How often do you think about suicide?

Why didn't you use force to get your way?
Why didn't you just try again?
Why didn't you pick a method that didn't involve being around people?

I don't think you really want to escape your life at all.

Same here, i started and getting fit (lifting/cardio) for the upcoming race war and stopped thinking about jumping from a skyscraper.

>How often do you think about suicide?
Yours? All the time.
My own? Never.

not too often since i moved out from my parents place and can do whatever the fuck i want

You don't even know my name.

The human contact snapped me out of the moment.
Because I signed in to a psychiatric thingamajig for three weeks a couple hours after it, then moved the fuck out of town.
Because it was to be the train, I was supposed to get in place stealthily, and I wasn't acting completely sober of mind.

I probably don't, but a year of hermitude with one singular goal fucks a man up. I think back to how fucking retarded I was back then but I am what I am.
You do know the """sense of security""" the option of killing yourself gives, right? I can't shake it.

was everyday a few years aggo now its like 3 times a week. where i just think about it. It's like going to fantasy land. I know im never capable of doing it cause i don't know whats on the other side. But i become tired and sick of people and my self. and obvoiusly their is much deeper reasons why i'd like to die. but suicide is just a fun little fantasy. I just picture all the stuff i wouldn't habve to remember anymore and i think about how some people would react to it. again would never do it, I would ruin other peoples lifes. But i understand the pain that makes someone want to end their life. It's not just a small amount, the kind of pain you have to experience to even have that idea cross your mind in the first place, has to be something very deep. Not going to kill my self ive learned to deal with this pain and will suffer until god decide its my time to go. But there is times i wish that would hurry up but more recently it's getting better. and i think i'd like to stay to have kids.

Why does suicide need to give you a sense of security?
What makes your life so shaky?

Due to my own laziness, lack of choices made, lack of discipline, shitty family and upbringing (and all the other reasons I can pin on somebody other than me, I know), I'm afraid of making any decisions regarding my future and I don't trust myself to carry myself through. And at this point in time when faced with decisions my first reaction is "I can always kill myself if something goes wrong". It's automatic. And I never do anything. Nothing happens. I just exist, not capable of putting myself in deep enough shit to actually do something. I'm in limbo I made myself.
Basically I'm a stupid fucking baby, born in '90 who also has a three year old daughter. I exists and I despise myself for it.

I need to get out of where I now am, but if that doesn't make anything better? I don't want to find out. If I lose that I lose the last thing I believe in anymore. I'm late from life, and I don't want to find out there's actually something I wouldn't want to let go of when we have to die.

I live an existence of nothingness. I am severely depressed and no, exercise and healthy eating and bullshit like that doesn't work.

I exist. There's nothing for me, the last hopes in my brain want to achieve something, but for what purpose? I am a fucking failure and I have 40 years of work ahead of me, for no purpose.

Nothing makes me happy, I am completely emotionless with the only things left being anger and melancholic sadness. I use useless shit to take my mind off thinking about killing myself, but I know I don't have the balls to do it.

I lost interest in everything and became a pathological cynical pessimist. Nothing works, and I hope my body will do the same.

I feel like dying Cred Forums.

Every moment pretty much, rip

You can think about something else too!?!?!

every time someone posts a thread about it

You forgot to mention that you make a thread about it every hour.

right

holy shit, spot on me. (except for the baby)

Haha this, so much. A sad "haha".
Just wish to not exist since I don't get any joy from existing. Everything is bleak and meaningless, working out sure did help a bit but not as much as people seem to give it credit for.

man it sux to be permanently depressed to the point where you know what you need to change but you just don't care anymore and wait for it all to be over

If I did, I would have forgotten it by now anyway.
What is your point?
You are cancer, and you posted this cancer thread, so I imagine you killing yourself in may different ways all the time now.
I can't help it.
And you are responsible for it.
Now go stick your dick in a blender..

why you think is cncer?

Every single day , no matter how good was that day

Hi me

user, may I ask what that "one, singular goal" during your solitude was?

I'm 46 years old, divorced, pay huge amounts of child support and alimony. I owe the IRS tens of thousands of dollars and have to settle my ex wife's debt from our divorce. Im on the site all hours of the day.

I consider ending my life daily, I'm just too much of a coward to do it.

Did you not read?
He said >I spent an entire year doing nothing but preparing to kill myself

So "killing himself" would be the goal.

At least you get laid

...

This kind of lifestyle is probably toxic in the long run, but man I wish nothing but for this right now. Just want to be alone and do my things. No pressure, no anxiety, just me, living my life.

definitely not as much as i think of sex

Driving myself to a point where I couldn't recover from by just being myself. Cutting connections, failing in education, getting that debt, feeding my ego. Nothing drastic, but enough to reach the point where I was going to take action about how I will be nothing but a burden and that it's better to end now than in ten, twenty years.
Had I shipped myself to Africa, for example, I wouldn't last a week, and that is how life is supposed to be, in my opinion.

