I need to talk to a Brit, RIGHT NOW!

I need to talk to a Brit, RIGHT NOW!

brit here
what ails thee?

yes hello

Pip pip cheerio

Whatsup you bastard?

Inshallah.

My friend is making fun of Britain saying that tea and crumpets are gross and that the people are stupid. What do I do?

cor blimey me old trout & toolbox I dont adam & eve it enoch powell spice girls pull the lever meself I would. ron & reg they was always propper gennlemen they was

sup bb?

>muh Corbyn
>muh Mary Berry
>muh Brexit

Wot is it lad

You know that feeling when you've had too much horrible instant coffee? That's me right now, lads.

Instant coffee is disgusting, why do we still put up with this shit?

do you have a question about the quran?

Earl Grey or Ceylon lads?

Meme tea drinkers fuck off

that pic is haraam and is only used by Shia infidels

I fucking love Peep Show

Tea, Earl Grey, hot.

Is Yorkshire tea a meme tea drink, lads?

Crumpets are nice, especially with marmalade or jam.

>that reddit formatting
get out

>Crumpets are nice, especially with marmalade or jam.

what is that slang for?

Crumpet is slang for woman (specifically pussy)

Jam is anal (jam it in) but marmalade escapes me

Paddington Bear... so you have to dress as a bear or find a hairy homosexual

>be britbong
>having tea and crumpets wit me mum
>start thinking Muriel from work
>would i like to have a little in out, in out with her.
>"scure me mum.. I...I. need to have a go"
>head over to computation machine
>its off
>slam it hard wit me fist
>"OI, TURN ON! I NEED A WANK!"
>it turns on
>cearch for porn
>blocked
>"bollocks"
>run outside and find the nearest red phone booth
>grab the tele and dial the pornography administrator
>"ello? Her Majesty's Pornographer Adminstration Centre. Who's this callin?"
>"Hello. I need a wank something good"
>"Ol on there son. You need to give me your name and residence first!"
>"Me name is Edmond Smith and I live at 3242 W. Pennywood Lane."
>"Alright then. And what type of porn will you be needin' today laddy"
>"Cuckhold sir! Please hurry me pecker is bout ready to burst!"
>"Awright then. One moment please... and you are all set sir. I have granted your household 10minutes of uniterrupted access to cuckhold porn."
>"Thank you sir! and God bless the Queen!"
>"God bless her right! Cheers!"
>Race back home before the cuckhold porn time runs out
>enter front door
>blood is everywher
>go into kitchen
>mum is dead
>beheaded by muslims

The only thing that's unrealistic about this is the demand for cuckold porn because it's supposed to be the UK, not America.