Stupidest shit youve done while horny

Stupidest shit youve done while horny

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Borrowed my mums dildo. Orgasmed, left it on my bed and forgot about it then went about my day. Dinner was weird that night.

Came on a lollipop, put the wrapper on, and gave it to my friends mom. She loves cherry :P

God tier idea

Stuck it in a shop vac

Stuck my dick in a milk jug. It hurt.

Responded to Craigslist ads for threesomes

Texted my exes lol

Somehow gave myself a UTI by doing butt stuff. That was last night.

I keep asking my best friend for nudes. Or rather panty shots.

Masturbated for people online and I didn't even get paid for it.

Hey bby, wanna show that cunt ;)

bought credits on livejasmin

i was drunk as well so please forgive me

Started to jerk off through my pocket in class.

I was in the back, and could see anyone who could see me. I didn't finish, because I knew they'd smell it.

Cuck

Let some fag suck my dick.

They smelt the precum and knew, everyone knows you as the weird kid that jacks off in the back of the class.

Walked out into the middle of the woods with wet wipes after taking a big poop and fingered my ass with them to stimulate my ass muscles and make it feel like I was still continuously shitting. Then when I was exhausted I jerked off to porn on my phone and came. Then walked back home.

Was stupid drunk and was fooling around with a friend that was a lesbian while at a different friend's apartment. We had a little sexual tension for a few years so we dealt with it. Wasn't working out because whiskey dick and she was insanely tight and I was probably too drunk to figure it out. She gets dressed and I step outside to get some air. I start watching porn on my phone and start beating off. Never occurred to me that it might be a bad idea to masturbate on the balcony of a second story apartment building. For context, the balcony was a shared one for each apartment on the second floor and the front doors of all apartment units were on this balcony. It's a miracle that I'm not on the sex offender list.

met up with a CD on cragislist and sucked a dick for the first time. his/her dick was so fucking weird and bent that i had a pretty unpleasant time. 3/10 would not do again unless i was very horny again

what's wrong with you?

I use to get them from her =/

Let's see..

Put a bat up my ass

also this
this
and the first part of this

Consume many psychoactives that are near me after cumming. I simply can't stop, it's like I loose control temporarily.

Zach is that you? Maya said you tried some gay shit and didnt like it

4 Words: Put Dick In Crazy

preach

>wore my vibrating butt plug in and went to the grocery store
>it fell out in the parking lot
>i just turned around and drove home
>butt plug just on the ground in the parking lot

nah lmao not zach. i also would never tell anyone about that shit

I wasn't even drunk. Same outcome.

Pic related

what's wrong with you?

Fist in ass.

I had heterosexual sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation.

Sigh, I wouldn't know where to start...

very original, user, I congratulate you

Cum doesn't have a smell , faggot. You must be pretty fucking disgusting if your cum smells

I'm a closet sissy. Got horny enough to post a craigslist ad and followed through on it. Drove to a guy's house, i got dressed up, we kissed, he felt me up, i sucked his dick for a little, he licked and fingered my ass, sucked my dick a little, fucked me pretty hard. Didn't realize til after I got home that my ass bled. Didn't make him wear a condom even though I planned to 'cause I got caught up in the moment. Ask me anything about it if you're as bored as I am.

inb4 greentext it, too much work
inb4 can't inb4

Had sex with a chair and came all over the underside of it, frame had metal rings that my dick just fit into.

Could be female.

shared picture from my gf on shouldn share thread , god idea... but my laptop was still running on the thread, she took it to see what Bank for, bad idea,,, sorry for bad english german-user here

cum does smell

Depend on how bad you eat, it can smell really pungnant. Not same user

You get tested for the high five after?

Masturbated with shit, not as fun as it seemed in my head

...

if it was a girl, the smell would be x10 stronger

Had sexual relations with a female.

He said he jerked. Females don't jerk themselves m8

>fell out
How loose is your asshole?

I was hard up. Hadn't had any in a while and my hand was getting boring.

