"Oh yeah, I'm sure Leo and Brad are just dying to have sex with a woman with a cast-iron heart"

Is this one of those mathematical equations that's actually impossible to solve?

REMINDER:

It's a mathematical fact:

THERE IS NO POSSIBLE SCENARIO WHERE FRENCH STACY LOOSES TO THE HILL

that would be pretty funny actually if he delivered it correctly

good job OP you did it

What should Miles have said on behalf of his bro honestly?

I realize Jonah Hill has copped a lot of flab in recent years for not straying too far from comedy and tucking into much meatier rolls, but there's a lot more to this man than meets the ribeye, and it turns out he's really an all-round good guy.
If everyone on here could get off their high whores, face the cold hard fats, and stop pudding him down for two seconds, they'd realize being a fry in the ointment isn't always a piece of cake.
If there is subway you could find it in your hearts to show the milf of human kindness towards Jonah, you might come to see the reason he's regarded widely by his peers, and is, pound for pound, a true heavyweight of the Hollywood scene.
As Jonah himself once said, "when I'm sorting the beef from the chaff I always beer in mind, every hotdog has his day when the chips are brown. You've just gotta keep your eggs held high and remember that a burger in the hand is worth chewing the bush."

Its literally a lose-lose from Hill's perspective. If he doesn't respond hr looks like a pussy. If he responds then he's either a fat desperate man or a bully

"Uh, you don't get to bring friends"

"haha" is the only correct response

>What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

>pretending to laugh at an insult towards you

B
E
T
A

You were probably the manlet in school who everyone made fun of for your height and you just "haha good one bros!" in response

Sad!

"Alright but who's the hot chick that replaces you when Brad and Leo walk in?"

Maybe he's just really confident

>"haha" is the only correct response
this is what beta males actually believe
this is why you don't have a girlfriend user

Why does he remind me so much of Curly Howard?

A fake alpha retorts angrily or in a mean way

A true alpha is able to laugh at himself without losing any confidence

A beta laughs but cries later that night

Simple but effective:
>Haaaah-they would never fuck you.

It' so sad bros.

Look at how fucking HAPPY and FLATTERED Jonah looks when he thinks this woman is just about to share how she has a genuine sexual fantasy with him.

He's on top of the world, his ego is getting stroked, he's thinking he may even fuck this girl after the show. Truly living the dream.

...only to suffer the most humiliating moment of his life, forever immortalized on YouTube. Fucking heartbreaking. The classic bait-and-switch. Like a Stacy giving a Valentines card to the fat manlet in class then going "AHAHAHAH JUST KIDDING YOURE FUCKING DISGUSTING" moments after.

And hell, even sadder, look at how disturbed everyone looks (miles, the crowd) when it looks like she's genuinely complimenting him, they all have a look of disgust. Then after the insult, they are ALL laughing.

Tragic.

The ONLY correct response is to acknowledge reality, salvage whatever dignity you have left and finish the interview, and then immediately check yourself into the fat farm.

>How dare you? That gent over there in the dress is twice the lady you are!

>tfw true alpha

>A true alpha is able to laugh at himself without losing any confidence
There is no such thing as an obese alpha.

Please join the rest of us in reality.

He ate the original one.

>look uhm, I am a sick man.... I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I believe my liver is diseased. However, I know nothing at all about my disease, and do not know for certain what ails me. I don't consult a doctor for it, and never have, though I have a respect for medicine and doctors. Besides, I am extremely superstitious, sufficiently so to respect medicine, anyway (I am well-educated enough not to be superstitious, but I am superstitious). No, I refuse to consult a doctor from spite. That you probably will not understand. Well, I understand it, though. Of course, I can't explain who it is precisely that I am mortifying in this case by my spite: I am perfectly well aware that I cannot "pay out" the doctors by not consulting them; I know better than anyone that by all this I am only injuring myself and no one else. But still, if I don't consult a doctor it is from spite. My liver is bad, well—let it get worse!

Because they're both fat Jews.

P O T T E R Y

...

kinda decent

He could have embraced the betaness and gone for a
"I leave? How are they gonna get it up? I'm a great fluffer"

What if Jonah could go back in time to this very moment, knowing what he knows now?

