Do you guys think I could join a yakuza as a freelance criminal...

You wont even be accepted as apart of society there, let alone apart of the fucking yakuza.
Japs are xenophobic af.

why do you think she wasn't wearing a panty?

Hey nice memes assholes. Just because you failed at life and don't move out your basements doesn't mean I can't become a successful criminal

Just because you post on le Cred Forums doesn't mean you don't fuck your momma

> freelance criminal
>I want to move to Japan and I also want to be a criminal

Holy fuck this is cringeworthy.

> to move
>both worlds

OP is now acceding to new heights of autism

Why do you try and bait me user.
What have I done to anger you so?

See "REKT" post.

You sure yuh wanna join a gang?

baito-kun nigiri kobayashi

It's like a combination of every pipe dream a basement dweller could have.

Congrats OP, you've raised the bar.

Fpbp

you've got this. Why on earth wouldn't they want a fat weeaboo american who can't draw the line between anime and reality?

That's rich coming from an actual basement Cred Forumstard dwelling neckbeard

Does that make you feel better to look down on people who have a dream

Fuck you. I'm active, unlike most of you dumbfucks. I've been doing 2 hours of Karate every weeks and people always say I'm confident and a very stand up kind of guy. Japanese are shy and reserved, they're looking for an outsider's perspective to solve the problems they can't solve themselves.

I'm only asking on Cred Forums because of you aspies autistic capacity for hyper focus which make you sometimes very knowledgeable on specific topics.

>yakuza hires you to track someone down and extort money owed
>posts target's picture on Cred Forums asking for source
>creates roll thread to get suggestions on how to extort

I was a member of the Yakuza for a while

>mfw they made me guard the prime minister of japan and assist investigations for a local police station.
I was disappoint and now an alcohol

Can you share some of your experiences?

How was it? Was it well paid? You were guarding the prime minister so you must have made it pretty far. Do you know who runs the show at the higher levels? Do you think your western background was an advantage or are you a local Japanese citizen?

Were you introduced to their occult rituals? Why did you quit to become alcoholic?

Come on idiots be useful for once.

>people who have a dream

>I've been doing 2 hours of Karate

OP has a real knack for humour, please continue.

no u

> Google translate

Weeaboos are not allowed, faggot

Yes. Do it. Leave /b forever

Goodluck to you. Don't fuck up. Maybe you'll be able to extort and kidnap young school girls and women to be your prostitutes.

Make sure to insult them, show them you are dominant. And beat the ring leader up with your karate skills

...

Op is official baitlord

when entering through japanese customs you can start by declaring you are there to enter into the yakuza crime syndicate

the government and yakuza are interconnected publically so you'll be given the number of a consul to get you started

I'm crying in laughter rn at the possibility this might be real, someone too scared to ask in an otaku forum

what is this, gta iv goes to japan?

lol

>Teleports behind ring leader
"nothin' personnel, kid"

You forgot that if he practices his karate in front of security and is good enough, they will give him a free pass into the country.

However if he sucks they won't let him in.

ITT: youtu.be/XP5lz2CYNR4

Didn't even notice your post. I can speak Japanese pretty fine.

Aku wis sinau Jepang 6 sasi saiki lan aku wis dadi cantik lancar ing iku. Supaya becik nyoba.

But I still have a hard time writing in Japanese characters on my computer so I use western characters for now. Do you know a software that helps with that?

Mittsu; Kara ututsu yuubi moshimoshi Google Translate tanaka sempai bushido nande yakitori cheekeen kesa veree gud tarr ki

It is a photoshop, in the original, she is wearing a pantie. Keep looking at the bush and you can see is fake.

you just practice typing with a japanese keyboard. Write a journal with it, or go to japanese chat rooms. Language is all about practice.

>Why on earth wouldn't they want a fat weeaboo american who can't draw the line between anime and reality?
Are you speaking about yourself?

I'm pretty sure you don't have to go all the way to these extremes if you want to succeed. Altough I'm not afraid to fight if I need to. Being 5'10 I think I'm pretty much already towering most Japanese men.

>Was it well paid?
well enough for a typical bodyguard job. nothing into the extreme though

>so you must have made it pretty far.
Not really, guarding ministers is a low-tier assignment since japan had hardly any crime. my job was to guard him on foreign trips.

>Do you know who runs the show at the higher levels
in the faction is was in no.

>Do you think your western background was an advantage
for government and corporate jobs yes.
scaring unwilling costumers was even better, they got scared of me just because I was a foreigner.

>Were you introduced to their occult rituals?
Yes, this is mandatory. I've seen Kami and had my anus probed by the conciegielierlie

>Why did you quit to become alcoholic?
after my trip was over I met a girl and fell in love , started a relationship but after 6 months she committed suicide.
this is the 3rd time this happened and 4 other girls turned lesbian.

