How can I discretely and ethically kill a dog...

grapes man

Avocados. You may love guac, but your dog will not. ...
Onion. Onions contain a compound that damages red blood cells in dogs. ...
Chocolate. ... Dark most toxoc
Bacon. ...
Macadamia Nuts. ...
Milk. ...
Cheese. ...
Sugarless Gum.

He's had the thing for like 3 years now and hasn't bothered to do shit with it other than barely keep it alive, you think he'll change? Not being sarcastic, just know he's a lazy fuck and him having a dog is kinda wrong for the dog

Sounds like a fluffy in a dog disguise.

I'm not surprised to a btard look for the easy morally bankrupt road, so bravo to you OP for keeping so true to expectations.

That said, you might consider that instead of admitting defeat and taking the diabolic narcissist route, you might try to learn a little dog behavior modification and overcome a small adversity such as this. Who knows, maybe you'll even meet a real live girl in the process. In case you're too unimaginative to figure it out, I was thinking of the dog walking aspect where chicks love to pet random dogs would be they way to meet them.

Also you ignorant fucking retard, open the fucking door and let the dog outside to piss instead of waiting for it to piss on your shit.
nitwit

call whatever animal protection your country has, there are probably laws against animal cruelty. Your roomate is violating them. They probably have legal authority to take dog away. This either will lead to dog getting better home or being euthanized. Either way serves your purpose.

What about raw chicken juice? My roommate leaves that shit out by the trash can and I saw it rooting around in the bag just 30 minutes ago

Just take the dog to a shelter and say you found it on the street. A skeleton won't ask questions, and it'll take your dog for you.

Nope dogs evolved to eat raw meat and bones.

Sounds like you are just as lazy as your moron roommate. You seen the dog eating out of the trash and you didn't yell/ scare him and smack his ass? He would probably learn to not eat out of the garbage pretty damn quick. I understand he isn't your dog but you could teach it a thing or two of it is making your life hell.

This seems a good solution OP.

Nobody has to die for it and your dog problem will be removed.

Do this. Give dog to skeleton.

Go fuck a dog, faggot

I leave for work at 6:30 a.m. and get home around 8 p.m. Not every girl loves to be approached in the dark, at least not where I'm from. Plus that leaves 14 hours a day the dog would have to hold it just for me to come home and walk it. I don't think it can do that bud. Then the part about opening the door and letting it out is a problem because first, my roommate freaks out if it gets near the door when it's open and second, the thing is retarded, it runs the fuck off and doesn't come back. But I suppose you're right, I can try the suggestions and go from there.

Fun with advil. End result.

Skeleton.

Give your dog to Red Skelton.

>Dogs are retarded
>Gets a cat
We've got a 12 year old girl everyone

Do you live in a high floor apartment OP? If so then throw it off the window. Say it hopped over it.

kek

Call animal rights if the dog is in crap conditions. It'll get taken away and your roommate can't get another.

Its not his responsibility to take care of the dog you fucktard

That's exactly what I did. I picked it up mildly violently by the scruff of the neck and forcefully said "would you quit fucking with shit". Plus I just took the trash out this morning lol. I can't count the number of times roommate has beat the dogs ass for pissing and eating out of the trash, it doesn't seem to learn.

xylitol. google that shit motherfucker. tylenol for cats/

Skeletons are an apex predator, and the natural enemies of dogs. That's why dogs chew up and bury bones, just in case.

>I understand he isn't your dog
Why are you telling him things he already knows?

>
Who will stop his roommate from getting another? The PawPatrol?

Third floor but sadly the dog is too small to jump over the rail

Crush up a light bulb and put it in the dog's food
It'll eat it and die of internal bleeding

> checked.
Because obviously he doesn't get what "not my dog" means, he shouldn't be looking after him if the owner is too lazy to

Give the dog to a skeleton you faggot. Are you even reading your thread?

antifreeze

Then throw it cuck.

Just man up, tell him get his dog tf out or your gonna kill it.

Insulin. Best, easiest way. Undetectable too. Take one pill of Merformin or something similar and put it in a little bit of ground beef.

Animal abuse laws, chucklehead.