Four years of cuddling, cunnilingus, cumming inside balls deep and reading her bedtime stories. I think I had enough to stay celibate for the rest of my life. It's just the caressing and a girl coming in my mouth that I still miss.

Have you ever experience having no friends, no social life, no gf, no family, living alone? This lifestyle is more toxic than you think sometimes i thinking to kill others too rather than myself

too often and its random too

Dude I'm wrestling with this thought for a while now. Exactly, looks sad and depressing, but just being left alone, able to "waste time" on vidya and not giving fuck about pretty much anything is what I desire.

Now, embrace my inner hermit and live the dream? What if I get fed up with it eventually and there won't really be coming back cause too fridge bro now? Fear the said fed-up and keep banging my head against a wall, trying to be a normie when I simply can't?

erryday op

Being alone your thoughts come from only you, are judged only by you and you mirror them only through yourself. People need to be able to filter all that with people important to them.

Well I do have friends, but I rarely go out, therefore I have little to no social life, don't have a gf, don't even want to have, and no I haven't lived alone yet, but whenever I'm left alone for the weekends or some other days, I'm really freaking happy for it. And I KNOW. that it's not the same as living like this for years, but just the fact that whenever I can choose between going out or staying at home, I always choose being alone, at home. ( don't kill others though, dont be a fucking ass about it.)

Just this weekend I was alone, and it was awesome. edited some videos, was drawing a but, just chilling all day. But sometimes I think that it's not being alone that I like, it's that to me, being alone equals being free from the everyday pressure and anxiety

work up early. i learn a lot about myself in the morning, love the quiet

Few times a week

Used to have suicidal ideation daily

Never made a serious attempt

No intention to shit on you, but, a thought experiment.
To you now, it's exactly that. A weekend.
Imagine that on your own, a long time from now, you felt just as anxious as you do now except with less choices overall, but all your weekends are more of the same. That "alone time" loses its meaning.

24/7

Yeah I know, I even stated that

"And I KNOW. that it's not the same as living like this for years,"

and that

" But sometimes I think that it's not being alone that I like, it's that to me, being alone equals being free from the everyday pressure and anxiety"

So I'm well aware that it's just 2 days for me, and for some it's their entire life, but I kind of just exist nowadays with no direction whatsoever, and it's being alone for a bit, that sort of "fills me up" for a while.

My families hate me, my father my mother, my sisters and brothers. They are all beautiful but unfortunately they bring me to the world an ugly one, and they are ashame about it. And you can see the shame on their face everytime i see me.
I started working at 16 and get out home at 18. I went living alone and noone even cares, not that i care about them too.
The only thing that making me live this world is my jobs. It's really painful really not being able to yourself, not being able to talk about your hobbies and problems.
If i show even a slightest weakness on people they will destroy you (if you're different than everyone) so i always look strong, never get bullied, i excels at my job and don't create problems to others. But really doing this thing is painful it's like living a hell in reality. Try living a life where noone will ever like you, because you're different from otherts. Makes a slightest mistakes and you will be condemned.

And I know you know. I'm jealous of you. I'd cut my dick off to be in your position and for "having time to myself" to be an actually good thing.
I don't know what my point in this is. Good for you, and good that you're "in control" of being alone.

...

>a year
>preparing to kill yourself
lmao just jump off a bridge or a tall builing

I'm really sorry to hear that user.. Do you have a hobby of some sort? maybe one that multiple people can do? Like in a club or something? Trying new things might be a bit refreshing ( And I really dont want to sound like a cheap ass psychologist, and I know that it's not just a matter of " change your perspective"..) I wish you the best user. You had and still have it rough, but I hope things will change for ya

ayylmao lead the way

so your life sucks because you're the only ugly one in a beautiful family and they don't want you around? i'm sorry for being dense I just want to understand.

every fucking day. hate my life.

i have a rifle so if i do i'll probably just put one through my head. it definitely won't take me a year to figure out how. i just thought of that in 5 seconds.

I'm not really in control of it, it's just happens from time to time, I get it like a gift. Like I said, it's not even close as living a LIFE alone, but at this point in my life, I could use some alone time.

when i was young and thought the world revolved around me, I thought about it alot. even "attempted" it a few times.

Now that i'm older and not such a cringy bitch, I wouldn't even dream of suicide.

like once a month

Never. Suicide is for the weak.

i was like you. you probably think that everyone will be patient and always be around but eventually they'll get sick of trying and find another friend. i still don't know how i feel about it but i'm pretty sure if somebody called me out of the blue and invited me out i would think of some excuse not to. pretty sure it's a sickness.

I knew where I could break in and steal a shotgun, I knew where I could jump, I knew where I could drown, I knew where I could hang myself. I said aloud "I'm going to jump under a train" five seconds from when I first sat down to think about it two years ago.
Not even mad tbh, just answering.

sorry it was just the wording. basically you were trying to work up the courage. i get it. glad you didn't do it. good luck.

