My girlfriend is about to RedBox The Shallows. What am I about to get myself into? Soul Surfer meets Jaws?

My girlfriend is about to RedBox The Shallows. What am I about to get myself into? Soul Surfer meets Jaws?

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=X0AHvPpGrDU
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so does shitposting retard bridget reegan poster now post blake lively?

>RedBox

is this while you hunt mammoth?

low budget jaws, with a hot chick.

there is no surfing in the movies except for 3 minutes of resting on a board. the girl is stuck on a rock because a shark wants to eat her. more like 127 hours meets jaws.

A poor excuse of a plot designed to watch Blake Lively in a bathing suit/bikini for an hour and a half. Try not to make your gf too jelly.

this. there are some reasonably gratuitous scenes

bretty boring.

>GOTTA ESCAPE FROM THIS ROCK BEFORE THE WATERS GET ME

lazy story.

More like a FLAT CHICK

Thank you user and user above. I'd figure the hype is a lie.

A predictable, boring, uninspiring, lazy excuse of a movie. Only upside is it has good looking shots.

go rob a store jamal

Enjoy your girlfriend becoming insecure compared to Lively and then letting her tension and anger out on you.

people are always talking about how sexist hollywood is, but tell me, would this movie work with Gary Busey as the main role?
Or any other male for that matter?

The film is the definition of "alright"

>RedBox

Didn't this movie literally JUST come to theaters? How is it on DVD already?

If you oogle Blake too hard she will rage, u have been warned

>not ogling Blake just enough to make your girlfriend jealous so she'll fuck you later and put some spirit into it
>not then imagining she's Blake to make your dick extra hard and fuck her extra good

You have a lot to learn.

Happened to me once, had high volume, dark room and everything, watched "The Stepfather" remake, some scene with Amber Heard made my jaw dropped and instinctively mouthed "goddamn". Pissed the rest of the night.

>not just unbuttoning your pants and starting to jerk it until her jelly takes over.

I wish they would have filmed this when her ass was fatter.

fucking this.

t. fat neckbeard

Had a gr8 time watching it tbpqhwy. Though I had to pause it after about 10 mins to break my 5 day no fap streak.

>What am I about to get myself into?

A boner you have to hide 15 minutes in

I thought it sounded like a good setup for a tense kind of movie, especially since she's so close to shore. Haven't seen but hopefully isn't AS bad as anons are saying.

The tension is ruined because the movie takes place over too long a period of time, it gets to be unbelievable that the shark would still be stalking her 2 days later. They should have had it take place over a couple hours with her trying to outrace the shark and the tide. There's too much of her just sitting on the rock while the director tried to figure out how to include other people for the shark to kill so the audience isn't bored (admittedly there are some cool scenes with the shark but the best kill happens off screen).

>he doesn't thicc

wtf i love blake now

Fun movie. Enjoy user.

ending incoming.

FUCKING BITCH KILLED A SHARK? FUCKING DOUCHEWHORE PIECE OF SHIT RETARDED BRAINDEAD HILLBILLY SLUT, I'M GOING TO MURDER HER

All sharks should be culled.

Literally the mosquito of the ocean.

>They should have had it take place over a couple hours with her trying to outrace the shark and the tide.

This is the most brilliant thing I've read all day. You nailed the problem with this movie.

was he >our guy?

If i could have 1 (one) woman it would be llake bively

Wojack pepe and bird.
calling it.

>what am i in for?

A movie you can't finish because it's scratched to shit. Why do people do this? You'd think they'd get upset when they waste a dollar on a movie that doesn't work, but nope, gotta handle em like a child.

>he never rented something
>discovered its shit
>bring it back say you foudnd it scratched to shit

Blake Lively on a rock and a very entertainingly retarded finale.

Degenerate australian surfer detected

bet you would rather swallow her redbox if you know what i mean

I'd fuck her box until it was red if you know whatimean.

I would watch it. But the movie would be about Gary Busey trying to eat the shark.

A generous 6/10 movie that's 11/10 for schlock and entertainment.

Ryan is so lucky.

Can confirm this.

>Blake will never be your wife

Lmao, then she surfaces and dies from the bends

I thought it was uninspiring, but entertaining in some parts. It looks pretty fantastic picture quality wise. I bet it looks amazing in 4K with HDR and what not.

Confirmed for not knowing how the bends works

blake is a butterface

>that first 2 seconds

delete this

she is perfect

Yeah...I mean not Gary Busey, that would become a comedy really quick...But you could put Evan Peters or Dave Franco or somebody in there and it wouldn't change much

Are there any man vs animal movies where man gets unequivocally BTFO?

>physical media

Lake Bell?

I actually enjoyed it. Watching almost naked Blake Lively fight a shark for 90 minutes is a good time. It's hilarious how pissed off that shark was for no reason though.

would berry

damn, she's definitely not built like a fridge.

This is where the movie lost it for me.

