Feels Thread

Feels Thread

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>be in school
>one year ago
>have classes with pretty much none of my friends but the few people I know in class I sit by
>pretty blonde and smart not popular or known by most
>we have the same kind of personalty and probably think very similarly
>never really get to meet her or even really talk to her
>I'm quiet but I have no problem talking to anyone
>just never get to talk to her
>be this year have no classes with her see her from time to time walking in the halls between classes
It kinda reminds me of the Phil Collins song Sussudio

#shakleford2016

check'd and kek'd

I'm here trying not to fall asleep and wondering if they'll kick me out before the battery is back at 100%

Are you here OP?

yes

How are you?

A little down but ok

How about you?

July 14, 1861
Maj. Sullivan Ballou

The following is a letter written by Maj. Sullivan Ballou to his wife Sarah (née Shumway) at home in Rhode Island. Ballou died a week later, at the First Battle of Bull Run. He was 32.

BallouPortraitCamp Clark, Washington

My very dear Sarah:

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days - perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.

Our movement may be one of a few days duration and full of pleasure - and it may be one of severe conflict and death to me. Not my will, but thine 0 God, be done. If it is necessary that I should fall on the battlefield for my country, I am ready. I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing - perfectly willing - to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt.

But, my dear wife, when I know that with my own joys I lay down nearly all of yours, and replace them in this life with cares and sorrows - when, after having eaten for long years the bitter fruit of orphanage myself, I must offer it as their only sustenance to my dear little children - is it weak or dishonorable, while the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze, that my unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children, should struggle in fierce, though useless, contest with my love of country?

I cannot describe to you my feelings on this calm summer night, when two thousand men are sleeping around me, many of them enjoying the last, perhaps, before that of death -- and I, suspicious that Death is creeping behind me with his fatal dart, am communing with God, my country, and thee.

I have sought most closely and diligently, and often in my breast, for a wrong motive in thus hazarding the happiness of those I loved and I could not find one. A pure love of my country and of the principles have often advocated before the people and "the name of honor that I love more than I fear death" have called upon me, and I have obeyed.

Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our sons grow up to honorable manhood around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me - perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar -- that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.

Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have oftentimes been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the garish day and in the darkest night -- amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours - always, always; and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.

Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again.

As for my little boys, they will grow as I have done, and never know a father's love and care. Little Willie is too young to remember me long, and my blue eyed Edgar will keep my frolics with him among the dimmest memories of his childhood. Sarah, I have unlimited confidence in your maternal care and your development of their characters. Tell my two mothers his and hers I call God's blessing upon them. O Sarah, I wait for you there! Come to me, and lead thither my children.

--Sullivan

youtube.com/watch?v=3bdm4NBYxII

fuck asians make the saddest vids like that

Getting ready to leave the hospital and get a night's rest. I have some online stuff to do tomorrow and a few hours of working out.

I would like a cup of coffee but I dont know if I should spend the money. I've managed to hold off so far.

I need to go home (I think, maybe) but I hate seeing my dad I'm always afraid he going to have some kind of talk with me.

Not much else is going on tonight.

I'm a 24 yr old male. I've been in the us navy 5 years. Lately at least a few times a day people will end a conversion with me by asking "Are you ok?" "Are you sure you're alright?" and stuff like that. I'll find myself just sitting or laying at home staring at nothing for extended periods of time. My wife says I'm apathetic and that she thinks there's something wrong with me. On top of this I've realized I'm only happy when I'm drinking. On a daily basis I have to choose between depression and alcoholism. I don't know how to fix this.

>have good relationship with mom and dad and normally see them a lot but had been super busy this summer and didn't get a chance to visit them for a few months
>plan a family beach vacation for the first week of September, Dad's first vacation in 15 years
>get a new job that starts that week so I have to bail on the trip but plan on seeing them the following Sunday
>Dad had fairly recently begun texting and was texting me way more than usual during the trip, sending pictures, and saying that he wished I was there
>so busy at my new job that I either don't respond or give half-hearted one-word answers
>Friday he asks me how my first week was
>don't respond but figured I could tell him about it in person on Sunday
>in the afternoon I get my new business cards
>take one to give to my dad, excited to tell him about the job and knowing how proud he was
>Saturday I get a call from my Mom
>Dad had a massive ruptured aneurysm the day after getting back from vacation
>surgeon managed to drain his brain of blood, but he's in a coma and will most likely never wake up
>rush to the hospital and find his room in the ICU
>see the bloated thing that used to be my father, dozens of tubes stuck all over his body
>breathing but not really alive
>tanned from the beach
>take out my business card and place it on the windowsill
>"I had a great first week, pop."
>leave the room and go to the shitty private hospital bathroom
>cry for the first time in ten years
Don't take your parents for granted.

Thank you for this, user

That's a nice poon, and you may want psychological help...

Be me 16
Leave boarding school due to thoughts of suicide
try and dab off a chair and brake neck
fail
get kicked out for 2 weeks
Friend kills him self
Finish song that you and him were working on
go to old school where you wear build
play song live with rest of band
get a crowed of people jamming
Then goes on Cred Forums finds feels thread
Post story of today
then noose around neck.

you need to find something you love doing and share it with the ones who love you. and yes there is something to find...

I recently drank so much that I was on the verge of killing myself and if it weren't for my wife being there to stop me I probably would have OD'd or shot myself with a shotgun, I don't remember any of this happening but I trust her and I'm glad she was there. But more and more lately I feel disconnected with who I am or was. I'm not drinking nearly as much, or so I tell myself after I pound about 2-4 25oz cans of cheap beer. I'll stop I say. Today is the day...no tomorrow. I'll stop tomorrow. Yeah

My parents got divorced about two months ago due to one of them having an affair which I found out about a month ago. I'm still trying to figure out how to process the entire situation. Seeing one of my parents filled with regret and shame about the mistake they made and the other living in complete isolation due to them being not very outspoken and not having many friends has taken a toll on me. It sucks feeling like I should be there to help them through the shit show but can't because I had to move for school.