No I know that they'll get tired of it, and lately I've been giving them excuses not to go out drinking or having fun etc. At first it was kind of odd, since I was very outgoing, but now I don't have the slightest desire for it.

And You and me are probably not the same case, but I do always find excuses, and sickness is a great way of putting it.

I really don't want any sympathy, i just really hate it when people like to kill themselves coz mu alone and lazy. You don't understand the pain really being alone not because you chose it but because the society makes you become like it. Yeah i do bodybuilding too and go on vacation alone sometimes.

there's nothing wrong about my body fortunately but my face is not a normal face so i kind of label in society and can't have a normal like. You will not like to be my friend when you see me. People try only to be friendly out syhmpathy

Since last night, probably 30 times or so. I was on the mend and of course it just had to get all kinds of fucked up.

Every day a few times at least. I am really in an inner struggle and it seems I'm losing. Since I don't have a gun, I consider two options: jumping off a ten storey building or hanging myself, I think I am going to choose the first one.

quite a bit

can i see you? maybe it's not as bad as you think. i won't fuck with you too bad.

Quite a lot since in entirely alone, no living family, no friends, no job, I don't even have people online to talk to, I spend my days knowing if I died it would be as if I never existed, so I some what stubbornly keep alive out of spite

or jumping off a tall building with a rope around your neck about 100 feet long? (don't do it i just enjoy this)

Yeah I won't argue about that one, I really don't know what it's like to Have to be alone, but even if your family pushed you away, you still can find friends through hobbies or someting. Being alone also means that only you are in control. No one else. You could change from being alone to going out sometimes, I mean if you are an alright person, a nice guy, no one will give a damn about your look, once you are proven to be ok, I think.

oh idk i guess i think about myself quite frequently, i mean why not? whats so great about living anyway? you know when im happy? for about 5 seconds when i first wake up before i remember who i am and what my life is all about. anxiety, loneliness, depression, diarrhea more often than not... idk if theres an afterlife but nothingness cant be any worse than this meaningless march through my empty days

>Being alone also means that only you are in control. No one else.
That is exactly the problem for people who can't do it.

Since I started posting on Cred Forums ... everyday

...

couple times a day, if everything goes well this week hoping to knock that number down

At one point I'm afraid of death so strongly, I don't want to be scared as shit as I would fly down, I want it to be quick, also I don't want to show off, I just want to "turn off" my consciousness.

i'm just curious because maybe you can apply for some kind of chaity to get plastic surgery or something depending on your problem. i've seen commercials for charities to fix little kids cleft pallets and shit like that. maybe there's something out there that can at least make it somewhat better. good enough that you feel less shitty about it. not saying you'll be brad pitt but better is better is better is better.

You know what I realized over the years? The reason for being sad and feeling bad about yourself is so addictive, because it's easy. It's easy and comfortable to just think away your life instead of actually trying to make a change. And I'd like to make it clear that feeling bad for oneself and being depressed really are not the same thing. I'm talking about people who don't need professional help (yet), and they could still make a change, they just lack willpower. This, of course, including me.

that's the spirit. do some fucking pushups and go get a girlfriend motherfucker.

then you don't want to die. i would try out some new things if i were you. go dirt biking or something. see nature.

I don't want to be the new meme of the year, i mean i already have a shitty life, i can't imagine anything worst other than being the joke in the internet.

You are in control yes but you can't control other people's mind. You can spend your money to anything for yourself but the prejudice will never disappear in society. Yeah im an alright person everyone at work respect me but like i said coz i pretend to be another person not to be myself.

In the documentary about the golden gate bridge suicides, there is a guy who said that in the moment he let go of the rail and started falling, he immediately thought " I don't wanna die". We have no idea how many people felt just like that guy, whether it's jumping, hanging etc. It's just not worth it.

Describe your face. Please.

I thought about various things to distract myself but they all require money and I'm uneducated, skilless, mentally disordered 26 years old dude with poorly paid and hateful job. I sometimes think that working myself through to develop skills for getting money is what can save me, but daily things hit me and say to me "hey man, stop fantasizing, you're nothing, you won't achieve anything" and then I go back to thinking about suicide.

Pretty much every day.

Sometimes it crosses my mind. I just fight back by remembering why I'm alive right now, which is family.

It's weird because I don't really care for them that much but I know they care for me.

Most of everyday

...

Same for me, I'm a different person at work too, that's why I cherish being alone so much. I can be myself for a while. Even though I'm just trying to find out who I really am. I don't want to be someone who's dying to get home from work and get rid of that mask he wears, even though right now, this is the case.but i dont want it to last forever

learn to live

>when I was a 28 yo beta fag on the edge of becoming a wizard, I thought Abt suicide several Times per day.
>since I have a gf none Times per day

I wish jobs is like the society noone will care about your face as long as you do your job.

Everyday. But then I remember anime and JRPGs, so I stop.

