ITT: Post a superpower, then make the superpower before yours useless

You have to become a faggot to prove OP isnt one

Useless cause he an heroed

You can't control how many things you see through, so everything is always invisible to you.

Everyone still thinks he is.

The power to become a cute anime girl.

>kek

only when no one is watching.

But you are 2 dimensional now and on a single peace ofpaper

You now have the ability to fly

Ability to make your dad not hate you.

but only after he's dead

You become a bee (can't change back)

but only after you're dead

To end all consciousness, next or afterlife, or further observable understanding in an immediate death, for everyone in the universe.

The ability to revive paul walker, 3 seconds before he dies again

You also become seinfeld

You automatically become emotionally unstable but is has to recharge for a month

Being invisible from 100m away would be a pretty good superpower for a soldier.

You can only do this while happy.

You can spawn clones as needed to be in multiple places doing multiple things. The clones are sentient, but not fully autonomous, so they can't betray or rebel. You remain the dominant mind at all times. Intelligence grows for the main mind based on shared experience. For example, main you sits at home playing vidya while clones work multiple jobs getting you rich & take classes making you smart & run errands you don't feel like doing, etc.

>no human around for 100m
>break into closed store in the middle of the night
>no one around
>steal shit

You become mr meeseeks

A few extra doses of antidepressants, sounds reasonable.

You fart gold nuggets

Your rectum gets torn apart by said nuggets

You have the universes most hyper sensitive asshole

You rip your asshole each time.

You cant touch it

Omnipotence

If i could have any superpower, this would be it.

You can only use your knowledge after death

Sheeeeeit

A race of space gypsies will constantly harass and attempt to kill you by following you around in their caravan wherever you go.

Banks, you could be a master hunter in the wilderness sneaking up on animals and killing them. Breaking into cottages during the off season.

Ability to turn niggers into upstanding white men

You're gay.

Doesnt mean the clones will participate, have a mind of their own

But in the process turn upstanding white men into niggers.

I don't think the most sensitive asshole was meant as superpower.

Also: everybody gains omnipotence as well

Self healing like wolverine has

But only when you're buried at least 6 feet underground.

guy above me doesnt have a superpower so for you: only when you're feeling great and are not injured.

always having a good breath.

But you always smell really strongly of sweat.

Super-speed

Dick elogates to 6feet when you run, and it falls out your pants

You have the power to read doctors handwriting

Its always negative news

You can make a 3d diagram of anything you touch in.your mind

The power of flight.

Only while underwater

But the diagram is always of a penis.
invincibility.

Granted post mortem.
You can change the size of anything you want.

Size changes revert back at random , can travel through time

But only in a padded room
But after the travel you go blind until you return.

You can hear people's thoughts

chris kylie could use this

You could become an Olympic swimmer.

And they can hear yours.

But only the dirty ones.
You can engineer technology years ahead of it's time.

Omniscience.

You must suck your father's cock before inventing anything

But it all requires an element we haven't discovered yet to work.

But only in things related to hot dogs.
You are able to alter the mass of yourself and anything you touch.

You can only use it indoors.
>Telekenesis

The ability to bend fire / lightning like in avatar.

get out of here naruto fag

As soon as you begin to bend fire/lightning in becomes room temperature.
The power to absorb/dispense any kind of energy.

You can only use it when you are on fire or being struck by lightning. No "absorbing" the fire/lightning. You suffer the same consequence as anyone else.

>Ability to stop time whenever, wherever. No harm being done to my aging process and nobody else can do this but me UNLESS I hold their hand. Thus, bringing them along with me.

You cannot move or breath because the air around you is frozen in time.
You are a jedi.

LOL that's fucking hilarious I love it.

You can only do it for 5 seconds at a time

Fuck. Well, good thing I'm an atheltic swimmer. Can hold my breath for roughly 4-5 minutes.

Perfect.
Not too big an issue, just gotta stop time as soon as it starts back up again.

Oh fuck i missed the move part...

Well shit.

But you are also Jar Jar Binks.

