Poor man's version

>we need Mark Wahlberg
>we only have $2 though

Don't worry senpai I got you

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Him, Wahlberg, and John Cena should do a movie together.

Isn't Wahlberg the cheap version of Matt Damon?

>we don't have enough money for Emma Watson

>we don't have enough money for Ratatouille

Only if you're a Vietnam fucking shit.

>emma watson is too much of a stuck up dike cunt bitch to do be in your movie

ftfy

Mark Wahlberg?

Yeah I know him by that name. Hell, I worked with him in Nam. Back then we called him 'Gook Gutting' Wahlberg because he never came out of a tunnel without a scalp, an ear, or covered with blood.

Most would call him insane, but that is why the green berets trained him. They saw potential. It wasn't until they learned his methods that they truly realized what a monster they created.
You see, most guys that go tunnel clearing take guns. Not Mark. No, he took knives, clubs, hatchets, sometimes nothing but his bare hands. After a few missions I got a chance to talk to him in the mess. He was wearing his blood stained hat, sunglasses, and combat fatigues, smoking a cigarette and drinking johnny walker black. It was contraband, but you NEVER told Marky Mark what he could and couldn't do.

I asked him why he never took guns with him. He lowered is head and took a long slow draw from his hand rolled cig, pulled off his sun glasses and looked me right in the eyes, piercing my soul.

"I do it out of respect. Respect for the white race. These slant eye'd scum bags don't deserve the mercy of an American made bullet, but the slow torturous death of the hands of an American man!"

In a flash he pulled out his weathered, but razor sharp knife and stopped just short of sticking my gut. "The look in their eyes when I slip this baby into their swollen, rice filled bellies is reason enough. To see the last lights flick off in their heads as they see a real killer work."

>we cant afford a horse

Yes, and there's probably a 1c version of this guy but you don't want to know how deep that rabbit hole goes

didn't Emmas last movie make like 12$

after Beauty and the Beast she might just become discount herself

>We don't have any money

>We need a short guy from Brooklyn and DeVito told us to fuck off

Say no more senpai

>shit, we don't have enough money for Andy Serkis to play Caesar!

>I was organizing the catering and he just turned up

>we need a brad pitt who doesn't rape his kids and wifes, and who also would accept payment in tacos

kek

First of all Brad Pitt is innocent of any wrong doing. I wouldn't believe a single word that nu-age liberal hippy commie pinko skeletor slut succubus says.

>We need Jessica Chastain
>Sir, she's far above our payroll
>But I know just the girl

He "lunged" at the kid user. "lunging" is really serious....

Wahlberg and Cena both were in Daddy's Home.

Why did his daughter turn down a role. Didn't he raise her?

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa

You just crossed the line buddy. BDH is a great actress and Jessica Chastain ain't got shit on her.

we need a cheap human bean

fuck you. this is an elite woman right here. emma does not have mara's glorious mammaries.

>implying that barren shovel jawed fake mommy is worth shit

>We need a likable everyman. A solid, dependable actor who isn't too picky or expensive
>I got you, friend

That's surprising, I just looked at their acting credits and assumed Chastain was worth more.

Looks like a less buff Bradley Cooper.

BDH is kino, Jessica Chastain is marvelcuck tier.

>I owe Brian Goldberg a favor for hosting that twink party last week

Quality; not quantity.

Jessica Chastain is willing to do anything and everything for a role in anything and everything.

BDH is patrician.

What about the one guy from Breaking Bad?

...

I want to bite it.

I want to bite it so hard it will take several armed guards to get me to stop and even then they will have to take her to the ER to get my fucking death grip off her ass, while she sobs uncontrollably about how I bit her bum

>based Chastain
>2 million dollars
That is actually very sad.

>we need a big guy but we just spent all our money on the plane crash scene

>$12
That's barely enough for one hot meal

>we need Javier Barden but legal

>We need our pornflick to become pornkino

pls don't bully Rooney sister.

>it'z only smellz
>plsss, make me nasty…make me nasty, I luvva nasty, cmon…Ima nasty boy
>plis dun crie
>u test ur ass?
>ooo yeah, vy do u make my deek so hard?
>u r so fuckin pretty to me ahhh…beautiful…beautiful to me ahhh
>don’t take off now because I enjoy too much!
>it’s naht bloody, but it’s a little broken…
>u like when Rocco phuck u, velly strung?
>u take all the way inside bitch…
>vat is going on…with u…ahhh so much make me cum…
>imagine ur father if he see dis movie
>this is really incredible nasty…
>you shud not hiv told me ur father wash my porno
>ooo, wrung hole...niccce

He is a fucking legend!

