Be sitting at my empty home

>be sitting at my empty home
>still crying about what happened at the party last night
>Knuckle's huge turd is still sitting in the room, taunting me by merely being there
>continue to sit on floor, crying and shoveling leftover birthday cake into my mouth
>phone starts to buzz
>check phone
>it's Knuckles
>he says he wants to apologise for what happened last night and wanted to make it up to me
>tells me to meet him at the local dance club
>reply that I will
>walk to club
>go inside
>Knuckles is in there, sitting at a table, and waves at me
>still upset about last night, I hesitantly walk towards him
>"Sonic! Glad you could make it!" he says
>sit down at table
>"Hey I'm really sorry about last night, man. I don't know what got over me."
>still look unhappy, don't really have anything to say
>"It was wrong of me to steal your moment from you, and I wanted to make it up to."
>he pulls a container up from under the table and pushes it over to me
>I look at the box, confused
>"Go ahead. Open it!" he urges
>open container
>it's a chili dog
>"I felt really bad about upstaging you last night, Sonic. So I went and asked Tails to whip up another one of his special chili dogs, just for you." he said
>tears well up in my eyes, but this time they are tears of happiness
>"What? R-Really?..." I say
>"Yes, Sonic. Really." he replies with a smile
>"Now hurry up and eat that chili dog and wow this crowd!" he says enthusiastically
>I've never felt tears of joy like this before
>I bite into the chili dog, as Knuckles watches with a big smile on his face
>I try not to rush it, but at the same time I can't take too long to eat it
>it tastes even better than the one I ate yesterday
>finish chili dog, sit back and smile
>hear a very audible rumble
>look down at my slightly bloated belly
>it's time

(cont.)

>we both get up and head to the center of the dance floor
>Knuckles grabs a microphone and gets the crowd's attention
>"Attention everybody, sorry to interrupt what you're doing, but we just need your time for moment"
>"Go ahead Sonic." he encourages
>still smiling, I nod at him and turn back to the crowd
>I squat down and begin to push
>my stomach rumbles so loudly you'd still hear it if the music was still blaring
>itbegins.jpg
>the tip of a fresh new turd pokes out of my blue butthole
>I push hard as the fat lump of shit spreads my cheeks with its incredible girth
>the crowd sits there silent in awe and disbelief as they can't believe what they're witnessing
>I'm surprised too, as this turd is bigger than the one I did last time
>the turd continues to expand my pooper, until it reaches it's thickest part at over a metre wide
>I have never experienced anything this euphoric in all my life
>I'm am in such bliss I completely forget that there's a crowd watching me do this
>continue to push out the beast, but things are are starting to slow down as the turd starts to become smaller as it makes its way out
>when the log is down to the last part, I don't even have to push, my body does the work for me as the last part slides out, and my ring returns to normal size
>stand back up
>crowd is completely silent
>being to sweat nervously
>one person starts clapping
>more begin to follow
>soon all the club-goers are cheering
>I look back at my turd
>it's about one metre wide and three metres long, just like the one Knuckles dropped at the party
>Knuckles looks at me smiling, and says "You did it Sonic. You did it."
>tears run down my eyes
>I've never been so happy in all my life
>the dance club patrons are all applauding me and my amazing dump

(cont.)

>I can't believe this happened after yesterday, today's events have completely made up for it
>Knuckles puts his hand on my shoulder
>"Hey Sonic..."
>I turn my head in his direction
>"Yes Knuckles?" I ask happily
>"PSYKE!"
>my heart drops to the pit of my stomach
>Knuckles bends over and raises his big red bum in the air
>pleasegodno.png
>Knuckles grunts as a fuck-huge turd bursts out of his enormous echidna anus, already sticking a metre out of his ass
>tonykornheiser'swhy.jpg
>the gigantic chocolate monster continues to reach forth for freedom, now easily dwarfing my turd and reaching high into the air, only half-way out
>I feel a part of myself die inside
>the massive monster's shadow looms over my turd, it is now sticking out at four metres in length
>Knuckles looks at me and winks
>"And now comes the best part!" he says slyly
>he grunts loudly and gives a great big push as he evacuates his anus of the last two metres of meaty megalog
>the colossal bog drops down and lands on my turd, splattering it everywhere
>turd splatters on my face
>I turn to Knuckles, who has a big grin on his face
>I can feel my heart breaking as my tears start to well again
>crowd all starts to cheer and applaud thunderously, even louder than they did for me
>they all go surround Knuckles and start chanting his name
>club-goers lift him up and being to carry him out the club
>as they walk out the door, Knuckles looks back and gives me a wave
>break down into tears
>curl up into a ball on the floor, crying as I lie down in a mixture of my tears and feces
>I want to die

For the first time in twenty-five years, I want to commit suicide. Not even Sonic '06 drove me to such lengths.

will not read

fuck you hedgehogs aren't blue

>be me
>reddit autist
>post le funny epic meme post on Cred Forums
>karma guize!!!
>profit

literally kys

10/10

I genuinely wish that I had terminal brain cancer right now, because this story alone would be a shitty reason for suicide.

This is shit.

Yes, there is a lot of it.

Personally I found this hilarious.