Hey Cred Forums, welcome to your local computer fix-it shop!

Hey Cred Forums, welcome to your local computer fix-it shop!

What problem are you having with your computer? I'll tell you the solution.

USB ports dont work properly.
hdmi output doesnt work.

Ah, fuck. Nobody's having computer problems.

Ah, that sounds like an I/O problem. I'll replace the system board and have it back to you in 3-4 business days. I'll also scan for viruses.

Press power button, GPU lights up, fans spin, case lights (power, hdd) dont go on, no video output.

Why does my pc lag/slow down for 10 sec every time i open a semi old program ?

already replaced the motherboard in my laptop. Still the exact same problems.

*opens case*

There's your problem. You've blown one of the transistors on your system board. I'll replace that and get it back to you in 3-4 business days. When you pick it up, you'll be virus free.

Holy shit, thank you man! you're my hero

Hmm, yours is a software issue. Try upgrading to a SSD from your obsolete SATA. I'm confident you have bad sectors. I can fix that in 3-4 business days.

It doesn't work

Well, that's your fault for allowing it to apply for welfare. I suggest you repurpose it for BitCoin mining so it can actually have a purpose and bring some cash into your house. Our installation of that software will take 3-4 business days.

My Laptop is saying it has a hard disk problem?

Hello, I'm currently having problems with the game 'Dota 2', it seems that whenever I'm in game, no matter how good I am, my team mates just seem to put all my effort to waste, no pushing, farming without wards.

I'm in low priority atm because I can't be fucked to deal with retard teams, please help me fix it

I see you brought in a gaming laptop. Did you recently get frustrated and apply a sharp and sudden shock to it, possibly over losing a video game match? I can check your hard disk for bad sectors. If I find any, I'll image your device and replace the hardware. This will take 3-4 business days.

You're not Russian. I can't help you.

When it's switched to input mode it allows me to type stuff in and correct any mistakes but when I want to send the information and switch it to output mode it just shuts down?

my pc takes 3-4 businessdays to boot, what do?

Can you please help me???

So I bought this card online thinking it would help me play games (I read all about the 1070 online) but when I installed it I was upset because I did not have any games on it??

I do not understand how I spent so much money and it didnt even have any games on it... I am too embarrassed to tell my mom I was duped out of all that money she spent.

Idk if this is the right thread for me but please help

This is an interesting problem indeed. It seems in all of your input mode interfacings you never told your computer WHERE to send it. I can resolve this by editing configuration files. We're kinda booked right now and this small fix may actually take 3-4 business days.

Over 3-4 business days, I got 3-4 viruses. My hdmi and outputs take 3-4 business days to install drivers and transistors have blown. Why will my RAM not load and why does it take 3-4 business days?

Your computer seems to be in working order, sir or madam.

After leaving my computer on for too long my Windows Explorer process starts to leak memory and things on my desktop become unresponsive until I close it in task manager and reopen explorer. Any solutions other than wiping since its a minor annoyance?

My DVD drive decides to eject itself on startup every single time without fail. Occurs immediately upon log in.

thanks, but did you just assume my gender?

Seeing as how your primary concern is your mother not finding out... could you please affirm that you will be able to pay for my company's service? All transactions require consent of a non-minor.

Restart the unit once in a while?

I go poop, and now compute does the thing that it should not be,, how to add a new rat in pic

Yeah my mom will pay you, its just I do not want to tell her that she paid for something that does not work. So if you can help me I can tell her to pay you

My computer reboots every 3-4 business days. Can you fix that?

This is an easy fix. If you lay your computer down on one side and boot it, then your fans will have an alternate air flow which will properly cool the blown transistors. With the electricity flowing properly, the viruses will enter a configuration mode where you can uninstall them. After that the drivers should load properly, though it may still take 3-4 business days.

I wish there was a slur for people who don't accept a binary gender designation. Faggot doesn't seem to fit.

I can help you. I will need your unit and any installation disks for games you wish to play. This will take 3-4 business days.

My pc sued

Okay where do I send my 1070 to???
Do you need my PC as well?

My egg cooker got dirty, and now it won't work any more.

Yes I can. I need additional information, however. Which holidays does your computer acknowledge for time off? I find that the root cause is more discernable if I know which days it considers "proper business days."

Yes. Just set them here on the counter.

I'm sorry, this is a pc fix-it operation. We do not work on egg cookers.

PLS RESPOND

THIS ISNT FUNNY

I bought a fucking expensive video game card and it has no games on it, I feel played

My egg cooker IS my pc, though

Well, I've informed you of all parts of your system you need to bring in for us to enact a fix. You're welcome to take your business elsewhere if you feel unsatisfied.

