What is the dumbest shit that you ever did?

>be 12 yo me
>particularly hyperactive one evening
>get hungry
>"I'll get some snacks from this local store"
>it's a small one that doesn't always have the cashier there btw
>run to the store
>grab a bag of doritos
>run back to my place
>realize that I basically robbed the store

surprise buttsex with my ex and just went to sleep while she cried about her ass bleeding. What is wrong with me

Think twice on getting my Cred Forums gold pass I regret it and got it the second time haven't been this happy in a while

>Cred Forums pass user since October 2009

>000 trips
then immediately
>111 trips

C H E C K E D

i made this thread

Well I did a lot of dumb shit but I think it tops out at setting a forest fire.
Cut a long story short me and this pyromaniac friend lit their christma tree on fire.
>be march
>we have this kid's christmas tree
>we're in these woods that wind around the houses if this neighborhood
>set his xmas tree on fire and laugh
>notice: flames are really tall
>notice: overhead trees catch fire
>they laugh and I secretly shit myself because arson
>smoke fills the air
>hear sirens so we leave
>burned 100ft of trees
We were never suspects

Alright, this was about two years ago, I'm 20 now:
> be me hanging out with friends
> over at friend Chad's house getting rekt
> he has invited one of his old neighbours over, I only know what friend Chad has told me about him
> his dad has MS
> super disabled because of it
> family's kind of poor as a result
> old neighbour and friend Chad in kitchen
> activate joke tourrettes
> I hobble into the kitchen like some cockeyed mongoloid saying "I have MS"
> make direct eye contact with neighbour, there's absolute silence
> "user, my dad has ms"
> friend Chad looks at me like I've just spit his firstborn on a spear
> mfw I did an ms comedy routine to someone who's dad has ms

I put a wrench in my ass, the handle has this gritty texture I thought would feel good. It was like broken glass.

>be me 5 years ago
>Fresh out of highschool
>Usual anti social decide to hit up grad party
>Never been drunk before
>Hang with some buddies, drinking cheap beer
>Start to get super shit faced
>Qt 3.14 starts flirting with me
>Gonnagetlaid.jpg
>Never had secks before
>Takes me up to room
>"Wait here user, I'll be right back”
>Pull off all clothes in single motion while she's in bathroom
>Letsdothis.png
>Hard as fuck
>Body is shaking, dizzy as fuck because of excitement and being shitfaced
>She opens the door
>Gets on the floor
>Everybody walk the dinosaur

I actually keked. Embrace your autism

Believe I was some kind of neo-nazi because I had a professor that lookd like hittler when I was like 16

/thread

Not paying attention in school

Bamboozled

>about 5 maybe younger
> would watch Pokemon vhs tapes over and over
>jump on the bed in hyper fits such as kids do
>had a spoon in my mouth kept falling backwards
>brain decided to jump forward with spoon in mouth
>hit the bed with full 5 year old body weight
>blood and indent in back of mouth never told mom
-----------
>about same age
>brother asleep prob from oxy habit in hs
>find tweezers
>find outlet
>perfectfit.jpg
>insert
>blackness.gif
>come back still standing and fine
>brother still out
---------
>Last night went to a friends house by campus
>brought Liqour and buds
>friend has a qt girl treats like shit
>also has a ton of quality ganja of various forms
>get pretty trashed and so is everyone else
>think they're asleep
>tell friend through charades i wanna fuck the chick
>look at his chink eyes looking closed
>nods at me and passes out
>spaghetti

Sleeping with a co-worker I didn't like at all just because I was drunk and knew she'd put out.

i tried

posted in Cred Forums

I tried to see what a lighter flame smelled like directly under my nose

My life is full of dumb shit OP. I tried to give ISIS my friend's phone number. I think that one takes the cake.

/thread

What did it smell like?

Spent 30 dollars on a cam whore that didnt even give me a show.

I love it
Tell the story

Tried to take over my kindergarten class

After a kid spit in my face on the playground I stalked him and forced my way into his house to beat on him. Of course, it was a Native.

Toppest kek

Also me, this was also about 2 years ago. It was a low point for me.
> hanging out at a different friend's place, also with friend Chad
> ms man's spawn is not present
> there's about five of us, we decide to be edgelords and sneak into the public pool
> security isn't too tight, there's a space under the chain link fence as large as an anorexic niki minaj's thigh-gap
> we all hop under and are about to swim in the pool when I notice something
> "guys, there's a security camera near the entrance"
> friends: "they won't even check the footage unless we fuck something up"
> me being the Good Samaritan I am, I walk right under the camera, face full in view
> I then proceed to pull 7$ out of my pocket and place it on a bin directly beneath the camera
> I trespassed in a public swimming pool and paid for my fucking admission
> mfw being this white
> mfw being this Canadian

burnt hair

singed nose hair :l

when I was about 12-14 this dude knew i wanted a cell phone but couldnt afford it
neither could my parents
so he offered me a cell phone with service and I would never have to pay for it and he was chill so i was happy

the catch was that I had to let him take pictures of my butthole

ass spread and everything

like I knew he was gay and liked fucking with little kid butt but i didn't think he would try anything considering he wanted to do it in his room and his parents were there and he didn't and honeslty he was really nice, never touched me just took em and i left

never got the phone though and considering what I did I wasn't going to pressure it