What does he say right here, knowing the joke is coming?

Does he cut her off? Even if he does, she can still tell the joke and THEN it seems like she made up a witty retort on the spot to his rudeness and he looks even worse

>Yanks in charge of handling the banter

This. This could work

So much like the Ghostbusters controversy endeared women to Leslie Jones, it's safe to say this has endeared us to Jonah, made him, dare I say, our guy, no?

Watch Miles Tellers face after that part in the pic. Even he is bewildered about it. Jonah should just kill himself

>she's right bro, she totally oblitarated you just let it go
>let it go

>You fucking skank ugly cuck bitch. I make more than you in a day than you make in a whole year. Leo and Brad make 50 times more than you. They would ask YOU to leave to get us some coffee because they'd mistake you for housekeeping.

>You are legitimate worm. Should I tell you why? I come on your show, fly to your country and you insult me to your audience in a language I don't understand. If you want this to be even why don't you come to america, come onto a set and see what I actually do, see how much money I earn for all the work I put in. But you won't, because I doubt you could afford a plane ticket, or you'd have to ask your boss for time off work. You see, my acting schedule lets me do fuck all for half the year, it lets me buy almost anything I want. But yeah, you still want me to leave ;). Bitch I wouldn't date you if you were the last woman on earth.

After he said all that, he'd stand up and proceed to shower the studio with money. He'd drop 100k right there because I could. He would laugh as the mongoloid stuido audience crawled around picking the money up. Then he would get his dick out and say the following:

>You cucks want to suck this? No? Well I will drop another 200k if you do. But no I won't do that, because you are all beneath me. Keep picking those bills up from the floor like pigeons fighting over bread crumbs. You might see Leo and Brad above me, and you're probably right about that. But look at you all. YOU'RE ALL BENEATH ME. How pathetic does that make you look? I'm outtttt.

Easy.

>There is no such thing as an obese alpha.
There is, lardass.

Nah, there are. Notorious BIG was a true alpha. It's harder for Hill because a lot ot his comedy is based on him being an awkward fat guy while BIG was pure sex

>it's safe to say this has endeared us to Jonah, made him, dare I say, our guy, no?
fuck no....fatty got rekt

>and a large diet Pepsi
fixed it for you

"Perhaps I'm wondering why you'd compliment a man before throwing him out of a hotel"

Srsly, one thing is being a comedian, another thing is letting yourself be sodomized by satan on screen.

He had it backwards. First he has to become a serious actor and when he's old and nobody gives a shit he can appear in Meet the Fockers 6.

Why didn't he just say that he makes more money for a single flick than she'll make in a lifetime.

because even with all that money he's still a fat fuck kike who's not invited to the orgy.

That's because he was a huge Suge knight-tier guy and he's from the hood so he gets respect. You can't compare

Dumb question, come up with a good comeback like his life depends on it. Then humiliate (low key brutally insult her) and have the crowd laugh even harder, so it looks like he made up a witty response in the spot

>Notorious BIG was a true alpha.

bwahahahahahahaha......Tupac literally fucked his wife.

Fattys NEVER win.

Jonah has been in a couple of films and a handful of crowd pleasers but never a flick

Only if you're black.

>*smile* Sounds like someone thinks very highly of herself.

Checkm8 evil woman

>Srsly, one thing is being a comedian, another thing is letting yourself be sodomized by satan on screen.

LMAO

that would have been pathetic
Is that how you reply to jokes in murrica?

She looks like a kirby

>That's because he was a huge Suge knight-tier guy and he's from the hood so he gets respect
Biggie was a dancing monkey tool who repeatedly got cucked by real street nigs.

I've met some fat ass Alpha as fuck Mexicans and Whites. You racist.

Jonah when did you start lurking?

jonah should've just shot up the place like a true american would.

or since he's ((())) he could've gotten mossad on her.

It's been a month and no one has been able to come up with any response that would even be passable in that situation. I'd guess Jonah is quicker with comebacks/quips than 95% of Cred Forums, but what could he say? She had him dead to rights. It was the perfect setup and ambush like said. All he could try to do is salvage what's left of his dignity and maybe make some good of the situation and lose some fucking weight. The guy's on course to die at 40 of a massive heart attack. She actually did him a favor.

