"Funny line from a a failed comedienne who only gets to appear on shows she screws the producer for!"

>This salty over Jonah's fat ass
>STILL
fat people hold onto to a grudge tighter than their last Snickers holy shit

embarrassing

I fucking love these threads

Heh.

I thought this was all being done ironically? That's the only reason this is as hilarious as it is. I miss when we had hourly threads on this.

'Bitch suck my dick its what youre only good for you women. youre not fucking funny you CUNT'

you meant to say jews

whats this meme

>Oh yeah, I'm sure Leo and Brad are just dying to have sex with someone as rude as you
It's literally that easy

"no, u"

THE JERK STORE CALLED, THEY'RE OUTTA YOU

>*laughs*"Is this the best female comedy has to offer?"

Damn, Jonah! Good one. You still got it, man!

Damn another great comeback.
Cred Forums is ruthless when it comes to protecting /ourguys/. So glad we saved Jonah.

>well I guess fantasy is always a fantasy, but you have the real chance with me
I missed all the fun, what are the best responses?

Oh you can talk, you can talk, you can say that to me, but would you say that to my grandfather back in Auschwitz 1944?

>"Uh okay? What an odd remark to make."
>Jonah gives a "John Kransinski look" to the camera
>"So, moving on."
>audience bursts into French laughter

It's that easy Jonah.

There were 89 froggies at the bataclan,
89 froggies at the bataclan,
89 froggies,
89 froggies,
89 froggies at the bataclan.
And the terrorists from ISIS shot them down,
Terrorists from ISIS shot them down,
Terrorists from ISIS,
Terrorists from ISIS,
Terrorists from ISIS shot them down.
That was a bit harsh from Jonah desu

does he still cancel all his other french interviews afterwards?

No but he does give the woman who made the joke a stern talking to behind-the-scenes. Something along the lines of "I know you were just kidding and all but that really hurt me, I don't even treat my subway sandwiches that way."

>being so beta that you make up comeback lines for another beta guy, WEEKS after the burn

Leave? What, like a tree?

>Does all interview girls so rude here?Because than I better ask my internet friends to come up with comebacks beforehand

there is no good comeback here, he just need to use his Hollywood connections to kill her family

"your ugly lmao"

>this joke killed my pride and your career

your mama was a murloc

Liesbeth nieuwets mouth too tiny for my dick. XXXbramduprez

Accept it, there is literally 0 (zero) ways to come back from this.

The fate of all those who are fat and ugly is to be scorned and laughed at by beautiful women.

>I understand that this is all in good humor, but honestly such a unexpected haranguing aimed at me and my character was frankly rude, and unnecessary. I know those two men. They're good people. And I can guarantee you that insulting me would not make them consider spending time with you for a minute. Looks like you've got some growing up to do, here.

>You should get better writers.

deliver it straight faced

>".........."
>**** 20 years later invite her to a hotel room with Brad Pitt and Leonardo Dicaprio"
>"No, YOU leave".

Watch her stumble out of the room crying. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

"Yeah, well........you're a slut."

Say "and then I give you the old two one punch ehh? hahaHAHAHAHAHA" in a really bad italian impression.
If the audience isn't laughing laugh even harder until someone is laughing.

>"Shut up! 50 years ago, your husband would have raped you with a fucking broomstick up your ass."
>"You can talk, you can talk, you can talk. You're brave now motherfucker!"
>"Throw her ass out, she's a cunt! She's a cunt!"
>"A cunt, look there's a cunt!"

You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I’m an easy target. Yeah, you’re right, I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you… but I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings. Well, you think what you want about me; I’m not changing. I like… I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. ‘Cause I’m the real article. What you see is what you get

>"have you been talking to wife? Because that's her fantasy too!"

gg ez

>So would Brad pummel your gaping pussy or your cavernous asshole? Would you prefer Leo throatfuck you to the point of vomiting blood or have him and Brad just take turns unleashing loads inside every orifice? Be more specific please.

...

Her: didn't john candy die of being such a fat fuck? teheh

Hottest meme of 2016

>It's been a month and OP still cant let this go because he looks like Jonah and weighs 400 lbs

>"What's the matter with you? I'm just breaking your balls a little, that's all."

>I cant believe you just said that, surely your muslim boyfriend will have your head for this.

I wish I was in America. Can't even go to the gunstore to buy a gun to kill myself. Did you know I want to die every day [starts crying] ? I order 3-4 subway sandwiches and gorge on them. I'm too much of a pussy to kill myself so I'm eating myself to death. My biggest fantasy is you coming over and finding my dead body in the garage.

>please stop objectifying men, we're not dildos okay, its 2016 cmon

This shit isn't even funny anymore, stop posting it

France is a literal turd infested shithole muslim garbage country. They can't talk shit about fat people.

"okay thats pretty tame, any other fantasies you care to share?"

this is not that bad

kinda fits with jonah's whole vibe

i don't know why he wouldn't just make a big joke out of it, he's a comedic 'actor' for fuck's sake

Part of the problem is that when he got the translation through they already moved on so he didn't have time.

>haha thats really rich coming from a lady such as yourself, im pretty sure brad and leo would pass on a used up whore like you

>That's what my wife tells me every night

Got her

>america refuses to elect donald trump to be president because he fat shamed some beauty pageant contestant, but it's definitely france where you can't talk shit about fat people

>"yeah well i may be fat and unfunny and physically repulsive and jewish but you arent so great yourself you know"

...

