How do people in the US live without a bidet? do all Americans walk around all day with shit covered asses...

how do people in the US live without a bidet? do all Americans walk around all day with shit covered asses? the smell must be unimaginable.

Bruh

Dude how could shit even get down that drain wtf

It sounds as if YOU never learned to wipe your ass properly.

You must be like a retard or something.

im not American but Spaniard

and i call this bullshit

I have a bidet but i don't use it because i always shit when i wake up before working out and taking the shower so my ass is clean.

Amerifag here, own bidet, can't poop anywher except home :(

do they not have tp where your from op

You don't drop a full length turd into a bidet, jackwagon. You rinse your asshole.

Baby wipes nigga

I know right? I shit in one once, there was no way to fuckin' flush it. Some say it is still sitting there to this day.

Useless contraption.

nah you get used to it. it helps if you start smoking, weakens the sense of smell and the smoke helps cover it.

...

Question for bidet users: How do you dry your ass after its cleaned by the water?

why do foreigners always obsess over the way we do things?

and yet the smelliest american smells 100 times better than the cleanest frenchmen

Since we typically wash our assholes in the shower, or in some cases we use moist wipes, along with the fact that we don't walk up to people and sniff their assholes like you do, your premise is flimsy at best.

>shit covered asses
if by any chance this isnt bait, do you not wipe?

>and yet the smelliest american smells 100 times better than the cleanest frenchmen

Niggers not included.

But of course you wear le towel
Are you le retartet?

We have this invention called a towel

I live in Finland, we have alapesusuihku.
Much better than bidet. 10/10

humans always give eachother shit for being different.

With a towel.
We all the family use the same towel.

do you share ass-towels or what?

So are you supposed to use this instead of toilet paper?

as an American who has spent time in France, Germany Turkey and India lemme tell you OP...Americans smell just fine

we do but it is frowned upon. if we do use it we just toss it in a trash bin

no, idiot, thats why we put the sink so close to the toilet

Atleast we're not Greece--they can't flush toilet paper down their toilets so they throw it away in a nearby garbage can. Whole place smells like shit

All the hypocrisies are pretty funny. The stigma that Americans are fat and lazy, yet in this instance, criticized for not having a separate bowl to sit on/squat over to spray water into their asshole so they don't have to wipe it.

Top shelf kek.

howdy newguy

>do all Americans walk around all day with shit covered asses?
yeah pretty much
i take showers usually, but it's such a hassle to take a shower. u gotta take ur clothes off n shit. i take a shower after fapping tho

I am zee Frenchman, an I show my panties to show how clean the ass is!!!!!

What I don't get about bidets is how watering as the last step could finish all shit problems. Isn't your ass just wet then?! Or do you wipe after bidet? For me the water would feel deterrently disgusting.

Americans have to bleach their assholes because the shit stains them turd color from years of not using a bidet.

Not at all. I wipe my ass on it, then I hang it on your face towel rack.

Holy fuck guys you hear this never won a war mother fucker? He said they all wipe there asses with the same fucking towel.

No wonder so many Muslims like living in the land of French Fries.

>be me, europoor
>visit america
>go to public bathroom
>ate a filthy american food so disgusting grease shit incoming
>attempt to shit at nearby loo
>europoor so shit everywhere, including the handle on the toilet
>go to find button for water analingus
>no button
>roll of paper on wall
>europoor education, cannot compute
>decide its like a tampon situation
>begin lubing ass with grease shit from the walls
>grab paper roll
>begin inserting roll
>smooth insertion (im already gaping from the muslim rape)
>feelsgoodman.png
>begin to leave restroom
>can't wear pants, they weigh too much from shit
>walking around disgusting american town
>feel fart coming
>not a fart
>liquid greaces (grease + feces) begins firing out of the hole in the toilet paper roll
>the sprial inside acts like barrel rifling, adding gyrostabilization to the fecal matter
>propels into small child's face
>mfw

Hey old fag

You have to bleach your asshole because of all the dicks over the years in your bunghole have stained it turd color.

>excitedly typing le epic future copy pasta, giggling to himself..