In Australia..I think about suicide every day. When I wake up..before I go to bed and a lot of the time in between. In Philippines never.

nembutal

leave the country go to asia

This was me too until I got a GF

Then I realized women are cunts, so I dumped her, but my want to kill myself was gone.

tl;dr getting some pussy cured me of being suicidal

you're probably dissociative like me. childhood trauma and moving between countries, my brain (the many shrinks I've seen say) just learnt to make new personalities. its both a curse and a blessing. i can't feel pain really but i don't really get why people live. i just exist at the moment. i thought about killing myself but am going to integrate back into society to make money quickly to retire young then i have no idea

and do what?

i actually tried to off myself by fire yesterday... now stuck in burnunit!
not a very clever way to do it , i might add ...
hurts like hell!!!

That's odd.
You thought about suicide when you thought the world revolved around you and it stopped when you realized it doesn't?

imo it sounds more logical the other way around.

Every. Single. Day.
Ive cut a little. Im too pussy to just slice i guess.

what emotions drove you to do that?

Everyday for the past 2 years.

754 times by femtoseconds

>be me, 2 years ago
>17 years old
>social anxiety
>no friends, no gf
>had so much free time, think about death and the meaning of life every day
>so much depressed
>tried to suicide
>failed
>tries to find a meaning of my life or evidence of afterlife, so I can live in the knowladge of it doesnt really matter if I live or die
>reading books and search for shit 24/7 for 2 years
>still no friends, but at least I know that something is fucked up, so I dont care anymore

well general despair and sense of not being able to fathom life or love, and feeling it all is just fucking racing by without im able to do a damm thing... i feel like im stuck in time and all i wanted to do is done or fucked up and i cant be the man i want to be for my gf , so i maybe had a childish vision about if i was gone, she would be better of

Since my girlfriend left me I've been thinking about it every other day.

I think it's because I had planned my entire life with her and now it seems meaningless.

what emotions drove you to try to kill yourself? what did they feel like?

Curiosity. Intrigue. Not depressed or anything. We all die, what he fuck happens you know. Want to see on my own accord.

so helpless? guilty? why do those feel so bad that you want to kill yourself?

I was hospitalized for trying to kill myself 1 month ago and I still think about it daily so there's no hope for me. At least I know how I'll be dying so that's comforting

hmm, thats a good question ... i feel both helpless and guilty i guess , but i also felt that if i cant figure life out, maybe theres no point

what emotions are stopping you from grabbing a knife and slicing your jugular right now?

hey user, ama didn't work out?

Have you found an evidence of afterlife ? Because I've read a lot of "scary" stories that are supposed to be real and I see some patterns which tell that afterlife is probably exists and that the hell even might be real.

loneliness, and it was so terrible, I was so depressed I couldnt even cry or show my feelings, just laugh at how pathetic I was

youre welcome, user

drink and fuck and make friends..all easy..PH is my favourite..here now

Uncertainty.

its kinda pathetic,but when i put gasoline on my shorts and legs and lighted the lighter,i knwe it would hurt ... but when i stood in flames all my instinct screamed get that clothes of and so i did and stood there with burnt of legs , screaming ...

Everyday, though im rather good at talking myself out of it. Only tried once, electrocuted the fuck out of myself with 440. one lead in my left hand, ground in my mouth. Should be dead. Should have stopped my heart and/or turned my brain to jelly. Knocked me the fuck out but no burns and no death. Weird shit.

>afterlife
Soul is the person's brand they project to the people around them, and I don't want to think like this.
If somebody got me convinced that when I die, I would spend an eternity having a morning coffee with my sister, I'd do myself in ASAP

why do those emotions feel so bad? what good emotions would negate those? also hopeless i take it?

very often

when they hit me i become paralysed and cant act , which fuels my inner selfhate every time a little more !

People. What is the purest, most overpowering, happiest emotion you can name right now from personal experience?
Protip; they exist and love is real.

of what? there is a 100% certainty you'll bleed out and die. if there is an afterlife you won't know until you die, and by prolonging it you don't gain any additional knowledge as to its existence or lack there of. so its not uncertainty

Shut the fuck up faggot and either just fucking do it or quit whining about your pathetic life and do something productive with it instead.

I'm not 100% sure ofc, but there are plenty of evidence, that science cannot handle and even evidence that is scientific (quantum physics, Ian Stevenson and his work ...) and I have even personal experience which was kinda wierd.

try again dude, i'm sure it'll work this time

for me its revenge, power

love is nice but fleeting..

maybe ,but no fire next time ... ill might choose the helium way

why not try something new? like become a serial killer or a gangster? maybe you'll derive pleasure from seeing others suffer as you kill them, worse comes to worse the authorities will catch you and kill you so you have nothing to lose if you;re going to kill yourself and everything to gain in terms of pleasure/joy/motivation etc

This is pretty much my life and I'm ok with that. I used to live with my parents and that was enough to contemplate suicide on a daily basis.

what happened ? describe your personal experience

You don't seem to understand that people kill themselves because they feel like they can't do shit. Your scenario is stupid.

everyday, but it's morphed into just running away to a different part of the country and starting over, live another life

so they kill themselves because they feel useless? and being "useless" is a bad emotion? it feels so bad that the brain goes "okey dokey, time to self-terminate"?