This happened last year
>be me
>be 17
>chillin at home, talking to my friends on Facebook, and going on Omegle
>one fag friend used my name and phone number for some shit
>gonna get one up on him
>type "ISIS" into mutual interests on Omegle
>some dude comes up
>starts asking if I'm from ISISland
>"lol no, but here's my number cos I wanna learn"
>the guy agrees, and says he will forward it on to the "brothers"
>realise what I did was could be pretty serious
>have panic attack and just said "Allahu Akbar" and disconnected
>tell friend
>he gets pretty pissed off
>he spends the next month scared to death of answering his phone
>we're not friends anymore

I'm not a great story teller, but yeah, that's the basics of it.

youtube.com/watch?v=QCdfcUSZy6k

>be me like 13-14 yo
>in italy on vacation with my parents and my best buddy
>be bored
>buy illegal bb guns
>decide to shoot at random kids on the camping grounds from our tent

surprise, surprise, someone noticed us

I too am white and Canadian.

I too would have done the exact same thing.

my whole life

Not just one surprise but two

Second surprise was that finger in my butt but thats a story for another time

do tell

Reconnected with a girl after a couple years of no contact. I broke it off the first time cuz she led me on, would say "let's hang out tomorrow" and then would ghost me. So I bailed. Got back in contact and she continued to heavily flirt with me (despite having a bf) and making plans with me, only to disappear again, then text me out of the blue a few months later. I let this shit happen for two years before finally breaking it all off again. Now I've no confidence and Im' convinced they're all like that.

prove with tits & timestamp

Dated

The finger in the butt was a lie, sorry.

I did however once visit a gay bar in australia and made out with a dude so that he would buy me drinks.

>Me at 18
>Friends 18th B-day party
>Get very drunk
>Get very stupid
>Run out of booze
>Friends older cousin offers booze.
>But only in exchange for drunk retard antics
>Offers two fortyOZ King Cobras
>In exchange for shooting me twice point blank with pellet gun.
>I agree
>Shot twice right above ass crack from 1foot out
>Dont feel a thing
>Totally worth it
>Later on......
> Same cousin
>Same offer
>only for new shenanigans
>Friend has pet raccoon (lives on farm)
>this time wants me to eat "raccoon food"
>Drunkenly agree on terms that I get a Frito Scoop to eat with "raccoon food"
>Scoop "raccoon food" with Frito Scoop
>Not too terrible
>Believe it was worth it
>Older cousin tells me it was not "raccoon food"
>It was raccoon shit

>yup

why do you think i have tits? i'm a guy lol

$1000 story but only if there

Trusted that fucking recruiter and that know-nothing piece of shit academic adviser. Godfuckingdammit.

They are

Got too emotionally invested in both my past relationships, effectively ruining the friendships I had with them beforehand.

Not taking advantage of a girl that was really into me because I was more interested in someone else. I did date the someone else, but it ended after a few months because she hates relationships, and I think it would've been better if I went with the first girl.

WHAT IS THIS SORCERY???

Saw that coming a mile off

Should have myself, but hindsight is 20/20 or wutever the fuck.

also i wanted you to see it a mile off thats why i said "raccoon food", instead of raccoon food.

Still, I was pretty god damned stupid and drunk

I would have thought so as well

Lel

I didn't know you posted both of those. You have some dumb stories user

I'm pretty sure that's a good way to get infected with worms. Look it up. You get some sort of ocular parasite from eating raccoon shit.

im sure it is. I was freaked the fuck out for a long time once i sobered up till i went to the doc and had to tell him the same shit. He was basically like, "Nah, ur good brah... just don't eat any more coon shit"

Good shit.

Tank ya. or fuck u maybe.... I'm not quite sure how to react when people enjoy that story

Pretty sure I wanna say thanx tho

>party time
>two freinds are mechanics and one is a welder. >We always party at one of my freinds shops where he has a clubhouse and pool tables etc in one of his bays. ( middle of nowhere canada, nobody for miles)

>we all pitch 100$ and buy a shitbox kia rio
>many drinks later decide to trash it
>rallymode engage

>lots of people standing around
>i drunkenly decide driving through the fire pit is a good idea
>sink tires into years worth of ashes
>jump out of flaming shitbox
Thought it was pretty funny till the cops showed up. Apparently the neighbors thought that the popping and cracking was gunshots.

Many fines were had

Kektuz

You thinking of that episode of House where the little autistic kid had the raccoon worms?

