Luke, did I ever tell you about your grandmother, Shmi Skywalker...

Oh shit

ANIMALS

based Lucas telling it like it is

>We had many many opportunities to rescue her from brutal slavery
Watto wasn't brutal in the slightest. He treated Shmi with respect, did you even watch TPM, user? She had her own home and luxaries away from the harsh Junland wastes. Also, Jedi were busy doing other more important things.

>In fact your Dad didn't think of her again until she wound up getting raped to death In fact your Dad didn't think of her again until she wound up getting raped to death
Anakin always thought of his mother. He never stopped but the Jedi told him to forget about her and let it go.

>about 5 minutes away from where you grew up.
>Anakin leaves in the morning
>takes him until late night/early morning to get there
>gets back to the lars stead the next day
I get your memeing but at least watch the damn movies.

>Watto wasn't brutal in the slightest. He treated Shmi with respect

It's still slavery.

>Also, Jedi were busy doing other more important things.

Come on. In the 7 or 8 years in between Episode I and the Clone Wars, they couldn't have stopped by, freed her, and got her a house or something?

Hell, they wouldn't even have to do it themselves. They could just ask Padme, who literally has the resources of a planet at her disposal, to do it for them and hire Anakin's mom as a servant or something

But she already had a house and food
>it's still slavery
Many slaves in ancient greece and the roman empire were very well treated and happy and worrked important positions, slavery isn't all about picking cotton and being whipped all day

>many
The ones that got into that position were a marginal percentage. Even the house slaves were few in comparison to the whole slave population. Most of them worked on a plantation style system raising crops, or worked at mines.

are you Ben's lawyer?

>implying that if the Jedi would have wanted to free Shimi they couldn't do it

mfw you say because she have a house she was not a slave

Which Shmi doesn't do

Why is Luke the only guy in the galaxy with a normal first name?

What about Luuke and Luuuke?

There's also Owen.

Him and Han's son, Ben.

>Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeev
>When the siths in the crib maaah drop it like it's hawt
>And when a jedi get an attitude try spinning, that's a good trick

Luke, did I ever tell you about spinning? It literally saved an entire planet one time, as well helped Sheev resist arrest and take ocsr the galaxy. If moves were friends, spinning would be a good one.

>he's going for the "slavery wasn't so bad!" argument

wew lad

the jedi are total dicks for not helping shmi but they also usually just stole babies so they didn't run around whining about their absent parent like anakin

>oscr
I meant over.

>Name's Owen
>Fried to death

Pottery!

she didnt have the high ground

>Beru
>Burned to death
HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT

Luke did I ever tell you about the time I sliced off your father's arms and legs and left him to die in agony burning alive next to a pit of lava instead of mercifully putting him out of his misery with a quick death and potentially stopping all the misery and suffering he would inflict as Darth Vader as well as the perilous situation the galaxy finds itself in currently? I was not a good friend.

>George Lucas
>Lucas
>Luke

>Luke, did I ever tell you about chairs? Chairs were pieces of furniture humanoids could sit in. Like many objects in the galaxy, chairs could also function temporarily as ad hoc weapons. They were sometimes made of wood. The term "Chair" could also refer to a chairman. Han Solo owned a chair considered to be the "most comfortable chair ever designed." That was a good chair.

Luke, did you know your Father's last name is also Skywalker? You were supposed to be "Luke Lars" but it didn't sound right. We went through the effort to change your sister's name but not yours. In fact we didn't even try.

Watto outright states that the guy who bought her freed her when Anakin returns to Tatooine in episode 2, retard.

Luke, did I ever tell you that Jedi are being hunted throughout the galaxy even now?
I just though I'd warn you so you didn't do anything overt to draw attention to yourself
So make sure you don't flash your saber, use the force, or wear the distinctive robes of the Order.
What do you mean, you don't know what they look like? I'm wearing some right now, and have been for as long as you've known me.

The tailor was a good friend.

Luke, did I ever tell you about Evar Orbus and His Galactic Jizz-Wailers? Formed on the initiative of the Letaki would-be impresario Evar Orbus, the band originally consisted of the Ortolan Siiruulian Phantele (stage name Max Rebo), the Pa'lowick Sy Snootles and the Kitonak Droopy McCool. Performing as Evar Orbus and His Galactic Jizz-Wailers, Snootles and Orbus would dazzle audiences with their impressive vocal talents as Rebo and McCool accompanied them on their instruments: the Red ball organ and a chidinkalu flute. He was a good friend.

youtube.com/watch?v=NkLMSpDJH1A

youtube.com/watch?v=iyl3otdvXH4&feature=youtu.be

Your uncle thought your father shouldn't have gotten involved in the rebellion. Which is a weird thing for me to say since your father didn't meet your uncle Owen until he was an adult and training to be a Jedi and pretty much entirely involved. Hmmm, maybe I'm just losing my memory at the ripe old age of 43.

>implying that if the Jedi would have wanted to free Shimi they couldn't do it
They had more important things to do than than liberate gangster controlled worlds. The Republic wasn't stopping in anytime soon, so why should the Jedi? Are youre forgetting they were stagnant, arrogant and borderline darkside. They really lost their way. Qui-Gon actually trying to free her was what they're suppose to do. That's why him and Obi-wan fight all the damn time. Obi-Wan even calls Anakin a pathetic lifeforms. The entire movie sums up the Jedi having their heads up their asses, I dont understand whats so hard to understand about it.

>Luuke and Luuuke
Shit like that is why I'm glad the EU is dead. We got Thrawn back, that's all that matters

>We got Thrawn back
in what?

He's in the next season of Star Wars Rebels.
One step closer to bringing back based Katarn.

and a new book by Timothy Zahn explaining him in the new canon, glorious

/r/ing rule 34 on this

>mfw the Jedi Order is literally responsible for most of the Galaxy's problems within Obi Wan's lifetime

Daily reminder this is was cannon

from my point of view, white people are the rapists!

...

...

I miss Qui Gon.

God i fucking hate Wookieepedia

This is why I hated everything outside of the original three films. You could always tell something was not from The films by the retarded names

reminder that george lucas wrote 99% of it.