Every minute.

Recently, it's a daily thing

Yes. For example.

can you tell me how it feels bad? can't you just decide it doesn't feel bad?

like I've tried to do experiments where i'm supposed to feel guilt. at a grocery store they used to charge like $9 for a puck of provolone cheese. so i'd go in at night and do some shopping, and id always pocket some cheese, sometimes $20-30 worth in my leather jacket. id greet the teller, ring everything up, pay for it, then walk out. i didn't feel fear, guilt, nervousness or anything. i'd just make small talk with the teller and be on my way. i did that for a while until they put mini-rfid tags under the label, so i guess they caught on.

maybe im fucked up?

Can you just go get a can of cat food, open it, and eat the whole thing by pretending it's a can of tuna instead?

I don't speak for everybody, and I still have a hard time naming what feels "bad", or what really even "feels". It's hard to explain if you don't know what I'm talking about. But in the worst case the thoughts of being useless, and everything you can think of that logically connects to it, get so overpowering and paralyzing that you wallow in it. For a day. For a week. For a month. It becomes your entire existence, you can't pull yourself up from it, and at some point you just. Give up.
I don't speak for everybody.

Maybe you just like the rush of shoplifting.

When it comes to suicide and the various reasons behind it, I feel there's a rift between people who "get it" and people who don't "get it".
I appreciate these threads for both views.

why does it feel bad?

i could probably do that, although id puke profusely

how does it get overpowering? Your brain just reboots your train of thought to "feeling" useless etc?

Everyday i think about it. Even right now..

but you sure as hell speak for me ...

Same here. I thought about it so often I shirked all of my responsibilities and now I'm down to my last $200 until the end of the week when rent is due.

it was more revenge i guess. i was pissed at the store charging so much so i just didn't want to pay. actually i used to steal 1kg chocolate bars in high security places but that was more of a challenge lol

okay for real, someone tell me if this is some troll meme or an actual legit method that works?

disclaimer i dont want to kill myself just wanna know

You become useless. You're you, but you're useless. You think of everything you're not doing, you think of the wonderful world going without you, you think of what you actually are doing, and it all just feeds back into the dominant "thought" of you.
You act happy if you're with someone but it doesn't feel like human interaction because you don't feel human. You stare at deadlines of all kinds and you do nothing because you're useless and thus what does it matter. You wake up every monday and think "that's one more week of life" and you can't remember a single thing from last week no matter how sober you are, and it all just feeds back. If nobody reaches out to you nothing is going to happen, as long as you can bear to live. That's how it's felt for long times.

I know it sounds melodramatic but I'm trying to explain it to the best of my ability. The main point is there's nothing more than that going on. It's not a "thought", it takes over everything.

youtube.com/watch?v=sarqgzfKZHI

You have a daughter that will physically be part of your life. Your life doesn't suck, just you do.

despite this being Cred Forums im not trying to troll. at around 17 i was going to kill myself. i had researched knots, had purchased rope, and practiced on a tree in a nearby forest by climbing it, making sure the branch could support my body at the time. my dad had left years earlier (schizo/bipolar/depressed), my mom was drinking heavily and i just played computer games, no friends, i was obese, etc.

then i remember the night i was going to do it it seemed what was like a dream, i could see myself having discussions with myself, but it was different "parts" of me, and this sounds really fucked up, but a decision was made and the suicide was aborted. all the probabilities were calculated and it was decided i'd get into a top uni, lose weight, start working out, etc. im not schizo (i thought i was, but apparently that ruled it out), and later was told it was a dissociative breakdown because i was going to off myself. over the next couple weeks i would black out a lot, and kind of watch myself, like out of body. i ended losing 65 lbs in 4 months, got high 90s, and made new friends and i didn't want to kill myself anymore.

can't you guys just "remake" yourselves?

I used to think about it 2-4 times a day. Broke up with my cheating girlfriend. Joined a gym and lost 10kgs. (20 something pounds) and now I never think of it

Every day, but it's just a passing thought. Not a big deal. I'm not depressed and it's not a serious thought. It just crosses my mind...like anything else. sex , for example.

not as much as i used too but it crosses my mind sometimes
i attempted it a few years ago but one of my family members dog had to be in my room for some reason i can't remember and i didn't want it licking up my blood and getting sick or something so i stopped trying to slit my wrists
i still hate dogs tho

I spent the year less than a hundred feet away from her and my ex, and my ex was the very first one to know about my state, and that was on the day of the attempt.
I realize what a horrible thing dying would have been, but I was not lucid then, absolutely was not. She is what keeps me going now.

pretty much all day long as I will be doing it at th end of October .im just getting shit together for who im leaving behind ..stuff for the kids ..fail safe numbers for other family when they dont hear from me over xmas that sorta shit ..been sad most my life ..but teh past 10 years have been empty ..now im facing being totally alone and im not doing it all over again fuck it

Suicidal thoughts are like screensaver for my brain. I don't give them much attention most of the time.

i see. what would it take for you not to feel that way or something new that would counter that?