>text my ex Christina
>Her name in my phone is "Chrissy"
>"God im horny as fuck. get over here now"
>reply back "Are you serious?"
>"Fuck yes. get over here"
>"ok."
>waiting around
>knock at door
>go get door
>My friend Chris is standing there
>"Huh?"
>"Oh god. You're drunk. I'm so sorry"
>look at my phone
>I'd texted my gay friend Chris
>"Oh shit man, I meant to text Christina."
>"haha... I thought it was too good to be true."
>awkward fucking silence
>the silence was painful almost
>almost as painful as my blue balls
>"Fuck it. you still game?"
>shoves me back through the door and shutting it as he follows me in
>proceed to get the best head I've ever gotten

Is this thread just all kinky femanons or what?

Yeah if you're a fucking repugnant fatty that eats like a slob 24/7

Masturbated in a public library as a mormon missionary. Pretty obviously, no one said anything. Then personally baptized a convert, went back after the mission time, and fucked her in a hotel. She cried with guilt, I went back home.

they jerk their clit

and many women use the expression

Stuck my dick in apple sauce, felt cool but ended up wasting a good apple sauce.

You wish, user. I bet every male you meet throughout your entire life will have had one "fuck why did i do that" while they were horny moment

Okay b8

Back in highschool some fine honeys were flirting with me in class so i 'went to the toilet' and beat my meat and came back. Unfortunately i think this is actually more of a regular thing for some people...

it was a "my first butt plug"

basically it was really narrow and i lubed up good

yep

this thread shows how many homos and femmes there actually are here.

Hey i need someone to help me with a medical question on this thread. I shot my friend point blank in the face with a pellet gun. →

Made my gf in that time suck my dick and swallow my cum. Her stepdad was in te other room really close. He was 16 I was 21, If he would caught us I would be dead lol.

Raped a drunk girl

This and try to get girls off omegle. Very regrettable honestly

Closet sissy from here.

my first experimentation with anal play was this miniature bat that sat in the hands of a small baseball player statue. i'm talking this thing was smaller in diameter than a pencil, and maybe 4" long, tops. Little did I know where it would take me.

you fucking monster

nope, haven't been tested. probably should at some point. he said he was clean, was a perfect gentleman, and seemed super honest. Also has a wife. I don't think the risk was very high.

Bro job.... nice

it's really common for a buttplug to work it's way out while you walk, unless it's a huge freaking monster!

I would've eaten it

>fell out
>turned 360 degrees and drove home

Post em, user!

Fucked a girl i didn't find attractive just because i really wanted sex and she had a pussy

holy quads. also, that's why i always wear tight panties when i plug. keeps everything in

Tried to get away with masturbating on the bus. Was caught. Shame.

Kinda dumb leaving a twenty-one year old with his daughter in her bedroom

Never. I won't break her trust.

inb4 white knight. you don't have to sound like such a fag about it, but i get you, user

E-mailed a dick zucker on Craigslist.

Recently I shoved a tongue brush up my ass while fapping. It wasn't doing enough for me, so I took it out and shoved a screwdriver up my ass. Then it started to hurt so I took it out and finished fapping. I regretted it the next day.

Also, Iv been sick for the past week, so Iv had nothing to do but fap and my dick is raw. I have to put neosporin on it every time I start up to numb it a little...

Sammme. It was kind of nice but never again

Did that for a year. Sex was amazing though....

She's married now

Several years ago my phone broke so i used my moms laptop to watch porn. Super horny so i didn't catch it when i blew. There was cum all over the keyboard and several of the keys stopped working. I was home alone and heard my mom pull in the driveway like two minutes later while I was feverishly cleaning the keys. I dont think she ever smelled it. Yes, my cum smells.

...

Same.
Got a vid if you guys want it.

