Ive never had a real job. Im terrified of the idea. Im afraid of my own incompetence...

Ive never had a real job. Im terrified of the idea. Im afraid of my own incompetence. I feel Im not good at anything and Ill screw up if Im ever given responsibility. I feel like I dont get things the way other people do. Ive worked a few very brief temp jobs and always dropped them early because the training intimidated me too much. As soon as there was something I didnt understand Id hesitate to ask for help and when I finally did I didnt understand the explanation. I dont know how to get over this and its actually made me kind of hate myself. Its not laziness why I havent had a job Im not against doing work and working hard. Im just terrified of being given any kind of position where anybody has even the slightest expectations of me. Im aware this is pathetic.

Go to a psychiatrist and tell them you've got social anxiety disorder and get on some medication.

I cant afford a psychiatrist.

this

Fuck off. If I socialize more I will get over it. I'm not going to a shrink and I'm not getting doped up.

Eh, I know alot of folks like you. What do you like to do?

I also dont like the idea of being on medication. Ive known too many people on various meds for anxiety/depression/etc. It changes too much about you.

They have you trained for at least 72 hours before throwing you out by yourself. If very easy to pick up on a job. Not everyone who's worked a week is a bad ass worker. It takes time.

First job I ever tried to work expected me to know every station and exactly where I was suppose to be and nobody ever told me how to figure any of that out. I had to ask like six people before anyone could tell me where I was meant to be and they acted annoyed that they had to help. I only worked there that day and left because I was terrified to go back since the next day theyd know I wasnt a "first day" and would expect me to already know some stuff.

You need a change.

I had pretty bad social/general anxiety for as long as I could remember. Started meds 2 weeks ago, I can't fathom how I managed without them.

Adderall has made my job performance a lot better. Have gone to work sober or a bit hungover at work. But adderall really helps me focus on what I have to do and helps me organize my thoughts better before I speak so I am more effective. Sucks I got it from a dealer and not a therapist. No continuing supply once it runs out.

What im trying to say is not all meds are downright bad.

I dont know.

Like, you like cooking or being out doors or something? Ever get excited or enthralled with a project?

Not particularly. I dont really have an aversion to any of that, but I cant say Ive ever liked it either. I like the idea of cooking to an extent but Im not good at it and hate the idea of handling another persons food in case I screw up and make them sick or something.

If you don't know what you like, I suggest some hard labor, like a mover, stocker, landscape. until you get ideas on what you like, you wont need much thinking in these jobs.
Well you need practice first obviously. Screwing up is bound to happen, but it will be less each time until its not even a problem.. Just gotta focus

Why do I feel like I wrote this. This is exactly me

But what if I fuck up and get fired from my first real job because of it? It looks bad that Ive never had a real job and dont have any real references. Having been fired from the only one I ever had would be so much worse and make it impossible to land another job.

In germany we have a saying: "Versagen ist menschlich"
can be roughly translated into "Failure is normal"

No one is going to rip your head off if you make a mistake, and you will make mistakes. lots of them. It's simply part of the human learning process.
Also, when it comes to food, you can't make someone sick with cooking, unless your ingredients are moldy. As long as you cook with fresh ingredients, the worst that can happen in a screw-up is that it tastes awful. And in that case, you try again.
(inb4 tetrodotoxin: easy there m8, you almost released your autism)

just don't mention in on your CV, if it happened so fast. You'd be surprised about how many forge their CV to look better.

What about undercooking meat?

Don't worry about being fired. If you get fired, that just means you gotta try again. Working doesn't care about how you feel, you just have to do the job. You have to figure out how to dedicate yourself to your job. Messing up happens to everyone. Ive messed up at a job before AND ive gotten fired.I was pretty devastated for a while, but eventually I got a better job now and can use some of the skills i picked up from my last job.

Landscaping might be good for you. Maybe try for your local parks dept. You can go on daily walkabouts to try to find your passion.

I eat raw meat all the time.
Nothing happens unless you let it lie around too long. So again, if your ingredients are fresh: nothing happens.

I dont even know what a local parks department is. The fear in my incompetence isnt unfounded, I really dont get hardly anything about how jobs and society even work.

OP, get menial jobs that put you in limited responsibility. I become anxious and fuck up when under pressure from office jobs, when facing deadlines or having to manage stuff via phone. A "labor" job has none of that. Get a job stacking crates and try to work up from there. Manual labor/exercise helps with depression as well

really isn't hard. youre thinking too much. Just gotta go to places and drop a CV or if you dont have one, ask for some some applications. If all else fails, just ask if they are hiring or need an extra hand. Really simple stuff.

You shouldn't let that stop you. You'll try and fail, and then you'll learn from your failure and try again with better results. The thing about shit like this is the longer you wait to put yourself out there or give an effort the deeper the waters get.

My concern is that the waters already too deep. It sounds so simple and then when I get close to trying my mind starts fucking with me and it feels suffocating. That "everybody can do this, its simple and easy" mentality just drowns out and I get confused and intimidated.

Has anyone here had similar problems to me and overcome them without any kind of professional or medicinal help?

Don't know how to over come that. I only got my first job cause I got pissed at some chick whom was a waste of time, so I decided to put my time to use instead. Then just all my friends "hey, get me a job" until someone actually got me a job.

But yeah, until you actually NEED the money to live, that feeling might stay there. Make that feeling your bitch.

>Im afraid of my own incompetence. I feel Im not good at anything and Ill screw up if Im ever given responsibility

Ever considered politics?

Oh, yeah, anxiety is a motherfucker. It fucks me up days, sometimes weeks before I have an event. Puking helps. Dissociation helps. Deep breathing helps. Anything to escape the bullshit in your head. You just have to commit to doing it. Put in aps and resumes, go on as many interviews as you can, you'll get used to that process. Once you start a job you'll struggle, but places give you 90 days generally. And every business knows that sometimes it takes folks a little longer to catch on. They'll understand, just be upfront.
Also, I'd say stay away from food service, it might be too stressful for you.