>millionaire should kill himself because someone mocked his looks again
he should be used to it by now

>because even with all that money he's still a fat fuck kike who's not invited to the orgy.
Yup, what's the point of $ if you can't even see your penis because of the blubber rolls?

Makes u sound super butthurt. She gave him a toughy desu.

Kinda like, how do you reply to "you mad?" Without sounding upset.

he only made SAG minimum, something like ~40k, for Wolf of Wall Street

Literally Pablo Escobar

...

For you

pretty ok desu.
Not defensive and plays by the same rules so can't be bashed by media

His wife cucked on him with Lemon

>Aww come on our sex scene in This is the End wasn't THAT bad was it?

Jonah fucks Satan in that movie for those who haven't seen it.

"That's anti-semitic and I expect an apology"

Holy shit what the fuck is this

Oh yeah.

>Jonah Hill retweeted

Look her dead in the eye, and say

>I've got 12 inches I'll give you after the show that'll change your mind

Basic Alpha behavior.

it's the perfect way to avoid a fight

I don't know how he can think he can ever be taken seriously after that.

>Basic Alpha behavior.

t. (pic related)

>'if it wasn't for me you'd be speaking kraut!'

what did he mean by this?

>"In your fantasy, do they ask you to bring them up some more towels from housekeeping? Because that's the only reason they'd ever think you were there to begin with."

"Oh. Cute. I'm going back to fuck my 10/10 GF when I get home so.....cool?"

"you should be careful with what you say because i'm a muslim now and the guys don't like this kinda stuff, get ready to be bombed you fucking whore"

He's fucking already not, how the fuck all of you didn't notice that seconds before she gived him shit about how he was sodomized and he responded "i hear you sodomized often too, no?" laughing anxiously

>Tupac literally fucked his wife
No, he asked for sexual favors but she turned him down

>haha sounds good. I can come in afterwards to lick you clean of their superior semen haha, but seriously can we set this up?

That's how you do it

>from when he had lost weight

Imagine how depressed Brad Pitt is right now. It's probably why he drank and smoked all the time and Jolie divorced him. Pitt personally trained Hill. He took him under his wing like a son, he gave him diet plans, he went to the gym with him, he gave him routines. Then Hill gained all that weight back, and it was like Pitt lost a son.

>that thing
>10/10

ARAB'D

sure she did

"Was it really that bad last night?"

No it's not, lying about dick size is fake alpha behavior

True alpha behavior is approaching her off camera, congratulating her on her joke and then asking her out

>satan
what has that got to do with anything

Best one so far

They already did. Brad is getting JUST'd for it as we speak.

She looks kind of ugly.

Doesn't work since it's her fantasy.
Like the previous user said, it's like a math problem that's impossible to solve

>that
>10/10
absolutelydisgusting.exe

Imagine being Jonah in that interview and having to be all like "damn, Frenchie, you fuckin' funny, all hilarious with your tight body and horrific androgynous croissant face. I would totally have sex with you, both your fantasy character and the real me.

Funny thing is, the way Jonah looks in the OP pic is by far his most attracftive appearance

Overweight Jonah + beard + styled hair = most alpha jonah

When he's skinny he looks creepy as fuck, but by far his worst look is pic related where he looks both creepy and fat

>True alpha behavior is approaching her off camera, congratulating her on her joke and then asking her out
"Congratulations on your joke. Wanna go out with me?"

Not in those words you sad fuck

It's true. Fat men ALWAYS loose.

>Cred Forums can't handle banter : the webm

He only looks weird skinny because we're so used to him being fat. It's one of the curses for fat people. Everyone puts them in the mental image of 'fat' so it becomes weird when they lose weight. It'd be like having a white friend suddenly turn black.

It would be translated into French

I think Jonah's doing juuuuust fine.

It's calling her Satan you sperg. How did you not pick that up.

If the comeback is gonna involve some sort of diss on her it has to about her career right? That's the only area where Jonah actually has an advantage.

>Pixie cut

Yeah, that's one step up from sending Michael Cera over with a note...

what pleasure do you get from posting this when that's not your gf

but why would you call her satan?