That's not my paintbrush and this is NOT the Sistine Chapel....

even with tight panties mine wiggles out, but it's only 3 inches. I need to size up

Stayed out til 9am on a New Year's Eve doing coke whilst drunk as fuck round someone's house I didn't know. With my GF of the time's brother.
GF calls me at 9am as she was getting up for work. Tell her I'm with her bro, she says as I'm nearer their house I cna just go sleep in bed and she'll wake me when she gets home later at 5pm if I'm still awake, with a BJ. Score.

Fast forward to 5pm and my GF comes home expecting her nice snuggly BF to be in bed all ready for action.
She instead finds me spawled out naked, her dildoes all over the bed and one still jammed in my ass where I'd decided apparently that I was into butt stuff now and had run the batteries down.
Asshole hurt for a week. GF didn't seem to mind expect for the batteries and even tried using one on me later on.

ok here goes

>wife an i have great and varied sex life
>i enjoy watching her play with vibes and dildos
>also enjoy using said toys on her

but

>been together nearly 20 years
>shit getting stale
>decide to buy her fucking machine
>Ultimate Dildo Thrusting Machine
>does exactly as it says on box
>has remote controlled variable speed
>8 settings
>from 1 thrust per second up to 8 per second (480 per minute)
>wife is happy
>i'm happy

>one day wife goes out with kids and dogs
>homealone.jpg
>decide to try adding anal probe to UDTM
>i position the machine between to low stools
>sit with one ass cheek per stool
>slide probe up asshole
>turn machine on
>speed on feels great
>try speed 2
>feels much better
>try speed 3 then 4
>holy shit no wonder she loves this toy
>body starts to shudder
>this is fuckin intense
>speed 5
> HOOOOOLLLLLYYYYYYY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
>i have never felt anything like this in my entire life
>speed 6
>i lose complete control
>UDTM is in and out of my spasming anus at 360RPM

cont

Tried using shaving cream as lube

I've never used one so I wouldn't know.

Bud, cum has a distinct chlorine-esque smell. Nothing to do with hygiene. Take a whiff next time you wank.

cont

>feel humungous orgasm coming
>relax to enjoy the full sensation
>AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH
>sphincter relaxes
>colon empties itself
>i try to stand up
>my legs are like jelly
>shit is spurting out of my asshole
>the smell is horrific
>like something crawled up my ass and died
>machine is still whapping away at 360RPM
>shit storm all over the fuckin bedroom
>can't find the fuckin remote
>grab the power lead and pull till it unplugs
>standing alone in bedroom
>UDTM has semi fluid shit all over and running down it
>i'm covered in shit from the knees down
>shit on walls, on bed, on carpet and even on ceiling

>spend the next 4 hours cleaning EVERYFUCKING inch of bedroom, shampooing carper, repainting walls and touching up the shit stained paint on the ceiling

>even did a bolt by bolt strip down,clean and rebuild of UTDM
NEVER AGAIN

Mormons always appear >8/10s in my experience. How do you guys stave off the deformities from incest

lmfao 10/10 would read again

GF and I were at a party, we were left alone in a room in the house. I made her blow me, but instead of having her swallow, I gave her a facial.
There was no bathroom in that room. And there were little kids at the party

mine's a standard 4-incher (or whatever "medium" usually is), and it stays in pretty well. I need to size up, too, though. Thinking about getting a metal one. I need something that i can really feel the presence of

what are plugs actually for? what sensation does it give?

...

>Be me
>Be 12
>First time masturbating
>Get idea for boner
>use hand soap
>Feeling sudden burning pain
>OHSHIT.jpeg
>panic and look for solution
>find ice and heat muscle cream
>apply cream on dicl
>Sudden cold penis
>new idea
>Wash dick with water
>Feel numb
>Go to bed disappointed
Don't use soap on penises

you know that feeling right before you are about to cum? that "building up" feeling? a vibrating plug makes it feel like that in your asshole constanty

Let my dog lick my pussy when I was like 13

One time I stuck my dick in a live chicken and then cut its head off just to get off.

pic related, the UDTM

...