My dad's business computer SCSI controller card is fried because I deleted system16, help me user

recently built a new rig, everything is fine but I used a vga cable before on this samsung tv, now I use hdmi and whenever I set my pc to fill the screen on 1080p it stays like that for like an hour and then goes back to its default settings, I literally tried everything but I can't fix it.

Sure! We offer replacement SCSI cards and system16 re-installation services. Just leave the unit with us and come back in 3-4 business days. Your computer will also be returned virus-free.

B-but dad will notice his computer is gone, can't you do it any faster?

Ok, we can handle that. We'll need your rig and the monitors you're attempting to use as well as a detailed list of literally everything you've tried.

I would like a refund.
You fixed my HDD but now the calendar is broken.

There is a fee for service expedition. Will your father be footing the bill?

Could you describe what is wrong with your calendar? It appears to be correct upon a visual diagnostic.

N-no, I swear some guys on this new Cred Forums website told me to delete it. I mean they found it funny it's 2004 and I'm still running Windows 95...
I-I swear I'll always be your client, just fix it as fast as you can! I only have $20 from mowing my neighbor's lawn...

Where can I download some sweet RAM?

www.sweetram.com

I'm sorry, I'm afraid we cannot offer you our services without consent of a non-minor.

If i move my headphone jack very slightly, the whole computer restarts... no fucking idea why

P-please, dad will kill me!
Isn't there something I can do...

my computer randomly insta powers down
may be because of heat but im no expert

Yes sir. This is most likely an electricity issue. On some computers, such as yours, the headphone jack is on the board with the power button. We can verify these connections for you if you'd like. We'll call you in 3-4 business days.

It apparently doesn't correctly list non-business days.

lmao why is your fan header under the motherboard?

when i play game i forgot to say

Every time I go on the internet people call me a faggot. Can you install a program that will help me find them so I can 1v1 them irl?

....you could kill him first....

the port i put in my second monitor in quit working all of a sudden, so only 1 monitor now, what do

The non-business days were listed in your previous calendar due to virus. We have returned your device to you as promised... virus-free. I'm afraid we can't offer a refund.

might be a power supply issue

Thanks, I'll tell everyone you guys told me to do it!
>runs out

We offer cooling-system installation. Just leave the unit with us and we'll have it ready for you in 3-4 business days. We also offer virus removal services.

Recently upgraded my CPU and motherboard, and now I'm experiencing an issue where my mouse (Deathadder) and headphones will stop working for 1-2 seconds every few minutes. I've reinstalled Synapse, drivers, tried different USB ports, verified that the PSU is not being choked down... I don't know what else to try.

The processor is a Intel i7 6800K, for some reason Speccy doesn't know that.

I'm sorry, we do not have that software in our catalog.

Leave your unit with us. It is likely the port merely needs a cleaning. We can appraise the video card you're using in case the port actually did fail, and even offer replacement services. The initial diagnostic will take 3-4 business days.

Plug in Laptop to charger, because fuck yeah infinite power

Push power button

Indicator light next to charger pussyhole blinks a couple of times

Laptop does nothing

What do :(

i had same thoughts
my pc is was a make-shift piece of crap bult from spare parts
aparantly power supply was used a good bit before being put into my pc

was that a terrible joke or did you think that raspberry was a fan splitter/controller?

>2000+1+2+3+4+5+1
>ATAPI
Aha, here's your problem!

my graphics card sucks fucking dick though, any recommended replacements? was thinking 1070 or 980ti 6gb maybe, play wow csgo oiverwatch etc but mainly wow

I would suggest trying to choke down the CPU. Sometimes those bitches need to be put in their place. 3-4 business days.

wut

How would I dual boot a PC? Also, getting a flashdrive to hold another OS?

There are plenty of resources for finding the right graphics card for you. After you make the decision and purchase, come back to us and we'll install it for you.

>starts looking through thread to see if any answers were serious
>nope

fuck

Parallel ATA is kinda... obsolete.

It's just a CD/DVD burner. I don't see how that would affect my mouse.

>sata
SSD and HDD both use SATA fuckwit, give me a refund.

>wake up
>plug in charger
>notworking.jpg
>fiddles with charger
>smoke comes out
>smells like fire
wtf do i do

please be bait

...

I can't run things or play videos without it jittering

nice skype faggot

oddy1998

Come back in 3-4 business days.

add me
yup

should i put a gaming setup and a NAS storage in my new tower?

no, but a gaming setup and a NOS system would be great. Nitrous really ups those speeds