Discretely throw it over, got it

kek

> passive aggressive faggot afraid to talk to roommate
> how does I kill dog?
> don't know bout them skeletons

why don't you just shoot yourself and leave the poor dog who has to live in a cage alone, you fuck

you could also try a leash. It's like a heavy duty string you tied to the dog to keep it from running away. Protip- put it on before you open the door. (the dog not you)
Also when you have a happy dog at the end of a leash, chicks approach you.

often it is illegal not to register dog and give it the rabies vaccine. They can tell if you are forbidden from getting dog. Also lazy roomate probably won't bother to get another.

correction. you haven't learned to adjust your approach.
I really hope you aren't a life coach

You gutless piece of shit. Tell your roommate to handle that shit, and beat his ass if he doesn't. This is how adult men handle their lives. The dog can't really be blamed if it's locked in a fucking cage mist of the time and never taken out.

Yes.

Acorns/walnuts. The former is more toxic to canines and humans. The likelihood of a necropsy sounds very scarce.

This is probably the moral way to go but you have to ask yourself WWJD?

Dumo - what a great movie.

Chicken bones, they splinter and can rupture the stomach/intestine. Could be seen as an accident. Or 'accidentally' leave a bunch of DARK chocolate out, but that is pretty obvious.

Just go to KFC and then leave the tub o' chicken bones to be 'accidentally' knocked over on to the floor. Maybe not 100% kill it, but it will be the way to go so you don't get criminal blame pointed on to you.

Had a neighbor years back that left a dog on the balcony three feet from my bedroom windows all the time, it's barks were too loud to stand and animal control or the owners would do nothing. It barked more than it didn't and it was impossible to sleep.
Finally I got a hobo to buy some rat poison and another hobo to buy some ground beef, you can figure out the rest. Not too sure how ethical it was, but after weeks of constant barking and little to no sleep and 8 months remaining on the lease and my life almost in ruins thanks to nigger negligence I had to take action.

Cats are best pet, dog owners are always neglectful fucks whose homes smell like piss and shit, fuck dogs that aren't Akitas.

Yell at him and whip him with a rope for not doing his job?

>How can I discretely and ethically kill a dog?
>discretely
>ethically
wait for it to die of old age.

This is why dogs are absolute shit pets. No value in them whatsoever. They will:
>kill your kids
>destroy your house
>shit and piss inside (they do not get housebroken just learn to hold it in instead of releasing as soon as they feel the need to go)
>chew your clothes
>cost a fortune in medical bills

Get a gun if you need home protection. A dog isn't saving you from a home invasion unless the burglars are retards and don't have any weapon to kill the dog with. Only a small minority of dogs can actually be given years of training to become service animals. Just because some dogs can sniff out bombs and be used as a meat shield for a police officer does not mean your shitty dog isn't worthless

Yeah I can leash it and take it out, but the 14 fucking hours I'm gone make up more than half of the day. There are no girls out at 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. where I live, it's boring as hell here.

All the dogs ive had since i was a kid to now have literally done none of these. Unless they were a puppy and not trained yet - give it 3 months and it is a great lil pup - you just actually have to be responsible.

If the dog was locked in it's cage all day my problem wouldn't exist, it's in there maybe an hour a day. Roommate gives it free roam of the place the other 23 hours of the day.

"In 2012 the total number of dogs in the world was at least 525 million." Sometimes you just gotta cull'em.

use the dog's mortal weakness

the shovel

Give me an example of how to handle the situation then. Can't exactly sit it down and lecture it

dogs can smell cancer
dogs can warn of epileptic seizures
dogs understand pointing - chimps do not
dogs fetch
dogs point out game
dogs herd livestock
dogs have all kinds of uses.
if a dog could type, I guarantee it would replace you regardless of what you do for a living, even if it is gaming in your moms basement. Opposable thumbs or not.

KEK!

>This is why cats are absolute shit pets. No value in them whatsoever. They will:
>>kill your kids
>>destroy your house
>>shit and piss inside (they do not get housebroken just learn to shit in a box you have to clean up)
>>attack you
>>cost a fortune in medical bills

feed these to his dog and when he dies say you didnt know they were toxic

Sounds like your roommate aka mom needs to let him out and basic training.

Get on hulu and start watching some Cesar 911.

It shits all over the place and acts that way because neither you or the owner are remotely alpha or even beta.

Dogs listen if you know wtf to do. Nice neighbor of mine has smart but crazy dog. Kinda crazy, barky, etc. I step over to their yard and had that thing doings commands in 10 minutes. No barking, sitting when I told it and otherwise calm. Neighbor, "wow he never listens to me".