The main EU issue in my mind was the obsession with one upping the originals, which is why Starkiller base was so disturbing to me.
It reminds me of the legions of ORIGINAL SUPERWEAPON, DO NOT STEAL, shit we endured for years.

My only hope comes from the fact that it was a blatant ANH retreat to remind people it wasn't the prequels, and that they haven't done anything retarded with the force yet

Yeah, she was raped.

indeed, a good chair

Is that from one of the Lego games? They're all so based for some reason

>improve the breeding
what

...

So this means Anakin and Luke both have Tusken blood in them?

I guess it just means that Tuskens share enough genetic material with humans that they can breed with them.

idk, how about we talk about how weird it is that this is written in a picture book for children.

The super weapons are pointless in the EU- Malak was able to completely raze a planet with a fleet of ships and the Empire could do the same with Star Destroyers. Is there really that much difference between wiping out a planet and reducing it to a lifeless husk?

Tusken and Human DNA was incompatible. A'sharad Hett discovered that because he thought his mother was Tusken.

>Tusken and Human DNA was incompatible. A'sharad Hett discovered that because he thought his mother was Tusken.

Then you fucking explain what it means then.

>Luke did I ever tell you that your father's was a virgin birth?

>spelling luke without 4 Us

Definitely not a big guy.

What's the source on this? I need to know who decided that the Jedi Order was full of pedophiles

They're still throwing a complete bitch fit about the EU being gone. Half the canon pages are barren and dead. They honestly think Legends will be popular in 10 years.

the empire just wanted to stop degeneracy :'(

Luke, did I ever tell you about the time a man by the name of Elan Sleazebaggano tried to sell your father and I some death sticks?

Luke, did I ever tell you about Dexter Jetster and his 1950's style American diner?

>where you lived without friends
No he had friends.
In both continuities he had a small group of friends. If you're just counting movie canon then you're still won't, as Luke has Biggs as a friend.
>shooting small animals
Luke mentions womp rats are no bigger than two meters, about 6.6 feet, which is no where near small.

They certainly seem smaller when you're bullseyeing them in your T-16 back home

>No he had friends.

But he never reconnected with them, so does that mean they weren't good friends?

He reunited with Biggs at the Rebel base

Do you think taking off that mask was painful?

Imagine finally getting to look upon your father's face for the first time in your life and being confronted with that pasty-faced slaphead

>The super weapons are pointless in the EU- Malak was able to completely raze a planet with a fleet of ships and the Empire could do the same with Star Destroyers. Is there really that much difference between wiping out a planet and reducing it to a lifeless husk?

Planetary shields can stop an orbital bombardment (remember the shield in Episode V?). They can't stop the Death Star. Any decent-sized planet has its own shield generators.

"You know dad, you sounded like a black guy."

>triggered star wars nerd virgin

"For you."

>triggered virgin

Am I the only one who always understood it like she was either raped or whored several times a day around anakins concievement?

Anakin is actually Sheev's son.

>improve the breeding
They were raping to improve the lovemaking skills of the tribe?

kek

"Tell me, Ben- why does he wear the mask?"

at least half this nonsensical shit isn't in the movies
>Jedi told him to forget
When u fucking retard?

>and that they haven't done anything retarded with the force yet

Hoo boy I guess you haven't read the Episode VIII leaks.

By the way, Luke, did I ever tell you that I was once a sand person myself?

They were good friends.

Luke, did I ever tell you about the man who taught his asshole to talk? He was a good friend.

apex kek

They're made by Traveler's Tales. They've been making licensed games since before the PS era so they have a lot of experience at it. Really though they were awesome even back then. The Bug's Life Playstation game was awesome.

Luke, did I ever tell you about her grandmother?

Even with access to the near-infinite resources of the Republic at our disposal, we neglected to free her from life on Tattooine, leading her to be kidnapped by sand people. They raped her brutally for days until your father rescued her.

She lost the will to live after seeing her mangled nether regions, the same as your mother after you were born.

She was a good slave.

Actually shot water out of my nose

Yeah great way to make a really shitty version of the OP man, good work you stupid virgin.

The Phantom Menace shows you the life of Anakin and Shmi. She has a comfortable home and Anakin has a enough downtime to build droids. Do you see any mistreatment with Watto's slaves? No.

Anakin tells you half the time he's thinking of his mother, throughout all 3 movies, user.

Also, did you even watch AOTC? Anakin leaves in the morning, it takes him until night to find his mother, when he returns with his mother's corpses, it's daylight again. Are you seriously that retarded you cant tell time?

>Jedi told him to forget
>when
>missing half of Obi-Wans dialogue and Yoda's
You're retarded.

>She has a comfortable home and Anakin has a enough downtime to build droids
They wear collars that blow their heads off if they run away

They also both want to be free

These two things are stated in the movie

Also if Analin is thinking about his mother why the fuck isn't she on Coruscant? What the fuck is stopping them from sending one aide to go pick her the fuck up? It's weird and makes zero sense. It's like Lucas just forgot about it and was like, "Whatever, I'll throw in a line about some shit"

They wear collars that blow their heads off if they run away

>They also both want to be free

Maybe of Shmi didn't have that horrendous addiction to gambling on the pod-races she would not have had her debt sold to Wado.

>my sides bullsyed in your T-16.jpeg

>implying he didn't visit her multiple times

>What the fuck is stopping them from sending one aide to go pick her the fuck up?
They didn't care but Qui-Gon did. Did you not get that? Obi-Wan calls Anakin and his mom "pathetic lifeforms" for crying out loud.

>Jedi intervention on outrim shithole controlled by Hutts
>intergalactic incident
>massive political scandal
Wasn't worth it for a single slave or a few.

>>Jedi intervention on outrim shithole controlled by Hutts
>>intergalactic incident
>>massive political scandal
For buying one slave? I doubt Watto has any political power, either

I said send one fucking aide with a handful of cash and go buy her

Literally what is preventing that? Nothing

All Padme would have to do is whisper to one of her dozens of servants to go fly over there and bring Shmi back. Or, hell, just buy her a ticket to Coruscant

There's literally nothing preventing any of this from happening, and certainly nothing mentioned in the movies

I always thought that was a shot at Jar Jar, he says "not another pathetic life form" or something like that. Clearly meant towards jar jar.

