ITT: Things you did last week that prove you're still a retard

>get on bus at 12:00PM sharp
>can't decide whether to say good morning or good afternoon
>frantically mumble something at random
>"good noon"
>mfw

GOOD NOON LMFAOO

Will be saying this from now on user

Fucking kek

Ordered a cheeseburger with no cheese.

Autismo

To be fair most would just chalk this up to fast food employees being overworked and overtired zombies. Don't get too down on yourself.

The rest of you are fucking retarded lol

thanks, Cred Forumsro

I do shit like this in work when stoned. Customer service is awkward and sketchy when you're high.

I ordered 2 pizzas because you get 1 for free, along with garlic bread, and I was meant to only eat 1 pizza and half the garlic bread the next day (yesterday) but ate it all in 1 sitting and loathed myself after. I had ordered pizza a few days prior too, along with other stuff. I keep doing this and then compensate by starving myself for weeks.
I'm a retard.

visiting shop at almost midnight: good morning.

protip:
Don't get high before work

Well youre not wrong

>customer with no arm looks puzzled trying to figure out where something is located
>assume autobot response
>'Hi there, would you like a hand?'
>look at space when hand should be, look back into his eyes
>mfw

better than greeting them with "good night" lmao

this is so made up lmao

one time the pizza guy told me to have a great time at the party... but my tv was just loud and it was just me and i ate my pizza by myself and cried

I was actually going to write on the top how it's so stupidly comical but it actually happened and made me feel like sinking into the ground

Please don't talk about this like it's a matter of simple lack of foresight. It's not. There are likely deep seated emotional reasons for why you're doing this to yourself, and you likely think it's just lack of foresight or discipline because you're repressing these emotional reasons to protect your own sanity and therefore are unable to discern them. Please seek psychiatric help. The dietary patterns you're describing are indicative of binge eating disorder or OSFED.

...

When I put something in the options field I refer to multiple people, like, "we'd prefer no onions" so some random strangers think I have friends or something

>10 years ago
>apprentice fishmonger
>serve a woman a £30 1kg whole dover sole
>high as fuck
>normally we prep them by skinning and beheading
>because high, offer to fillet it (remove bones) even though this is a terrible idea
>she says yes
>too scared to tell her I meant skinning it
>awkwardly tear the fish apart. Skin is tough and rough, bones are awkwardly positioned, meat is very delicate
>midway through I mumbled something about skinning it being easier
>she tells me to skin it but I'm too far gone filleting it
>"oh don't worry about it, you can skin it after you've filleted it"
>try to skin the mangled but edible fillets
>hand customer 100 grams of mushed up fish for £30
>didn't have any more dover sole
I have never been more ashamed of myself.

I can't afford mental health

mcwhy though

Eurofag

It's HIGH noon

Confirmed autist

Fucking bummer.

I want to help you but I don't think I can make that kind of commitment without completely letting my real life slip away. I'm in a fragile state of mind right now too, you see.

Check out webiteback. There are a lot of eating disorder communities on the internet, but most of them are pro-ana shitholes. This is the first one I've found that's pro-recovery, not only in name but in content, and accepts and supports people of all sizes who have any kind of dietary problems stemming from psychological causes, no matter where they are in their journey.

>Find an old friend on the bus
>He asks me how is my social life now
>KILLMENOWPLEASE

Oh, how did you know? You're a very intelligent American. Good job.

Now now, we shouldn't mock the afflicted.

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topest kek

Damn never thought of it as a disorder, I just figured I was being a retard. I'll check out that website, thanks!

No problem. Good luck on normalizing your eating patterns.

Actually, I just assume they're barely functional retards. That way, I'm never surprised.

Im going to do that

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Babbys first screencaps

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yeah, mate, nothing's ever your fault, there's always something your parents did to you during childhood that's to blame for all your shitty decisions. good luck with that disease!