What's the difference between Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill?

Seth Rogan is 5 inches taller so people take him more seriously, he can at least be a leading role, Jonah's always the wacky sidekick

I can relate
>Be obese low 30's bmi
>Lose 30 pounds over the summer
>See friends again
>They look at me thinking I'm starving
>I was still a bit overweight then

What is she thinking here?

>"I like money"

>american bringing up his bbc breeder bull

literally who?

wonder how much he paid her to pose for that pic

>Come on, Karen. You can do this. The fat fuck is going to have a heart attack soon. Just hope he makes it until he writes me into the will. Oh shit, did he just tell a "joke"?

>Europeans immediately think of cuckshit whenever they hear about a black man
lol

BIG

Yeah it becomes weird how much other people want you to keep the weight. You KNOW you've still got weight to lose, that everyone else is still skinnier, and they're like "wow I didn't want to say anything before, but you've really lost the weight" and so on implying you're done.

brad pitt married one

Because she's a bitch and demons are ugly? It's just simple bantz user. It's a wittier way of insulting her instead of just saying U UGLY BITCH

wew

would you perchance happen to be autistic user?

Notice the bodylanguage.

She's totally not into him.

People just don't like you feeling like you're doing better than them.

I was skinny fat and dieting and working out to tone up and my whole family every time they see me YOUR CLOTHES ARE FALLING OFF YOU YOU DON'T NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT EAT A CHEESEBURGER.

My whole family is also all overweight.

Jonah kissing people is weird to me.

>The one needing in depth explanation of a simple joke is calling others autistic.

ITT
T
T

"you get your fantasy, and your mouth is shut for a while. That's a win/win in my book"

What advice did Mr. Uno give him?

>amerijuans won't defend south vietnam
>americans WILL defend a jew from evil euro banter

Is he feeding her?

You do know that the Hill has been in more serious rolls than Rogen right?

Hill was in Moneyball. Rogen has never been in a serious roll.

you should check out the thinspo generals on /fa/, lot of good stuff in there

He doesn't even know

Crabs in a bucket

50/50 was kino.

>our sex scene in the end
>deducing from that that he's calling her satan
>because "she's a bitch and demons are ugly"

No user I'm fairly sure you are on the spectrum

funny and would work on niggers.

youtube.com/watch?v=XSMIxP-DrB8

>"I never thought I'd find true love"

>Jonah's only sex scene in This is the End is with Satan
>Needing a doctorate in rocket science to put two and two together

Seek help, user. Calling a girl Satan isn't an uncommon insult.

Are you retarded or just really poor?
The whole point of having money is that you can host your own orgy instead of waiting for someone else to invite you to one.

I'm cutting down to get big. I don't wanna be some skelly mode faggot surviving on saltines.

>laugh
>"Oh, I guess that's why it's a fantasy."

not hard you bullied retards

Nah, a lot of my friends that said that were at a healthy weight or skinny. But, then again I was pretty much the fat guy friend of everyone. Though I won't deny, I did get a lot of envious looks from some fat people I knew.

>"What's the fantasy? The sex or the fifty bucks they give you?"

This is now a jonah subway thread

10/10

I've literally never heard it in my entire life but sure if you say so, I'm not native anyway

>Calling a girl Satan isn't an uncommon insult.

In your asspained alt-reality maybe...

youtube.com/watch?v=NkQHniNe3BY&feature=youtu.be

This one is good

kek! it's like these paparazzis have no life whatsoevere..SAD

lol stupid kike.

he can host as many orgies as he wants - he still never got invited to the one that mattered.

just like the skidmart on every americans pants - it's a stain he can never get rid of.

Is jonah our guy?

...

wheres that pasta where he gets subs delivered to his room and they never come out

>If anyone is going to get spitroasted by Leo and Brad, it's me!

He's fat acceptance MRAs edition's guy

it's funny because you guys can come up with witty answers now but if this actually happened you autistic fags wouldn't say anything or just answer with a "h-haha y-you too..."

...

stfu

"Of course I'd leave, 3 guys and 1 girl is gay as fuck"

Thank you for the acknowledgement. Genuinely means something to me.