Luke, did I ever tell you about breasts? They are good friends.

im not sure if this was a hair piece or not

but would you say that alec guiness at least in A New Hope is about the best looking old person possible?

>For buying one slave? I doubt Watto has any political power, either
Only Qui-Gon cared enough to even think of freeing her. He most likely would've gone back for her since originally they became lovers. But the Jedi overall didn't give a fuck about her. And why would they free her for Anakin? they didn't want him attached to her, it was un-Jedi lie since they separate children from their parents. Also, Watto is owned by the Hutts since it's their territory.

>All Padme would have to do is whisper to one of her dozens of servants to go fly over there and bring Shmi back. Or, hell, just buy her a ticket to Coruscant
Padme literally had to rebuild Theed and the devastation Naboo faced from the invasion. And it really wasn't her problem to deal with. She had a full plate.

>There's literally nothing preventing any of this from happening, and certainly nothing mentioned in the movies
Jedi forbid attachments. Freeing anakin's mother would've caused more harm than good for his training.

CHIMICHANGA CULA

>more harm than good for his training
Yes, that went so well...

It's really not Anakin's fault Obi-Wan was a shit teacher and the Jedi had fallen into the Dark Side. Both Obi-Wan and Yoda admit this.

>sometimes
sometimes, they consent and then it's not rape. It really depends on the implications. Like if you take a girl on land speeder out into the middle of a desert with a very limited supply of water and a mattress, it's not like you won't take them back to safety but there are certain implications about what might happen if the breeding is not improved.

Luke, did I ever tell you my master Liam Neeson was killed by a tattooed homosexual on a planet populated by talking rabbit-frogs?

>originally they became lovers
What?

>bid attachments. Freeing anakin's mother would've caused more harm than good for his training
If anything, it would have distracted him from Padme

The Jedi also didn't seem to give a fuck about Anakin developing an attachment to Padme. They assign him as her bodyguard and then allow him to marry her

>then allow him to marry her
wut? it was a secret wedding with the only people in attendance was c-3po and R2

Older scripts had Qui-Gon and Shimi intimate. It was scrubbed out but elements of it still remain.

>The Jedi also didn't seem to give a fuck about Anakin developing an attachment to Padme
The only person that knew about it was Obi-Wan. No other Jedi witnessed what was going on during AOTC. They just sent Obi-Wan and Anakin because of the incident in TPM.Tthen they sent Anakin solo while Obi-wan investigated. After the case was solved and the Clone Wars started, Anakin was on the front the entire time. They never monitored him.

Forgot but other user was right. No one besides R2 and 3PO knew about the wedding. Kinda sad in hindsight because Obi-Wan could've done the same thing with Satine. Dumb motherfucker.

>The only person that knew about it was Obi-Wan
Obi-wan warned the council-well mace who held most of the power anyway and they just hand waved it away.

>Rebels
We also got Quinlan Wos back in Clone Wars, but look what they did to him. In comics he was serious rogue jedi with Max Payne/Geralt-esque personality. In clone wars he was a complete ass clown.

In the comics his story was butt fuck retarded i mean even worse than the lowest of cape comics it was really so fucking stupid. I'm glad it was retconned.

>wut? it was a secret wedding with the only people in attendance was c-3po and R2
How do you keep a secret from a council of Jedi?

I guess the answer is "these Jedi are ultra fucking stupid," since they don't notice Sheev is a fucking ultra powerful Sith, but whatever

You guys need to admit that none of this shit makes sense and the prequels are fucking rock stupid. Why even defend them?

I'm not defending the prequels only good things that came out of that was the cgi show and republic commando.I was just correcting faulty information

>Help me take this mask off
>But it'll be extremely painful
>For me. But nothing, I said nothing, can prevent that now. JUST once, let me look on you with my big eyes.

Best one.

>How do you keep a secret from a council of Jedi?
You do know they're not all powerful, right? What do you think they are? Gods? They were so arrogant, they were blind.

>since they don't notice Sheev is a fucking ultra powerful Sith
Palplatine never gives a hint that he's a Sith. This is another audience complaint not a character one. Not one point does it seem like he's a sith. does he seem super corrupt? Yes. Does it seem like he could be a pawn? Yes. His entire appearance is a kindly old man being manipulated by senators and bureaucrats. The Clone Wars really threw the Jedi off with charging right into a trap. They became so dark side, they ended up getting killed for it. The message was clear as crystal. Yoda even admits he personally fucked up which is why he's so hard on Luke not charging into Vader's trap.

>You guys need to admit that none of this shit makes sense and the prequels are fucking rock stupid
>entire message is the Jedi are fucking retarded and arrogant
>they're the harbingers for their destruction
>goes over your head

>Also, Jedi were busy doing other more important things.
>not trying to stop galactic slavery
Too many people to maim and leave to die.

>Luke, did I ever tell you that one of these talking rabbit-frogs was allowed to become a galactic senator and gave an acclaimed speech in favor of granting the man you now know as "The Emperor" control of a massive army? I guess you could say he was responsible for your aunt and uncle's deaths, from a certain point of view. He turned out not to be such a good friend after all.

>raped to death by Sand People

read that as sand niggers.

Cred Forums what have done!

This kind of stuff almost validates the existence of the Prequels

>not trying to stop galactic slavery
>dragging the Republic into a long and bloody conflict against the Hutts whom they do business with
No. The Republic didn't exist on the outer rim. A recent comic actually has this as a plot point that if it didn't have oil or resources, the Republic didn't care for it. Since the Jedi answer to the Republic, they have no jurisdiction.

I bet you can make a great case for the eagles in LOTR too, bro

If Qui-Gon was so great, how come he did not know the mind trick does not work on Watto´s race?

>memeing so hard you have no argument
Do you realize how fucking retarded sending the Eagles would be? Do you how badly the ringwraiths and wargs would fuck them up?