>be me
>gotta take a shower
>planning giving meself a nice facial afterwards when I go to bed
>dog sitting there
>what you doing looking at me like that you horny bastard
>fuck fine come're you dirty slut
>a few licks and he's not interested
>oh that's it? fine
>i feel like shit for letting dog lick me

does it work for guys?

I use mine as foreplay/stretching for bigger toys. If they're the right shape and size, they can stimulate prostate, but mostly it's just the sensation of having a thing in your ass lol. I also like going out in public, the feeling of knowing i'm doing something naughty, the feeling of knowing that someone might catch on (even though that's extremely unlikely in reality)

Biggest fear if I ever dabbled in pegging. I just stick to butt plugs

One evening when it was really late I was walking around in the near by park. Barely anyone came to this park even during the day.

I saw this swan sleeping on the grassy area, no where near the lake. If you have ever seen a swan or a goose their bodies are very attractive (but swans faces are kind of ugly). I was looking at it's neck and wondering about the swans esophagus.

To make a long story short, I cut it's neck, almost cut it's head completely off but not quite. It died as I fucked it's esophagus. It's wings were flapping a lot which really turned me on because a swan has beautiful wings. I would squeeze on it's wings as they flapped, those wings were truly the best part. As it tried to breath the esophagus would tighten against my dick all while the blood was pumping out all over my dick and balls. The red blood was so good looking against the white feathers so I'm glad I decided to do it with a swan and not a goose (even though geese are more attractive in the face). I was completely naked for this and afterwards I washed off in the lake.

It's pretty much the most violently sexual thing I've ever done. I've NEVER been attracted to any other animal besides birds and that's only because of the shape of their wings. I find wings to be irresistibly arousing. It was so violent and exciting. Afterwards I felt so relived, like I had spent the day at a spa. All my muscles were relaxed and I was very chill.

ya, thats where the male g-spot is for it feels a lot better than when girls do it

Underage b8 detected

that means she was into you but you were too much of a pussy to do anything about it and now she realizes youre a beta male

she probably laughs about how pathetic you are to whichever guy shes fucking at the time

Girls do not really feel much from anal which is why none of them like it much. They basically just feel like constant reverse pooping.

I have it my head to get a glass one. It'd be heavy, but I sooooo smooth.

It gives me a satisfying filled up feeling. I love to squeeze my muscles and feel it in there. It's a bit of a turn on too, but mostly it's the filled up feeling for me.

>Used shit as lube.
>Licked toilet bowl.
>Drank toilet water.
I don't know why the bathroom is such a kinky place for me.

just clean out your insides before doing it. At least take a healthy shit and then eat light beforehand. Myself, I won't even consider anal unless the water i clean myself out with is practically clear coming out.

glass would be a good idea, too.

...

Not hit enough as a child

literally satan

nice trips swan fucker

checked and kek'd

But it was such a beautiful creature...

Fitting post for satanic trips

Mormons have lots of kids. We kill the physically deformed ones and no one is the wiser

Yup. Made that mistake myself

Jacked off into soup when i hosted a dinner party with friends. Watched them all eat my cum with a bright smile, my girlfriend at the time's best friend asked for seconds, i couldn't help but smile

gg

Your post number is literarily 666

When I first started fapping I thought slamming my dick into the shower wall would feel good. It bent my dick and hurt very badly

What happened

In my case I love it for the filled up feeling. It's so yummyyy

I've jerked off to a 15 year old girl on omegle. Instant regret

zapped myself with a 9 volt right when i was cummin but my orgasm wasnt better...

I kind of have the same thing for birds but it's more about how they lay eggs and are small/soft

>be 14
>1999
>masturbators not redily available
>try and spice shit up for my 6th jerk of the day.
>go into bathroom and look through medicine cabinet.
>decide on using Aim brand toothpaste gel
> get hard and squeeze a generous amount in my hand
>hmm well that's a bit minty. neat
>ohgodno.jpg
>the light tingle becomes a burn.
>my dick is covered in a sticky substance that burns it
>turn on shower
>jump in and try and wash it off.
>only make it worse.
>take dry washcloth and rough scrape it all off my dick
>dad starts yelling for me to get out of the bathroom
>unlock door and hop in shower
>wtf are you doing in here user and why the fuck does it smell like toothpaste?

wat

You disgust me.

