tv show that follows washed up z-list celebrities ad they go through rehab

something vaguely Krautrock-y 6/10

>The Titanics
>60s rock / 50s Jazz inspired group
>electric lead, acoustic rhythm
>lots of harmonic vocals

Hey user, do you have recs of chimp rock/swirlies-like bands ?

Train to Nowhere

Avant Garde Pop
Chamber pop
Folk Rock

1989: Self Titled
1991: Mr. Danielson
1994: Mary And The Flowershop
1996: At the End
1999: As My Illness Progresses
2008: Lapland