This bothered me too, of all the things I like about star wars. Shmi just got screwed.

He also began a meeting by saying "dellow felegates"
Everyone laughed. El Oh El!

Reminder that Qui-Gon is indirectly responsible for Shimi getting raped to death.

>Qui-Gon's bet causes Watto to go bankrupt
>he's forced to sell Shimi
>which leads her to becoming a moisture farmer's wife who gets kidnapped by Sandpeople

Remember she lived in the safety of the city when she was Watto's slave.

Hmmph,You would think the jedi archives would have extensive research on force resistant life forms.i guess qui gon skipped that lesson

"When am i ever going to meet a toydarian, not in this lifetime, *puffs deathstick* fuck those guys"

See, I was right

>do ringwraigths and wargs FLY?

enjoy dying a virgin

Qui-Gon was on the clock, he had to do what he had to do then he fucking DIED before he could go back for her

It was Obi-Wan and Anakins fault

and you could say Clegg's for freeing her then not protecting her..

Anakin finding his mother in the Sand People encampment and killing them all is my favorite moment in the prequels. Everyone talks about Anakin killing the kids in the temple, but IMO the sand village slaughter was one of the rawest, best moments in that shitshow trilogy. You can just see Anakin snap internally. I didn't even blame him for what he did.

Fucking hell. I just lost my shit.

>Obi-Wan calls Anakin and his mom "pathetic lifeforms"

To be fair Obi-Wan does have the accent of someone from the asshole part of the Galaxy that all of the genocidal imperial officers came from. His family probably even descended from the old sith empire.

>thinks slavery is the worst thing ever

wew lad
It comes in different forms and not all of them are terrible.
In some cultures pretty much all the slaves lived better lives than your average 'free' pleb.

>Shmi gets raped after already giving birth to Anakin
>Anakin has sand people blood in his veins
What?

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I experimented with death sticks in my teen years? They were good drugs.

>Implying there is no slavery in OT era.
#FreeTheDroids #BreakTheCircuit

Watch out for that vicious bounty hunter Boba Fett, Luke. Did I ever tell you I fought his dad? He was hired to assassinate a senator me and your father were guarding. We kept bringing her around open windows and public areas in order to draw the would-be assassin out because we knew he had too much pride to just shoot her from long range. He had used his payment to hire another bounty hunter to kill the senator for him while he sent us on a wild bantha chase. Also the 2nd assassin used her payment to buy a robot to assassinate the senator for her. Did I mention the 2nd assassin was a shapeshifter? She could have been a good friend in disguise and just shot the senator for all we knew! Then the robot used its payment to buy poisonous bugs to release into the senator's room while she slept after lasering a hole through the window. It could have just lasered her too after that because we we weren't watching her at all, but it already bought the bugs. So we sense the hostile life forms (not the robot) in the room and rush in and save the senator in the nick of time! Then I jumped out the window to chase the robot back to its owner! Luckily it didn't have a self-destruct function. Then we found the 2nd assassin and chased her across the planet, and caught her when she tried to kill us instead of shapeshifting and escaping. But to our surprise, Jango Fett was watching the whole thing instead of going to kill the senator while we were away chasing the bugs chasing the robot chasing the shapeshifter. He shot her with a poisonous dart instead of sniper blaster, and only her instead of shooting all of us or blowing all of us with a rocket or something, then he escaped with his tiny jetpack. Luckily for the senator, my good friend Dexterr Jettster owned a 50s dinner on Courscant that had Republic secrets on the menu along with cheeseburgers and malt shakes. We found the assassin and Mace Window killed him later, right in front of Boba. And he was a good friend.

But the ringwraiths DO fly when they're riding Nazgul, user

Fucking EU man. I don't think it's possible to write any more poorly than the EU was

(Not the previous user)
I think the greater point here, is that they're more concerned about bringing in names that will draw attention, than bringing in the characters that belong to those names.

You could say that yeah, his character was a clusterfuck of bullshit, and so when they changed it, we got something better, but that's the thing: Why even bring HIM in, if you're going to give something completely different?

Because the name is all that matters. No one in charge really cared who he was, they just had a new character and breezed through the backlog of EU characters until they found someone they could vaguely pretend this new character is.

I see no reason they wouldn't do that again, especially since the guy who wrote him originally went out of his way to explain that he'll be taking a "different look" on Thrawn.

Why are Luke-posting threads and Jenna-posting threads objectively the best threads on Cred Forums

>Yfw Mace ruined the decoration

I love you anons so much

Good god

Was it really implied that she was raped in the movie? I haven't seen this flick in years but I feel I would have remembered that.

Luke, did I ever tell you about Jizz?
Jizz was an upbeat, swinging genre of music, most notably performed by Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes and the Max Rebo Band. Subgenres of jizz included the styles of jizz-wail, aubade, and glitz. Also, jatz was slightly similar to jizz. It was a good genre.

They know who Thrawn is. Filoni has been talking about him since at least 2010(in terms of potentially appearing in something). They sat down together and decided to introduce him into Rebels back in 2014, when the first meetings for Season 3 started.

They aren't even doing a completely different take. Thrawn is still a Grand Admiral chiss who is an extremely good tactician. He loves art and uses that(along with the philosophy history) to best his enemies.

The only differences I can really think of are:

>red eyes have red pupils now
>blue skin is a lighter blue
>he's appearing before the OT as a villain instead of after it

>It reminds me of the legions of ORIGINAL SUPERWEAPON, DO NOT STEAL, shit we endured for years.

At least Starkiller base is portrayed ironically as the last ditch effort of the pathetic Empire wannabes rather than the OMG SUPER DUPER WEAPON TO SURPASS THE DEATH STAR

>The only differences I can really think of are:
>>red eyes have red pupils now
>>blue skin is a lighter blue
>>he's appearing before the OT as a villain instead of after it

That could very easily be because we saw nothing of substance of him so far.

For all we know, him mentioning that you "need to know your enemy's art" is the full extent of him "using" it in the entire season, and that line exists only to justify the claim that he is Thrawn.