>nu-age liberal hippy commie pinko skeletor slut succubus

>We need a competent but completely anonymous leading man

>no not that one, the OTHER one!

...

>We need somebody to care for Rooney's autistic ass on set

>we need Michelle Williams but we're not doing an Oscarbait kino
>say no more

"Did Cuba Gooding Jr. ever answer the phone? No? I got you covered."

>Implying BDH is a better mommy
>She actually can't stand her young son and calls him "it"

kek and checked.

Dude she called her natural white daughter "privileged" and has more connection to the other kids instead

>"What do you mean Edward Norton's not interested... Fuck it, put him in, I just don't give fuck anymore."

>Implying BDH is a better mommy

Yes, she actually has children

>>She actually can't stand her young son and calls him "it"

lolwut

>what about her Britbong equivalent instead? With added dimples

when was the last time cuba gooding jr was in anything

>we cant afford a tank

American Crime Story where he and 99% of the cast fucking killed it.

>"Quick, studio needs us to shave a couple million off the budget!"
>"Say no more, He'll take 60 percent of his pay in leftover catering."

Boy I really hope his Simon Williams gig goes further than just being a cameo

...

This guy doesn't age

I don't think he actually did.

This guy could be Brendan Fraser's slightly less JUSTed brother.

>"Sorry guys, this was the only Affleck who'd show up."

Mai waiffu

>Sir our refrigerator just broke and all of the appliance stores are closed.
>Say no more familam, I have the perfect replacement

She looks like the female chimp in the Wahlberg Apes movie.

>"Sorry guys... Kevin Bacon said no, but you would never believe who I ran into rummaging in my trash can for cigarette butts."

>tfw casey affleck is 10x better than ben but will never be appreciated enough

this guy streams on twitch

bruh.

that was a meme you dip

mfw its real

Casey is the frontrunner for Best Actor this year for Manchester by the Sea you ignorant meme spouting pleb flith

Sounds like you were assassinated by the coward robert ford.

>I know you were pushing for Zooey, but I managed to get the next best thing!

>we need a lead but we're a bit worried that people might actually come see the movie

>get Chris Evans
>he's busy filming the 4th captain america movie, but I know just the guy

>Daniel-Day Lewis said no. Up for it?

Is she really still worth less than Zooey?

joel has been around a long time

>GIMME MATT DAMON
>Sir...

So...who's the discount version and who's the non discount version...

Krysten is way better than Zooey, Zooey is a fake as fuck

Yea I don't wanna go full defense force but I feel like Joel Edgerton has proven himself as a talent.

#1 movie that changed cinema forever user..

>all of his movies have been ways for the wealth to embezzle money

Makes sense if you think about it. If they actually made money there would be questions and you could double profit by counting it as lost profits and writing it off taxes as opposed to paying taxes on it.

Like that Broadway esque movie where they write a play on Broadway designed to fail so that they could collect money from investors. Summertime wity Hitler or something.

>Gary Busey 2-for-1 sale

he honestly just look like a badly photoshopped matt damon

>we want Taylor Swift in our movie
>no can do sir but I know just the one

>we desperately need someone to pretend to be Tom Hardy for one mediocre movie and then never act again

>I pictured a Michelle Rodriguez-type in this role, but we couldn't possibly get her

>If you don't mind a British accent I know just the girl

Weren't they all in Everest?

Jesus Nathan.

What the fuck? There's no way this isn't Tom Hardy

>I have a killer idea for a new Three Musketeers movie

>Well how many Orlando Blooms do you have?

>You needed a generic white bad guy, boss?

Quarry's pretty good though but I wanna strangle his wife

>get me that quirky Aussie with the funny mouth
>which one sir?

>Michelle Rodriguez

She literally does nothing except the occasional F&F movie. She never gets hired.

fucking kek

I bet you thought Tom Hardy was in Prometheus

Jai Courtney isn't fucking competent. The only thing he's competent at is being bad at acting.

>2 million

wtf, the average middle class American family has a higher net worth

>We need a crazy motherfucker to liven this shit up

Thus the confusion and how he still gets hired, though I hear he actually managed to get a scratch in the win column for Suicide Squad

This dude is talented as fuck, isn't he a black belt?