I stuck my soft dick through a toilet paper roll and got hard. Big mistake, couldn't get it out. Hurt like hell. Had to carefully cut away the roll. Didn't jerk it for 2 whole days after.

Cred Forums

Neat!

>many women
I don't believe you've ever even brushed up against an actual woman

Lel there was a kid in my 9th grade latin class that would rub himself through his shorts during class. He would make these weird grunts and shit. Odd kid but we were pretty good friends

I know your feel. This is a mistake you only make once.

Same except I was like 9

femanon?

It smells exactly like warm brie cheese

Fucking Bill Clinton.

>even though geese are more attractive in the face. Mfw

...

no way is that true. a swan would break your arm if you tried that stuff

Yes

how many times did you let your dick lick your pussy?
and how old are u now?

>Be me
>have fleshlight
>spin fleshlight around on dick
>feelsgoodman
>want to spin it faster
>get blender
>take out blades
>glue fleshlight to rotor
>put dick inside
>disgonnabegood
>start blender
>dick gets tied in a know
>hurts like fuck
>post pictures of blended dick on Cred Forums
>"we're going to have to amputate"
>get prosthetic penis
>get giant prosthetic dick
>post on Cred Forums in trap threads occasionally

As opposed to male cunts?

uh huh
u fucked a swan that was freaking out like a chix with its head cut off
pics or it didn'thappen

Go home kid and put the parents liquor bottles back

>regret
lol

youtube.com/watch?v=6UFzde_Y_t0

It was great while I was doing it but felt like a pedo afterwards

Met up with a CD at my place. Got really high and fucked for hours. Came in his ass 3 times. Was terrified of an std for months but everything worked out fine.

Jesus Christ m8...

Show dick...for science?

Like 10 times total. I got better at using my hands a couple years later so that wasn't a long term thing. I'm not into dog stuff as an adult. I'm 29 now.

nice

...

kek

cis scum detected

who cares?

check dem trips

the party van

Thank you

Masterbated by jacking off my dick. While on the clock at work.

that's no reason to feel guilty. paranoid, maybe, not guilty.

>Masterbated by jacking off my dick

>Be alone for a week
>Do nothing but jacking off and procrastinating in my sweat pants
>Suddenly have the bright idea to shove something up my ass
>The only thing that resembles a dildo in my home was a iron bar for my wights
>Eh, what the hell.
>Put off all the weights on one side and put some on the other so to make it stand
>Put a rubber glove over the screw and rub some Vaseline on it
>Surround my metal shaft with towels for what might come
>Start to jack off
>As i do i slowly sit on the screw bar
>It hurts like hell but i guess this is how it's done
>Continue lowering myself on the bar
>Jacking get's harder as my cock deflates under the pain
>Say enough is enough and pull the metal bar out of my ass
>literally have to screw it out my ass in order to get the thing out
>Expect blood as the bar painfully pops out
>The rod falls out and the glove is only partially covered in shit
>Take a long shower followed by a hot bath

I cleaned up after myself and after that i cleaned up the entire apartment.
I tried it again a month after but it was just as painful, and i had to poop out the glove.

...

it's like a woman pretending to be a guy

this is moderately acceptable.

quads of queers, checked

Rounded edges m8. Toilet brush or something...

>thinks females are here
fuck dude

Got head from my gf at the time on her parents couch while they were outside drinking with their friends.

>her dad walked in halfway through
>I had a blanket over her
>her dad hugged me and said "thanks for treating my daughter so well."