I wanna dedicate this drink to the poor headless horseman whose love has had a stroke and lost all memories of him
Here's to you, user

...

It's good to have good parent you lucky fuck. Fuck you. I hope your mom dies soon.

Hospital? Everything ok?

I often wake up still drunk and rude my motorcycle in to work. I take the motorcycle instead of the truck in case I crash while drunk I'll most likely just kill myself and not anyone else.

I think one day i'll share my story here. might seem like a good way to get some stuff off my chest.

Every night before I go to bed I reflect on all the shitty things I did. I keep telling myself I want to treat people better and be a better human but I keep going to bed feeling like the same fucking asshole piece of shit I always was and will be.

youtu.be/LrcCK2zERdM

The Kauai o'O bird race died a little while ago. The sad part about it is, is that the last bird's mating call was recorded but the female would never come.

Let that sink in and compare this to your life user.

I know I should just call in and be late to work, but I could get in trouble. If I crash I will definitely get time off work. I'm not sure if the thought of crashing and dying even bothers me. I feel as though I wake up just to go to work everyday, and all day at work the only thing I really look forward to is getting home and drinking. What's the point in waking up if all you do is work for a cause you don't support. There have been 2 suicide attempts in my department in the last 2 months, and nobody gives a shit.

We're just victims of our life experiences and circumstances. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Being a piece of shit is being 31yo, living with mom, no money, no skills. A man-child. As me.

>be me 16
>junior in high school
>i was the typical popular guy, i never went long without a girlfriend
>did modeling part time
>whenever i dated someone i wasn't seen as a whole person, just an attractive body
>for that reason i hated everything/everyone
>same routine, numbed everything through sex/cheating or anything that gave me any adrenaline or gratification.
>enter the one girl
>one girl who saw me for everything.
>she was the only person who would listen to me on anything
>vice versa, she was the only person i respected.
>i never wanted to ask her out
>What if we broke up
>id be back to only being seen as a brainless hot guy.
>as we grew closer, i learned more about her.
>she was adopted
>birth parents abused her
cont?

ya

Hey, milbro. I'm in your same situation, kind of. I'm homeless amd my break up still makes me feel like shit, it's bad enough that I scour CL in the hopea of making a connection.

I'm seeing someone and are on meds for my depression but no one in the Army knows. I don't want them to know I have no place to go.

I was talking to a VA rep but they aren't returning my calls. I don't knowbif it's me or if they're just shut at returning messages. I'm going back to the Front Porch group Thursday and trying again.

I'm here if you want to talk to another Vet.


Ya, I was just hoping to meet with my housing counselor and then soent several hours charging my phone and trying to figure how to take care of all this junk I need to do. I have to go to my dad's tonight :/

I just miss her.

Oh man I feel ya. A few months ago one of my aunts passed away because of it. Aneurysm sucks mate.
Because of it and other stuff I've been thinking about death more than ever.

I know these feels, bro

I'm sorry about your housing situation. That would make all of this so much worse for me. Why are you homeless?
My drinking started a few years ago when I didn't have anywhere to live besides a friends garage.
I'd love to be on medication for depression, but it would disqualify me for my job, so the navy won't give it to me. I've been self medicating with alcohol for a few years now. The only reason I'm not drunk right now is that my wife knows I have a drinking problem and it will upset her if I'm already drunk when she gets home.

ok
>When she was 7 her dad beat her unconscious
>she had brain swelling, and amnesia.
>well she was at her most vulnerable, she was taken by CPS
>put in foster home
>she went to 4 foster homes before arriving at her current one in my town
>we never grew to close, but when we did talk it was for hours.
this was the entirety of my junior year
>never felt a stronger connection to anyone.
>by the end of the year, i still was to scared to ask her out.
>next school year i found out she moved again, hundreds of miles away to maryland.
>once again i was back to the same hollow person.
>recently i found her facebook
>she has a son, 2 years old.
>she lives with a loving family
>i am still here recounting the story of the only women i truly loved, as she is married.
>i tried adding her
>doesn't remember who i am
>barely remembers my school
>the person who made the greatest impact in my life
has no idea who i am

well that's my story im sorry if its shit.

bump

good feels man I'm glad you shared

its hard for me to play tf2 sometimes

i dot know why its sideways
here

i was going to post that elisa milicent sinclair story but for some fucking reason Cred Forums won't let me post an image for than 2mb when i could post the image before

so here's its imgur album imgur.com/gallery/lLCtX

It's becuase there's nothing out here. I know what you mean. You're not apathetic, your not stimulated

>I take the motorcycle instead of the truck in case I crash while drunk I'll most likely just kill myself and not anyone else.

Kill yourself already.

bump

Bump

Why do you come here to be a dick? There's no need for it

Wut?

I started to read your story and I felt bad for you but what kind of man drinks and drives?

...

I don't go get drunk and drive. It's that sometimes I wake up still a little drunk. I have to get to work or they could punish me criminally because I'm in the military. I'm guaranteed to get in trouble if I'm late, however it's a very small chance I'll get a DUI on the motorcycle. I know it's wrong and I feel awful about it. I haven't done that in some time. I never take my truck if i'm feeling rough so I won't be as much of a risk to others. I'm mostly just a risk to myself.

I respect your opinion of me. You are most likely a better man than I.

...