Tried to jack off with a meatloaf sub had to be the dumbest shit I've ever did

>Few years ago I was at friends house watching a football game and getting super hammered
>I am under 21 during this
>team we were all rooting for loses and we get butthurt and we all decide to walk down to beach that's less than half a mile away (there like 6 of us)
>get down to the beach and finish off a bottle of fireball and write something like "fuck niggers" in the sand
>we all laugh and start to walk back
>one friend thinks its a good idea to fire off his glock while on the beach
>he starts shooting at the water and we're all drunk so we just laugh
>start walking back to friends house
>suddenly like 9 cop cars show up
>cop lights are super bright and German Shepherds are barking
>me being drunk I start to freak out
> cop tells me to lay down on the ground
>sorta just look at him funny
>he forces me to the ground and I just lay there a bit before he starts asking me questions
>try my best to act sober
>actually fucking works he let's me and most of the other guys go
>two friends we arrested one for firing a gun in city limits and the other for some other shit
>we walk home and fall asleep
>pick up friends in the morning
>mfw the cop let an underage drunk fag go after writing "fuck niggers" in the sand

Jump kicked a stop sign.

Pissed on a dumbster.

Jacked off on to a mirror, at a changing room at a shopping store. TJMaxx or some shit.

Jacked off at my grandmother's place, using her expoliating lotion. still the best jack to this day. all the skin pore's on my dick opened up. lol

Pissed on my friend's clothes. Backstory: He lived in an apartment with 3 other rooms. We were all drinking. Everyone but me was passed out. For some reason he wasn't in his room, but another room that was vacant cuz the previous guy moved out. He was fucking one chick who had a boyfriend. I guess I felt he was douchy so that's why I did it. He trained MMA. Never found out. Could have absolutely destroyed me.

Jacked off into my roomate's milk. Watched him eat cereal with no clue. backstory: he was a total douche. I got drunk and he tried to fight me. we choked each other out...kinda...but not really. hard to explain unless you've been drunk and tried to fight. ie. start to fight then realized you're fighting and you're like "wait, why am I fighting? He's my roomate..." I was real wasted or could have actually taken him cuz he was a scrawny bitch.

Cheated on a girlfriend 3 times and never got caught. One time I drove her car to fuck a girl. Another time a girl dropped me off at my girlfriend's place afterwards.

Put a friend of mine's folder into the trash can at school. doesn't sound like much but he had a bunch of trading cards in it. I thought it would be a LOL thing and he's see it and that be that. Thing is he never saw it and it got thrown away. lol...

I was fooling around with a girl who was really drunk. we were in her car. funny thing was my g/f was in my apartment upstairs. I was trying to think how I could fuck this other girl without going to my room, because obviously I couldn't. so I was like, tricked her into jacking me off, busted on her face and tits, she screamed "wtf?" and I got out and went to sleep. lol

I haven't outlawed circumcision yet

AlsoAnother night we got a free golf cart Cuz broken strut. After some beers decided to weld it and take off the governor. Welds snapped at whatever that thing maxed out at. Hit a deep Creek. During dry spells you can see the canopy under the water

I told this story before
>Be me 4 years ago
>17
>Have a cunt load of loli downloaded
>One day pc is acting up
> Have my brother fix it
>Playing vidya while he fixes it
>Mom comes in demanding my pc
>my brother found the loli
>Takes my pc away for 3 months
To make things worse my sister died a month before that and she was molested when she was 12 AND the molester was my dad so my family brings that up to make me feel worse.
mfw my family thinks I'm a pedophile

>>mfw the cop let an underage drunk fag go after writing "fuck niggers" in the sand

> illegal to sell or give drink to minors, not for minors to consume
> not illegal to be fag
> not illegal to write "fuck niggers"
> less paperwork to scare little shit instead of misdemeanor drunk in public

Besides, you were pretty white.

>Having Cunt load of loli?
>not a pedophile

Still have it to this day!

It's the Nutcheck'd

CHECK'D NIGGA

>The older sister experience

hoo boy did I fuck up one time
>be me
>finally get a girlfriend after being an autist most of my school life
>be time for graduation
>we were going to different colleges but we decided to go the distance
>be summer
>it's getting a pretty shaky between us, barely returned my texts, brushed me off whenever, but I figured she was busy with work.

>one day
>get text from random number
>"Hey I slept with your girl, she didn't want me to tell you, sorry man."
>u_w0t.jpg
>any other guy would've thought this was a fucked prank
>decide to revert back to my autist self
>decide to keep calm
>barely
>screenshotted and sent it to her asking if it was true, but she doesn't reply till later that night

>3 seconds after I sent the pic
>"wait what if this is a fucked prank?"
>it fucking was
>find out it was these 2 weird ass girls i used to hang with
>I basically just accused my girlfriend of cheating on grounds of a shady ass text
>and their laughing their asses off
>go off on these girls
>effectively shit on one of their lives

>later that night
>she gets the pic
>along with a shitload of texts explaining and apologizing
>didn't want to lose her basically
>"it's okay, I understand"
>dumps my ass 2 weeks later

Shit was a while ago but boy if that didn't keep me up at night

stabbed myself while shadow boxing with a knife

Trust me, it's good shit, here's a link.hentaibox.net/hentai-manga/84_21_Original_The-Older-Sister-Experience-For-A-Week/01

what happened user

Sticking my dick in crazy.