Clarke and Worthington were

Also Clarke and Edgerton were both in The Great Gatsby

...

Joel is great though, both as an actor and a director

Kek. First time I'm seeing this pasta

>"we need Alec Baldwin"
>"we can't get him right now, sir"
>"get me William Baldwin then, he was in Backdraft, he's not that bad, right?"
>"William isn't available either, sir"
>"Well we certainly aren't stooping to the level of having to get Stephen or Daniel, cancel the movie"
>"What about Adam, sir?"
>"He isn't even a Baldwin brother"
>"Oh yeah. Huh. Well, I guess we're cancelling the movie then."

talk shit about viggo one more time and see how it gonna end, you fucking faggot

The Invitation was great though

He barely takes roles though

He's in the upcoming Spider-man apparently

>"let's make a movie staring Orlando Blooms hair aesthetic!!"

Not bad user

>we need a star for our action-adventure flick. It's entirely green screen and straight to dvd, so we have a VERY limited budget. This plot is shit and a guaranteed massive bomb, but my niece wrote it so it's going to happen.
>Okay, how about Matt Damon?
>What? Did you not just hear me? Get the fuck out of my office.
>Um... How about Adrien Brody, sir? Hayden Christensen perhaps?
>Still too expensive. We need to go lower.
>Steven Seagal then.
>Nope.
>Frankie Muniz. Carrot Top.
>Lower.
>Drake Bell?
>Now we're getting somewhere. We need to find someone willing to work for even less, though... how about that guy who works in the mailroom? Elliot Rustles or whatever?
>Sure, but we'll still need to compensate him for his work.
>Find someone who will do it for this taco bell coupon.
>Well, there is someone laying down outside we could maybe use...

tldr

hardest I've laughed all day. thank you.

>we need Matt Damon
>we only have $2 though

Everyone involved gets an L for that flaming turd

Brother!

Just like O.J. did

Dark Blue most underrated TNT undercover potentially corrupt cop drama show thing ever, though.

>hello, im here to try out for the role of "Mexican Gangster #2"

...

H O T M E A L

>Fat Nathan Drake

Donnie Wahlberg would have done it for a $1.50

he looks ugly and attractive at the same time, how is such thing possible?

Tfw you realize your painfully average upper middle class parents have a higher net worth than your favorite fap inspiration.

>Let's cast Shemp Baldwin

...

>"what do you mean Aidan Gillen died? who's gonna play the role of little finger now??"
>"don't worry fám I got you"

I came to post this

wtf they aren't the same person?

>we can't even afford DAVID SPADE?!
>FUCK

10/10.

No, that's Don Cheadle

>get me Samantha Morton
>she's not interested
>ok get me Michelle Williams
>can't afford her
>ok...Carey Mulligan?
>not available
>wait...I know just the right girl, she'll do anything for a paycheck

my mind is full of fuck

...

Nice trips

Someone make a Hugh Jackman/James Purefoy joke because I suck at this.

I watched Bloodline just for Ben Mendelsohn
>ywn be an aussie

>we can't pay kat dennings enough to gain that much weight for the part

>we need a solid lead that hates good scripts

>"Ok guys we need our movie to become an absolute disaster in the box office"
what actor/actress are good for this?

>we need a leggy redhead but can only pay with catering's leftover wine.
say no more

>We need a mummy for our movie but Imhotep is in the underworld

Say no more sir.

right looks better desu

>kate hudson won't return our calls
>farmer johnson won't let sarah jessica parker off the farm for that long
>jessica biel just killed herself after we asked

We need some old That Guy who is still alive to play the sheriff

Interesting to compare here.

Righty is "objectively" more attractive but I bet 9/10 would fuck Hardy first. He's got a lot more character in his face.

she's so cute bros, why aint she in shit?

I seriously cannot tell the difference between the two.

I'm not even trying to meme here. I seriously can't tell the difference.

Too busy drunkenly running naked through NYC hotels

He looked like Mr. Ed in TDKR, like someone stuck peanut butter in his gums

She been blacklist desu.

Being a bitch for so long can kill your career.

Wahlberg is way richer and has better movies under his belt.

Lel, that bitch thought she was making a comeback with that God awful NBC show and cat litter ads

She's just built like a fridge, she's not even useful enough to keep drinks cold. ;_;

It was $24-27

Yea she's done. She's a complete diva cunt to work with and she bad mouths every project she's in after the release.

Sometimes being born on easy mode isn't enough for some people.

