Can we have a mischief thread?

This

>no option for neither
kys

It's okay Eggman

>/r9k/'s how to be a nigger thread
Fucking kill yourself OP

Jared?

>be me
>freshman year
>go to jesus school, super rulsey
>school has vending machines
>be 6/3 150 lbs, thin wrists huge hands
>using brute strength, thiness and long hands I can put my arm up the vending machine
>steal the whole bottom 2 rows of food
>end up with around 40 bags of food like nutter butters, oreos, pringles etc in one day
>do this for a week every day, school gets annoyed, puts in cameras
>nobody knows its me, i am ready to further my plan
>go into school 11pm, smash camera from spot where cant be seen
>steal every last bag in the vending machine
>leave a note
>''catch me if you can, niggers''
>i am getting excited, none of my friends know about my double life
>school starts making announcements, offering ''rewards'' on any knowledge of the situation
>after a week of raiding the machine, i show up and see some custodian guy standing there
>new guard, fuck me
>itsgettingreal.jpg
>make up some bullshit, buy a drink, leave
>nobody suspects the tall thin kid
>3 months of stealing from vending machine, dont know what to do with guard
>idea.mp3
>get friend to distract guard
>shes a solid 9/10, flirts with him, probably in his mid 40s
>he is enamored, and all attention is on her
>i sneak the fuck in through side entrance, locked
>check windows, unlocked
>nice
>go and notice they put reinforcments in vending machine, now i cant fit my whole arm through
>i try going from behind, custodian walks in
>fuckfuckfuckfuck
>topple half a ton of glass and metal over
>fucking dip out of there
>left a note: god isn't real
>mfw i haven't gotten caught

>be me
>live in a pretty building
>not too old, but it has it's years
>basement is where each appartment's storages are
>it's a dark floor with lots of dark hallways and sharp corners
>there are 2 shopping carts that belong to the building to help carrying groceries
>I always grab them and put them backwards at the end of the basement's hallways
>whenever I go back down to check, they're back to their original position
>tfw I know one of the janitors has to put them back
>every. single. time.

now I'm just waiting till they get tired to see what they do about it

>Mummy says go to bed at 9
>I go to bed at 9:30
Dumb bitch didn't even know

haha sounds like the shit i used to do at school

yeah I've done some stuff

>jumped on the back of a garbage truck before it began to move, went on it like 5 blocks then I jumped off

>pushed one of those big trash containers into the street, blocked the whole thing

>constantly get free McDonalds burgers using used tickets

>broke a few windows while walking down the street drunk with some friends

>jokingly tried to open a car, turned out it didn't have the lock on, opened the door, freaked out and just threw in a bottle of soda

yeah, I'm such a badass

I have one word

NIGGERFAGS

>8th grade, 14 years old
>school uses wedges to prop open doors
>I take a wedge and put it in the outside of a closed door while a class is in session
>the entire class gets stuck in the room for 20 minutes while they have to find a way to call the janitor and open the door

kek

>13ish
>love lighting dry leaves and shit on fire with magnifying glasses
>fooling around with neighbors burning leaves in our cul de sac
>light a small one, leave it to smolder
>come out later, my bro and neighbor are still at it
>one small leaf is burning a bit
>neighbor says "I'll take care of this!" and throws a huge pile of dry leaves onto the one leaf
>expect nothing
>a minute later the inside of the pile is on fire and is billowing huge plumes of smoke
>smoke blows into other neighbor's open window and sets off all of their smoke detectors
>old Russian neighbor runs out yelling "VAHT DO YOU TINK YOU ARR DOOING!!?!?!!"
>get yelled at for 10 minutes about fire safety
>still light leaves on fire but do it discreetly
I was a pyromaniacal kid.

I'm loitering outside a circle k until 6:30 am when buses start running
>Mfw
>Gotta catch a greyhound Sunday night
>Make it to bus stop 2 hours in advance
>Check and confirm bus will be there within hour
>2 hours go by
No bus
Fuck me
On Sunday the bus routes aren't as big and the nearest one is 7.5 miles away
........
Fuck me
>Just pushed a 40 pound duffel bag and my 20 pound backpack 7.5 miles two cities over
Fuck Pheonix bus system
Glad I'm leaving this shithole state
So yea I'm fucking loitering

Wut?

Correction carried my shit about a mile then said fuck this and took some bums grocery cart bexause fuck that shit
>Mfw
>I'm white so every cop just drove by and didn't blink an eye

And to correct I was waiting for city bus to get to the greyhound and it never showed up not to be confused with greyhound stop

>Be 15
>Drunk on vodka with best friend.
>Grab pellet gun, vodka and ammo.
>Sneak out of house at 2AM
>Walk around neighborhood shooting at cars valued over $50K
>Take golf course to clubhouse.
>Holyshit.jpg
>Lights everywhere.
>Hide in bushes and take turns shooting at lights.
>See headlights
>Oshit.bmp
>Be local sheriffs.
>Frozen in fear for what seemed like eternity
>Best friend gets great idea.
>herewegoagain.txt
>Best friend loads pellet rifle and aims at sheriff.
>He fires the shot and it hits his ass
>runforyourlives.rtf
>We split up and try to rendezvous at his house.
>Finally made it to his house.
>He has fire and another bottle of vodka ready.
>teenagealcoholics.webm

Sounds like a fun night user
Don't get robbed by Mexicans
I heard they're made in Arizona

As a poor niggerfagget working at MickeyD's I'll tell you that nobody that works in the store touches that money. Every month or so someone from the charity comes and empties the metal box into a big plastic bag. He never touches it, but the poor fuck who has to count that money probably does.