Glued my nipples to the inside of my shirt in an attempt to conceal them

>be me 20yo in marine corps
>thursday night so field day
>have no trash bags so I go to walmart with friend at midnight
>grey truck on highway going 25mph in a 55
>not dealing with this shit so go around
>pull into walmart parking lot
>truck follows us and park a few spots down
>friend and i get out and start walking
>spics jump out
>"you cut me off esse"
>lead spic has crowbar in hand
>bald shirtless spic has 1/4 full bottle of jack daniels
>I start talking shit to them because i'm a dumb Marine
>you think this is a joke holmes?
>yes, yes I do
>friend and I share glance that says as soon as we turn they will swing
>do fake turn, spic swings
>we dodge, friend tackles lead spic. I walk up to baldie and very slowly put him in a headlock
>he passes out so i go to help friend with lead spic
>jack daniels bottle flys by my head
>turn around a put baldie into a choke again, even slower than last time
>start punching his face while he's passed out
>feeling good about this fight
>feel a thump on the back of my head and everything turn bright white
>crowbar to the dome times 10, oh fuck
>friend drop kicks lead spic and he flies into a car, knocked out
> I get up and grab crowbar and beat the everloving shit out of the unconscious spic
>his buddy drove away in his truck, leaving lead spic
>lead goes to hospital, is now paralyzed from the waist down
>I now have extreme migraines every day

The dumbest thing you did was make that boring ass post

Because I misplaced my trust, I
>failed to stay in Korea like I should have
&&
>didn't major in Computer Science
also
>am still in college SIX YEARS LATER because I was told not to get a job or take 6+ classes each semester by that fucking adviser
I get upset every time I think about it.

Started going on Cred Forums

Why did you try to fuck ur food you idiot

Cut edibles package with scalpel while already high. Got a huge gash in my leg and went to a music festival right after

top kek

seen this before
0/10 copy and paste user

>Be me, 17
>go pool jumping at a park with some grills
>6/10 asian girl with big tits wants to fuk, attempts underwater sex in front of everyone,
>water washes away her wetness and her thrusting hurts my dick.
>she gave me a really painful purple hickey too, crazy bitch
>drunk hobo sees highschooler tits and wants to
Join
>scares girls and i say no
>me and buddy manhandled him and scared him away
>grills think we're tough
>asian gill want to fuk after we leave, go into freinds tool shed
>she was so fucking loud and i couldn't even start hard half the time
>cum on back of her hoodie but don't tell her
>tells me she thinks she loves me
>i hurl beer everywhere because too drunk and end up never answering

>black out after this point but i woke up on my buddies floor with her naked on top of my soft dick and some gross chick with her fat tits out covered in puke on the couch

Apparently me and buddy got head sitting beside each other and high fived
>i suggested we switch girls and asian started crying

I don't drink anymore

I said I posted it before. I'm the original poster, I still have screenshots from the original thread

epic

I did 7/11

>Me bout 3 years ago (26yo now)
>Was an extreme example of an addict
>Had a Ridiculous IV Heroin habit
>Or any Opiates really
>As long as I could cook them into an IV solution
>anyhow
>Im omw home from someones house
>Roughly 50mile trip
>VERY dopesick
>ME NEED FIX
>Stop at walmart to pick up a friends xanax
>Have Syringe
>Have Lighter
>Have six 30MG oxycodone pills
>easily pushable with a lil effort
>DONT HAVE SPOON
>dont consider that i could have used many other things
>Bottom of pop can
>Bottle cap from 20OZ
> Decide in dopehead frenzy to go into walmart
>Put spoon in my pocket
>walk to bathroom
>Both stalls occupied
>Forget about spoon in pocket and leave
>hop in car still waiting in pharmacy drivethru
>cop pulls in quickly behind car
> another pulls in front of car
>car blocked in Pharmacy drivethru
>front cop jumps out gun ready
>"DONT FUCKIN MOVE STUPID!!! DONT FUCKIN REACH!!! I'LL BLOW UR FUCKIN BRAINS OUT"
>reach anyways and toss drugs to backseat
>Cop obviously sees this
>Doesnt blow my fucking brains out
>Does Smash my fucking nose in with butt of pistol
>Searches car
>Finds Oxy and syringes
>Charged with possession F5
> get searched at police station
>Cop pulls still packaged 2-pack of spoons from my pocket
>Charged with theft for 98cent spoons on top of felony possession
>Misdemeanor but still
>Go to jail with broken bloody nose
>Do 6months
>Get out on probation
>Never steal spoons or shoot dope again

>also have not eaten any raccoon shit since the first story happened

>Yup

>me at 10-11
>really short
>be at park
>friend and i playing pokemon red
>trading pokemon
>some kid 13-14 takes my gameboy
>parents arent there
>yell at him to give it back
>pushed me down and starts to walk away
>charge really fast at his legs
>knock him down when he didnt expect
>he hit is head on a metal pole
>passed out cold, bleeding
>friend and i look at eachother, i take my gameboy and we both run home

no one ever found out, we came back about an hour later and the kid was still there, dont know what happened after

>Be me
>10 y/o
>Live in Michigan
>Late January, skiing
>Novice at skiing 20th time going
>Friends come with
>They're more skilled than me because they go out more
>They do jumps and inverts and shit
>Never done a jump before
>Decide to do a little 6" jump and make it.
>Cocky
>I try to do a 3' jump
>Fall wrong and break my leg and both my wrists
>School fucking sucked after that, all because I wanted to impress my friends

OH SHIT A MICHIGAN FAG. what town are you from?I'm from Hastings.