Only Miles could have saved him.

...........................................

I still don't know what happened.

Some kinda french talkshow and they ridiculed him? I have no idea.

She's hot. Everyone knows it. 99% of the heterosexual men on the planet would fuck her.

you fat bros are truly delusional.

????
whats wrong with that?

Why doesn't he just get fit he's got millions would it be so hard to hire a trainer and personal chef?

Quads make it irrefutable fact.

Because he's a 5'7" ugly guy and being fit wouldn't help that

Being a fat guy gets him roles

checked

That would never happen, Brad wouldn't dare cheat on me like that.

>Hill was appearing with Miles Teller on Le Grand Journal to promote their film War Dogs when Ornella Fleury first joked that she fell for the actor after seeing him in This is the End. “When I saw you get sodomized by a three-meter-tall demon … I told myself, ‘Now that’s the man of my dreams,’” she said.

>The actor, who was getting Fleury’s remarks translated via an earpiece, replied, “I heard you get sodomized quite often.” what the fuck

>Fleury continued with another joke about a “sexual fantasy” she had about Hill, saying, “We would meet up in a hotel room at night. We would chat, you’d make me laugh. Then all of a sudden, you’d bring your friends [Leonardo] DiCaprio and Brad Pitt, and then you’d go away.”

>Hill didn’t seem to find it funny. “I’m glad I came on this show to get ridiculed by your local weather girl,” he said back.

>After that interview, Hill reportedly canceled press interviews at the Deauville Film Festival, where War Dogs was screening.

Trips and Quads confirm. Miles abandoned him

This.
Everything else comes off as incredibly edgy or tryhard.

The key to all of this was in Miles hands, but he did nothing.

Ok that's pretty bad, but not as terrible as I thought it was.

No one ever accused the french of being polite.

are you trying to say this man is fat?

"Please, if you made more than the measly amount you did a fantasy with me might even be feasible, but don't flatter yourself."

>Hill didn’t seem to find it funny. “I’m glad I came on this show to get ridiculed by your local weather girl,” he said back.

>After that interview, Hill reportedly canceled press interviews at the Deauville Film Festival, where War Dogs was screening.

What a butthurt can't-handle-the-bantz fat nob

Why is he acting so serious over this?

youtube.com/watch?v=NwZD0pthP9Q

>Why is he acting so serious over this?

because seppos cannot handle banter or sarcasm.

>you spend one day in France and you already have some bimbo talking about being double teamed

>The actor, who was getting Fleury’s remarks translated via an earpiece, replied, “I heard you get sodomized quite often.”

That was a superb comeback.

Why is the french population sucking his subway?

>H-hey it's been about a month but I-I finally thought of a good reply! I'm gonna tell all my friends on Cred Forums!

What no that was the worst comeback i've ever seen in my entire life

Because despite all his money and fame, he's still ultimately just a fat kid inside who got bullied at school, and she managed to puncture his massive ego with a single sentence and bring his whole comedic, desperate-to-be-liked funnyman facade crashing down.

Although her fantasy is getting DPed by Leo and Brad she'll always think of him at first when she's horny.
Maybe classical conditioning will result in her being horny whenever she sees Jonah's face.
Maybe he will win in the end

underrated

youtube.com/watch?v=UOBuOmOAI6c

he never changes

what a retarded comeback
its fucking 2016
nothing wrong with sodomy

"But you aren't a ten year old boy!" Jonah blurts.

The room is silent for a moment. Jonah ' s eyes widen as a look of horror passes over his face.

She looks at him, mouth agape. "What exactly do you mean?"

Jonah sweats profusely. This is how he responds to stress and walking more than five feet.

"I mean, uh, heh, just a joke hahaha..."

magnificent

smile first, then:

>"You having a midol day today, or what?"

>"Thanks for the slut report."

>"Woah, nice joke."

take your pick

Not as good as simply "oh [significant. pause] and who replaces you?" In a bored tone, then pressing her to continue the fantasy

BASED ORNELLA

That's a big retort.

He has more money which means he is bettwr than her.
In America he could have just laid out 20 grand, in cash, then burn it in front of her to show what a basic bitch she is.
Cash is always king