You know Ray, they say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Well life isn't giving me any lemons right now...

They say life is like a box of chocolates. You never know which one you're gonna get, but Ray. I my box is all out of chocolates and I know exactly what I'm going to get. A bullet in the head.

For some reason I think it's a very German based humor

They say what came first, the chicken or the egg? I don't know, Raymond. But I know one thing for sure, my goose is cooked.

I love these threads

I honestly missed this

They say yiu can kill two birds with one stone. But guess what, Ray. I'm already stoned.

>Ray...I had a teacher that said "every dog has its day" well it's pitch black and midnight right now and all I see are cats.

There was this old saying my dad used to repeat. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush but what if the bird you've got is a pideon and the one in the bush is a flamingo or dove or something. Wouldn't that shot be a lot cooler than a dumb fucking pigeon. Caspere knew this.

They say it's a dog eat dog world out there. Well you know what, Ray? I'm not Korean.

>It's a dog eat dog world and I'm the fucking Chinaman

unironically good quote desu

They say even a broken clock is right twice a day. I don't have time to be broken, Ray.

Ray, you ever heard the expression it's not the size of the ship but the motion of the ocean, that's true but all I can tell you is it takes a long time to get to England in a row boat.

>They say the Devil's hands are idle playthings, but you know Ray, I was born without fingers

I like to think Vince Vaughn makes these threads before bed every now and then just for chuckles in an attempt to help ease himself to sleep.

"You can't stop an avalanche as it races down the hill. You can try and stop those feelings, girl, but you know you never will. Caspere tried to stop his dancing feet but they just would not stand still."

What did they mean by this?

He probably thinks "fucking pizzolatto" with each post

There's a saying that the early bird gets the worm. With all these people turning to worm food, I'm starting to wonder if even the late bird's gonna get a bite.

Obi Wan posting became the new vinceposting. Both are good, both take work to get right, and both are infrequent, sadly

This thread has been visited by good humoured sleepy vince.

Your pre-sleep regimen will be full of subtle chuckles and clever jokes but only if you respond to this post with "Casper knew this"

Caspere knew this.

Season 2 is pleb-filter. Good riddance.

They say a penny saved is a penny earned Ray, but change is course, rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.

They say sometimes that barking up the wrong tree is the easiest way to get punched. But every dog has his day, and I'm not beating up my wife's bush anymore.

They say two in the pink and one in the stink, Ray. You know that means? A bullet in each nostril, and a bullet down their throat.

Caspere knew this.

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed, Ray. Caspere knew this.

>Never lost my keys. Never even had a fucking keychain.

It takes two to tango Ray, but I've never seen Siamese twins do the tango.

Casper knew this

They say that a man who never looks beyond himself misses the whole world.Well I'm looking Ray, and I may be in nwe'd of glasses.

>My dad used to say when you're in a hole, stop digging. But when you're in three holes, Ray? Then you better bring a lot of shovels.

My grandfather told me you can discover everything you need to know about everything by looking at your hands. I've been looking at mine all my life, every day since I was 5, and you know what I've just realized? They're fucking feet.

It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease Ray, but I've got tinnitus.

Best ones
How do I get good at this? I can't combine two sayings no matter what I do

>pussy version of Cave Johnson

They say to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I never understood this Ray, but then I realized: we've got them fuckin' surrounded.

Some of these are reposts. It's a brutal meme to create OC for, you have to be witty, not just mildly proficient with Photoshop.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, well you know what Ray? I'm just a satyr.

lemonade is ray and life is making lemons

Why did the chicken cross the road? I'm no chicken, Ray. I'm the road, and nobody crosses me.

...

My grandfather told me that only a life lived for others is worth living. I've been living for others all my life and you know what I realized? They're all fucking dead.

They say to never judge a book by its cover, but it's a fuckin' dictionary Ray.

Caspere knew this

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Obama promised change, and now we're getting a Clinton as President. What the fuck Ray.

You know it's funny but before my grandfather passed away Ray, he always told me that the squeakiest wheel gets the grease. Well I've been spinning my wheels my whole life and I the only thing grease has got me was heart disease.

well, is a modified version of a metaphor used by the infamously stupid american opinion columnist Thomas Friedman. I recommend looking him up, you can learn a lot by studying the master of the genre.