Ask out 10 random girls in front of people to homecoming during High School. Most said no or either said their parents wouldn't let them. I want to kill myself everyday but the pain scares me too much. 0/99 would not recommend anyone to ever do.

if there ever was a story IN FAVOR of drinking, this is it.

dont worry user, im the same

I'm bi, and regularly have bareback sex with men at bathhouses

Atleast u tried lol nothing lost nothing gained

Tried to suck my 8 year old cousins dick when I was in eighth grade.

Nice Trips.
i re-enlisted thinking it would provide for, and make my family stronger.

I lost my pride and my self-esteem. Also I was roasted a lot too. Still a virgin as well.

omfg I'm a mechanic and I'm dying AHAHAHAHAHA thank you so much

Are you male or female? Why did you do it?

I got drunk this morning and wasted $15 on some shitty reddit wanna-be website.

Cred Forums Pass user since October 2016.

>kek

>be in hs
>20/10 one of the hottest girls in school actually likes me for some reason
>too socially retarded to ask her out
>mfw

>had a Coke addiction for 3 years
>tried to commit suicide by oding
>wasted 2,000 on a girl
>accidentally circumcised myself trying to fuck like a pornstar(dr nurses laughing at me).

Haha fucking gold

Haslett boi

Assuming before asken those girls out you were a faggot already correct? Atleast this way u sort of drained Ur balls out by asking. Yes Ur balls afterwards were aching but by u asken them u sorta blew ur load but ur not in pain via blue balls my friend

>be 17, me and 4 buddies have rich freind
>going on a boat trip in alaska
>live in the yukon (east of alaskan border)
>decide it'd be fun to get stoned in the alaskan ocean
>bring 3 oz worth of cookies because it was a month long teip
>last minute his dad decides to charter a plane instead of driving to the boat. Us and luggage are separated already

>our bags set off some alarms.
>had some bullets in my bag from previous hunting trip and a joint in my backpack
>confiscated bullets, but no trouble cuz rural area so they understand
>swipes my fucking joint
>finds cookies
>they left them
>one was gone
Some airport security guy got fucked up

>later that trip
>eat massive cookie, drink two beers
>seas get rough, 11-13 foot waves around 1am
>whydidmywallbecomeafloor.jpeg
>freinds dad busts into our cabin and tells us to harness up as we needed to go tie shit down
>drunk high me in frigid raging seas at 1am hooked to a guardrail trying to tie down crab traps
>hit a wave sideways, yatcht feels like it tips 90 degrees
>i hang by my harness over frothing abyss
>puke everywhere and piss myself a little

It was terrifying

>be me kindergarten
>it was play time
>go to "pretend kitchen area"
>girl already playing there
>pick up plastic butter knife
>thought it be funny
>look her in the eyes and say

"im gonna kill your whole family"

>she runs off crying tells the teacher
>starts yelling at me
>i denied it
>get home
>parents chew my ear out
>i didn't know what i did wrong because autistic

i cringe so hard to this day

Holy fuck user
That's strong autism

kek

This was super retarded. Don't ask out random girls next time you retard.

Who cares atleast he wasn't a pussy. I doubt he even has come in contact with them or even fucken seen em before. U pussy

I asked out a 3/10 to homecoming my freshmen year. She said yes(to my suprise), but the following class the hottest girl in our class asked me to homecoming right as the class began. I freaked out and said "No I cant bitch Im going with someone else." My eyues grew bigger than her fucking boobs when I realized my retarded brain called her a bitch for no reason. She freaked out on me. I was then known for the sperg who turned down the lead cheerleader for a 3/10. I didnt even follow through with the 3/10...I chickened out and didnt go to homecoming anyways. I ended up staying home and jerking it to facebook pics of the cheerleader.

One time I went to a hotel with my friend (we were on a road trip) and clogged the toilet. My friend had to take a shit too so I poured all the conditioner and hand sanitizer into the toilet to try to lubricate (there was no plunger). It overflowed and the floor was covered in this really gross foamy shit-water when we left.

No. It was trashy, i regret it every day. It might sound racy but think white trash unnatractive girls, warm beer, shitty rock, stale cigarettes and bad upbringings

>me 2-3 years ago
>Had a Snake
>Fed the snake some beer
>Snake was Slithering this way and that
>Snake was all fucked up

Thats not robbing. That's stealing. You didn't bring any gun or held anyone at gun point or threaten anyone.

Got married.

haha youre a total piece of shit but I might hang out with you anyway

male, because I had to go and I could tell he was having some dissonance brewing within his brain.

>i often jerk off and dont clean my hand/stuff
>i sometimes eat with my hands without washing them
>i know i tasted my cum when i eat like that
>im okay with it

still sounds like a win. I've had sex before. multiple girlfriends but nothing ever that crazy. sure drugs/unprotected sex is dangerous though.