Not saying they'll do that bullshit, but they have done it in the past, so for now, until we actually see the season, there is no way to truly claim whether he's brought back, or just used for quick and easy attention.

>At least Starkiller base is portrayed ironically as the last ditch effort of the pathetic Empire wannabes rather than the OMG SUPER DUPER WEAPON TO SURPASS THE DEATH STAR

>Starkiller Base
>Last Ditch Effort
Where in the story is it even remotely established how powerful the First Order is?

Last time I watched it, no one from the First Order seemed to give two shits about losing the "single most powerful weapon" in their arsenal, so they can't be too pathetically weak. Even the Empire appeared to care more about the Death Star, and they had the Galaxy on its knees with or without it.

Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I went insane in a POW camp during WWII? Colonel Saito had to build a bridge on the River Kwai so the Japs could move supplies through the Siamese jungle. Unfortunately for him, the British prisoners he was using as slave labor were doing a terrible job. I agreed to lead the other British prisoners in the construction of the bridge to keep their morale up. However, I slowly became obsessed with the idea of building a monument to the ingenuity and perseverance of the Englishman by completing the bridge, even though it would aid the enemy war effort. The allies sent a commando team through the jungle to blow up the bridge, but I saw them and alerted the Japanese guards. They opened fire and killed most of the commandos, including my old friend Commander Shears. I was a bad friend.

Just look at China where every part of an exotic animal is an aphrodiasic.
They drink their blood or some shit like that to make themselfs more potent or something like that

If you bother watching the trailer for Season 3 he's shown in a room with a bunch of art relevant to the rebels.

>but they have done it in the past

When?

>When?
The Force Awakens for example

Also that's what I'm saying. They might put in some decoration that looks like it ties into his mentality, but if all they do is put there stuff that ties to his mentality, but don't develop that mentality, then they're basically making references, instead of bringing the character back. Especially becuase it was said before that absolutely nothing is canon of the previous works, so it's their responsibility to now establish this version of Thrawn

Him standing in a room that would be very meaningful for the previous version of the character will not establish what parts of that apply to him and what parts don't. You can't bank an entire character on the idea that the viewers will just know a different piece of fiction and apply what's in that to this work for you, especially if you again established that other piece of fiction has little to no bearing on what you're doing

hahaha

>spoiler
That bullshit is primarily JJ Abrams and Lawrence Kasdan's fault. Neither of them are involved in Star Wars Rebels. Actually, the people working on Star Wars Rebels are doing a much better job at new Star Wars content than most other divisions. They respect and care for the universe they're developing. Hell, Filoni was basically apprenticed to Lucas during the production of Star Wars: The Clone Wars and knows a shitton of stuff now.

>Him standing in a room that would be very meaningful for the previous version of the character will not establish what parts of that apply to him and what parts don't
You misunderstand. I meant that Thrawn is shown in a room(presumably on Coruscant) surrounded by art that is relevant to the Rebels in the show. Mandalorian murals and some of Sabine's art, a mosaic of Hera and her parents, and some (Lasat?) art. He also has those lizard sculpture things that Filoni put in as kind of an easter egg/homage to the ysalamiri that he had in Legends(but ultimately are not going to be recanonized).

Shame the robes aren't made of anti-lightsaber material.

Speaking of does anyone have that image explaining how Obi always has the high ground? I need it for reasons.

I can't believe that Dexter Jetster is canon.

Perfect

>tfw nobody ever posts ghost Obi-Wan showing up in the middle of the night and telling Luke to wake up anymore

Why IS Luke's last name Skywalker? Shmi wasn't married, so Skywalker must be her maiden name, yet her brother's name is Lars? Wtf George?

I will never ever not laugh at this.

...

...

...

Hahahaha

You haven't read much EU, otherwise you would know that one of those names was a result of an April Fool's Joke by the author

>you were a good friend
I've been away from Cred Forums for a few months, is this a nu mem?

...

>Luke, did I ever tell you about Darth Maul? He was Sheev's apprentice before Dooku and your father that used a double-bladed lightsaber. He fought against me and my master Qui-Gon on Naboo, and managed to kill him. Fortunately, even though I was still a Padawan I managed to cut him in half by taking advantage of the fact that he didn't know how to use the High Ground. However, it turned out that his hate somehow allowed him to survive getting cut in half and falling down a bottomless pit, and he somehow managed to escape from Naboo and become a cyborg spider on some other planet. Years later, during the Clone Wars, his brother Savage Opress found him and upgraded his cyborg legs. They went on a rampage across the Galaxy, trying to get revenge both on me and his former master Sheev. It's such a pity that he never told anyone that Sheev was a Sith Lord, that would have saved us a lot of trouble. They eventually took over Mandalore and killed the only woman I had ever loved right in front of me. After that I kind of lost track of him, not sure what became of him. I hope he's doing well, he was a good friend.

>Luke? Luke, wake up. Did I ever tell you about Darth Maul's Party Town? Darth Maul's Party Town was a spot set up in 32 BBY in the outskirts of Mos Espa, a city on Tatooine. The Sith Lord Darth Maul established his Party Town next to Queen Amidala's Royal Starship. Maul himself was using his lightsaber as a limbo bar for Captain Quarsh Panaka. After Jinn arrived, Maul launched into a duel with the Jedi.
starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Darth_Maul's_Party_Town

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time a bunch of sand people kidnapped your grandmother and ran a fucking train on her. She was a good friend

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the children your father butchered with this very lightsaber. He wanted you to have it. He was a good friend.

>Luke, did I ever tell you about how your father hated sand? That's why I hid you on the sandiest planet in the galaxy.

Shmi married into the Lars family

Thank you based user

Yoda tells him this sort of shit all the time

Yeah, you can. Saruman had crow spies flying all over middle earth and he and Sauron had the only cell phones. If his spies told him that the eagles were heading to Mordor he just has to call Sauron and that massive eye faggot just unleashes his mind rape on the fellowship.

I don't even need to explain how badly they would get fucked up if they even reached Mordor because they never would. The mission had to be secret for a reason, dumbass.