They say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. You know something Ray? I'm allergic to birds, but they're all out of beef.

They say you have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, but I just ripped them off and fell on my ass. The fuckin' American dream Ray.

Did you ever hear the one about the goose that lay the golden egg? It's a fun story Ray, but they forgot to mention how much that goose got fucked.

There's more than one way to skin a cat, Ray. The problem is, I'm stuck in a zoo without a razor.

>They say the early bird gets the worm, Ray. But why would you want to eat worms? We're already gasping in a world of dirt.

They ask "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", and I gotta tell you, Ray. Goat is doing just as well.

Do you think when pizzaman wrote this character the lines were intentionally funny? Or did Vince just adlibbed a few and they just kind of ran with it?

You know Ray, they say there's no such thing as a free lunch. I'm getting so hungry I'm about to put this gift horse in my mouth.

Hey guys, it's me TOM. I just wanted to come in to support this thread. A good Vince meme is really great and I love seeing some actual original effort being put in. You guys are doing a real bang up job. Caspere knew this.

They say every dog has his day, and it's a doggy dog world.

They say 'why go out for hamburgers when you have steak at home?' Thing is Ray, I've got a taste for sushi, and I need it fresh off the boat.

Might start using this one IRL

literally how I feel

I had to do it.

Caspere knew this.

they say i've bitten off more than i can chew, but you know what ray? I'm fucking starving and i've never been one for leftovers

vinceposting was ahead of its time

They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away. But you know what, Ray? Maybe that doctor needs to make an appearance. Maybe he's overdue.

They say you can't trust a wolf in sheep's clothing, but I've never worn fur a goddamn day in my life.

I love Vince posting, but this thread is really bad

>They say it ain't over till the fat lady sings. But Ray, your mother never could carry a tune.

best posts in the thread

...

Then contribute

Life dealt me a bad hand, ray, but I worked at it. I got all the cards together until I became the fuckin' dealer. But now we're playin' chess.

wasn't this an actual line from the show?

They say in the land of the blind, the one eyed man is King. I just got put in check Ray. I can't even see the fucking board.

THIS MOTHERFUCKING THREAD GODDAMN

SO DAMN APOPLEPTIC R8 now

They say a watched pot never boils. Well somebody better start watching me because I'm boiling over.

Heh

FUCK

YOU

;_:

> They say you take one bomber and deploy him in Baghdad, and another is manufactured in Riyadh the next day, but you know what ray? I took two bombers

Ray, a wise man once told me that each one of a cat's nine lives are a dime a dozen. But you know what I've realized after all these years, Ray? I'm more of a dog person.

They keep tellin' me Ray, they keep sayin' "Frank: any port in a storm, brother. Any port in a storm". But what they didn't know is that all my ships have sailed, and there was an iceberg waitin' for every single one of 'em.

>My dad always told me not to put all my eggs in one basket, but you know what Ray? I feel like making omelettes

>My father always said it's sink or swim in this world Ray. But I've just got a pool installed in my fuckin submarine.

>You ever hear of a guy named André Malraux? This guy, he said that a man's nothing more than a miserable pile of secrets. Well, guess what, Ray? I've got piles, and the proctologist is out for Passover. So you can bet your ass AND mine that I'm already baking the matzah.

Ray, my uncle's brother always told me that its a dog eat dog world. That's why I've always let sleeping dogs lie.

>It's a dog eat dog world out there Ray. And I'm feeling for Korean food tonight.

I'm sick of it ray, I have the wool pulled over my eyes to long. The worst part is, I've also been the fucking sheep.

>they say if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball. I don't know much about that, Ray, but I've been dodging bullets my whole life. And I'm the MVP. Caspere knew this.

>not posting THAT Ani webm

Casper knew this

I mean shit, Ray, these beaners are going to eat me alive, and I'm too busy plucking the fuckin chickens to notice

Vaughns character is a practical gangster/businessman, but also really smart. He delivers a few metaphors to drive his points across. Cred Forums started coming up with their own, and once you watch s2 you can picture him saying literally everything posted in these threads.