Important people, who you care about and who care about you. That's my theory and if it fails or I fail it, I'm all out.

Every night for about 2 hours. I always wondered if the type of suicide you think about means anything. I always think about stabbing myself through the neck, does that mean anything different then someone who thinks about jumping off a bridge

answer: never

wealth? fame? power? control? none of those appeal to you?

typically the more violent ways, the more self-hatred there is apparently. murder-suicides typically involve rage and hatred directed at others or society in general.

men are far more likely to blow their brains out than women. women usually OD or hang themselves

fear of failure is a big one. imagine awakening to the same situation, but now you're brain damaged/a cripple and CAN'T off yourself anymore. that's a big fear for a lot of people. not to mention that you've failed at killing yourself, which is like the ultimate humiliation for someone who's trying to kill themselves due to perceived failures

And. I love my sister, and I love my daughter, and both are currently too much out of my reach. I managed to forget them completely that year. I must never again forget, and I must make myself important to many, many more people other than them. I must overcome the fear of achievement and accept that if I become an actual person, I can provide them both with what I think they deserve, even if it means I'll have more to lose. Life doesn't last forever, mine nor theirs, but that doesn't mean I can't try to become emotionally invested. That's what keeps this shitshow running

I legit was thinking about it again about a minute ago just before I opened up Cred Forums
I can't escape.

Never have. Substinence, health and security, and any extra to pass around. People are what makes life worth living, and I realize how unbelievable naïve I am about what most people are like in real life.

so slowly work your way back into their life somehow.

so take another job or career which you actually enjoy. or start a business. you're right, most people aren't quite so nice. if you learn what makes people tick you can use that to your advantage. god i sound like a psychopath, but i do actually have emotions (i think)

That actually happened to my brother not even kidding. Was a nightguard and tried to blow his brains out, apparently he didn't tilt the gun far enough back to completely kill himself. Mom has to take care of him 24/7 now. Dude has to wear diapers. Sometimes I think about killing him too so no one else has to suffer. Mom didn't ask for this.

Also I don't think I would ever actually kill myself that way, I would do something less painful, but it just happens to be the constant thought I have

it's real, know a website of an old lady that explained how to make one in case euthanasia is forbidden in your region and you'd rather kill yourself due to fucked up illness or just old age physical discomfort

since I was in middle school. 20 now. going strong :')

yep positive suicidal impulse...2 my close friends suicide..that's right

At last once a day, life is meaningless anyway so why not end it? But then again sex is nice and there are still some things i wanna try befor the end. So i stay here for at last another year or two.

Years ago I used to think about hanging myself. What does that mean? The thoughts would make me feel calm, almost like no matter how bad things got there was always a way out

That sucks. Both your brother trying to off himself and missing. Can he talk? Does he still want to die? You can always put a life insurance policy on him and hire a professional to do the job right. Might be the most obvious murder for life insurance in history but if the hitman is a pro...

It's common. Euthanasia basically but for mental suffering.

My sister I've been let know for only three years. She's 33, started opiates and benzos from childhood, rehab or the equivalent for the last eight years. I do what I can.
I get to see my daughter once a month currently. So you're right, I really need to establish myself better in every meaning of the word.

You don't sound like a psychopath, you just understand how it works.

>playing with my father's friend's kid
>out of nowhere she started to tell me that "You used to die too"
>few sec later she was like "why did you stop playing?"
>she didn't remember what she said
>thouth she heard from other kids but she was kinda isolated and her parents arent those who speak about death to theri kid
>It may not sound wierd, but it was
another:
>be me, trying to suicide and stuff
>try to produce CO, with radiator (didn't have car)
>inhale smoke whats coming out
>mfw I didn't even faint (if I failed to produce CO, then it would be pure CO2 which cause faint after 5 min and then death)
>I tried this for a whole week, I inhaled so much shit
>nothing
>then I wasn't home for few weeks
>I was sleeping in a fucking forest (it was winter, -15 celsius)
>shivered like an autistic whole night
>I didn't get pneumonia, not even a single cold
>wtf man
>tried to cut my veins, it was fucking painful so it took a while
>a cleaner noticed me
>whaddup dawg
>tried to find a closed place in the city where i could mix the toilet bowl cleaner and bath salts that I bought so I can get H2S which would have been a better way than cutting myself
>a police officer caught me
>It was like I couldn't harm myself or I was just too autistic and lucky, dunno
more:
>be my mother
>chillin
>her father had a hearth attack
>the bulb exploded that very moment when grandpa died

these are just spooky stuffs, but wierd.
sorry for shitposting tho, this would belong to /x/

He can talk. The worst part is that he was always an asshole. When I was little he even touched me but I didn't tell anyone. By the time I understood what was going on, he had already joined the army. Then he tries to kill himself and had to move back in. What was I suppose to say? "No mom don't take care of you brain damaged son, he used to touch me, I know I never told you and he isn't in a place to defend himself but it happened I swear!" I spent so many days taking care of my now brain damaged rapist.

