Please state the nature of the medical emergency

Please state the nature of the medical emergency.

I can't see shit, doc.

Ensign Kim put his dick in my eyehole now I have space herpes

Apparently. You seem to be on the wrong ship Commander.

That explains the rough hands, doc.

My nose itches

I'm #MentallyHill, doc

Hmmm. Slightly irregular K-3 cell count, elevated intravascular pressure, heightened electrophoretic activity... have a seat on that bed there.

the shadow knows

I have body dysmorphia, bulimia, agoraphobia, and manic depression.

Please review the model of the female anatomy Kes.

Raging case of boneitis, doc.

Sickbay is reserved for crew member with real diseases. Perhaps Mr. Tuvoc can help you.

No need. I will be happy to go them with you myself.

It doesn't matter what Mr. Paris calls it, you simply cannot mate with every female crew member on this vessel. Perhaps and holodeck treatment.

Slept with a funny looking alien creature, now I got a tummy ache. :'(

It pees when I burn...

Fuck you Woolsy

...

Went faster than warp 10, banged the captain

Klingon mating rituals are not for everyone.

Doc, this morning I set my norelco to kill

my tummy hurts.

Let me help you with that.

Can you help me Doc?

Your program has been retired