You motherfucker. I just closed my store and people like you are still up there fucking about. Why do people feel the need to congregate at gas stations?

its okay eggman.

bleach isn't a bad thing to drink.

>Mfw
I used to work at 7/11 faggot im not homeless just have a shitty city bus system
I went in and bought a bunch of shit and smokes and have been chilling with the night shift guy for a bit now it's 24 hour store

Trust me I don't want to fucking be here
Bus stop is right across the street though and I have too much shit to wonder about

So fuck off

Because where else do you find crack dealers ?

You're a faggot autist

Its ok Eggman.

Yeah, ive done stupid shit too

>be me with me best m8 at his flat
>drinking a case of beer and some vodka with redbull i think
>get drunk
>have to pee and his flats bathroom is out of service
>pee in empty case of beer
>filled 3 bottles
>me m8 says "hey bro, wanna go to the best tacos from this side of town?"
>fuckyeah.avi
>"sure, just bring the case so we can "dispose" of it"
>kek
>carry case of beer with pee and take the metrobus
>its 8:00pm so everyone is going home from work
>the metrobus is full and the beer case probably reeks of pee because everyone is glancing at us
>two stations later two cops board the metrobus
>ohshieetnigguh.exe
>me and me m8 start to freak out (its illegal to be inhebriated in the street and even more if youre carrying alcohol or doing stupid shit while drunk)
>get out of the metrobus, almost leaving the case
>no one seems to give a fuck
>get out of the station and leave the case of beer in the mere exit, visible for the entrance guard
>me m8 says "RUN!"
>start running and laughing like a retard and not looking back
>people look at us like if we've done something
>Get to the taco place
>its closed
>mfw i realize what just happened

Kek, it was fun tho, have more stories if you want

Forgot pic

Bump for intrest

Michael?

Thomas?

>be security guard
>work in a factory with beaners, niggers and white trash
>bored, go to use bathroom
>draw a huge veiny penis on the wall
>write "Whitey's wish they had a dong this big" next to it.
>3 hours later
>hear boss yelling at some nigger about it and that he's being fired
>see beaner janitor clean it up

Its ok Eggman

ITT: fags who love their mothers

>starts a ylyl thread
>post bananas

Well, I did three tours in Iraq and 26 months as a contractor in Afghanistan. Sooo, here we go. One time I was drunk as fuck off home made hooch and got a call to respond (was on QRF). By the time we got there it was all over and ended up on clean up. I was the TC so I stayed with the NCOIC and sent my gunner and driver to take the body back, the injured asshole to the cas evac and grab some chow with rip its. The redneck bastards didn't want the dead guy in the vic with them so they tied him to the push bumper like a deer, dropped the injured guy off at the med station then went and got chow. All the while with a dead hadji strapped to my bumper. Not sure at what point the two geniuses decided to drop the dead guy off at the TOC. So about a week later I get called into the CO's office. He asks me why there are POUG fags asking for PTSD counseling for seeing a dead body strapped to the front of my vehicle.

...

fak the military loves acronyms

Can somebody translate into civilian

Sounds like NG. Unpro as hell. Marines or SEALS would at least hide that mess.

Dead sand nigger. Lunch time. Can't be fucked to dispose properly.

QRF= Quick Response Force
TC = Truck Commander
NCOIC= non commissioned officer in charge
TOC = Fuck if I know. Tactical observation center maybe?
CO = Commanding officer
POG/POUG = Personnel other than grunts. basically every other fag besides infantry
PTSD = Jesus, with all the fags claiming this everyone should know this one

Ty

>muh warfare terminology
Come on faggot, no one knows nor cares about your ASPER GERS

Selena Gomez for tha win

Why tho? Not everyone is cannon meat, you know, some of us have jobs and dreams

Pretty much exactly what happened.

...

>be 17
>drinking whisky with mate
>decide to go fuck with people
>bush on the side of street that allows us to see cars before being seen
>bring pellet gun and joints
>shoot out people's rear lights and rear view mirrors
>do it to a cop
>friend freaks the fuck out and eats my joint
>shoot him in the dick with pellet gun
>manage to get home and smoke more
good fun, if I shot your window out, I don't give a fuck and I hope I fucked your insurance

Dude, i have been doing this shit for 16+ years. After a while it gets in your blood. I forget sometimes that there is life outside warfighter bullshit.

>rip its
I didn't know they still had that shit. We've got monster on my boat.

>be me
>copy the same picture of Kevin Spacey 10,000 times
>post to Cred Forums
>mega.nz/#!GwBHBaTA

whoops wrong one
>mega.nz/#!GwBHBaTA!y1BDqD0y2r4qvPqnre-ovVSYhL_ZYYsAGrMArd9Vous

it's ok eggman

>this fucking guy
Oh boy, murrsharts sure are funny retards