Benzos are a bitch to get off of. It's amazing how the body gets attuned to a certain dosage and how sensitive it is. I actually have an anxiety disorder and take benzos for it, I got PTSD from a near-fatal car accident years ago. Started having panic attacks and severe nervous dysfunction due to all the adrenaline. Sounds your sister needs therapy and support. Childhood trauma?

well, thanks, I guess that's a relief. although i can be very charming and convincing, which is one of the hallmarks of psychopathy. Robert Hare, the eminent researcher on psychopathy even described this in a book of his. While he was at a prison studying psychopaths, one prisoner offered to repair his car in the prison garage. Later, when Hare was driving with his wife and child in the car, the brakes failed.

An old clock from our grand-grandmother stopped running the day she passed away.
What do you think about your suicide "failures"?

Oh and I don't think he still wants to die. When we ask him where he got his scars from he makes up a crazy story. I don't think he remembers anything

sounds fucked up. did anyone else in the family do that to him? is that why you want to off yourself?

About as often as you think about sex.

you were homeless bathsalt time?

i've had 4 catastrophic car accidents within 10 times. none my fault, all drunks running reds. the probability of that is like 1 in a trillion

All the fucking time

That's fucked up. I've had one actual panic attack in my life and that was enough to make me stop shit talking about people having panic attacks. Had any huge problems getting what you need?

She's all kinds of fucked up. I still don't know everything about her life; she lived with my abusive, depressed, alcoholic father and ran the household til she was kicked out at 16. It's been drugs (and satan worship) from that point onwards.
Fibromyalgia?, obsessive cleaning, fucked up emotions, heart problems and pretty much everything you can guess. She's been on methadone for years, trying to get off them now and everything's falling apart right now. Doesn't help that her "old friends" are the ones on methadone that have no fucking plans of actually doing anything.
And Sovatek is an absolute shit in getting anything done.

I've at least heard about that case, but personally I believe some people plain end up with great social skills, and use them, without other personality disorders.

This was back when I still lived with my parents, it is due to this that I left home so early. Everyone at some point had to take care of him, if my mom needed some time alone me and my younger brother would take care of him, he can have a seizure at any moment. He never did what we asked him to do, taking his medicine or drinking water (he has salt diabetes) even now with a fucked up brain he's still an asshole. I don't think he ever touched anyone else though.

at least 3 times a day

Excuse me. Salt diabetes?

Honestly it just feels nice to talk about it. Honestly one of the worst things for me was just seeing all the sympathy he was getting. This horrible horrible person sitting there getting sympathy

Alot usually worse when I work

Atleasts that's what mom calls it. He has to drink a fuck ton of water and watch his salt intake

Daily. Not sure if I want to slit my throat, jump off a parking garage, or hang. What do you guys reccomend?

Diabetes insipidus

every day. im 17 no gf. no friends i am everyday in my house coz people in the school used to bully me only bcos i am ugly... i am a live only because in my room i cant stay alone play video games listen to music. and there is no one judging me. i am just a boy with ugly face. who no one wants to be my friend or do something with me even my family i mean they want but they look at me in a weird way. so no point to try to be friendly but i am a coward. i dont know how to do it

I had an episode once where I woke up, got up, then fell down like a pile of pricks. Couldn't talk, just gibberish. My heart was beating very abnormally. literally thought the world was going to end, this sense of doom. Wrote a "goodbye" letter to my family, called my grandparents in Europe to wish them good bye, then tried to get to the hospital but just ended up in the front yard laying there in the middle of the day unable to move with people just casually walking by (I looked wasted). Convinced I was schizo I packed my bags and went to the ER and told them I was schizo and needed to be locked up. They explained that I was not schizo (old man is) and that I had "rolling" panic attacks. Sometimes these last for hours, days or weeks, and to the point they shove benzos up your ass to stop them. It's fucked. And yes, I am fine on my normal dosage, but going to a doctor to get them is hell, I had one doctor who fell off his chair in shock when he asked how long I was on them and I said 3 years "3 weeks?" "No, 3 years" ..... doctor has near heart-attack and flies off chair. some are benzophobes alright.

satan worship sounds like ritualistic abuse, who knows what he did to her. is she in therapy?

Get a suicide-in life insurance policy on him and do him in, but make it look like a suicide

All of the damn time.

salt diabetes. too easy. put a bag of salt near him and force feed him that shit.