Which is because he a shitty dog owner. Nice guy, but inept in asserting any leadership.

yes my neighbor said all her dog's life that it was a harmless little angel
then randomly one day it ate half of her child's face off now she is anti dog

No, just OP act like he has no clue wtf happened. U know how much a toxicology costs? For a fucking dog? It could be anything

Sounds like a convenient anecdote. Either shes lying or the kid did something stupid.

>discretely
well for a start you could not post on the internet that you want to kill a dog

DUBS WINS OP PLEASE FOLLOW THROUGH

Also, the shelter will put it down humanely if they cannot find a home. I would suggest driving the dog to a shelter in a different county.

I've owned a dog before and learned from Cesar. I trained it well and it's house broken and follows commands. I've only lived here 3 months and have only been training it to sit and have tried bonding with it but it doesn't seem to hold. I think it has a grudge because my roommate lived here a year before I did with someone else and my room is his old room which is where the dog liked to piss and shit. I don't let it into my room so it tries to sneak in when I'm not around. I give it the whole silent dominance thing but it just walks off and tries again later.

But I'm anonymous?!

Because you aren't the dominant dog. You came in to it's territory, and it has been allowed to behave like that for so long.

Then she's a stupid woman. People buy breeds and never research the breeds behavior or in particular behavior around babies kids. Dog lives with them before kids, ruling the roost. No training is guaranteed from them, then it eats baby face or chews of the toes/feet of the baby.

Why, cause the dog never respected them as the leader of the pack.

People are fucking dumb.

So save me some Cesar watching and give me the quick "how to dominate" to make it realize it's not his territory? Any time I'm around I keep it out of my room and I can't lock my door shut. Guess I should go buy a child lock that holds it shut.

yeah, my sister hit our dog with a plastic toy every day or so for a year and he would fucking die for her. You have to raise dog to have right personality, which is probably harder for some breeds. Takes a lot of time and patience.
Obviously OPs shitty roomate did not and will not spend the time.

Step two, get a clicky pen.
Step three, get some nice treats the dog likes.
chopped up hot dog, your roomates leftovers etc.
Step 4 (Load the clicker) bring the dog to a quiet place. Everything is cool, everything is happy, and you are like the most calm mellow innerjoy buddha dude ever.
wait till the dog makes eyecontact, or looks you in the face. When it does, click the pen and drop a treat on the floor. This may take anywhere from 5 to 20 tries before the dog gets it. Once the dog is glued to your face, you know it understands that ic can do stuff to make you give it a treat.
That is important. Eventually it will offer to do shit for you so you can will give it a treat.
Next carry that pen and some treats everywhere when your home.
take the dog out every hour.
as soon as it finishes pissing outside, click and treat.
Keep doing that. Watch for "tells" the dog gives you that say "I have to piss".
When you see that, take it out.
Now these sessions arent hour long or even 10 minutes long. The dog will be able to focus for only a short while but what it learns it will remember forever.

Just call animal services and have the dog taken away for neglect and abuse....

The owner has to be on board, that is the dominant to the dog, if the dog doesn't see itself as the dominant. You would essentially have to make the dog yours and train it yourself. Just do my earlier suggestion and give it free reign on a bucket of chicken bones.

he asked to kill it , not train it you blind cunt

Read the last sentance you blind cunt.

you reward the behavior you want with a treat.
you communicate your desire for that behavior with the click.
every session ends on a happy note and a little jackpot of treats.

Teaching sit is easy. Next.

You could try a scat mat. Shock mat, lay it in front of your door, or lengthwise through the door.

Otherwise his big thing is use the leash inside too.

Correcting all the time "tshh" and behind the leg, foot jab into the hind leg area.

>>attack you
They won't hurt you if you know when to stop petting. It doesn't take much to realize when a cat doesn't want to be pet.

Skeletons are not an apex predator they are a parasite. they bury into our bodies and slowly take the life energy from us. the problem is that skeletons are addictive so we will die without them. My proof you say? lobsters don't biologically age and have no skeletons

I'm receiving what you are saying, don't think I'm trying to be a dick, just throwing in some info. My roommate doesn't like for me to give it food or any kind of treats, he feeds it twice a day and only gives it a treat to make it go into the crate that I only assume it hates. Also roommate complains if I try to train it, example: I was telling it to sit for a fucking ice cube and he said you're doing it wrong, he won't learn it anyway. It seems to be clearing up that the dog isn't the problem, it's the roommate and he's going to have to make some kind of sacrifice, either get off his ass and train the thing or give it away. Made the thread pissed cause I came home to an open bedroom door, piss on my bed and pillow and bag of trail mix torn apart and eaten that I bought for a hike this weekend.

