Luke, did I ever tell you about Jabba the Hutt's faggy Uncle Ziro who spoke perfect English?

Luke, did I ever tell you about Jabba the Hutt's faggy Uncle Ziro who spoke perfect English?

What is "english", Ben?

Luke, did I ever tell you about Dexter Jettster who owned a 50's-style Americana diner? He was a good friend.

Oh by the way Luke, R2D2 has jet boosters hidden in his legs and he can fly.

Luke, did I ever tell you about breast? Breasts were the mammary glands of mammalian species and some reptomammals, and were normally a distinguishing feature of the female of the species. Males did have breasts, but they were far less developed than their female counterparts due to the sexual dimorphism.

he also knows who your father is and who the emperor is and basically all of their powers and history. He is a good friend

Luke, have you ever heard of J.J. Abrams? He is the guy who will bring you back for yet another movie even though you want to have nothing to do with the franchise anymore.

Luke, you know that robot you hang around? C-3PO? Your dad built him. He was a good builder.

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the jizz-box. It's a """""""musical""""""" device people would install in droids. People would often proclaim: "I got a festerin' jizz-box right over there in that corner!" They were good friends.

Luke, did I ever tell you about barrels? Barrels were cylindrical containers. They were used to store things such a wine or spice. Barrels were made out of metal, wood, and sometimes plastic.

>Luke, did I ever tell you about Mrp-Mrp Poo. He was a jazz musician and a good friend.

>even though you want to have nothing to do with the franchise anymore

bullshit, he never said that.

Like, did I ever ask you about your sexual organs?

Who gave Luke "the talk"?

>"Watch out for that vicious bounty hunter Boba Fett, Luke. Did I ever tell you I fought his dad? He was hired to assassinate a senator me and your father were guarding. We kept bringing her around open windows and public areas in order to draw the would-be assassin out because we knew he had too much pride to just shoot her from long range. He had used his payment to hire another bounty hunter to kill the senator for him while he sent us on a wild bantha chase. Also the 2nd assassin used her payment to buy a robot to assassinate the senator for her. Did I mention the 2nd assassin was a shapeshifter? She could have been a good friend in disguise and just shot the senator for all we knew! Then the robot used its payment to buy poisonous bugs to release into the senator's room while she slept after lasering a hole through the window. It could have just lasered her too after that because we we weren't watching her at all, but it already bought the bugs. So we sense the hostile life forms (not the robot) in the room and rush in and save the senator in the nick of time! Then I jumped out the window to chase the robot back to its owner! Luckily it didn't have a self-destruct function. Then we found the 2nd assassin and chased her across the planet, and caught her when she tried to kill us instead of shapeshifting and escaping. But to our surprise, Jango Fett was watching the whole thing instead of going to kill the senator while we were away chasing the bugs chasing the robot chasing the shapeshifter. He shot her with a poisonous dart instead of sniper blaster, and only her instead of shooting all of us or blowing all of us with a rocket or something, then he escaped with his tiny jetpack. Luckily for the senator, my good friend Dexterr Jettster owned a 50s dinner on Courscant that had Republic secrets on the menu along with cheeseburgers and malt shakes. We found the assassin and Mace Window killed him later, right in front of Boba. And he was a good friend."

Is Luke still a virgin in the new canon?

Does it look like it?

I think we don't know yet. Although the rey skywalker theory is pretty much dead at this point so I hope he won't get paired up with any woman

>Ywn ask Luke about his sexual organs

Luke, did I ever tell you the legend of Darth Plagueis? He possessed abilities some considered... unnatural.

Such abilities could be learned, but not from a good friend.

Why is the Rey Skywalker theory dead?

>inb4 JJ said so

That doesn't mean shit. Ppl lie/fugde truth to conceal movie/TV spoilers all the time. See: Game of Thrones.

Luke did I ever tell you about Beldorion, the Jedi Hurt? He used to be a good friend until he turned to the dark side and enslaved a bunch of people. Your sister, Leia, will eventually defeat him in a lightsaber battle of the seventh form.