I honestly thought she would die, that the director would do something ballsy but nope some more strong female shit

>Lake Bell 99
user, now you need to share that folder

pronto
please

it would have made no difference if she was a man.

Best character of the whole movie

Even if it was a man it still would have been unrealistic and dumb. I'm not even kidding, the way she took out that shark was just hilariously over dramatic.

>more strong female shit
Yeah I agree, a girl wouldn't be able to survive anything in real life. This would be a better film if I'd be allowed to stare at a man's ass instead.

>she was hot therefore it's a good movie

I don't care about what she looks like, I'm just not annoyed that a girl survives the same kind of shit any man in another film would do.

That shark has to be like 40 feet long and 200 years old and she just kills it. Like this is triggering my marine biology autism real hard right now, so much shit is wrong with this, never mind that the shark cgi looks like shit, never mind that great whites don't even hunt like that, that thing is practically a fucking Megalodon. That thing dwarfs the biggest great white ever filmed and she just kills it like it's nothing. Like no gender wars bullshit or anything, Chris Evans could kill that thing and I'd be pissed, that was fucking stupid. I laughed before I realized just how stupidly big that fucking thing was.

the shark kinda turned into jaws 4 at the end there. got pretty ridiculous

Did the shark bite off her as already?

yes cunt

thankyou for introducing me to this woman. she's amazing.

wtf that shark is fucking massive. It's impossible to have a shark that size come to the shallows. You only find small lone sharks on the beach.

I'd say the final killshot was super impactful. however implausible.

I liked it okay. The shark felt really unrealistic though.

Sharks eat because they are hungry but this nigga munches down on three people in like two days and still acts like a psycho going after her even risking severe injury to it's eyes and body and flops onto a jagged sharp rock and shit.

It made no sense.

Seagull was the best character.

I was sat behind some mouthbreathers who thought the flaregun was an actual gun until she fired it for like the 3rd time (yes they talked for basically the whole film but it was entertaining to listen to them) and as this scene happened I could only imagine how utterly confused they must have been about what was happening.

He's probably not a nigger.

Oh yeah, and never mind the fact that sinking that deep that quickly all the way to the bottom of the ocean floor would fucking kill her immediately. That has to be maybe 200-300 feet deep, that's an entire atmosphere of water pressure in a few seconds, her fucking brain would explode.

>The way her breasts are suffocating that body jewelery

Blake lively half naked and wet for two hours.

OP give us your review. Did your gf turn to you afterwards and ask
>Do you think Blake Lively is pretty?

look at this webm i made

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thats pretty cool desu

but i regret watching the webm cos now i really dont care to watch the movie

oh well

Based Steven Seagull

they could have made it slightly more realistic if she moved slightly behind the barbs instead of to the side because a shark would easily be able to change its direction while swimming down like that. momentum wouldn't really be a thing due to bouancy of the shark.

I unironically like her manface.

>manface.
try again

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The Edge

youtube.com/watch?v=X0AHvPpGrDU

>the bit where she uses the flare gun to ignite whale oil that was LEAKING OUT OF AN INJURED WHALE AND BURN THE SHARK

JFC

>Fake boobs

>character told to shush in extremely dangerous situation wont shut up

REEEEEEEEEEEE

>virginity

>the regret after fucking jamal.webm

Was it really necesary for the plot?

Movie would have been far more interesting if it had been a kid that survived this and slayed the shark.

this is now a lake bell thread

The movie is about Blake Lively in a bikini.
Also there's a shark at some point.

Your girlfriend might be a lesbian.

or have a shark fetish

Very good thread desu

i had googled the explanation for this and apparently when a whale carcass is rotting the flammable component of its fat leaches out.
Remember, kerosine comes from whales.

>implying that wouldn't be an improvement

Women are a meme.

?

that's decompression syndrome to you, faggot.

HAJAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA AHAHAJAJAJAJAJAJAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHQHQHQHQHQH

The Grey

I've been thinking of watching this flick just to masturbate to blake
thoughts?

the first two secs of the first webm in this thread is the best bit

>Not masturbating to her pain and terror when shes stranded on the rock
top pleb

Cringe as fuck

Hell, it's the only reason why anybody wants to see this crap in the first place

That's literally what it's for. I had to pause every 10 minutes.

Why do they keep making these films where animals have a self aware hate for the protag?

it was explained in the movie why the shark hated humans

You don't get the bends from short duration dives. Though I don't see her equalizing, her ears would be fucked up from going that deep.

T. guy who regularly free dives ~50'

I'm so fucking pissed she didn't eat him

Why did it?

because people had tried to hunt him with harpoons in the past. he had broken harpoons in his fins n shit.

whats that shit on her leg?

Waste of trips. If you didn't choose to watch EPIC webms and instead watched the film itself, these retarded questions wouldn't exist.
And that goes for all the other retards who do the same. Faggots

GOOD LORD

She's so hot I didn't even notice the subhuman next to her.

you realize you contradicted yourself right?

How?

Those are natty, virginoid.

