Ask a Dutch surgeon at 3:22am anything

None. We're not a jewish/Islamic country

Lick mein sniglet bro.

What was the last surgery you performed then? Bit sceptical mind you

A patient presents with intermittent chest pain and dysphagia. You have a suspision they have diffuse esophageal spasm. Which of the following test would best confirm this?
A.
Barrium swallow
B.
Flouroscopic studies
C.
Manometry
D.
Endoscopic ultrasound

Finished around 7 hours ago, gallbladder removal.

We only got to do basic stuff till now. Make 5 small incisions for the trocars, fill the body up with co2 and burn it off the liver

Have you ever preformed a balloon angioplasty on a collapsed aorta?

Manometry or an X-ray

No never. Sorry the delay I have to translate everything first :/

Don't work at LUMC. I don't want a fucking Cred Forumstard performing surgeries anywhere near where I live.

Which of the following is not a step in the initial management of Upper Gastrointestinal Hemorrhage?
A.
Find responsible lesion
B.
Ice water lavage to stop bleeding
C.
Beta Blockers for Portal Hypertension
D.
Assess ciculatory status

thanks OP u da real mvl

First guess the beta blockers, although we prescribe them and antibiotics like they're frickin tic tacs

Yes, you're absolutely right. Beta blockers are not used in the initial management of UGH.

Can I work shadow you for a week?

We're highly encouraged to learn Latin, so instead of remembering all those "difficult" words, you will know what they mean hence have a coherence. I haven't though, but a lot of what you're mentioning is very similar in Dutch so that helps

Ever fucked a patient/nurse?

Man I'm still shadowing myself. Well not shadowing myself but actual fucking doctors. I'm ace at pretending I'm really secure about my self but this is frightening

I love how similar german and dutch is

perfectly understandable

basically you said, that you like tulips, cheese and wish that you're a windmill, right?

No neither, only about 5% of the nurses are attractive but they know it and I don't want to acknowledge that for them so they become even bigger bitches

What do most Dutch think of male foreskin removal performed on infants?

Yes nice. I actually speak fluid German. Lots of people here

Do you have sex with your patients

Barbaric fucking jew practices. Genetal mutilation basically but it happenes here as well. We have to if asked but that doesn't take a surgeon to do, licensed nurses even can take care of that (I think)

Try this next time you put a patient down under:

> Kill the doctors
> Lock the door
> Fuck the patient
> Overdose them on the anesthetic
> Fuck the dead nurses and doctors, both genders
> Fuck yourself
> Die

Do you also speak gas German and solid German?

Never have and (probably) never will. I'm still new so anything can happen

Not solid but plasma

We all have emergency buttons on our phones, will get caught very quickly :)

Ever sucked a cadaver's dick? Heard they have massive cocks because the veins in the cock get flooded with blood.

Try it sometime please, and post a picture.

my dutch buddy usually gets upset when I spout out the tulip and cheese stereotypes

Opinion on dentists: Are they doctors?

nice

Here it's not only widespread but 80-90% of boys were cut at birth in earlier decades, and all infant operations were done with no anesthesia until 1987. Many circumcisions still don't occur under proper anesthetic. We're the only Western country besides Israel that does it that often. Fucking disgusting.

No they're small, blood goes where gravity pulls it. The corous cavernosa lose their swelling ability as well

Lol couldn't care less

Same as psychiatrist: they had at least 6 years of medical school but then proceeded to suck black trap cock instead of becoming real doctors. But yes they are

but what if I call you a frieslander?

Yeah I know :/ it has no medical advantages either. Washing 2/3 times a week is actually sufficient for adequate penile hygiene believe it or not. And that's on uncut

Less worse than what I actually am, Limburger :D

my dutch buddy says Limburg is like

the worst

he can't explain why but he says its just like it is

I know why, and it's true hehe. But I don't care I love it here. The people in the north ars nicer though. Way more spontaneous, open and happy

tips to stay focused and on top of academia?

Would you perform a colonoscopy on Dutch politician Ancilla Tilia, if she asked you for a checkup?

Pic related

How many failed suicide bombers do you patch up each week?

when my doc starts talking about lupus and Sjögren syndrome HOW FUCKED AM I?

CHRONIC PAIN FROM SHOULDER INJURY & SURGERY

WEIRDLY UNSTABLE SPINE (MOSTLY IN THE BASE OF THE NECK)

CHAPPED LIPS

CONSTANTLY SICK.

TACHYCARDIA 215+

With my fucking tongue

Have motivation basically. I want to know more than the rest. And I do not, not want the know the answer to a question so that's how I try to stay on top of my game but I'm still averagr though. Everyone's the smart kid and that's fucking demoting tbh

If you have rheumatic symptoms it's fucked yeah :/

test

so...well thanks for the honesty.

Not OP, but 1st year resident doctorfag. I think just do barium swallow

Are you inspired?

Grats on position mate

1st year resident fag again xoxo

I say D first off. Make sure they aren't hemodynamically unstable then see what else is going on. A variceal bleed can be easily fatal

It's a pretty common disease, and don't sweat the heartrate as long as the pressure isn't too high all the time but yeah, rheuma is a bitch.

Ibuprofen is perfect against nerve pain but watch out with extensive use, gastrointestinal bleeding can occur when mixed with alcohol for instance. But that takes years

As a dental student, damn.

...

oops or it could be a mallory weiss tear

Haha sorry mate. You're good