The funny part is I don't think he ever at any point in the show said "Caspere knew this"

Look ray, my former business partners are dropping like flies, good thing I'm at a flea market.

he definitely didn't, I'm not sure exactly where it came from but it's hilarious

>All my life I thought I was the Tiger Woods of being a pretty decent guy, Ray. Turns out I'm the Michael Jordan of being a son of a bitch

>They say the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, Ray. Problem is, in this town there ain't no fence, and the grass is high enough for the monsters to hide in

That's something they don't teach you in Business 101, Ray. And I don't mean the Mom n' Pop store down by the boulevard, Ray, I mean swimmin' with the half-sharks, half-anacondas. They tried to teach me how to learn the ropes, but I'm at the end of mine and they gave me just enough to hang myself with it.

They say dead men tell no tales, Ray. Except now the dead man is Grandpappy and we're all itchin' for one of his good old timey yarns.

>People like to say that when the going gets tough the tough get going.. Well, Ray I may not be the toughest but I always get my 200 fucking dollars.

underrated

Casper knew this

Caspere knew this

I keep hearing that it's not the number of breaths you take, but the number of moments that take our breath away. Well I'll let you in on a little secret, Ray. I just got suckerpunched by Jake LaMotta and it ain't no Berlin single.

>All my life I’ve been bringing knives to gun fights, Ray. And now that I’ve got a gun the whole world’s switched back to knives.

These are actually decent lines

This is the straw that breaks the camel's back Ray, and my chiropractor's booked until fucking November.

It's BvS-tier contrarian bait

There is some truly inspired and funny Vinceposting in this thread, haven't laughed this hard since S2 aired

It''s a doggie-dog world, Ray, and I'm the missionary. I preach it, I practice it.

They say you can kill two birds with a one stone Ray. Well im in the fucking desert.

"you're gonna get a "taste of your own medicine", that's what they say to me Ray. Well guess what Ray? My medicine is Viagra, and I'm not gonna fuck around.

I love this thread, and noticed the lack of (you)s.

passing some around, take 'em.

They say the writing's on the wall for people like you and me, Ray. Thing is, it's all Greek to me anyway. I mean it's literally gibberish nonsense, see? What I'm trying to say is I never learned how to read. Caspere knew this.

Thank you kind sir

>they say you are confined only by the walls you build yourself, you know what ray? I am the wall and i'm not getting built. Caspere knew this

Look in the mirror... that's your competition they told me. I don't have mirrors ray, how am i supposed to look at one? Caspere knew this. He had many mirrors

You know what happent to chicken that went to foxhouse Ray? I dont know either, because he never came out.

>You know Ray, they say life's a party.
>Well I turned up late and didn't know it was a fuckin' dress-up

caspere knew this

...

it came from one of these threads

The basic idea is that you make a metaphor that you could see working if it were worded better, but it doesn't because of whatever reason that ends up making it funny. Frank just generally makes weird metaphors.
I've spotted some types though.
One is a metaphor that gets the point across in one way (in this case the idea of fighting over two options when there's a third one that is superior), but completely defeats itself in another (because nobody actually fights over shit this insignificant)
>All these kids are fighting over Cola and Pepsi, and I'm standing here with a Fanta.

Another is a metaphor that he makes but then breaks the expectations of (see OP)

Then you have the metaphor that would make sense, but simply isn't true, see this post:
Sometimes he mentions Ray in his weird metaphors, particularly when he breaks the expectations of his metaphors, see this one:
Sometimes Ray replies back, but Ray's specialty is either really suicidal daredevil thoughts or particularly brutal and hilarious insults.

Sometimes just a stumble in the metaphor or whatever he is saying. Basically a metaphor that makes sense at first when you hear it because you think you heard it being said right, but then you notice that he fucked it up and it makes no sense anymore
>When I was your age, I was about two years older than you. That's because I was always two steps ahead and three steps behind.
>Ray, your mom and dad were good men, but this shit simply can not stand.