Teaching sit can be done like this.
hold a small treat a little in front of the nose and then once the dogs know there is a treat, move the treat above the dogs head and back towards it's ears.
you'll see the dog attempt to sit and move it's head back to get the treat.
As soon as it's ass touches the floor - click and treat.
Do not add the word "sit" until you know the dog will do it immediately to get the treat. Add the verbal command last.
From the sit, you can work to the begging sit which drives chicks crazy. they get all giddy and laugh and coo. it's like instant gush.
From the sit, move the treat just above the dogs head so it has to stretch up quite a bit to get it. Let it have the treat.
Then keep asking for more and more till it does the full begging sit. Then click.
This one is tough and takes some time becasue the dog needs to strengthen it's back muscles. So as in all training be patient.

I'm seeing the trend of either make the fucking thing mine and train it or get the lazy roommate to do something

you can be clandestine or be up front. Can I teach the dog to sit. Bet you a box of trail mix I can teach it to sit.
Reality is you have a roommate problem. The dog is just the symptom.
Google up clicker training for more info. Good luck.

Just leave an open chocolate bar near the floor and let nature take it's course.

I love the PUA shit just slipped in there

For fuck's sake, take the dog to the shelter and say that it escaped. Nobody killed you when you pissed yourself as a kid because your parents didn't get you to the potty quick enough. It's a dog that isn't being cared for, killing it is the cunt's way out.

Please, plenty of cats don't need any provoking. Thankfully mine is perfect.

Be the alpha.

Train that dog. Skip ice cubes. Buy bacon. Lasts 7-10 days after cooked and in the refrigerator. Easily broken to bite size treats.

If roommate opens his piehole tell him he doesn't train the poor thing. Then do it.

Lastly, tell him if you catch it pissing on your bed again, you are going to piss on his bed. Easy.

what kind of dog is it op? pics?

Or kill it

you mean purrrrfect

You speak the truth. Thanks for the help man

they did though im a ghost

If that doesn't work, put a sharpie in it's pooper.

French bulldog, he paid over $1,000 for it for some fucking reason

be glad its not a chihuahua, at least frenchies are capable of learning when kept up with

the dog would have to eat pounds of chocolate for this to work. giving it candybars is just throwing away money and candy which you could use for the van missions

Kill your roommate, dog is innocent. Fuck is wrong with you OP

they are actually hip little dogs. chick fucking love the little guys. put him in a little leather biker jacket and prepare for random blow jobs

Lastly, getting this behavior down (yours) helps keep any gf you get in check. Alpha Male in house, training both bitches. Decisive and unwavering. Keeps her in check for blowjob duty. Again I speak from experience. My Gf just wants a dom man to have his way with her. Ere go, nightly blowjobs.

You're right, I just need to quit being a little bitch

hey there dude. i just wanted to let you know that lobsters do in fact have a skeleton. it is called an exoskeleton because it is on the outside which means exo. cool to learn, huh?

I hope you kill yourself you piece of shit. If your annoyed with the dog there are so many more options than just murder you you psychopath

Sounds like your roommate is a bad dog owner. Probably hasn't bothered to train it. Why kill the dog? Not only would it make you a psychopath but your roommate would probably just get another. Instead of being bitchmade about it, grow a pair and tell them to either take care of their dog or you're out.

Too late I already killed it bitch

I have three dogs. One of them is cuddling with me right now. Enjoy the lack of love you get from a cat and the box of shit in your house.

Lastly, when you get that gf who's a keeper that eventually wants a dog. Black lab, female.

Best god damn dog out there.

Take it to the spca or call cops for animal neglect, problem solved.

Noted. The dog I had and trained was a pitbull/black mouth cur mix and she turned out fucking awesome, gave her to my mom when I couldn't keep her at an apartment and mom loves her. Friend told me my old roommate would beat her and shit when I was at work though, she's always anxious it seems

Take it to the humane society dumbass

My nigga.

not previous fag, but I've bred both cats and dogs my entire life
>dogs are definitely more retarded