Am I the only one that didn't kek the fuck out of this

dutchfag

apparently ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Pfft I do that deliberately

At a couple friend's new apartment having a few drinks. Have a radio going, some shifty Rhianna song or something. I say 'what the fuck are we listening to?' Girl who's music it was apologizes and changes the song. Realise it's no longer bros music playing....

That's actually pretty sad. And now that I think about it, neither can i

Thought about my ex who's a bitch now

>work customer service for world's #1 cannabis/wax vaporizer distributor
>customer calls in asking if he can get a replacement unit for his defective one
>completely forget about his defective unit and tell him about our "15% restocking fee"
>customer gets pissed off and throws tantrum
>"No worries, let me see what I can do about waiving that fee
>place him on hold
>realization kicks in
>whathaveIdone.mp4
>leave him on hold for 10 minutes till he finally hangs up
>same guy calls in
>complains about some rep who mentioned the fee and is now even MORE pissed that he was placed on hold for 10 minutes
>Receptionist transfers call
>"hello this is user, how may I help you?"
>"One of your reps was very rude in assisting me with a defective product and I would like to speak to your manager about this incident"

>mfw I'm the manager

Not last week but

>Be me
>Getting some McDonalds drive through
>Window server says "Enjoy your meal"
>I say "You too"

That happens quite often, im used to everyone saying enjoy your day, or have a nice day.

>Be me again
>In Steak and Shake
>Ordering something, can't remember what
>Waitress asks "Would you like dish1 or dish2 as your side dish"
>I reply "yes"

>back in highschool
>we're playing dodge ball
>I slam the ball hard on the hotest chick
>she falls
>oh did I hurt you?
>nah it's fine
>thank you

Didn't do the assigned readings, and rushed writing my paper topics.

Bump

...

I need more of these

Blew about $700 on vidya games.

Stimson are good for productivity. My boss turns a blind eye

Stims*

First day at new job.
We drink whine as a farewell for the person I replace (and because it's europe).
I try to casually lean on the table. Accidentially put my hand in new bosses whineglass. Everyone saw, except for him.
Say nothing. Leave room.

At lowes in plumbing aisle looking for flange or some shit. Employee on mobility chair asks if we need help, directs us to the aisle we were in. Boss says to me 'let's take a walk and see what we can find

Lmao as quietly as I can while I'm walking away

>at airport, checking in
>desk lady gives me boarding pass
>"have a nice flight"
>"you too"

Why do I say these things

>Opened internet browser
>Go to Cred Forums.org
>Click on Random

Sounds like those people are the ones who are retarded

FUCKING IDIOT

mods?

What kind of faggot ritual is this?

Yeah you're definitely a retard, who the fuck actually goes to the home page first?

slacked off during the weekend

>whine
Please stop.

Literally did the same exact thing, only I took it a little further

>have a nice flight!
>you too
>Oh I'm not going on the plane silly...
>well maybe you should, it's nice...

Mfw I spill all of the spaghetti.

Hey! It's that guy again! Damn he sure looks like a good friend

Youre retarded if you think thats a good idea

In one week?

More like 3 days.

wtf did you buy?

PS4 console (500 GB), Turtle Beach headset, 3 months' worth subscription, console insurance/warranty, and six games.

He's just trying to help.

>Turtle Beach headset
>console insurance
The autism...

Better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it, you know.

> be me
> look +21 but still 19
> go to corner store to buy stogs
> easy, since done this before
> new lady cashier
> nervous.jpeg
> "hi can i get a pack of cigarettes"
> "okay what kind?"
> "I'm 21..."
> she stares at be confused
> leave immediately
> never going back do to autism

>fair enough
Console
games

>Could be worth it
Subscription (if you use it)
Headset (if the price was right and you actually need it)

>Nigga you got scammed
Console insurance/warranty

What were the games ooc?