Went to store naked assed. No underware, panties, pants etc. Eeeyyyaaahhhj sure thing there buddy.

young minds aren't the most reasonable user

I fapped (slang for masturbate)

i think it's bs too user, but they could have been wearing a skirt with no underwear

I did that too. Once i nut i felt so disgusting that i threw up. Thus ended my experimentation with scat. Thank the fucking lord

>16 year old stepdad

moms a real cougar huh?

fucking satan

screencap this shit

Mhm, that never happened

everyone has done this.

did he make u cum?

That a thing?

>tried to fuck my own ass and tore my anus a bit
>used moms dildos in ass & mouth at the same time, also a2m
>came on my fingers and then jammed them in my ass
>tried to fuck my dog, am incredibly glad I couldn't fit
>jerked off with my moms panties
>jerked off into condom and was gonna eat it but couldnt get horny again
>tried to enema with shower hose but all it did was give me horrible diarrhea

put my dick in a watermellon when i was like 14. it was too heavy to get any kind of pleasure of it.

ladies and gentlebros, i present to you

the antichrist

You horny devil.

Asked my mom's friend if she wanted to fuck. Asked her in front of my mom and other friends and family members.

The real question comes down to whether these posters have peni or vaginers

There should be an instruction manual to read this shit.

i enema with shower hose pretty regularly (inb4 bad for you, inb4 can't inb4), but for cleanliness before anal play rather than for pleasure. Of course you're gonna shit it all out at first. Just rinse and repeat until water is clear, and if you're trying to hold it in (like for pleasure or whatever), just practice.

sissy here, sorry to (probably) disappoint

Kek

>i felt so relieved
I know that feel.

what part is confusing

Shoved a Q tip in my dickhole when i was 13
>hurt like fuck
Didnt know what sounding was

Fucked a 1 5 year old... twice... it was easy, she loved it and she could take me in her ass. I wish I hadn't though , I'm a struggling actor and if I make it.. it'll always be in the back of my head she could out me.

That was you huh? I remember those posts.

"Whoa, a real life girl?!"

this is like every /fit/shit, ever

you fucking faggots

>but for cleanliness before anal play rather than for pleasure
that's why I did it too wasn't liking the feeling at all, and did it a bunch of times but it never got any clearer. also I did hold it in because I heard that's what you're supposed to do from someone on here probably

what are you, new? read this with no problem

In case nobody knows cause you're a dumb idiot, this is copy pasta. Just google search "One evening when it was really late I was walking around in the near by park. Barely anyone came to this park even during the day. I saw this swan" and see for yourself.

I know what you'll all say, "fucking faggot, get off Cred Forums hurr durr" but, I like to be an asshole, and I can be the biggest asshole by pissing people like you off. So please, tell me about your rustled jimmies.

>fucked a hotpocket out of the micro wave.
My second time trying washesven but I burnt my head the first time

put a air pump up my ass and pumped fuck load of air into my stomach
put a water balloon up my ass trying out various levels, pretty amazing pressure on prostate
once opened my sisters tampon and wore it, then vaccumed it up and she was told off
cummed into a greek yogurt tub in the fridge to get back at my family, however 2 days later they made carbonara for my sister me and brother. Yeahhhhh dunno if they knew or not but i ate 3 bites and gtfo

Had sex with a woman I did not love :'(

Put my dick in a hoover

I like the feeling these days, but probably because of the association with the later pleasure. Your first time doing it, doing it after not having done it for a while, or doing it when you're digesting food is always gonna be like that. Super frustrating to the point that enema becomes more of a chore than anything pleasurable. Some nights I honestly just call it quits and decide i'll try again a different day. Also, i don't think holding it in will aid in cleaning in anyway. I sort of hop around and wiggle to help dislodge (on the advice of someone on the internet once). Don't know if it does anything, but doesn't hurt.