>Luke did I ever tell you how I fucked your father in a lightsaber battle. I fucked him good and chopped his legs off. I then took his legs and put them in pot to make a stew. Your father was a good friend. He also tasted good too.

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I killed a Sith in anger and never turned to the darkside?
>Our teachings are complete bollocks
>We're not good friends

>Luke, when gone I am, the last of the Jedi you will be in this region of the galaxy

...

>goes to the cantina afterwards
>cuts some dude's arm off

Why does he love chopping off limbs so much?

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time your mother was attacked by assassination bugs? Your father and I were on night duty, but the crafty Jango Fett was one step ahead of our impenetrable security. He used a droid that could fly and use lasers to make fine cuts in glass windows, allowing the bugs to get in. Thankfully your father and I sensed it though, or else you never would have been born. I hastily jumped out of the 12,000 story building we were in to pursue the droid, assuming it would go straight back to it's owner for some reason. Meanwhile your father swung his lightsaber approximately 4 milimetres above your mothers head to save her from the bugs. She wasn't even all that phased by the situation. Different times.

>mfw sith are the good goys and george is an massive asshole

jedi liked cunny

9/10. Made me laugh in public.

You must go to Dagobah, Luke, and seek out Yoda, the Jedi Master who trained me — well, actually, he's A Jedi Master who trained me. Before I moved up to Liam Neeson's service, I was one of the 20 younglings who went to Yoda's class every tuesday and thursday back in youngling school inbetween Jedi chemistry class and lunchtime. Nothing remarkable or mystic to our relationship at all. He was just my teacher who handed out droids and youngling-sized helmets to the class. Also, all his deep seemingly spur of the moment lessons and teachings from a true master are all fairly common Jedi sayings that he just butchers with his ghetto way of talking. A good friend, he was.

I think the user meant ring wraiths when they fly on the fell beasts/ nazgul.
But yes, wargs don't fly.

They could have gone to lothlorien on eagleback and walk from there. This way gandalf wouldn't have died

Wrong font.

kek

Why should I read any of that? It's an asinine play on words about Obi-Wan being morally superior to user and literally being at a higher elevation. That's as much thought as Lucas put into it and anything else is pure coincidence.

>I don't think it's possible to write any more poorly than the EU was
Eh, I enjoyed the X-Wing and hand of Thrawn series. Many of the book were written in a competent or mediocre manner, but satisfactory because they took place in the Star Wars universe.

>i will stay in the wreckage Luke
i started the fire

Underrated.

Luke, did I ever tell you about the jedi apprentice uniform? Now that you're a jedi you'd need one. However, it just happens that you've been wearing that uniform your entire life, so never,ind that. Thats right, the moist farmer clothes are actually the same clothes as jedi wear. Isnt that convinient? Tailors are not good friends.

>Actually, the people working on Star Wars Rebels are doing a much better job at new Star Wars content than most other divisions
Too bad it's for fucking children and therefore, dull as dishwater. In addition, plots like this ruin the simplicity of Obi-Wan being the last Jedi, (or at least the last one known to the Rebellion), and Luke is becoming the first Jedi for decades.

A little long, obvious, and you barely even changed the handwriting in taking this from Plinkett's review. C-

Jedi armor does exist, but no one wears it.

Qui-Gon and Dooku were the only competent Jedi. Obiwan even says that Qui-Gon would already be in the Jedi Council if it wasn't for his rebellious nature. Basically Qui-Gon acted like the Jedi should be acting and they didn't like him for that. Yet he ends up being the most powerful Jedi, immortalizes himself and it's his teachings that end up winning out.

This is sacred pasta, you are not at liberty to critique.

Making a more relatable protagonist. Inconsistent, but eh.

Really? What's the point? We've all seen the Plinkett review, probably multiple times. I don't know why someone would keep reading it after they realized how derivative it is.

Rey, did I ever tell you about Luuke Skywalker? He was a genetic clone of me grown from cells extracted from my hand which I lost during my duel with the Dark Lord Darth Vader on Cloud City. The clone's presence caused a buzzing pressure to form within my mind, and I was constantly put on the defensive as the clone attacked with vicious thrusts of his lightsaber. The clone proved to have a similar proficiency in lightsaber dueling and Force techniques as me, utilizing Force attacks such as lightsaber throw. Eventually my sister, Leia Organa Solo, entered the throne room but was quickly neutralized by Joruus C'baoth, an insane Dark Jedi. As I continued to lose ground to the clone, my wife Mara Jade found an opportunity to recover Organa Solo's lightsaber. Jade was able to slip under the clone's guard and kill him, and C'baoth was killed shortly thereafter. However, the entire experience went on to traumatize me in the days following. He was a good friend.

Fucking stop!

Yeah, when she said "no father" I just assumed it meant he was a bastard. Speaks volumes as to what kind of weirdo universe Star Wars is that Qui-Gon immediately jumped to "she was impregnated by invisible Force particles" rather than "she literally doesn't know who the father is:.

Theres a reason Pre-disney luke skywalker had pretty much redid the whole jedi code. The system was broke as fuck and created monsters like vader all the time(though the council usually covered up their existence). It still blows my mind how disney luke learned nothing the councils mistake and kept the status quo. Thus giving us wet blankets with daddy issues like kylo ren

could you briefly elaborate?

something about a magical force tree IIRC

>It still blows my mind how disney luke learned nothing the councils mistake and kept the status quo
Why are you putting that much thought into it? Everything that happened after Disney bought Lucasfilm is committee-decided for the sole purpose of maximizing box office and merchandising sales for the long-term. Logic and sense will have little influence on any event or character action.

The Prequel Trilogy will also influence the Sequel Trilogy as little as possible, so what caused the creation of Vader won't be an issue.

idk senpai, you seem a little naive.

>Luke, did I ever tell you about Order 66 Cookies? They are a brand of cookies made by Sheev's Bakery and Confections inc. to commemorate Empire Day, the anniversary of the day the Galactic Empre was formed which also happened to be the day your father slaughtered the Jedi (even the Younglings) until I chopped his arms and legs off and left him to burn alive by a pool of lava just before you mother lost the will to live as she gave birth to you and your sister. High in fibre and low in fat, they are a healthy treat, and a good snack. May I offer you a bag?