Chris Pratt and Will Arnett had a baby, and named it Patrick.

>Literally no tits
>Slightly prettier Felicia Day

Gee I wonder why.

Kek it needed DOUBLE that to just break even

Didn't Jennifer Lawrence do the same thing?
Why is she still doing fine?

...

Not really. Despite Cred Forums memes stories of her being a diva cunt are just rumors at this point and she doesn't bite the hand that feeds her.

When has Lawrence talked shit about Silver Linings Playbook, or any of her other Oscar bait films? The only one you could say she bad mouthed was X-Men because she felt she shouldn't have to put on Mystique's make-up

>we need peter stomare
>on this budget?

these numbers are just pulled out of someone's ass

peter's number comes from an indian guy, I think he didn't convert rupees to dollars

>we have money but no script
>ok

There's no way that's right. I mean, he has been in a lot of movies and shows, but he's more like that one guy who always shows up in shows you like.

He's just the one that you actually know his name because he's awesome.

I say 20 - 30 million tops.

But there is no Captain America 4 being filmed.

>Chris just said random crap to get those guys out of his face

He owns a music studio you guys, he's actually rich as fuck

That makes much more sense.

>Sir, we need an actor to do three lines as a high ranking general. We also need up our diversity count somewhere.

Sorry... what did you say? I was thinking about that rerun of Predator that was on cable last night..

how often do you think he says he is tom hardy just to bang girls

Holy shit, they're different people

How?

Did he have a stake in one of the shows he was in?

He sucks at games though.

As a child I literally mixed these two guys up the first time I saw Denis Leary in something.

Fucking kek

Fuck you Joel is one of the best actors alive

>we need a brad pitt that can act

daddy money

I read the "say no more" quote in his voice.

literally who

it's more like non threatening mexican

Bump

>CTRL F Terrence
>Nothing
>CTRL F Cuba
>Picture of Terrence
Mah nigga.

Maybe these net worth calculators are just bullshit.

>Sir! Our writers have an idea for a plot but no ability to write a character
>Don't worry I know just the guy(s)

incestor detected

>Tom Cruise is out? Well fuck, let's go with the other guy then

she's literally too tall

most male leads are 5'10" or less

>You sure we can't get DeNiro? Ok, give the role to the other Italian guy.

>sir I just got off the phone with Kat Dennings' agent, she charges by the titpound

Legit laughed out loud. Well done.

Am I the only one who wants to make her my Jew fucktoy?

>we need a cast of strangely attractive frog faces

That large mouth looks like it know how to handle a dick, and those eyes would push me off the edge if she made eye contact while blowing. She looks like my perfect fetish.

>that black see through shirt
Umpf.

>we need a Mexican
>Got u fám

Go to bed Jim Webb

This guy was hilarious in The League

>we need someone handsome

Not just a Mexican.

We need a Mexican's Mexican.

dont believe it at all

>Black guy?
>Black guy.

Seth McFarlane is ITT writing all these down

why do all redditors refer to CIA as the big guy? Bane is the big guy you fucking newfaggot

Fuck..

>we need a white man

insert any woman or minority

KEK

Meh

It's actually the other way around

What? He never plays a gangster, he is always the token "humble and hardworking" mexican.

Kek

But she's like 10 years younger than Williams, and my waifu

>being this triggered
Get a life bub

HAHAHAHAHA meth damon

>we were thinking Viggo Mortenson but we feel like pissing off all the racist NEETS and we'll have a built in excuse when it flops. Plus Stephen King's wife's son would love it!

He's reaching Brendan Fraser tiers of JUST. Tread carefully.

>shit JJ Watt is done for the year and we don't have a decent backup

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

>idris elba
>budget actor
pick one you fucking pleb

>We need a talking bulldog
>Say no more, you dumb sluts

Hated him in SPR

youtube.com/watch?v=WMT9XOFpQxE

Kek

Worthington >> gai courtney

The Insidious and Conjuring movies made a lot of money.

He's not bargain bin guy.

>not calling it 'The 3D Musketeers'

You forgot Sullivan Stapleton, AKA that forgettable lead of the forgettable sequel to 300

Cucks detected

That's like saying silver is a poor man's gold.

blind items say dis nigga banging Dunst

>Sir, we have this part that Jonah Hill would be perfect for, but our catering budget is only $500,000

>Gerard Butler was asking too much
>Let me make a few calls

sadly accurate

exactly

>mfw his character in Interstellar just sort of disappeared

Bravo, Nolan.

