Once upon a time, there was a man named Jesus. Finish the story

He tried to talk to me about love and tolerance. I told him I'm paying him to mow my lawn, not give me lectures.

He died for our sins. Those nails in hands were for Cred Forums alone.

Human people

He grew a sick mustache and stabbed Hitler up the ass with a samurai sword.

You realize Jesus was a Semitic Arab, and not white, right?

Don't tell me faggot, tell OP

human people

Once upon a time, there was a man named Jesus. He was Mexican. The end.

>Once upon a time, there was a man named Jesus.
He was a radical Rabbi who gained a modest following during his life. After his death stories of his life grew and were exaggerated. The stories were then turned into a religion.

DEUS VULT

He was a Prophet sent by God.

>Once upon a time, there was a man named Jesus.

I hate to burst your bubble, but the story is quite a bit more complex than this. For starters, there were many people named Jesus, not just one. Next, no person living while Jesus lived ever called him Jesus. If you yelled "HEY JESUS" to Jesus, he would assume you were yelling to someone else, because he never went by that name. One minor problem being that there was no J in the greek alphabet at this point in history.

Imagine, millions of people claiming to be your "follower" and claiming to worship you, but they can't even be bothered to even respect you enough to even attempt to try to call you what your actual name is?!! Despicable.

> be me
> self-righteous 8yo prick
> believe I can do miracles n shit
> parents keep saying im their special snowflake and just play along
> grow up a hippy with a god complex
> even go gluten free for 40 days
> return, go to college, start getting political
> forget its the fucking roman empire, antagonize a bunch of warlords
> get nailed to and pass out on a cross
> wake up, go to a cave, do drugs
> overdose
> die
> a lot of people still wear funny clothes because of me
> sure showed them