The power to maximize the potential of people you touch.

You have perfect shape-shifting abilities, allowing you to alter your size and shape to any living person or creature, including things as small as insects or large as dinosaurs, while retaining your psyche and personality.

But also, you smell like spoiled garbage, no matter how much you bathe or try to mask it.

But every time you shape shift your original form(the one you return to when you stop concentrating or fall asleep) becomes more and more ugly.

You can use voodoo magic.

>you don't exist on the physical level

my ability is to get every material possession for free

But you can only spawn them while being vigorously fucked in the ass. The moment the momentum slows to less than 3 pumps per second, all clones despwan.

When you become a cute anime girl all the neckbeards will rape you

But you get hurt when you hurt others.

But anything created by you will severely burn you to the touch.

But they always materialize up your rectum.

You gain the ability to telepathically cause women to spontaneously orgasm at will.

>pic unrelated
OP you faggot that's chicken man, he's way more powerful than a scrawny ass fagot like you, watch your shit.

also, the power to not have a power

But you have to be masturbating to be able to do so.

they'll still ignore you forever.

But your orgasms will always be 50 times louder.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHAHAHAHHHHHH

UGGHHH UHHNNN....

The ability to travel around in different dimensions.

Except you gain uncontrollable and random powers whenever you're stressed.

The power to survive in the vacuum of space.

Hot

But each dimension is a more nightmarish version of the one before.

But whenever you do, you appear to the local sentient beings as an abomination.

Ayy Lmao.

The ability to create the perfect ambient background music for any occasion, without the need of a music device.

But only while vacuuming.

The ability to see in the future.

But, of course, you're not an astronaut nor can you afford commercial space flight.

But only when you have an orgasm in front of at least 3 people.

At the cost of being blind

But it only sounds perfect to you. Everyone else hears static.

Still worth it

The ability to breathe zyklon-B

The fuck is Zyklon-B?

The inability to breathe oxygen.

You can change the past but you can't revive people.

...

Must I pay you 5 shekels to know?

Stealing nigger

you can never go back to previously visited dimensions, this includes ours

Problem? :^)

Take some MDMA and you're good to go.

You can't form any memories of these changes, so you keep going back to change things you already changed.

You now have a Death Note.

You're totally illiterate.

Ken

That's not that bad. Shape shift into some model and sleep around. Unless you're looking for love it's not bad.

Mind Control

But only works on lightning.

...

Or just date blind chicks.

It only works on fish.

you're jew as well as immortal and have to endure endless torturing by breathing oxygen

so basically Aquaman

Hey, I already said that

But the only futures you see are ones where the person you love most dies because of you.

Except without the corresponding ability to breathe underwater or survive the ocean depths.

Ability to seduce anyone's mother

This sounds like some familiar movie...

hey, I don't give a shit

I said you could absorb/dispense any kind of energy.

You have the ability to fly, controlled and unassisted by any mechanical means, at super-sonic speeds.

The entire world hates you and your existence due to intense static when you're within hearing range. They instantly try to kill you. All living things.

But only when physically touching the ground.

ill just fucking record myself turning invisible then show it to people

Oh wow, you have basic editing skills.

But only on a plane

But you dispense the energy randomly, and only at low output (ie: small static shocks, low spikes of heat no more than a degree or two above normal, etc.)

...

But you have severe ED and are never able to actually fuck them.

Inb4 sniper at 1000+ meters

Still essentially perfect power. Not deterred by any responses so far.

Each time you spawn a clone, you and your clones age a year. No ability to restore your youth afterwards or extend your longevity.

You can absorb all knowledge from books instantaneously by simply touching them.

...

The ability to teleport fifty meters

>the entire process takes one minute

The mental strain of all that knowledge is causing early-onset Alzheimers disease.

The power to be completely ignored at will.

You were being ignored by everyone anyways

Only works on females and once ignored all men become extremely hostile toward you.

Ability to function normally without ever needing sleep.