The they might have you fight against the invading tall northern Chinese gangs, that's why Japan hate China so much.

Also you may have tu prove yourself in a sumo match with toru

もう死ねよくそたれ白人。

日本のにまだManlet猿だお前は

>Keep looking at the bush and you can see is fake.
How the hell do you come to this conclusion on this low quality gif.

Because that has been post a billion times... and I have seen the original that is not photoshop. I need to leave this place.

Master this technique anonason and it will be written

because the original gif shows her panties...

post the original or shut the fuck up

Wanting to go all the way to japan to become a criminal ?
If you suck balls that you cannot be a real criminal in your own country why the fuck would you like to move to japan to become one ?

あなたのダムのお尻をファック。どこにもあなたの小さな脳に日本語話すことを学びましたか？

I finally figured how to do the characters. Nice.

...

shut up kid.

...

>I've seen Kami and had my anus probed by the conciegielierlie

Oh. It's another idiot attempting to be funny. Nice troll attempt kid.

Anyone with legitimate experience in the Criminal world? Please?

...

attempt? I wasn't even trying to be serious.

you wont get any answers user

Just go and knockout the first gangster you find, this will get your foot in the door. Theres no other way unless youre extremely built & intimidating, then they may approach you.
They like congregating at bars, so head to a dive bar first.

If you're not Japanese or resemble them, then you're out. Japanese people are racist and xenophobic, and yakuza are no exception.
Hell they'll ridicule you every chance they get.
But give it a shot anyway.

this is good advise OP, even if its just random guessing.

do you know if the yakuza have a young boy/young lion program?

OP watched Assassination Classroom and found his calling in life.

Its 100% sincere advise, OP will find no open doors unless he proves himself willing first. Even though yakuza seem way uh classier I suppose is the word, they still have customs akin to bloods & crips & ms13 etc

I can't believe anyone took him seriously for a second.
I was looking forward the punchline to his joke. Did not disappoint.

That's just a cliche. There's plenty of anime that features blond/red haired people with sometimes direct references to western origins working in the Yakuza gangs.

If this wasn't a thing they would always be depicted as brown or black haired and always from Japan.

I don't think it's that common but there's plenty of room for exoticism.

of course he will find no doors open. its japan ffs.
and even if the advice is sincere, its still random guessing. you don't know shit.

the best way to get in contact with the yakuza is to organise an event large enough to be attractive, or shoot a move or something. then the yakuza will join in and 'streamline' the events.

will they talk to you? nope.

He fell for the anime is real life meme.

thank you, I was pretty proud of that myself.

Freelance? Probably not. But the Yakuza is well known for not discriminating in its hiring of foreigners.

hey guys do you think i can move to north korea and help work on their nuclear program?

We still dont know OPs race, though Im guessing hes white/mulatto.

Hey maybe he'll be lucky & save the boss' life & become the best damn gangster ever you dont fucking know the future.

OP follow your dream, mantain a tough as nails demeanor & break into the ranks bud

*movie*

Youre in!

I assisted in their nuclear program for a while

>mfw they made me clean up nuclear waste and used me as a promotional tool for their glory-ads. 'foreigner embracing glorious...etc'

I was disappoint and now an alcohol

>We still dont know OPs race, though Im guessing hes white/mulatto.

Both my parents are Indian but I'm Canadian. I was born and raised in Canada.

This has to be bait.
Also hi /r/Cred Forums

>yakuza headquarters, tokyo
>midnight, it has just rained
>an obese Caucasian male knocks on the front gate
>eye grate slides open
>chink spouts some gibberish
>KO NEEECHEE WA!!
>with 100 % accuracy the lard eye pokes the chink
>1in1mil.png
>after a a few minutes of wailing the door swings open
>7 yakuza thugs step out
>a brawl ensues
>after defeating all 7 with the help of his rigorous training the fat man is approached by the leader of the yakuza
>An old man in gay ass robes
>U AW STWONG WAWIAR
>JWOIN THA RAKUZA
>the land whale bows

On that day, the White Dragon was born

true story?

*White Pumpkin

>ftfy

He had become 白いカボチャ

Dammit you beat me with the 白いカボチャ

I've got a better idea. Why don't you kill yourself?

fuck you too.

Yes, they do. At least the smaller groups do, so you may find room there (but unlikely). I wouldn't call it a program though.
They'll task you with small menial jobs. Not even crime related. To "aspire higher" you'll have to initiate and do what you apparently like to do: actual crime.
Here's the thing about Japanese culture that you must be aware of but not necessarily mold yourself to, but it could make your image better:
Everything is well related, in a pattern, and organized. Do not be a slob, be professional, but also brave and strong and swift. Since you're not Japanese, you have to be better than any other candidate. It's like any job interview, but with higher risks. You probably already know though.