>tfw actually said "smiley face" to a girl

>2nd year of high school
>last day before summer vacation
>I and 3 other friends decide to break into empty building directly across the school (we have done this before at least twice)
>get to roof, which has several windows
>we start throwing them in with bricks and stones
>this is just about in the middle of the neighborhood and right in front of our 4-story school building
>cops show up, my best buddy and I decide to get down while the other 2 hide in the building
>come clean and snitch because the other two are assholes anyway, pull my buddy into the same statement
>they get arrested, we get to go even though I did most damage
lel

Yikes, sorry to hear user.

also
>in gfs house
>going ham in her with my fingers
>she goes to the bathroom to clean herself
>stare at my fingers for a full 10 minutes
>lick them

I kept asking my friend about his 6 year old sister. He knew I looked at loli. I'm the one that told this story

Keked so fucking hard
Now tell me. Is it at least worth it?
I can't fucking stand all this captchas.

my nigga

I guess. Have a couple other wierd stories, none quite as wierd though. Was an odd period in my life.

the moral of that story is Trump 2016 build wall

I'd be interested to hear them.

Sounds like a good trade off to me. Life is all about compromise

Bruh, this exact same shit happened to me last year

>be 15
>over at friend's house, I kind of liked her
>we are goofing around, wrestling a bit and tickling and poking each other
>"Dude stop poking me, I'm going grab you by the dick if you don't stop"
"Well try me."
>keeping poking her
>end up awkwardly fingering her and her awkwardly giving me a hand job
>hear someone coming upstairs, we quickly turn on the TV and pretend nothing happened
>head off home later

>I did not ask her if she wanted to fuck like the dumb fuck I am
>we never mentioned it again

DON'T THIS THIS NIGGAS GAMEBOY

made a pass at a girl on public transportation, it seemed like a pleasant convo but apparently she didn't want it. she got off the bus, but I thought it was her stop, later when I got off it turned out she had told the bus driver I groped her and they had a security officer waiting to talk to me about the incident. didn't get arrested but it was quite embarrassing to say the least.

I'm sure the trip along with the situation had you wondering that it can't actually be real.

Had an affair with a married woman who was ten years older than me with three kids. Fucked their family up. They moved on. I moved away. Still regret it every day. Was almost 20 years ago

I'm a huge fucking dyke.

About a month ago, I got super stoned and super drunk, and my loneliness lead me to making out with one of my male friends. I don't remember much about that night, but apparently, I was all over him.

I know it's quite tame, but I've been pretty sheltered all my life.

Thank you.

Well, some short ones real quick
>have muslim gf
>she was really rebelious
>she sneaks out first time
>has her first beer
>one fucking beer
>stumbling, etc
>we go for a walk and i tell her to succ the D around the corner from my buddies house
>she takes a bit to warm up to it but gives good effort
>buddy sees us and runs over (same guy as last story)
>laughs etc
>pushes her head onto my dick
>she chokes and pukes a little
>she stops and we go back to drinking

>she is bery drunk now
>wants first secks
>i put it in her ass because i was very drunk.
>she yelled at me
>put in corrext hole
>she actually fucked like a champ
>she came in like 3 min
>send her home and she was locked out, she fell asleep on doorstep

>her big brother ended up tracking me down and pulled a gun on me and told me he'd kill me if i ever spoke to her again

Never spoke to her again

I was already panicked due to the rocking INSIDE the ship.

Was a great trip all in all, rural alaska is crazy beautiful

Yeah, whenever I'm high off anything weed, I feel lost like I don't know whats going on. That would be especially bad for me because I would've though it was a dream or something.

>Be me
>Junior in high school
>Not a loser, but not popular
>Dance coming up soon
>Planning on staying home and playing video games as per usual
>9.5/10 senior girl walks over to my lunch table
>We're sorta friends
>She gives us a survey about the dance
>I jokingly ask her to the dance
>She thinks for a moment and actually says yes
>mfw
>Didn't want to go still
>Figured she agreed because she felt sorry for me
>Eventually messaged her on Facebook telling her to find someone better to go with

Just as well, she had a boyfriend who was in the Marines or something like that

You stupid fucking nigger.

You're probably one of those decently attractive fucks who hang out with the unpopular crowd, right?

I fucking hate captchas, especially the absolute bullshit ones Cred Forums uses. Like, having to click 6 "storefronts" when half of the pictures are of buildings that could be storefronts and the other have might also be storefronts. I especially hate the ones that cycle, like you click the 4 street addresses and those 4 pictures get replaced, and 10 new images later you don't see any and can finally fucking post.

They cut down on the posting limit too, it seems like it's half the time now, 30 seconds between posts.

For $15 a year it's honestly pretty cheap, I use Cred Forums at least 3 hours a week and I'm sure I can save a good 20 minutes of captcha shit a day with the pass, so less wasted time.

If you don't like captcha I suggest you buy the pass or use a site with less terrible captcha, the chan site run by the cripple actually has you fill a single text captcha a day and that's it. Once you fill it, you're good all day.

I use this site a lot, and $15 a year isn't much at all, considering it'll probably save me hours upon hours over a year.

Cred Forums Pass user since October 2016.