But you forget the information instantaneously after you touch another book

Still seems like the perfect power for a spy or thief.

"SPOOOOOOOON MAAAAAAAAN "

But you instantly teleport right back.

>entire process takes less than .001 seconds.

To have the ability to create sustained miniature black holes

Can only teleport when barefoot and you form a pile of broken glass in a ten meter radius wherever you land.

Able to befriend and ride any wild animal you come across.

You need to drink a foreign person's piss every 24 hours to maintain this power

Power to solve crime by reading clouds

you could sneak into buildings and never get caught by cameras tho

but only in outer space

Blow your last 80$ on Coke. Might make you want to keep living though...

The black holes are only created whilst your penis is in your mothers vagina

This might be ok, define "foreign"

Super power? Good luck. It's simple enough. Nothing can hold down Lady Luck :^)

Only animal you can befriend and ride are rats.

But you have extreme agoraphobia and never leave your basement.

But only after eating their feces.

The ability to fly at mach 5 speeds propelled by a constant stream of shit like pic related

but youre a recovered gambling addict and had your dick amputated

You can only move things within arms reach and you have to physically be able to lift it yourself.

Can only solve small misdemeanor type crimes.

can only eat boiled white rice

god tier power.

+1

Like

The ability to breathe any matter, even solids

You always roll dubs

Every time something good happens to you something one hundred times worse happens to you in an ironic fashion.

You suffer from ibs and have uncontrollable shits whenever you eat.

The ability to curve bullets like in pic related

...

But you will never have access to the internet. Also you'll never amount to anything.

They curve like a boomerang returning to point of origin.

>dick was amputated by a machine where I work.
>sue company
>get big money

My bad, foreign meaning a new person every time, since it's technically no longer foreign

You're the best a sucking dick in the world.

>inherit 1 shekel from dead dad
>shekel is fake

You're asexual

>The ability to give yourself cancer

you have no mouth
>i have no mouth and i must suck dick

cancers are carcenomas that fall off by themselves before spreading

All men have been killed off by a viral plague, your powers don't transfer over to ability to eat pussy, remaining women are unimpressed.

Kek. That's a good one

Create a book of all books, then wean gloves.

the fruit ignores you

>ability to get dubs whenever you want

>double the cancer? nice!

Which then leads back to this:

Buddhist monk book about body mind and soul added for brain functionality to stay constant.

You've tempered my spawning of the clones, but I'd probably give up 5 years for 5 clones.

>have uncontrollable compulsion to shove a sharpened spoon up your urethra every time you get dubs

How about the ability to cure cancer with a cockslap?

I would only do that if I was positive they would obey me and do exactly what I need/want them to do.

Cock absorbs cancer but can't cure self.

No cock

Your total lifespan is divided equally among yourself and clones (ie: 80 year lifespan divided by 5 clones equals 16 year lifespan for all).

Whoops, sorry, math is wrong... would be 12.5 year lifespan each, since you subtract 1 year for each clone, and the lifespan would be divided among 6 (5 + original)

Correct answer. Not sure I'd even want to cut lifespan in half for 1 clone.

Would've also accepted shared pain. Any accidents or damage to clones effects original. If a clone gets hit by a car & paralyzed or loses a leg, so does original.

You can shoot an infinite amount of food from your hands

But only an infinite amount, constantly.

You can only digest the feces of others.

The ability to bring my dog back to life

deatly allergic

But your dog comes back... wrong.

I don't care what happens anons. I just want to see him alive again

The ability to nullify or otherwise cancel-out other superpowers.

But you can only cancel out your own powers

Everything that comes back to life now will be a strong left wind democrat.

Instantly turns on you and tears your throat out. Turns out, the feeling's not mutual.

sneaky bastard...

You have the power to drink water in Mexico without explosive shits

I'll die with a smile

Unfortunately, you're Mexican.

Already true, user. Try again

Can't beat that.

Super power - be able to change density and have strength directly related to my density.

Then you've already lost. Sorry, user.