On an unrelated note; has Ben ever directed Casey? That seems like a cool collaboration. I wonder if they like eachother.

Yep, in Gone Baby Gone, Ben's directorial debut

Blonde is froggy Ayymanda Seyfreid

>we need ANOTHER mexican

>the poor man's version actually does a better job than the premium version

get fucked cunt

You're doing it wrong

>what's the character's name
>the name is H
>say no more

>mfw watched this just because of Downton Abbey

Was not disappointed. Dan is based. Goose is cool too.

>Emma Stone didn't want to do our crazy as fuck script, sir.

>"Sir, we're about to wrap Ghostbusters 4 and we don't have enough money for a CGI Smiler!"
>"Get me Maggie Gylenhaal's number and a can of green paint"

>sir! we've narrowed our choices for bane down to 2 actors but we cant decide who to go with, they both look so good!

Go on...

>Get me Clive Warren!

It's amazing how long this bane meme has lasted

>Jane Levy doesn't do nude scenes sir
>I've got just the girl

...

God dammit lol

Would have been better if you just said "get me some green paint"

fuck everything

...

>We need Jack Nicholson for nostalgia purposes but he's too old to play the role
>I got you, f͏͏a͏͏m

>Michael Jackson is dead and Aids Skrillex is a fucking white male

I'm on this, senpai!

>Do you feel in charge?

I find it hard to believe Chastain commands more money than BDH

Middle class is 100k a year.
>House cost/repair/maintenance
>Technology/appliances
>Bills
>Cars
>Casual/fun/vacation expenses
>Kids' tuition costs
>Wedding costs (if they're traditional)
>Clothing
>Food
>Extras
It's going to take the average American middle class family decades to get close to $2mil.

Fuck off and die

>when you can't afford Russel Crowe

I'd say Jai is literally the same product just molded slightly differently. Other than that you can expect the exact same quality. No more no less.

Her head is designed to give blowjobs.

Why this man isn't more famous is beyond me, there was a period in the mid to late 00s when he was in a lot, but that sadly had to end.

Head like a fucking orange

it is?

>we need
Say no more

every
chance
he
gets

It is actually hard to comprehend how they decided that Jesse Eisenberg would make a better Luthor than him.

always gets me

>we need to launder money
>cheat the German government out of taxes

>W-

Fucking nailed it

>Hey boss I have a great idea for the female lead! Reece Witherspoon!
>Nah we need to go uglier
>Renee zelwigger?
>Uglier!
>Cameron Diaz????
>Not quite there....
>I think I know boss...

Did you even see End of Watch?

lol poor mads down in the corner. youre better than this

Literally the bastard child of Mark Ruffalo and John Leguizamo

Shes in Jumanji. Cant wait

My drivefu

>get me the actress with the weirdest body proportions you can find!
>how about this one? Small head, big ass and man hands
>was Chloe not available?

Bane is the bigger guy in relation to CIA, who would be big on his own if not compared to bane. Either that, or bane is normal sized and CIA is so small that bane is only big "for you"

>You're a bin guy

For you

And unless he raked in literally ALL of the money those movies made, then that figure is bullshit.

>LMG and Tom Hardy will never flip fuck bareback and creampie each other

Why live?

>I never was able to say no

All daddy's money.

>Aidan Gillen 5'9
>Tom Hardy 5'8
CIA is the bigger guy.

>Well my dick isn't going to suck itself and her boyfriend won't mind

Fuck off

HUGH MUNGUS!

>We need to get Quentin Tarantino off this project!
>Got you covered, bro.

WHAT THE FUCK

i just realised it wasnt Tom hardy in prometheus

Fuck you

I legitimately thought Tom Hardy was in Prometheus for quite some time.

...

>Jaime McShane said no but I found this guy in a kebab shop down the road who said he'd do it for a fiver

>We need to cast someone for the upcoming hue mungus biopic.

Benicio is a far better actor than Brad Pitt though, and that's not me saying Pitt is a bad actor.

>*slaps desk*
>HHEEHHAHAEEEH
>*rubs hands*

>We don't have money for a real monkey
Say no mo

post kino

OJ. INNOCENT

The guy who played Cochrane actually blew my mind. Idk how he isn't rolling in Emmy's

Nah, Zoey is ditzy and cute.
Jess is alternative abs goth

Poor Riggins ;_;
Texas forever

He's basically the Terrance Howard of Mexicans

What ever happened to big G?

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