I CAN'T SHIT!

I CAN'T SHIT!

For three days i was unable to succefully fill the toilet, but now i'm getting worried! The laxative i took 10 hours ago still didn't help me release the stubborn shit.
I've been locked in the bathroom for three hours now, and only a small amount came out! I'm shitting less than my dog does, and she is a small terrier!
I tried putting two fingers in there to pull it out manually!
Still no success, and i'm having to type with my thumb!

Is there a risk my intestines might explode? Should i try putting my entire fist in there to pull it out by force? Help, Cred Forums!

>stubborn shit.
Try a hot fudge enema

Ask any clown

just stop eating shitty food, eat a soup once in a while jeez.. also, coffee and a ciggarette make me shit in under 15 mins

OP, you may need to put a shot gun in your mouth and blow your head clean off to release your shit kraken. Have fun, leave a rotten mess for your family to find.

try one of these, don't worry if it stings abit, that means its working.

>buy pressure generator
>put tube in mouth
>blow the shit out

water + spoon full of epsom salt

be near a bathroom with that trick. it will make you poop rivers bro...

and it qont taste good but if you wanna shit that will relax your bowels

stick a bit of soap up ur bumhole

manual disimpaction, OP. finger in, dig around. sucks, but works and doesn't upset your stomach like other methods.

OP get someone to buy you shit loads of 5gum
the laxitive affect alone will make you shit everywhere, but also youll find out what its like to chew 5 gum.

shove fist inside
open fingers
twist hand around while gripping down on everything you can get in your grasp
pull clenched fist, and everything inside it, out of your ass with the strength of a thousand throat rips.
feel better as the rest of your clogged shit pours out afterwards like a gentle stream

All bullshit aside, go to the drugstore and buy a 10 oz bottle of magnesium citrate. It's with the laxatives. This is the stuff they give you the day before your colonoscopy.

Drink it all, followed by 1-2 big glasses of water.

You won't be able to leave the house for 8-12 hours, but you'll be empty.

go to a doctor.
you might have chrons

Fuck all the retards and haters dude you need to quit digging in your ass and buy an enema.

>buy and enema
>from the enema store.

I think I might be weird but for me masturbating for 3+ hours works. 5 to 20 minutes after blowing my load the shit just comes out explosively.
Anybody experienced this ?

I took that stuff one time. Tasted like sour grape soda. Drinking it was the best part of the experience.

Within an hour it induced the most violent, convulsive shits I've ever had in my life. It was like diarrhea, but with fully formed turds. Giant logs of shit flew out of my ass so fast that it splashed toilet water all over my ass and out the sides of the toilet seat. I could barely flush fast enough to keep the bowl from overfilling. When I leaned forward to flush one time, a log leaped out of my asshole with such force that it stuck to the front of the toilet tank. This lasted for about 4 hours. When it was over I felt violated.

Never again.

Just hidrate properly, also put a hose in your asshole then turn it on

Drink a lot of coffee. If that doesn't work do some stimulants, preferably coke. And you are cured.

Also known as the apothecary or drug store.

Seriously, they are not hard to get. The fetish porn guys are not medical professionals.

An enema is the process rather than what its called. You'd buy an enema kit. Or just use a hot water bottle and a hose. Wait what, apothecary? Whats the dark ages like?

>Wait what, apothecary?
Aah, I get it. You're a hair splitter, since that's an easy way to chalk up some wins online.

...

tfw when you stay for summer and forget this place isnt always a dickless faggot fest.

You're a freak

Cred Forums is rife with pedantry and semantics.

I think most people don't really understand when it's appropriate and when it's not, and assume it makes them look smart regardless.