The power to freely grope and enter penis in any female between the subjective ages of 18 to 60. Along with this power comes the two natural abilities: to know which have VD and which don't, and the women I touch enjoy the experience.

The ability talk anyone into anything I'd want them to do.

you really want them to live by their own desires

Top-most density achievable is moist sponge.

you only like little girls and seniors

Also changes the density of everything within five feet of you in an equivalent way

You can die as many times as you want and you just come back to life stronger than what killed you 21 hours later

But you only like men

That's a Win Win.

But no one has powers but you.

Immediately following experience with a woman, you transform into a woman yourself until you are similarly penetrated by a random man.

Mind control

Also, your female form looks just as masculine as your regular male form.

you always come back as an infant

and dont remember anythin

Invisability is already the worst superpower, as it would cause blindness

Each death and subsequent rebirth feels like all previous deaths combined.

World's strongest/smartest baby.

Good one user, but that's what rape is for ;)

Can only control your own mind

But only of quadriplegics.

the ability to sustain life by eating anything (everything you can eat is good for you)

But you're mentally retarded

You can only talk to children with terminal cancer.

lol

>Can grow a full beard

Everything tastes like literal shit, and you never get used to the taste.

except for normal food

no arms or legs

You can only eat animal penis and will forever be known to the world as that gay dick-eating wierdo.

Ability to do any crime and get away with it

Shit, you could talk a terminal kid into robbing stores and banks for you, and who's gonna stop 'em? Everyone would think it was an elaborate "Make a Wish" thing...

But you always feel an immense amount of guilt and turn yourself in

addendum:
late-stage terminal cancer (can't walk, stand, few days to live, etc.)

The fruit sounds like the annoying orange.

The ability to procrastinate work til the last minute and still complete it on time and with good quality.

only gets away with j walking

Devoutly religious and would feel suicidally guilty even stealing a stick of gum from a gas station.

so be in high school

You work as an orderly at a hospice.

ability to use penis as a third leg and walk with it

But you never turn the work in

Ability to take any sized object up the ass with comfort

Doesn't take much for a dying kid to talk their bereaved parents or caregivers into pulling off one last crime for them.

You can only use this ability over broken glass and hot coal.

You know this example of a stupid super power has always been very dumb. First odd most perverts see as useless because they want to basically rape girls or watch them undress fucken losers. Now let's explain why this super power is amazing so we can stop using this as an example. If you are invisible as long as no human is around it means you can sneak into places that only watched by cameras. Some stupid banks, sneak into private areas, or distract humans away so you can sneak in to do whatever. So this example power is awesome you stupid fucks just don't know how to use it

poops always feel too uncomfortable

Only work you can get is drug-mule, entire kilo of poorly-packaged cocaine bursts inside your colon.

Only two inches long so you can only walk at an uncomfortable angle

Ability to float in any liquid

not be a virgin

Turns liquids into semen

always super fucking hot apple and tomato juice

only fuck really old dead sheep

Except light bends around your optic nerves, rendering them useless, as user pointed out earlier here:

Very painfully raped on a crudely shingled roof in the middle of summer on the equator and left to sit for 12 hours afterwards

Ability to solve any problem in an instant

Kek

Inability to find love in your lifetime. :(

But you can only do it with Kuririn or Gohan.

This power is activated by an incantation: the solution to the problem in question.

Ability to live a good life.

except you die when you find it

Only live to be 5 years old.

guess that solves that problem... no, wait...

Kek

Ability to always make the right choice.

>Can only teleport when barefoot and you form a pile of broken glass in a ten meter radius wherever you land.

simply hold a pair of shoes while teleporting and put them on when the glass appears

...for someone else. But they never listen to you because your own life is fucked.

but always at the wrong moment

ability to stop time at will

being inmortal

... You can't move either.

>godlike ability to influence others

Will is the name of a factory in Arkansas that harvests 20 tons of cow feces a day for energy.

Stuck in the desert with no one around to influence.

but your retarded

As a statue in a park

kek'd

I can strech myself like that guy from fantastic 4