Taking psych courses in uni and becoming fascinated by psychopaths...

Taking psych courses in uni and becoming fascinated by psychopaths... never really met one and known it though (odds are I have but couldn't tell). One of my professors has met many true psychopaths that are locked up for life and he told me about their nature. Cred Forums seems like a place that psychopaths would love (porn, gore, few rules and restrictions), I'm wondering if anyone on Cred Forums is diagnosed with a psychopathic personality disorder (antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, schizoid) and tell me what it's like to be you. Please no edgelords

Interested bump.

Bamp

Its pretty normal buddy,you just dont see the world as the rest of the people,i dont understand why people cry over kids whit terminal diseases,or stuff like that, also i can normaly kill anybody whitout remorse, but idk,i dont feel "Specialy different" as it is a part of me, but i must admit i have some megalomania

Out of curiousity have you been diagnosed? Self-diagnosis isn't completely reliable however I do realize that most psychopaths are not diagnosed.

I work as an addiction therapist, and I see personality disorders on a regular basis. I don't really share stories from work, but I was diagnosed with bpd about 10 years ago. Have since recovered for the most part, but can give you an in depth analysis of self that I wrote several years ago.

Sure where can I read it

>also i can normaly kill anybody whitout remorse
>normally

how many people did you have to kill to figure that out?

This was strictly directed at relationships and the cycle that I previously went through. There's more to it, but it should show what it's like to date someone in that mindset.

I realized that everything is to gauge a reaction. Everything is a manipulation like moving pawns on a chess board. Everything is guilt based with bad intentions, enough to drive a partner crazy. The lies are compulsive and mentally justified. There is an intention behind every word said and every move made. The self image portrayed is put inside of the others persons mind intentionally. If the other person hurts you it is perceived as purposely done and they have to hurt 100x worse through the use of guilt and passive aggression. You may be moving on while you two are still together because of the feared abandonment. You want them to be upset and feel bad but you don't want them to know why. You want them to think its them and not you. You don't want a relationship but you get them to say they don't. Blackmail is always in your mind as a place of comfort. They destroyed your life, so why not destroy theirs? You need to know they're at home or at work? Well now you do, and you managed to find out exactly where they are if you didn't already know. In their eyes everything is fine, but you're just waiting for them to hurt you. So hurt them first very subtly and slowly. They never know if you're coming or going. They see what you allow them to see, it's seriously a chess match and you're the only one playing. But it's all fine because every word they've ever said is a lie and you know it. They have a friend of the opposite sex? They're having sex. If there's a time gap anywhere, they are cheating. There is 0 trust because trust is unattainable. Anything they say can be taken as a threat or harmful. You watch their every move, and know exactly what comes next. You can't even force them out of your head without the use of illicit substances that sometimes make it worse.
Cont...

It's there a spectrum of psychopathy? I consider myself a normal person, but I seldom feel remorse or empathy.

When it's over, you're emptier than ever. They've probably noticed the pattern of manipulation and used their brain. You want to kill yourself but you just can't do it. You write letters for attention, then your attention comes from somewhere else. You eventually see (or usually not), you only wanted to cause this person pain. You didn't like/love them at all, you just chased the idea of them. It provided you a feeling of contentment, it filled the void, that any other person who showed you attention or you could manipulate could fill. There's nothing special about them except they cared about you, complimented you, had sex with you and fed your addiction to them. You can't experience love because you can't experience trust. You were merely infatuated, addicted and obsessed.

I feel like everyone around me is a complete idiot. I am above all others. I don't have love for people, I have loved pets but I can't love people anymore because they always let you down. I don't really care about anything, don't feel much anymore, I think about killing myself almost everyday because of my deep emotional pain that no one else will ever understand.

hey i'm studying to do that at the moment, mind if i ask you a few questions? i'm going to anyway

- i smoke weed and drink beers pretty much everyday. i don't feel like this has a negative impact on my life, but i do feel a bit guilty and hypocritical for obvious reasons. do you use any drugs? how frequently? how do you reconcile it with your work
- how do you deal with people that clearly don't have the motivation and drive to get better, or don't really want to, or are only there to get their partners / parents off their case. i'm of the opinion that people have to want to change, and that they won't do it for anyone else. i know the standard answer is 'motivational interviewing', but if a person isn't really into it then it will just slide off like water off a duck's back. how do you not get frustrated with those people?

- in your personal opinion, what is the reason for addiction? i have my own ideas on this but i'm interested to hear from someone who has seen more of that world than me.

Theyre not diagnosed cause as a psychopath you dont go whit the therapist saying "dude i think im a psychopat", you get it?

my brain inhabits three other consciousness's. its like three people all pulling on a steering wheel at once while a car drives at 200km/h and that car is me. am I a psychopath? you tell me.

At the moment you care of what you would do, you are not a psychopath, relax buddy

- When I was in school I used to drink regularly and experimented with alot of drugs. I used in an addictive fashion so I quit all together a few years back. If that's not the case for you then you really don't have anything to feel hypocritical about.
-You'd be surprised how many people don't seem to want help. They want help to better their circumstances instead of helping themselves. Many are in programs like drug court or rehabs so they're somewhat forced to stay sober. I completely agree with you that there has to be a desire to change. I often get frustrated, but with my own experience of addiction it's easy to find common ground. I know it will sink in one day when that person hits rock bottom, or loses someone close to an overdose. By them having the skills and resources to cope when they're ready is enough for me.
-I believe addiction is mainly caused by poor coping mechanisms. Hereditary factors can also play a role, but that's not anything that can be learned or unlearned. I can go into more details about the neuropsychology or more complex factors. Just posting now so this thread doesn't 404 lol.

I wish I could, it's so noisy, there are so many holes in the walls, everyone moved away, im so lonely.. Lol

I don't think I could have worded it any better. I enjoy being alone because I'm the only person that I can trust, but at the same time, I hate being lonely. My guess is that's what drives me to relationships.

What you think life is? dont get that "highlife" mentality, thats for apes that are so scared of dead that their only value is an illusion, trust me, ive been alone almos since i remeber, and trust me im happier than all that morons, they have value outside, they can lose it all and then their real face shows up, crying hopeless bastards, dont be like them buddy

Anti social behavior is caused by a lot of things, not just psycopathy. Lack of sympathy/empathy can be caused by things like autism to depression.
Doesn't help that a lot of the users on this site have uplifted the illness to some sort of super power.

cheers, i would love to be able to turn people away after a few sessions if i don't think they're really ready. i think that kind of kick could really jar people into thinking more seriously about their situation, but i also worry it could send them deeper into self-destructive cycles (even my counsellor doesn't believe in me, im obviously worthless etc).

do you think addiction could be a sociological illness?
i think that most people don't live in ways that fulfill our needs as human beings, and addiction is how people seek to fill the holes that are left in place of genuine human connection, connection with the earth and nature and doing what you are passionate about. ultimately i think it is a product of the way our society is run

This guy is right special snowflakes

In short, "no"?

When I was younger I had my psychiatrist questioning her own views. Don't invest too much thought in what they think and seek a new counselor lol. I guess some people develop a morbid view after seeing so many people go down the wrong path. They fall into self fulfilling prophecy instead of offering help.. it's not uncommon.
I think when one develops a sense of self then needs can be recognized and met. I have a bunch of writing on the subject but it's all in notebooks. In short, yes society is screwed up. And it kind of goes back to an inability to cope with those needs not being met. When needs and wants can be distinguished, the person can continue on their journey to self and hopefully find the happiness they're looking for.