>greek yogurt
>carbonara

wat

that aint healthy.
physically or psychologically

Let a guy jack off with my 13 year olds panties and look at creepshots of her in a bikini next to me while I jacked off.

pics of daughter

Smells like mushroom soup to me

When i was twelve of so I would lick a girls pussi, she was 7 or 8 at the time she used to pretend we were cats grooming, can still remember the smell of her fresh cunt. Now 19 and this girl passively accuses my younger bro of same age of raping her or some shit, no-one really believes it but bro is struggling to go to school out of embarrassment. scared one day shit will get out and too much of a fagot to tell anyone except you faggots.

That's not happening.

Kekd hard

Don't worry, you won't make it

i'm a psychologist ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Fresh pic- I member. good stuff. I like it. alright.

that reminds me of something I forget on
>visiting friends of parents out of state
>they have a daughter who is like 9 or some shit
>I have to sleep in her room while she sleeps in parents bed
>every night for 3 days I jerk off with her panties
I mean they were all brand new since they just moved and I didn't cum into them so it wasn't that bad
wasn't even a pedo thing panties are just super soft on your dick

Weird....I eat a lot of citrus fruits so could be why. Not a clue

Posting some pictures that now i regret on Cred Forums

>shampooing carper

Dabbling a little to much into the Freudian branches?

post them again fag

It's surprisingly hard to find a guy willing to jack off with a 13 year olds panties I've found.

jacked off to my teacher in my classroom when i was like 11 lol.

Of course not you retard.

Hitting kids only fucks them up.

...

Why not, already ruined my shit, just give me a second to post them.

That's why I'm not too worried...

i fucked the shit out of pic related.

I wanted to prepare for anal with a girl. While jacking it on the toilet I pooped and I put some on my dick to "prepare" for what it was like.

Nice trips. Freud's psychosexual bullshit was silly, but I genuinely dislike that he's written off as a total kook instead of folks giving credit where credit is due. He got the ball rolling in a major way on the nonconscious shit.

nice

>already ruined my shit
did people find your fb or something?

statutory law
it might hurt your career, but you won't go to jail

I'm 22.. that's jailbert

>be 12
>visiting dad & stepmom
>finished swimming
>going up the stairs to change
>stepmom in kitchen yells at me to check on sleeping baby stepsister
>go into her room
>shes laying in her crib
>awake, sorta kicking her legs around
>one side of diaper isn't attached; front poking up a little
>from my angle, can just barely see the crack of her pussy
>bonerinitiated.jpg
>pull diaper away a little to see more
>pussy wet from pee
>pull diaper a little more
>everything is wet and puffy and red
>dickisdiamonds.jpg
>reach thumb in
>rub against lips
>feel my heartbeat in my ears
>thumb trembling as i start to press tip inbetwe--
>hear stepmom coming up the stairs
>push front of diaper down
>bolt to the door, yell at her from down the hall
>"she's awake. needs new diaper."
>go into bedroom
>wait til hear mom enter stepsis's bedroom
>pull off swim trunks
>close eyes
>smell thumb
>fap furiously

Btw psychologically I'll let you run authority on that one. Physically you should be using saline for the enemas.

Source: im a cancer researcher

hot.

Typical liberal bullshit.

i fucked a quesadilla once while very high, forreal

my sister

yeah, i know municipal water supply ain't the best thing to have up one's ass. Haven't had any negative short-term effects, so i don't really care that much. Just waiting on the cancer lol. also, props for respect as opposed to typical "hurr durr ur psychologist, prove it i know more than u u loser neckbeard fuck." it's refreshing

>15
>1 5

He said 1 5 year old, as in he fucked one 5 year old, twice.

What, was it a guy, you fucking faggot?

Masturbated during some language class in high school. The class was boring and the girl sitting in front of me had and still has the best ass in the universe, so I spent my time doing something useful. Perks of sitting in the last row.

...

Damn son hahahah

I don't believe it.

underrated roast, lulz

Where are you from? Like, state.

When she's 22, you'll be fine, then.
Funnily enough, my old man did the same thing with the same ages with my mom.