Another one
>about a few months ago
>helping friend with moving his stuff to a storage box
>we load all stuff into the truck smoothly
>until my mate attempts to cover some discolorations and damage on the walls
>by using the wrong color of paint
>we now have to paint the whole damn room
>we spend like 2 hours on it and can't even finish, we don't have enough paint
>his neighboring roommates come home, turns out they had the correct color of paint and would have come home earlier if we had just called
>we don't have any more time to repaint the whole room AGAIN and don't have enough paint anyway
>pissed as fuck, we head towards the storage unit
>it's a really small and shitty one
>super frustrated by trying to Tetris all this bullshit furniture in
>halfway through, the alarm of the building goes off
>keep stuffing our unit with furniture anyway
>mate's hand gets stuck between wall and thing he was holding, bleeding pretty badly
>get the fuck out of there after finishing getting shit into the unit
>gas up the van we rented and return, cops are there and we are driving right past them in that rented van from the same fucking company
>we casually get out, he gives me the keys to the car and tells me to get inside
>NOW THIS IS WHERE I FUCK UP
>I wait in the car for 5 mins, wondering where he is
>get out, walk over to entrance of building, see him with the police
>I decide to be a dumb fuck and ruin his lying to the cops
>I get away without any shit, he got fined
I didn't fucking know we weren't supposed to be in that storage unit building past 11 PM, I feel so dumb.

>with freinds and same asian girl, but this was my first time meeting her

>she has bf, he is at the party but i didnt know they where togethee
>we are all playing hide and go seek tag in same park we skinnydipped months later
>we hid together
>user im cold
>give hoodie cuz im a suave motherfucker
>we cuddle
>squeeze her ass after meeting her maybe 10 min ago
>makeout
>slapped her ass, made crude comments and paid attention to her all night in front of her BF, he never talked to me once

>freind hands me a mixed bottle of gatorade
>didnt realize it was half rum
>got drunk AF
>(canadiands dont like natives)
>i drunkenly think i sound native
>this makes me cry
>call mudslime GF and cry because i think im native
>asian girl hugs and comforts me
>no memory past this point. Woke up in the grass outside freinds house

Still my current regret, being a decent human being to people.

sounds like it ended exactly as it should. All sex and no baggage

I sucked a dick to impress my dad

Nah, her bro was a gangster, spent a lot of time looking over my shoulder because she would message me often. Im no movie star, looking up the barrel of a gun is a scary thing to do

nice trips

>the chan site run by the cripple

Which one is that?

Story is fake until proven true

Enjoyed that last story

was...it your dads? like how would that impress him?

you can get banned for mentioning it by name, but it begins with an 8 and not a 4. The competition got too strong so they put filters and stuff up to block it.

Cred Forums is great, it's just a bit behind the times. No sound webms sort of sucks, that's the best part of the other Cred Forums I use.

you seem to have a thing for asians, what's your nationality?

When i was 17 some family shit hit the fan and I moved to a very rough area with my mom
>me, 18.
>lived on my own by now, just graduated
>ran a key out to my best freind on a new dealers order.
>3 minutes or so later he got shot up, one through the neck (i shit you not, grazed his neck, looked like rugburn), one thru leg and his car was swiss cheese
>he thought i set him up
>i got played like a retard, didnt realise it
>he asks me to meet him
>pulls a gun on me and wants his money back
>cokehead forgot that he showed me his "dope replica revolver" ayear ago
>i leg it
>drove away from town and never came back

I told her my secret in June

Im white, 1/8th native and the rest is scandanavian. Im not attracted to asians especially, just tall, green eyes and was swole because i had a phyaical job

My dads gay, and me being straight, I always felt rather ashamed. Every father wants his son to follow in his footsteps. I remember when I introduced him to my first girlfriend, he looked so embarrassed. I realised in order to earn my fathers respect, I needed to take drastic measures. For his birthday, I sent him a video (HD quality, really great value), of me sucking a dick. Around 8"c, really thick, veiny, and uncut. Since then, I really feel as if we've become great friends, and he's proud to call me his son.

Oh didn't realize you can get banned for mentioning it. The infinite one, is the one you're talking about I would assume.

Wut.

Got what he deserved tbqhwyf

No, he;s talking about a numerical variation, not grammatical one.

Same,
The I cheated got genital warts have it to her and she left me for fuck.
>marriage hurts. Divorce will be final 10/17/16

>accidentally circumcised myself trying to fuck like a pornstar(dr nurses laughing at me).
Full story, pls user

Kek

How did you know?

nice

Yeah, just try saying the name of the site the way you'd say Cred Forums and it'll stop you. If you evade that filter you can get banned, just like you can for evading any post filters. It is the one you mentioned.

I superglued my dick to my sisters face. I blamed it on my uncle, and now he's in jail.

Cool man

Thinking that exist pure girls, innocent ones doesn't exist, everyone is a bitch.

Your mom

this nigga went full retard....

off by one goddammit

whoa!