>Anakin, have I ever told you the legend of Darth Bane? You can learn that legend but not form a Jedi

wew

>even though you want to have nothing to do with the franchise anymore
You're thinking of Harrison Ford.

Was he a good friend?

if Obi-Wan had ever seen me he would tell a different story

Luke, did I ever tell you about IG-88? IG-88 uploaded his consciousness into a computer core destined for Death Star II. He succeeded in being uploaded, and was preparing to activate his program to take over all droids in the galaxy when it was destroyed. With his consciousness in the Death Star II, he would literally become the Death Star. Emperor Palpatine was the only known person on the Death Star to suspect something was wrong after the uploading of the computer core with IG-88 inside. Before the station's destruction, he noticed a series of doors in his throne room opening and closing sporadically. IG-88 did this to show the Emperor that he was not all powerful. However, IG-88 was utterly baffled when it appeared that Emperor Palpatine used some unseen force to attempt to push the doors open. However, IG-88 exerted more force and was able to continue to keep the Emperor locked in, until he grew tired of the game and unlocked the door. He was a good friend.

For you

And people are suprised that the old canon got killed

what are you doing here?
get back in the star trek thread!

>Luke did I ever tell you about the time I got high af and fucked some of those things that play those saxophone things at the begging of the movie?

>Luke, did I ever tell you about Kyle Katarn? He was a stormtrooper for the Empire before learning truth about the death of his parents and joined the Rebellion. He was the one who first stole the Death Star plans and he destroyed an army of droids that surely weren't good friends. He later learned about his Jedi heritage and he mastered both the light and dark sides of the Force while also becoming on of the best lightsaber wielders of all time. He was proof that the old canon was always shit. And he was a good friend

>He was a big sith...for you.

Oh God why.

He got with a redhead Mary Sue in the old canon though.

>Luke did I ever tell you about Star Trek? It was a show about explorers from a planet called "Earth" travelling across the galaxy and having sex with weird aliens while being miraculously saved time and time again from faults with their ship's performance. They were good friends.

evertim

The only wew part of it is your comment. That greentext is required reading in every one of these threads.

Luke did I ever tell you about JJ Abrams blowing up another central planet in the universe of a franchise he touched ? He also ruined another 40years of franchise again.
He was a good friend to to the Toydorians.

>Luke, did I ever tell you about the Sun Crusher? It's more dangerous than a Death Star and too small for you to torpedo its air vents. The Empire forgot about it after the first Death Star blew up and took Tarkin with it. He was a good friend.

>Luke, it occurs to me that you might not get the moral of the story. You see, the Emperor could have been avoided being locked in had he known about doors. Doors were just one of any number of portals that would open automatically when a life form or droid neared its aperture. It would then close behind the individual. They were good friends.

...

Basic, it was a good language.

Luke, did I ever tell you about the 1950s American Diner on Coruscant? It's owned by Dex, a caricature of the average American. He was a good friend.

Luke, did you ever wonder how I know so much? It's because of a website called Wookieepedia. the wifi is so shitty here that's the only website that loads. It was a good site.

Americans wouldn't understand what jizz means, spunk too.

Yeah Jew Jew straight up lies to the audience all the time.
>They aren't in Purgatory
>No, he Isn't Kahn
>TFA will use mostly practical effects

top lel

that was in the original trilogy too

>a droid not knowing about the Force
perfectly possible
>a droid playing sillybuggers with Palps
GOAT

What's your problem with that story? It's better than most of NuCanon, i.e. CHuck Wendig's shit.

>Luke, his name was DEXSTER JETTSTER. Do you think his parents wanted his name to rhyme? Or did he change his name from Dexster Leibowitz? He made good burgers and fries

Wokeepedianne get out. You are no longer needed. The trash compactor. Now.

Apex laugh

Luke, did I ever tell you about breasts? They feel like bags of sand, which is why your father hated them so much. He was a good friend.

...

>no ghost Ben telling Luke to wake up

mediocre