Hmm what? We don't have to bleach our assess but nice try Ameritard

>Chinese international student started attending my college last year
>Fucking chink never learned to wipe because of those shit blasters
>So now whenever you get close to her the smell of shit drills your nose
>Literally leaves a stench behind wherever she goes
>It's like a fucking repulsive aura you can't escape
>literally has NO friends because of it.
>The worst is no one - not even faculty - has told her she NEEDS to wipe her ass

>I don't think shes wiped in 2 years

How the fuck did you know.
That was my first greentext, so I think I get a pass for it being so...
SHITTY.

top kek

Hey, somebody found it funny.
I guess I'm not terrible at them.
Still need some more experience though.

>thinks he gets a pass for shit posting because le "it's my first time lol"
>doesn't

You will in the future when you get butt-raped by muslims all day.

>fails at obvious samefagging

He wasn't samefagging. I busted a gut laughing at his greentext.

yes, you are

Americans are fucking obese. It would be physically impossible they clean their own ass.

Ask her out on a date. Tongue her asshole. Win/win

the top kek one isn't me.
I have integrity, thank you.
I can prove it.

and how does konata prove that?

sure, let's wait for you to photoshoop those (You)s away then

i have to wet toilet paper at the end of all my wipes, to get the dried shit thats left

if you dont, your buttsweat will liquify it in a few hours and leak down your buttcrack and stain your underpants

Maybe Konata can't, but I can.

It took me about 45 minutes to photoshop a picture of an L85 onto the Suspicious Fry meme.
You think I know how to fuck with text?

Its not life or death if you believe me or not, I don't really care, this thread will 404 within 24 hours anyway and we can all get back to shitposting instead of arguing with anonymous users who we will never see in our lives over whether or not someone patted themselves on the back for a short story about someone shitting on a toddler.

I can prove it is indeed you.. with logic
here goes:
nobody would find that funny

Because it's hip to shit on America.

Yes a lot of things are broken here, but I live like a fucking king, even probably compared to the vast majority of the posters here.

Not even an exaggeration.

funnier than a guy shit posting in a thread about how we wipe our asses

I don't even know what that would do for me, if that WAS me saying top kek.
"wow, I feel so good about myself because I complemented myself on the internet! Look how cool this fat autists think I am!"

Do you think that's what's going through my head?

"here is proof that you are wrong, from two separate users"
"AHA! But they are wrong! Why? BECAUSE I SAID SO!"

Ok buddy. Have fun in the real world once you get there.

Don't want to sound ignorant but are bidet banned in America or what?

Wow, samefag got caught.
trying to deny it so much.

I think you're cool, b/ro. The 16 year old will go to bed soon, and the rest of us can go right back to being the sorts of deviants who love this site for its depravity rather than it's stupidity.

Also, did you bother clicking on Konata?

>obvious butthurt europoor
kek

>love this site
never go full retard

If you niggers aren't whipping your ass with wet fingers after whipping with TP you aren't getting a true clean. I always worry the TP crumbs might have shit on them
>I am the daywalker of anal hygeine

I didn't get caught you fucking mongoloid.

I and the top kek nig proved that.

Again, what would I gain from patting myself on the back?

You found the greentext unfunny, which is fine, it was a pretty bad one. But that doesn't mean no one else finds it funny.

I wrote it, sure, but I find it funny myself. And I'm sure as fuck not the most retarded person on here.

>whipping your ass
Dude don't bring your disgusting fetishes here jesus christ.
This is a peaceful and clean place.
Think of the children.

Think of the children while whipping my ass? You're telling me not to bring my fetish here, but then telling me to think of children while doing it? Damn, you kinky

EEEUGGHHH
What the fuck does a bathroob smell like there then? Trash cans with dirty shit paper in them would stink to high heaven!

The way I get clean is through the use of toilet paper and wet wipes.