>They were made by a trooper by the name of Stormtrooper TK-555 was personally responsible for counting and packaging all the cookies. Instead of having him fight in any of the battles that were going on, they stationed him in an immense cookie factory where he, all alone, counted and packaged the aforementioned Order 66 cookies. Sheev eventually executed him because he found out that Stormtrooper TK-555, while doing his job in the cookie factory, had eaten a few cookies on the sly, which was a big no-no. He was a good friend.

I wish someone that could do a good Alec Guinness impression would read some of these on vocaroo

>>Luke did I ever tell you about Death Star Destruction™, an energy drink bottled and sold by the Rebel Alliance on Empire day in 1 ABY - the very same year when taxes rose for outer rim citizens by 15%? It was a refreshing beverage sold on Corellia, right next to a statue of Jedi master Yoda by a Rebel officer. What a good friend he was, taking time out from the Rebellion to sell sugary drinks for five Remembrance Day tokens each! You might think it was in poor taste to make a drink celebrating the deaths of 322,951 people, but Death Star Destruction™ had a crisp cool flavour and was packed full of hydrating electrolytes. It was a good drink.

Im surprised someone hastn tracked down McGregor and forced him to read some of these

Are these actual EU things or just lulz?

At least a year old now I think

youtube.com/watch?v=A7RNSecaI_4

>prequel trilogy won't influence the sequel trilogy
This makes it sound like they will be good. But they won't.

These were items in Star Wars galaxies, so much understandable about how things so hilariously stupid could be formerly canon.

>force tree

Pleasured to death

well shit

>He treated Shmi with respect, did you even watch TPM, user?
Yes, he kept her as a slave and made her wear an explosive collar

That one is clearly bullshit, m8.

People forget that while some of the leaks came through, the vast majority of them didn't.

there's like a picture of it though?

>your face when

So?
There was plenty of shit that people made great theories about based on fragments released about VII

I'm just saying that "a magical tree will be part of the story" isn't a huge speculation when there's literally pictures of a giant magical tree set.

>great theories
The only thing "great" about them is how predictable Disney is going to be, which has become much easier now that we have such good reason to be believe the Sequel Trilogy is going to be a complete rehash.

I meant great in terms of scale, m8

Magic tree, maybe, but that's no more retarded than the dark side cave on Dagobah.
Taking that and leaping to tree that embodies the force is quite simply retarded.

It was also very clearly a vanity project, because he wanted to leave something behind to be remembered

Nice

>meant great in terms of scale, m8
Meaning it's unlikely they'll be in the film?

She died of a broken heart.

sand people must have really long dicks then

More like a broken ass

>The Prequel Trilogy will also influence the Sequel Trilogy as little as possible, so what caused the creation of Vader won't be an issue.
What caused the creation of Vader? You mean Sheev basically tricking Anakin into being evil by telling him he has the power to keep all his loved ones alive (all one of them) forever and ever?

Also the Jedi are evil >:(

This lie is so crafty that when Sheev tells Anakin to murder children, he just does so, no questions asked

After she was raped she knew the great and terrible sadness that she would never be penetrated by a dick that size again and died of grief

>It still blows my mind how disney luke learned nothing the councils mistake and kept the status quo
No, see, the Jedi Council's minds were all dogged by the great and powerful Sheev. Sheev is apparently able to do so at all times, and over the distance of hundreds of light years

The Jedi Council made zero mistakes. It was all that evil Sheev

*fogged

What are you talking about? My point was that the ST will contain as few references to the Prequels as possible, so the plot isn't take into account how Luke's actions are illogical because of the creation of Vader or anything like that.

>Luke, this is your father's lightsaber. This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a blaster. An elegant weapon, for a more civilized age. He also killed like 30 children with it. He was a good friend.

I love goodfriendposting

>It's still slavery.
Stop virtue signalling

Ah yes, a tool of justice.

>Padme literally had to rebuild Theed and the devastation Naboo faced from the invasion. And it really wasn't her problem to deal with. She had a full plate.
The CW cartoon has her doing simple stuff. She's literally always up for some small adventure.

I meant that people made stupidly large predictions based on tiny amounts of material

not even major cringe

>slavery isn't all about picking cotton and being whipped all day

yeah, I mean focus on the good things

why don't you go back into browing wookiepedia?

>Luke, did I ever tell you that you are the only character in our story with a name from a planet who exists in a far away galaxy, because the creator of the series wasn't sure if he wanted to explore space travel or set the story in another galaxy alltogether, while pretending to have written volumes of the original draft just so he can claim that every future film is linked to the past and isn't a grabjob? He is our best friend.

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I rode a giant lizard against a tube-cycle riding multi armed multi lightsaber wielding robot who I eventually killed with a blaster, and then said that said weapon is shitter than a lightsaber?

i fucking ded

Some people prefer getting sold into slavery than starve to death.

>A'sharad Hett discovered that because he thought his mother was Tusken.

of course! thanks, user.

>Some people prefer getting sold into slavery than starve to death
At no point does Shmi Skywalker say that this is the choice she's faced with. The existence of the collars also suggests that she should want to run away. If she had no reason, there would be no reason for the exploding collar. Or chip in the head. Whatever it was

We could talk about the better and more well-thought-out Star Wars characters, like Elan Sleazbaggano, seller of death sticks

top
fucking
keks

Luke, did I ever tell you about the prophecy that said someone will eventually bring balance to the force? What's that you say? Doesn't the force already have balance if there's both a good side and a dark side? Well, I suppose... what's that? Who was the prophet? I don't... I guess I don't really know... You know what? Forget it, let's never mention the prophecy ever again.

I love these threads. Thank you all for being good friends.

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time that me, Qui-Gon and Jar Jar ran a train on Padme on that silver ship one dusty Tatooine night?

>You haven't lived until you've seen a floppy Gungan dick coming all over the back of a Nabooian princess while your master shoots all over her tits and you slam it in and out of her young, tight, virgin asshole

>She was a good friend

>Mace Window

Now, you said that word “implication” a couple of times. What implication?