>roof top to rooftop the white dragon leaps
>a circular silhouette bouncing through akihabara
>the leader of the yakuza sent the white dragon on a special mission in a placewhere he knew he would be undetected
>two rival gang members are walking down an alley
>groundpound.txt
>roundhouse.obj
>jewjitsuthrow.wmv
>Hope you don't mind that I DROPPED by!
>after fixing his kimono and bonsai bun the white dragon was off
>he had been deployed to retrieve the sacred electric town sword from a vocaloid gang
>the white dragon fights his way through the vocaloid hideout to find the mistress
>keiko
>instantly the white dragons pale cheeks were blush
>"wuh-we kah-can do thi-this the ha-hard wuh-way or th-"
>"How about we do it this way"
>the vocaloid seductively unwraps the white dragons kimono

and that is how the white dragon met his wife

...

Someones been watching too much hawaii five-0

>Yakuza was disbanded retard

What kind of alcohol are you? Vodka? Whiskey?

Fucking kek

...

Kek

checked desu

Is this faggot serious? I'm laughing so hard I can barely see straight. Thanks for the good joke OP.

>yakuza HQ, tokyo
>noon
>eye hatch slides open
>RELCOM BAK RHITE DWAGON!!
> WHERE IS KEIKO!
>the white dragon brandishes the electric town sword
>Tsunoharaiskill.vdf
>white dragon vs 100 yakuza
>white dragon wins
>squezzes through yakuza leaders office door
>WA U WANT! PREEZ DONT KIRL ME RHITE DWAGON!!
>nothing personal, kid, i'm in love with a woman and nothing will stand in the way of me and her
>A VOCAROID IS NO WOM-
>disembolwment.xcf
>it's ok keiko, your safe now
>I love you white dragon!

This ends the saga of the white dragon. he eventually got a divorce with keiko over a dispute about atheism.

>Does that make you feel better to look down on people who have a dream
Actually yes. Yes it does. Thanks for asking.

Words cannot express how much of a faggot you are.

If you don't intend to post anything productive why don't you and all the retards just fuck off?

I'm waiting for well informed users to show up. There's always those useful users who make long detailed posts about a specific topic. This is the kind that I need. Please show up. I summon you!

always gets me

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

that long and detailed enough for you?

No one is showing up you fucktard, the yakuza is dead and so are your dreams

...

freelance criminal

...

Did your parents shit in the street?

>hong kong

No but I'm sure yours did.

Some of the Yakuza gangs loves getting white gaijin to use as mules for smuggling drugs, guns, etc. They also like using attractive foreigners as sokaiya, since foreigners are more intimidating and harder to ignore.

Are you fucking kidding? Anyone who's not Japanese and raised in Japan would stand out like a sore thumb. You're the LAST person who could be a successful criminal in Japan. The Yakuza would want nothing to do with you.

what are you talking about?

You're mum.

Top kek

alright when the fuck did the max filesize get changed to TWO FUCKING MEGS?!?!
damn you hiroshima nagasaki!

turned my world upside down too fam.

gross and fuck off.

Seriously can Cred Forums do anything right ?

kek, 10/10 good saga

Wei fucking Shen

>He doesn't like his daily dose
>He expects people to help him

S I C K B U R N
I
C
K

B
U
R
N

...

TRIPS

yup. Me vs an army of neckbeards combined and I still win.

Check'd and witnessed

witness my ass idiot

How does it feel to turn on your own kind?

>2 hours of karate
Forget about the yakuza you should just do stand up comedy OP

Operation Hide Behind the Gaijin

And you should write drama novels because the only thing you manage to do is make me cry... from pity.

I don't know. My time in Japan was okay.
You just need to be polite and not act like you belong or deserve to be there.
Every time I would address someone new I would ask them to please excuse my poor Japanese.
Even old japs are less abrasive if you're apologetic for butchering there language.
There was this one convience store fuck, about 2 blocks from where I was staying. Fucking hated my American was. B7t even him at towards the end of my stay was having polite conversations with me.
Most maps have preconcieved notions of westerners. Just prove those wrong in a polite manner and all is well.
You don't like tourists shutting up your town, they same is true for them.
Also picking up women is easy if you don't mind bar skanks

Fuck. And I proof read too.

You're kind of embarrassing my language there too onii-fam

dumb homosexual

this is fucking hilarious

>Gotta take the daily son

seriously how the fuck is this thread still alive

Jawa goblok