>>After using the toilet I rip off six squares of paper as 3 rectangles.
>Fold each rectangle in half for three four-ply squares.
>>Dab my dick with one square, then drop the square into the toilet.
>>Wipe back to front against the right-side of my cheek with square two. Then fold square two into a triangle with the shit on the inside ( clean paper should be out ) and repeat process against the left side of my cheek. Drop into toilet.
>>Use square three to go front to back in the same manner as with square two.
>> Now that the bulk is gone use wet-wipes to finish cleaning. Using a similar method as with the toilet paper I can get three or four folds out of a wet-wipe and walk away clean enough to be eaten out by the wife.

samefag with such pressure to prove he didn't try to fool us.
so ashamed of his story.
welcome to interwebs.
>kek

Also, gee what the fuck are biodegradable baby wipes and shaving your butthole?

LIVING LIKE A KING BABY?

don't you mean "don't set yourself up for disappointment"?
Because I do love this site, in spite of all the trannies and literal shit posting. Then again, I break the first two rules of /b all the time, so half my enjoyment is using /b as a shock site for teh normies.

Damn, got me.

white chocolate isn't chocolate.
man is not ape.

I wonder what a stereotype is

Clean butt master race

Okay this is some trolling shit.

Yes, sure, if it helps you sleep at night, I'll tell you that I made a bad greentext, nobody said they liked in for about 2 minutes, decided everyone hated it, samefagged, acted innocent, photoshopped TWO different images to look like they were from different people, and then still didn't admit to being a samefag.

That's definitely what happened.

how do you work the controls? sit on it facing the wall?

I had a maid quit working for us because she kept finding and having to clean up my shitty underwear I would throw behind furniture because I was gross and lazy. Basically I never wiped my ass and my underwear would get crusty and coated in fucking shit

...

Jesus fucking christ lad.

I use baby wipes. My friends give me shit but I'm a big dude so they are joking.

You ever heard of fucking baby wipes

You fags spraying your asshole with a hose roffle my waffle

Just wipe and use a baby wipe to clean up more thoroughly

And kek at dumping your toilet paper in the trash. Your bathrooms smell like shit

For you.

No, we wipe and we shower every day.

busted

i chemically burn the hair off my ass so there is nothing for the shit to get stuck in. my asshole looks like it did when i was 8 years old. i sit on the toilet with my asscheeks spread wide and let the shit fall out and there is hardly any mess to clean

> this never won a war mother fucker
> there asses

Dude, I'm from another continent and I know how to write the only language you can speak. Get your shit together.

Euro fags

The height of your gayness is beyond my comprehension

I use baby wipes and toilet paper, even then i still try to take a shower after pooping it's the only way to get 100% clean.

its not that grate if we where forced to learn how to speak the most common language because where some shit country we would too but we dont have to because where just the best


dam ya you got us there i guess you win

Wet towel

>We all the family use the same towel
You are a dirty ass towel sharing bastard

I use a European's tongue to keep my shitter clean

...

fucking baby wipe trend, how much do they even cost ? isn't it a problem for wastewater treatment plants ?
I don't understand, just get a small hand showerhead and wash that arse, like we do in Finland.

usually true. really, america has the highest obesity rate if you ignore tiny islands with populations of 5000 or less.

we also have the highest rate of hemorrhoids almost world wide

Americans know how to wipe and we shower daily unlike disgusting European fags

We are pure beings, we do not have anuses. We have 'toilets' in our home for guests who aren't of pure American Genes.

(We don't use 'Bidets' because we don't want a colon cleansing every time we shit. Also, if any water gets up in there because of user's lose anus, you'd have colon-shit-water leaking from your fat asscheeks.) Bidets are gay.

Murican here.
I drop logs in those all the time here.
We call them sinks.

Bought a Bidet I could attach to my toilet on amazon for like 20 bucks. Best fucking 20 bucks I've ever spent.

Toilet paper. you are pretty much good after one square

Nice! Does it shoot up shit water?

Its called Fiber.

...

...

lmfao, hooked to my water line, nerd

OP doesn't know how to use the three shells!

fold the square. No force is needed, you are just mopping up a small amount of water against a clean asshole

...

On maneuvers to Italy in the 1990's, a squadron mate shit in the bidet.

The Italians who ran the Signonella Inn were not amused.

Shit was cash.