The most difficult skill to master when making these is bringing in Caspare to the picture by ending your post with "Caspare knew this". This one guarantees that you either fail or succeed spectacularly, because overusing this or using it with one that is too lame just makes it lose it's effect. Though I'm not sure if it's Caspare or Caspere.

Then you just have the ones that imply that Frank has done some really retarded shit, like this one:

This one has so many layers into it that it just gets funnier each time you read it.

>What the fuck, Frank? How am I supposed to be in three places at once?
>Well that's easy, Ray. You blow yourself up.

Actual intellectual meme analysis right here.

>Ray, some people say you need to be brave to dance, but they don't know my ass swings like the Titanic.

Frank's nonsensical dialogue makes then times more sense once you realise it's Pizza trying to be David Mamet and failing horribly.

youtube.com/watch?v=McQT-XH3wGA

Look at that scene, half the lines Danny DeVito says could have come out of Frank's mouth.

someone post the bald vaughn

Wait, people actually believe Frank's dialogue is nonsensical? I thought this was all in good fun, he never says anything really egregious.

Wow actually a funny and creative thread

This isnt why i come here, fuck off

...

kek

>They say not to put the cart before the horse, Ray, but I'm going in reverse

>All those anons keep saying my dialogue is terribly bad, Ray, but you know what? I'm not spliting hairs here, fuck'em

Fuck you, it had some top-tier operator-kino

>ctrl+f
>"hardware store"
>0 hits

I'm disappointed in you, Cred Forums

Yeah because some of these are actually original

Fuck your original shit, I'm not complaining about that. But if you want to vincepost, you better bring out the big guns first.

They say never bring a knife to a gun fight, Raymond. Well the pen is mightier than the sword, and I've got a ballpoint in my pocket just waiting to draw.

The ones that combine different phrases are the best.

.......where do I find famous quotes, lads?

goodreads.com/quotes

If there's one thing thats stayed with me Ray, its this. People may call you names , a fag, but as long as your prostate is healthy, does it really matter?

>When I was your age, I was about two years older than you. That's because I was always two steps ahead and three steps behind.
>Ray, your mom and dad were good men, but this shit simply can not stand.

it had grat moments
>Vince/Frankposting
>Farrel with mustouche drinks&drug
>McAdams fine ass and loves cocks
>operator closet fag
>all of their end scenes

You think I would do that, Ray? Beat a woman within an inch of her life? Let me tell you something. I only raised my hand to a woman once. At a Celine Dion concert. and you better believe I raised them both.

>They say life's a beach and then you die, but no one bought me any water wings, Ray. No seriously, they were on sale at Walmart and everything....

They know, Ray, they know this the best meme this shithole gave birth to, still they also want to let this thread die. Casper knew this too.

you mean only plebs would like it? makes sense fa m

>yfw you realize "operator-kino" is a thing plebs say
sup reddit

...

Goddamn Why did this make me laugh?

They say you can kill two birds with one stone. Well last I checked we're not dealing with fucking birds, so we're gonna need a lot more than one fucking stone.

>I'm a simple man Ray, a simple man who repudiates perifidiousness

Caspere knew this

They say the pen is mightier than the sword. Well, the writing is on the wall, and it's telling me that I'm the fucking sword.

Casper knew this

So how did Caspere know all these things?

> they say a life lived in fear is a life half-lived. Well you know what Ray? Everyone has to dance with the Reaper eventually, but I prefer to dance solo

He was the city manager.

> they say when you're a kid you idolize Batman, but when you grow up you realize the Joker makes more sense. Well guess what Ray? I don't read comic books, but the joke is still on me.

i reckon its such a difficult thing to nail because it requires a careful balance, a lot of the time it ends up being shit because people think just saying random shit is what its about.

like see this, unrelated bullshit, its the equivalent of mad libs. occasionally good but mostly nonsensical.

it was ok

They said it's good to die with your boots on, but I have never even owned a pair.

In the midst of being gangbanged by forces unseen, I figured I'd drill a new orifice. Go on an fuck myself for a change.

>They say that a cynical man sees the glass half empty, Ray, but I'm on my 6th drink and it's almost gone

He did, but it wasn't to supplement a stupid metaphor. He was just talking to Ray about something that went down and told him that Caspere knew about it.