>luke did I ever tell you ,your father was a rape baby.

how did obi wan age so quickly

Dexter Jettster knew about Kamino somehow, he was the key to all of this

Best thing I've read all day.

We get it, you love Plinkette bro

10/10

Luke, did I ever tell you about your uncle Owen Lars? Owen Lars was a male human who lived as a moisture farmer on Tatooine. He was the son of Aika and Cliegg Lars, and he later became the step-brother of Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker when Cliegg remarried to Shmi Skywalker, a former slave. When Shmi was killed by Tusken Raiders and Cliegg passed away soon after, Owen was left responsible for maintaining the farm. After dating for a short time, Owen married his girlfriend, Beru Whitesun, and the two toiled to improve the homestead.

Less than three years later, Owen's step-brother, Anakin, betrayed the Jedi Order and became the Sith Lord known as Darth Vader. At that time, Owen and his wife were given custody of Anakin's son, Luke, by Anakin's Jedi Master, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Kenobi told Owen that Anakin had been killed, and Owen grew to resent Kenobi, believing him to be responsible for his step-brother's death. Fearing that Luke would share a similar fate, Owen forbade Kenobi from seeing Luke, and he kept the boy busy with work on the farm.

During the early years of the Galactic Civil War, Owen and Skywalker purchased the droid R2-D2, who, unbeknownst to them, possessed the plans for the Death Star, an Imperial superweapon. Soon after, Imperial stormtroopers tracked the droid to the Lars homestead, where they interrogated and murdered Owen and Beru. When Luke found his family was killed, he left Tatooine with Kenobi to train as a Jedi, joining the Rebel Alliance and destroying the Death Star in the Battle of Yavin.

Luke, did I ever tell you about magma? Magma was the liquid state of rock when melted by some means, from the internal heating of a planet or by a hot body such as a star. Upon reaching the surface of a planet, via such processes as volcanoes, magma became known as lava.

It was occasionally mined on such planets as Mustafar. On Qat Chrystac, the magma was highly radioactive. One time I amputated your father's limbs and left him to die in magma. He was a good friend.

>tfw I wrote the most famous good friend pasta

My proudest Cred Forums moment

wtf I hate OP now

Dexter Jettster *is* supreme leader Snoke!

Underrated

Reddit Letter Media really need to read from another Wookiepedia page

Reminder: Sand people rape in single file, to hide their numbers

ah fuck i forgot about this i'm laughing for real now

It's mentioned in both the OT and the PT that mind trick only works on people who are weak of will or whatever. Watto was just a mentally prepared dude.

Now let me tell you about curtains...

>slave collar
This is not Fallout: New Vegas, they had implants that activated if they tried to escape. So what? You're disregarding what she said. She and Anakin didnt like being slaves but they were safe as can be with Watto.

Shittiest goodfriendposting ever

Luke, did I ever tell you about decicreds?

The decicred was 1/10 of a credit. It was considered mere change. During the reign of the Galactic Empire, Palpatine's face was pictured on the obverse of the decicred, while the reverse side showed the Imperial crest.

Children were able to purchase decicred-dreadfuls with these monetary units.

In fact, I used the term "dime a dozen" when your father and I were on a dangerous minute to rescue that R2 unit sitting right next to you from a Separatist base, while he fought an evil droid nick named "Goldie" by your father's orange padawan.

They were good coins.

Stress, sun, and sand can do a lot to a man.

Count, did I ever tell you about the Techno Union Army? It is
>bwweeeoooo eeeeooowwwwooooo uuuuuoooooowwwwooo
at your disposal

>You're a slave?
>I'm a person, and my name is Anakin, you stupid cunt. Why don't you fuck off back to your faggoty grass-planet, I hope you get knocked up, choked by your boyfriend, and die in childbirth.
I can't believe they got away with this in 1999

daily reminder that the techno union did literally nothing wrong

>did I ever tell you about the 90's? Gas was cheap and the economy was booming but Osoma Bin Laden and Hussein Obama were conspiring to take over the country and turn the U.S. in to socialist dependent lazy pussies so the muslims could slowly take over the world starting with europe and eventually the rest of the world. Their main tactic was to endoctrinate the youth via college education to make them pacifists and be in massive debt to the gov who is trying to control them. They were good friends

Like Mary...

Please keep politics in Cred Forums
This is a Star Wars thread

Their names do sound like Star Wars characters to be honest.

>Children were able to purchase decicred-dreadfuls with these monetary units.

Oh for fuck's sake Star Wars.

this rustles my jimmies

>TK-555
>Not B4-K3R

>Anakin: But what about mom? Is she free too? You're coming too, aren't you mom?
>Qui-Gon Jinn: I tried to free your mother Anni, but Watto wouldn't have it.
>Shmi Skywalker: Son, my place is here, my future is here. It is time for you to let go.

>yfw Sheev was manipulating Watto and Shmi so it could lead up to her death and give Anakin a reason to be a cynical asshole later on

Can someone post the Luuke or Luuuke pasta?
I think more people need to know about this

Luke, did I ever tell you about IG--88? IG-88 uploaded his consciousness into a computer core destined for Death Star II. He succeeded in being uploaded, and was preparing to activate his program to take over all droids in the galaxy when it was destroyed. With his consciousness in the Death Star II, he would literally become the Death Star. Emperor Palpatine was the only known person on the Death Star to suspect something was wrong after the uploading of the computer core with IG-88 inside. Before the station's destruction, he noticed a series of doors in his throne room opening and closing sporadically. IG-88 did this to show the Emperor that he was not all powerful. However, IG-88 was utterly baffled when it appeared that Emperor Palpatine used some unseen force to attempt to push the doors open. However, IG-88 exerted more force and was able to continue to keep the Emperor locked in, until he grew tired of the game and unlocked the door. He was a good friend.

oh my fucking god

EU really had a lot of trash, but I still love it.

So Shmee was taken to the Interplanetary Breeding Grounds?

Used like Donkeys in Colombia

Boring

You copied it, faggot.