Jake Kasdan's JUMANJI follows four teenagers from different social circles who end up in detention together and stumble...

>Jake Kasdan's JUMANJI follows four teenagers from different social circles who end up in detention together and stumble upon the enchanted board game, which transports them to a lush jungle where their minds inhabit the minds of the game's characters - Dr. Smolder Bravestone (Dwayne Johnson), Ruby Roundhouse (Karen Gillian), Moose Finbar (Kevin Hart) and Professor Shelly Oberon (Jack Black). In order to return to their old bodies in the real world, they must complete the game and transverse the perilous landscape in search of a fabled magic diamond.

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Why didn't they just get Dunst instead of this uggo?

Glad KG's still hot enough to get this kind of work, she deserves it.

Perfection.

That... actually doesn't sound too bad.

Shes a huge cunt

>tfw you will never be a teenage boy and get transformed into Karen

I'll get baked and stream this

why is Kevin Hart so popular all of a sudden?

Martin Lawrence is too old to be the funny black dude who does wacky shit.

>No perfectly timed scene 20 minutes long where two of the teens engage in sweaty, feral sex and transform further to beasts with each mind-corrupting load; having to spend the rest of the film as comic relief and shenanigans coming from being stuck as animals.

0/10 not worth watching

I'm enjoying Jack Black's morphing into the go to guy for when you want someone to play a middle aged professor type lately.

They better get hunted by a crazy old English gent at some point

>Not a shameless retreading
>going into a part of the original movie that people would actually be interested in

I'm cautiously optimistic.

I swear I have heard this plot before somewhere.

Gamer? Reboot?

>tfw Jumanji is about colonialism

damn jack black is looking more and more like his kung fu panda character

Perhaps.

I'm not sure what the characters other than Karen's video game is based from. Lara Croft for her, maybe Nathan Drake for the Rock?

ZATHURA CROSSOVER CONFIRMED

I think he's just supposed to be a generic jungle mercenary

SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT FUCKING ZATHURA

twitter.com/karengillan/status/778633983978373120

>Jumanji! Yes I'm wearing child sized clothes and YES there is a reason! The pay off is worth it, I promise! #Jumanji

Wait, so she is dressed like that because she's wearing child sized clothes. So does that mean the other three were all wearing oversized khaki explorer clothes in detention?

Or the game characters are pre-designed and hers is the sexy adventure lady

lmao do they even still have detentions in USA in AD 2016?

Probably in the history classroom and in the store cupboard were a bunch of costumes and the boys put them on?

>That Karen outfit
MUH

why did she end up in detention?

>and Professor Shelly Oberon (Jack Black)

I think I hear some jokes about him having a girls name

Skipped history to go shopping

She's innocent - wrong place, wrong time, asshole teacher

Maybe
The Rock is the Nerd
Jack Black is the Jock
Kevin is the ????
Doctor who girl is the unobtainable girl or the jocks girlfriend

>Kevin is the Token

Sucking dick in the boys room

Nope.

Jack is the nerd
The Rock is the jock
Kevin is Bender
Karen is the redhead

>Dr. Smolder Bravestone

I love it!

This actually sounds pretty interesting.

That wouldn't make for funny scenes where the archetypal characters take on the players' characteristics though.

>minds inhabit the bodies of the people in the game

So what if Kevin Hart isn't black outside of the game?

>black guy acting like a white kid acting like a black guy

Who cares but some faggot on Cred Forums dragging race into childrens movies?

He played it pretty well in Goosebumps.

He became a legitimate actor so slowly nobody even noticed

just how fucking small is kevin hart

So his character outside of the game is a wigger?

>Thinking they won't place the teenage archetypes in their polar opposite adult archetypes

Google says 5'4. He's lucky he's rich, that's kys tier if you're poor.

The Rock is playing a teenager? He's like 50. Why not make them college students who get forced into a group project or something?

Incredibly. 5'3'' or 5'4''

Remember Karen Gillan is only 5'11''

Most people here are likely bigger than her. Yet she is presented as this really big women because hollywood is full of dwarfs.

Otherwise they'd have to have Karen in proper clothes

See

No, he's playing a teenager, inhabiting the body of an older adventurer.

5'11" is pretty tall for a woman tbf, that's like a man who's 6'4".

Never any asians.

The Rock is asian.

>less than 5% of the US population
>"waaah why aren't we starring in blockbusters?"

I thought Jews were only 2% of the population, but they're in everything

>>Jumanji! Yes I'm wearing child sized clothes and YES there is a reason!

The reason is sex appeal, it's the same reason that Johnson is wearing a half-open t-shirt while Black Frodo Baggins and Kung Fu Panda are covered up.

>the Rock is a mongrel that any race can self-insert into

Yeah but they run everything. It's a little different when you came into the country and took control of pretty much all of it's money rather than coming in and being used as cheap labor to construct railroads.

The Jews have run Hollywood since the beginning, nothing you can really do about that.

He's the real-life version of Commander Shepard.