Ditto m8, despite my engrish moment. While not necessarily carcinogenic, it's more just creating a hypotonic environment in the colon. Could result in some digestion issues in the future. I think saline kits are pretty easy to find these days. Hell if you want discrete just get the "Nettipots" and make sure you make it your final rinse... so-to-speak.

Yeah what's your current address

Oh how wrong you are, friendo.

Well I'm just saying sounds like someone I know in Den, CO

*shrugs* not that important to me anyway

...

He's not your friend, buddy.

No just fifteen sperg. Literally nothing attractive about little girls pedo. The 15 year old was tall, developed, ass and tits I couldn't resist.

Eh, wats up, doc?

...

habeeb it

ah, i see. hopefully i don't do it often enough to have serious effects (maybe once or twice a month, tops). honestly i'm just rationalizing instead of listening to people who know shit at this point ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Right? It's not even that big an age difference ugh.

kik and a half user

was her name meg just out of curiosity?

masturbated with icyhot.

Not even close

how was it?

>pedo

You're the one fucking minors, 5 or 15

Try Australia M80

I did something similar but it was with a giant history book. Got away with it a few times but I don't recall if my balls were up n' running yet.

came by rubbing my dick against a tree through my jeans while sitting atop it

Then I don't see what the big deal was bruh, lol

I enjoy tying myself up.
One time I left the keys my handcuff inside my house, drove and placed my house key about a mile and a half away from my house, got naked, and then locked myself up.
Tied my ankles so I had to walk very slowly. Almost got caught a few times, but managed to hide. The whole time I was shocking myself as well.
A lot of fun, but definitely not doing it again any time soon.

I want dubs goy

wtf

...

Meh, didn't fuck her bc of her age, she had the body of a 20 year old. And i wadnt the fiest or last older guu she fucked, she was a self described slut. Hypersexual i guess, so that eased my conscience. Also it was just twice one night. Never been with another girl under 19

fucked my step sister when we were both like 14 before she became my stepsister and continued after.

whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, pedo scum

More?

Future serial killer
That relief you felt is how I imagine serial killers feel after they kill.

K

Legend, Hope he was hot.

>they jerk their clit

Virgin detected

lol'ing so hard I literally pissed myself a little. Now I won't be able to wake my wife up to fuck. But after reading this sick shit it's probably for the best, I don't want to start banging her and think about a damn bird

>mfw sex is ruined for me now because i always think of bird
>mfw i have no face

When I was in high school, fucking my girlfriend in the ass in the hallway, tucked in the back of the school. A guy walked down the hallway, kept his eyes ahead, and don't give a fuck.

he'd be a hebephile you fucking morons. pedophile deals with pre pubescent.

newscaster girl is so fine

Not stupidest by far, but I just got home from a night out with a friend and also my first time with a whore.
He went first (since he was paying) and left the door open, so for thirty minutes I could only listen to his drunken shit talk while the whore tried to get him to shut the fuck up and concentrate while staring at the flower patterned window drapings, which was somewhat awkward.
During my turn my friend played guitar and cheered me on through the partition, and I only managed to cum after filling my both hands with negroid flesh and thinking to myself "this woman is an object".
Shit was fucking confusing.

you're all immoral cunts. have fun burning in hell, fag!

Cred Forums never fails to amaze me

Not sure why your cum smells. You should go to a doctor.

You're an idiot

Everytime while horny i post pics my gf sent me here to let you fap for her!

You can't post that and not follow up with gf pics

Blew my best friend a few times... We started jerking off together during sleep overs in like 7th grade, by 8th we jerked each other once in a while.. And by 9th, he had convinced me to blow him, and would never reciprocate... That progressed through high school.. Haven't done it since 09 when We graduated tho

Touched the tip of my dick to this and hit the shock button for the hell of it. It hurt like a mofo at first, but felt amazing about 30 seconds later when I started to fap. My dick was at least 10x more sensitive.

What do you mean?

when I was around 12 years old I found my stepmom's vibrator... been stickin things up my ass ever since

Told her I loved her.