That's because they are retards

>Tales of Zestria
>Star Wars Battlefront
>Earth Defense Force 4.1
>Nitroplus Blasterz
>Minecraft: PS4 Edition
>BLOPS 3

That's certainly an eclectic mix.

i do something like this almost daily

I was initially planning to get a Wii U, but....
>no

Do they still make games for the wii U? The shops round here don't stock any.

Holy shit, all shit tier games. How old are you and just asking, do u have many or any friends?

I've had 7 consoles and over a hundred games over the course of my life and all of them are still in perfect working condition, so yes, it's a waste of money. Only someone who lives like a barbarian would ever need console insurance

Fucking hell, what a loser you are.

>Earth Defense Force
>shit

Are you for real?

They do, but it's the same three franchises carrying the company (Mario, Zelda, Pokemon). Of course, they're either remakes of old games, or new games with elements and hints to older games.

Late-20s. Most of my friends tend to do their own things without including me, which is fine; I don't like social situations or events. The rest of my friends live in other countries.

>Be me on my birthday
>Friend calls me
>"Happy birthday user"
>"Thank you, you too"

MFW

He's a dumb cuck, that's why he got insurance for a console. Also he was too scared to say no to the girl who was offering him the insurance, fucking autist.

One never knows. I've had consoles break down on me for no reason (this PS4 was pre-owned, too), and I was just SOL without said console. Insure everything!

>

Well, she was cute. But, that's not why I did it.

Was on phone to agency they asked when I come they want 10 years work history. Thought I hung up and started shouting Ten years ten years ten years over and over whilst clapping said fuuuk that! She then said not to bother

Just googled it cuz never heard of it and it looks fucking shit! Graphics look like a fucking early ps3 game!

Late 20's and single? Guessing you're jobless too since you struggle to interact socially? Also guessing your friends who are abroad are people you met on online games?

Oh, so you're just a dumb cuck.

I met a girl from a dating site. We planned a date. We laughed all day together then we fucked all night. The next morning we woke up together and had more incredible sex. As I pushed myself hard inside her to soak the deepest parts of her pussy with my cum I kissed her and told her I loved her. She immediately said it back and held me inside her to milk every drop of my cum.
That was a week ago. We are now full out in a relationship with plans to move in together.
God I'm fucking retarded

All of them have shit graphics. The ps2 games looked like ps1 games.

That just means more enemies.

>be me
>in uni
>sandwich shop near by
>kick ass meatball subs
>run by jews though so the sub is 23 dollars
>worth it
>used to hanging around friends
>"heil reich" and "seig hail" are joke greeting for us
>get sandwich
>pay
>"see you later user" says the jewess as im walking out the door
>"seig hail!"

i yelled it out for the entire place to hear. mfw

Fucking idiots. Break up coming in next couple months.

im also banned from that place.

>talking on skype with a buddy
>talking about some complete retarrd we both want to die
>he makes a joke about a man with a funny mustache that can take care of him
>idungetit.raw
>he says a funny mustache man from germany
>i still don't understand
>says he is literally talking about hitler
>my brain has stopped working so i ask again "what are you talking about, i don't get it"
>he says 4 more times he means hitler should kill this person
>my brain finally clicks back in and i understand
pic related

>in a relationship
>moving in together

Yup, you're a fucking retarded asshole. Kill yourself nigger. I bet you fuck her in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation. Sick fuck. There's a special place in hell for you and all other normies.

This thread is supposed to be something you actually did last week faggot. Not some dreamish wish or whatever.

Oh I get it, your pic relate is mustache man from Germany, right?

I love working the register stoned, it's even better when you're tripping. That shit is ridiculous

fucking 23 dollars

310 for fake but slightly funny story (mainly the 23 dollar sub)

Jesus that sounds fucking terrible. Don't customers notice your dinner plate pupils when you're tripping?

Normally i close my door when i go into my bedroom, but for some reason i didn't so it was halfway open (or half shut).So when i went out i turned my head sideways to look at my screen and when i turned back towards the door i walked straight into it.