>real autism

Supernaturally aggressive shark. Theres a huge blubber covered dead whale there, and for some reason the shark ignores it to waste days worth of energy loitering to eat her bony ass.

Still fun tho.

This board ´should have (B)Lake threads more often

Agreed. Really underrated waifu.

Top tier tits tbqh

Top tier everything, really.

>smelly virgin Cred Forums shits discover muh Lake
I'm upset

Blake has hot feet. Sexy toes and cute soles.

This

Does it offend you that I'm spilling seed to your online girlfriend, waifutist?

I'm imagining her rimming mt asshole, user.

Are you trying to imply that you're in a superior moral position than his? lmao

The sleeve of her rash guard. She used it as an impromptu pressure bandage.

man she is gonna have some real decompression sickness after changing depth so quickly and then coming back up for air. She is not gonna have a good time.

Remember when diving you want to go up to the surface slower than your bubbles. If you are diving without a SCUBA then you never want to go past where you could comfortably dive and return in one breath.

In English, doc?

>Reynolds married Scarjo
>Then Blake Lively

I'm kinda fucking jelly desu

Is this a joke about picking up obese women or how primitive using something like RedBox is?

Need an answer, thanks.

>is this while you hunt mammoth?

The latter

>scarjo will never ride your dick while you hold her boobs and sucks you off after with her crazy nice dick sucking lips
Feels baadd

c-carry on

That's all I have, I rewatched all the iron mans and avengers last week and she is just such a fucking fox it's unreal.

ayyyyy

...

She still has dem nice ass DSL's

A lot of people can equalise by swallowing your mother included lmao but seriously or wiggling their jaw.

oh my fucking god...

>guys I've got le girlfriend XD
you are as insufferable online as you are in real life. I genuinely hate you

>The Grey
Doesn't count the Wolfes ware demons and they ware all in purgatory

epic

>The girl didn't die
>I'm offended
>I am an adult male

She goes topless in How to Make it in America

wtf i hate scott now

...

which kino?

Utter shit.

>would this movie work with Gary Busey as the main role?

Based Gary would turn into a masterpiece

You just described every girl I've ever dated.

>my gf will never have enough motivation to look like this

Why live

THEY ATE ME! A FUCKING SHARK ATE ME! DRINK BITCH!

Grizzly Man

>getting the bends for diving 10 feet for 30 second

Lel no

>still wearing panties when waking up

realism ruined

Just watched this, the seagull was the only compelling part of the movie.

Yes, that's exactly what I'm doing, because however shit I am I'm not an autismal waifutard.

Can't believe Hollywood picked her over Thora Birch.

>having a woman in bed with you ever
Realism ruined t b h.

This is a shoop right?

Sure you are, shitface :)

Yeah, you're mad, autismo.

OY VEY

What a stronk female. We need more stronk females like her and that big bitch from Game of Thrones who can't act.

pls don't

Open Water

>tfw so crippled by child abuse you can't even comprehend love

I wish that I was the insole of Blake Lively's shoe.

Ow, you poor thing! Lmao, fucking fag

Go back to /r9k/ where people will actually fall for your self petty. Faggot.

Self pity*

We all do

>get down there and lick them right now or you'll be sorry

more like

Blake Lovely

am I right?

I would feel slightly bad for you but the Chinese shit avatar you have makes me think you deserved it

nah
blake lively is appropriate because my penis gets lively whenever i see her

kinographie

>this pic
would you cum on her feet or her butt?
i'm having trouble choosing

>using redbox as a verb

pssst. Only niggers do that.

Her feet all day 2bh

It's almost like it happened that way in real life..

Steven Seagull

Proofs?

the breasts

>Dat file name
Kys familia

that's fair actually

Those tits are cannons

Very nice flick with charismatic lead

really graceful turn I must say.

"I'm sorry Ms Lively, the dirt just won't come off."

>"Oh I'm sure it will, just use your tongue."

"w-what.."

"Oh I'm sorry, is your mouth too dry? Open wide I can give you some of my spit..there we go.."

Hope to see more of her

Is there a chain of realistic events that end with Mrs. Lively sitting on my face?

Getting away from your screen is a probable first step

are you literally me

I even took it one step further and every time we went to the pool or a party told my gf to bring her hotter friend and didn't look at her face during lewd time for the last 6 months of our relationship while pretending she was the other gril

>just use your tongue.
is it true that blake's footsweat carries highly addictive properties, and directly consuming it quickly leads to the victim becoming hopelessly addicted to, and powerfully sexually aroused by the taste and aroma of blake's feet?
does she deliberately use this property to fashion the young women that work on her wardrobe into eager willing sex slaves?

Ew, she has a disgusting wart on her face. Pass

>decompression sickness
>in like 10 meters of water

>footfags

Lol that happens when u've been at like 30 metres or more for an extended period of time.

Pearl diver used to be an job in like philippines and mexico and shit. They have nothing but a belt with a net to put clams in.