Daily

if the insurance tries to contest it due to "suicide" get a good lawyer to argue that it was his brain injury that caused him to hero, hence it wasn't a "real" suicide

Haven't thought about it much lately but going back a few months ago I was thinking about it every day for a year, it was fucking depressing. The worst part is my dad committed suicide so it's definitely genetic for me. :(

It was really wierd. I didn't have the courage to jump, cuz i have fear of height, but I literally couldn't do anything to myself. It was like something held me back.
It was the worst feeling ever. I wanted to die so badly, I was suffering from loneliness for years, yet couldn't jump or harm myself. I couldn't even get a gun, becouse I'm in mid EU.

Sorry for my english i am the 17 yo guy. i mean i live in my room i dont go outside i dont have nothing to do, there is no point in my life. who should i kill myself ? i been living in my room for almost 2 years. with out friends gf. or i barely talk to anyone. i am not fat. im just ugly and the guys of my age laugh at me or they just make jokes about me. i think there is no future for me. no one likes me how should i kill myself?

daily. so far the lexapro hasn't really done much

wear a blonde wig, do your nails and act like a woman. a rape-fugee will do it for you

At least once a day.

Gotcha.

Oh fucking hell... And yeah, pills and pills, apparently. But as long as they work NOW, I guess.
I'm just glad childhood obesity is my only problem. (Can't say I'm depressen dozen years running 'cause how would I know for sure.)

I don't think my father did anything to her. He loved her mother (we have different mothers), I think her aorta ripped when my sister was still young. He loved her and the only thing he had in the end was a reminder of her. I can only try to understand how he felt, haven't met him since I was 6.

It's really hard to get in touch with her without it being an unnecessary burden on her...
She is not in therapy. I'm not sure if she could even manage that, it's scarves, sunglasses and ear buds everytime she goes out, if she manages to buy... Whatever it is she gets from that one guy. I don't remember anymore, some kind of sedative?
And yeah, she's probably had more bloody rape orgies than Charles Manson, or something.

Hey, thanks for listening. Does me good to let all this out at times. She's the only person I can really talk about "my things" with, unfortunately.

Shitty life, shitty couch, shitty people arround me. I think about it every day, even at this moment

go full Zyzz and become a tank, then get into a top university and go into finance

not every day but often

i dont have a brothers i am the only one and my parents dont give a fuck they are too busy in the work i am 24/7 alone but i really i dont want to go outside when i go outside and i see all the people looking at me and the guys of me age just staring at me in a weird way... and then laughing secretly just i feel like i want to kill myself i left school because the bully... 1 year ago

I get you.
That's why I chose the train. I'd sprint into position and then just not do anything. Diagonal on the track, entrance on neck-shoulder. The entire day was like a dream when I realized it's THE day.

yeah ikr. It's good that I'm in Hungary. At least I'm not getting raped.
feelsgoodman

fuck bullies. find a way to fuck with them and destroy them.

i remember in grade 9 (14 years old?) there was the school initiation, where all the 'bullies' made the grade 9's push a dollar coin with their nose while they laughed. first day, sure enough a bunch surrounded me. i did it, they laughed, then as i got up i slid the dollar down my pants. these are dumb ass motherfuckers. i started to walk away, and they were looking for the coin. the big bully said i must have it so they rushed me and started searching me (everywhere but my underwear haha). i played dumb and naive. they were yelling at me to give it back. then i pretended to be really scared and said "i saw him (the big bully) pick it up when you were all laughing". and of course they all ganged up on him and ended up beating him up. i went and got a kit kat with the dollar lol. then i saw the retarded 'bully' in class staring me down and i just smiled at him and when he confronted me i told him he better not fuck with me or else i'd get him expelled for 'molesting' me. karma..

Yeah I was thinking about that, but I didn't want to ruin other peoples day and be in the news.

just everyday, getting used to it.

no problem. sounds like your sister needs help. alcoholic parents are terrible...

Maybe this'll cheer you guys up a bit.

youtube.com/watch?v=mPtX8m6seeU

Same. Become a daily routine. Brush teeth, look in mirror, I should kill myself

youtube.com/watch?v=yuxss1kBQWw

Anyone with an issues, any kind who wants to share with me ? I want to behave good tonight

I thought the pills were bullets but then i saw that they were pills so i was thinking if you would load a gun with the right caliber of pills would it have any effect?

Get a hobby.

At most the pill could pop open inside the chamber and you'd suck some of it down the barrel, but it would be a single shot.

Wow, I'm a bit late to the party, but I literally came here to post this thread.

I think about suicide every day. Especially when waking up in the morning. I never visit my daughter or even clean up my house. The only thing keeping me from doing it is hurting my family.

I'm thinking of getting drunk and passing out in a snow bank so I look like an idiot instead of a coward.

I consider it every day.

I always reject it. Life is great and it keeps getting better every day. Hell, even when its bad, life is awesome. If i could live for a hundred thousand years, i would.

>Hopelessly outnumbered
>Enemy has no moral compass
>We're inviting them into out homelands
>No war in history has ever been on these terms
>Some of these people will be your friends
>MFW

Come the race war you'll wish you had jumped of a scraper.