>work at dominos
>was busiest day in months this last friday
>decide i'm too lazy to cook dinner so i order a pan pizza
>forget to apply 50% employee discount
>mfw

I have fucked her in every position. But missionary is my favorite with her. Literally the best feeling pussy I've ever had.

It takes over 100ish hours to beat it though and a huge timesink to 100% it
Grahpics don't mean shit if you enjoy the game.

I got long hair and dark eyes so they don't really notice my pupils too much. Its fucking hysterical man, one time I went in like that for the graveyard shift from a party. I was just blasting Slayer and counting all the change in the register for basically my whole shift

graphics make everything

that why no one play the first super mario anymore IDIOT

Then how come Minecraft is the the biggest game in the world?

Atheists: 1
Macfags: 0

MINECRAFT DOESNT HAVE BAD GRAPHICS YOU NIGGER

Neither does super mario bros.

Pretty sure he was being facetious

It's not even a 3D open world, what kind of retard would make or play a game where you can only run right

23 dollars
where you at
you definitively not yelled strong enough

>sub is 23 dollars
that better be australian dollars.

rekt

You can run left aswell

OH SHIT YOU COUNTER REKT HIM

how will respond?!

People still do play the first mario bros though. Well speedrunners do anyway.

no they dont disagree with me again and im going to tell on you

>Be me
>Be fapping to porn
>Girls moans are really loud even at 10%
>I've been holding in my load
>Headset accidentally unplugs
>Everyone in my house hears me watching porn
>Sister opens my door and I get my laptop taken away
No regrets.

Only to where the edge of the screen is, so your range of motion is half a screen left and multiple screens right. Try again, you Nintendo shill, I'm not buying that shitty tiny new NES

She opened your door? That's as clear a sign you need to know she wants to see your dick.

You can jump as well. So you can move vertically.

>Buy portable dishwasher from craigslist because no gf or wife.
>Leaks when certain conditions are met.
>Call landlord to report flooding
>Clean up flooding and all is well, no harm no foul.
>Come up with a solution to prevent flooding
>Leaks from a new spot
>Don't tell landlord this time, rent an airblower to dry under the wood paneling.
>Buy a drip pan to put under the dishwasher, lets see this fucker flood my kitchen now.
>Leak spills over the drip pan.
> -_-

is that
is that underage

This. And if you move back and forth from the TV really fast it even looks like you're moving in the Z direction

Snorting cocaine

mild kek, since relatable
>be 23
>look 17
>pull up to night counter of gas station
>"two marlboro maxis"
>"how many?"
>"I am 23"

The retarded thing was we repeated this a couple times until she broke to me that they have two sizes of maxi boxes now.

Doesn't count.
You can't go down or you'll die and the highest you can see and land on is the top of the screen. So it's pointless. Minecraft has Mario mods anyways, so if you wanna play the gaybutt game you can in minecraft

a eurofag ritual

yeah but Mario is nostalgic. If you play Minecraft you're just a paedophile.

>You can't go down or you'll die and the highest you can see and land on is the top of the screen
Yes, because most modern games allow the character to fly infinitely through the ground or up into the sky. How dare those old games incorporate the idea of gravity into the game, games can only be good if you can move in all directions at any time!

hitler was from austria though so it's understandable :)

Whatever, Mario playing niggers like you disgust me
>games can only be good if you can move in all directions at any time
Now you're getting it

>>games can only be good if you can move in all directions at any time

You are literally an SJW millenial who cries when s/he (the special snowflake) doesn't get his/her way.

Gravity is the fault of the patriarchy.

>s/he
>his/her
DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY FUCKING GENDER?

>work retail at a store where mostly old ladies work and shop
>closing
>Did you guys do the bathrooms yet
>Yes
>Ok, I'll clean up after myself

>....

>I MEAN OF COURSE I WILL I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE NOBODY WAS IN THERE