Also, I'm american so I don't really understand the phrase "ran a key out to my best friend on a new dealer"

I assume drugs

Going back a few years
14 or so
>snuck out with freinds for very first time
>bb guns and spraypaint
>met some girls
>we chill
>somewhere along the way i shoot girl in leg with bb gun. She gets upset
>gave her a beer and she said it was ok

>we where by a stream and shooting victim girl fell in and soaked her leg
>we go back to her house to let her change
>she cant climb the ledge so i climb up and pull her up
>go into her room with her
>user dont look
>but i gave u beer and helped u up
>ok fine

She changed facing away from me but that ass was peachy
First time seeing a girl nekkid

>we later all leave
>as we leave hear her mom storm into room yelling
>we run
>10 min later sirens
>hiding in park
>cops roll into park with searchlights
>all run.

We left shortly after, freinds mum woke us in morning and said cops had came to door about "vandalism and underage drinking "

>wewherejustplayinghalo.jpeg

key = kilo (key-low)

That's fucked up faggot.

damn. crazy stories yo

It's drugs, coke to be exact. Probably wasnt even a full key anyway it was my first time running anything but weed and molly, i was an idiot

>>>>Retard

Running low on interesting stories.

You should get that looked at man.

Not a goddam thing.

Are you a wizard or something?
You described me to a T earlier

Guy must be like any other generic Muslim stereotype or member of ISIS, a true member of the "Religion of Peace"

For some reason most of the gang activity in my area is middle eastern immigrants... go figure.

picking WoW as my main competitive game.

...

Did a bunch of stupid shit as a kid, sticking things in outelts, lighting things on fire, stealing skull and dice valve stem caps and deflating ppls tires(this was in the 90s), drilled my food with a heavy duty hand drill....too much to list but that's being a kid. looking back it was awesome i dont have the balls to do any of that shit today.

The dumbest shit i think i ever did that still bothers me today is ruining my relationship with my asian teen gf, she was literally my dream girl in highschool and i was 3 years ahead of her, but she was more popular and never looked at me like that until i graduated and my friend hooked us up.

I didnt treat her that bad but i smoked alot of weed at that age(21) and was always burnt never wanted to do anything with her but smoke and fuck we did go out atleast once a week. and always went out for drives and shit to take it out the bedroom. she got "busy" with college and we grew apart...it lasted a year and she tried but idk i think she just saw the real me and really didnt like it.

One day i went into work and she calls me says she needs to talk to me later and to call her after work. I figure she wants to meet up and I'm happy (loved her to death) finish my shift and i call her...
>hey what's up you wanted me to call you?

>Hey....I...I don't think we should be together anymore

>why whats wrong are you kidding me?

>you ask me to call you after work and this is what you say???

for some weird reason she wanted to wait until i was done with work.

So...I tell her you can't be serious and can't do this over the phone.

Speed to her house..
She actually gets in my car, complains that she has class tomorrow and its late.
Ask her whats wrong why she would do this out of no where (we maybe fucked within the past week and when i creampied her she told me she loved me)
I did over react but i think anyone that was dealing with losing the love of their life would too.

Couple weeks later she has new bf.

been almost 8 years still think about her often and i get super depressed she hasnt contacted me at all.

...

Not going to and finishing college straight out of high school.

Not staying with the girl I dated through high school. (We got together over 20 years later, but I still kick myself for missing that time).

Picking engineering instead of finance or accounting as a first college major.

Taking the first job I was offered straight out of colllege

Not buying cool stuff like motorcycles and boats when I was in my 20's.

>sleeping at whores house
>wake up and decide to fuck her
>as soon as I get it in , I'm just fucking the shit outta her
>no foreplay just fucking
>she just woke up , so she's dry
>idgaf
>jamming my dick in and out at full force , pulling out completely out and ramming it in
>a min later
>hear\feel snap
>I stop , look down , I'm gushing blood
>ripped the skin under my cock that connects to under my dick head
>get my shit , act cool grab my sock and tie it around my cock
>I go to the hospital
>waiting in the waiting room
>still gushing blood
>dark blue dickies are red now
>I tell nurse what happens
>laying in room , nurses and dr's just poking there head in , one after another just snickering and smiling.

Best day of my life.

If related.

its all good. thanks b/ro

‫Buying this Cred Forums Pass last month despite knowing that they'd be going on sale again for the birthday.

Cred Forums Pass user since September 2016.

Wtf is that pass all about?

I wasted $20 on this shithole to get no captchas. At least I can be a special snowflake now with this "Cred Forums Pass user since" thing.

Cred Forums Pass user since September 2016.

Lost my virginity to a guy when i was 15 had two kids with him and now since i broke up with him for hitting me his bitch ass barley sees his kids or does anything for them. I did not want my kids to go through that but luckily i have a man that does for us.

started a forest fire

>be me
>be 10
>best friend is sn undiagnosed pyromaniac
>he comes over
>we're tossing the baseball
>"hey user you wanna see if cologne catches fire"
>"sure" i say
>we go in deepest woods we could find
>spray cologne on toy trucks
>lightemup.jpg
>meh fire. it goes out quickly. expected flame
>we go back to my house
>play ps1 nfs
>hour later hear and see fire trucks going past house
>stomach drops to anus
>look outside
>yep smokey the bear would be disappoint
>deny everything

You atleast get no captchas... In a couple years you'll be an old fag I guess.

I've been here since around 2009ish or so. I don't think I'd call myself an oldfag though.

Cred Forums Pass user since September 2016.

savanna?