Epic meme bro

>Cred Forums tries to be funny and fails once again
YEAH WELL UR BF IS A MUSLIM BECAUSE THERE ARE LOTS OF MUSLIMS IN FRANCE AND THEY ARE OVERREPRESENTED IN CRIME AND TERROR STATISTICS DO U GET IT NOW HAHA REMEMBER WHEN THAT MUSLIM CRUSHED EIGHTY FRENCH PEOPLE WITH A TRUCK RECENTLY HAHA TAKE THAT BITCH THATLL TEACH YOU TO CALL ME FAT AND UGLY

yeh this would work lol

Holy shit, is this real?

I'm pretty sure the cart looks photoshopped.

The rest of it looks legit.

>You... dont have a wife Jonah!
>*audience collectively keel over with laughter and shove baguettes in each others orifices

$e$'d

Her boyfriend is muslim though, google it

Checked

quads confirm.

WELL, I SLEPT WITH YOUR WIFE!

We just need more time

this ain't half bad

"if I wanted my comeback I'd have wiped it off your hotter sister's chin"

because it struck him at the core of his beta heart. you could almost see the images of high school flash before his eyes.

>How come
Are you literally retarded? You mean "why hasn't Cred Forums been able to"140

>"Yeah, well you're an ugly bitch."

too long

And that's why it's clear Jonah is a second rate actor. He loses his cool on the spot so quick. The guy probably can't improv for shit.

Is it any surprise? Jonah Hill is a serious actor now user.

Why was jonah's mic so low?

...

>you're old

can someone do a jonah edit?

>THOSE TENDERS HAD BETTER BE KOSHER MOOOOOOM

We've already had folks from /sci/, /lit/ and Cred Forums come over and they've done the calculations and they concluded that it is actually impossible for Jonah to come back from that.

"Well, at least they'll call me afterwards."

kek destroys another cuck

>"Oh yeah, huh?"
>"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

So do I there hasn't been a single shit one yet

That gesture he does with his hand kills me every time. It really does.

The only good one was
>You're fantasy is being a slut?
or something along those lines

All he had to do was laugh at it.

It wasn't funny though

>and then I get double penetrated by other guys xD

a lot of people don't understand that he's a comedy actor so he's supposed to make fun of himself. any comeback that makes fun of the girl won't work

The perfect response was in that picture next to Conan:

"My wife tells me the same thing all the time"

Say it quick and lighthearted. Anything else seems too tryhard, like you got thin skin and got offended too easily. It was a fucking joke.

>So basiclly exactly like how your job interview went for this job?

That one could work.

#triggered

dood insult yourself further after getting burned

cuck spotted

>I have seen the ladies that Leo likes to date. Honey, you would be leaving the room with me.

tfw sean bean is crossdresing at your interview but you don't have the heart to tell him hes not doing that show anymore.

It wasn't a joke it was just rude!!!!

literally every possible, applicable angle has been explored in these threads

either you didn't read them thoroughly, don't find banter funny, or are just reaching so that you can feel superior on an anonymous sumerian slideshow forum

>Not jumping out your chair and swinging at her

I guess he didn't want viral marketing publicity for his new movie

The guy was sodomised by Satan on film for money, you CANNOT be rude to someone who does that, they have no dignity to start with.

Not her fault he can't handle the bantz.

>All these retorts.
>The dumbest one gets me.
Here's your (underrated).

>I'll take you up on that offer; and leave right now.

>"okay... THAT IS IT!"
>*pulls out a katana*

Your a fucking ugly bitch. I want to atb you to death and play around with your blood.

t. Bateman

>Shut up cunt

kek

>all that joke did was hurt my feelings. I hope you're proud of yourself

Literally the only good way to respond

why does he need to any subways?

These were the only appropriate responses.

>Gets both cucked and triggered all in one post. Nice going user....

IT'S TOO WORDY
THEY'RE ALWAYS TOO WORDY

He's a big guy...

kek'd hard

he's addicted to the gym mat bread and corn syrup sauces and dressing, probably the shit they put in the chickens.

he probably eats the chicken parm with xxxxtra mayos

"You stupid FUCKIN' BLABBERMOUTH CUNT"

super bad

Take out the honey part and it's okay.

Does muslim semen taste as bad as that joke you just told?

If I were Jonah, I would just say something truthful like, "I'm flattered you think I'm their friend." Then I'd look down sad as the camera panned into the void that is my face for a minute.

Imagine Jonah Hill lying in bed unable to sleep because he can't stop trying to come up with "witty" comebacks months after being insulted by a hot woman on French tv. Then whenever a good line comes to him, he spends till sunrise energetically mouthing the line over and over, bobbing his head and wagging his finger, getting more and more animated as the hours pass. He only stops in shame when his voice cracks through the repeated whispers, and he realizes how pathetic he is. The following night, it all begins again.

just like costanza and the jerk store

>she says she wants to sleep with brad and/or leo

>"Oh, you do? Are you looking for another job? That explains how you got this one."

BOOM. I solved it Cred Forums. I cracked the snapback problem you couldn't crack in 6 weeks.

I realize Jonah Hill has copped a lot of flab in recent years for not straying too far from comedy and tucking into much meatier rolls, but there's a lot more to this man than meets the ribeye, and it turns out he's really an all-round good guy.
If everyone on here could get off their high whores, face the cold hard fats, and stop pudding him down for two seconds, they'd realize being a fry in the ointment isn't always a piece of cake.
If there is subway you could find it in your hearts to show the milf of human kindness towards Jonah, you might come to see the reason he's regarded widely by his peers, and is, pound for pound, a true heavyweight of the Hollywood scene.
As Jonah himself once said, "when I'm sorting the beef from the chaff I always beer in mind, every hotdog has his day when the chips are brown. You've just gotta keep your eggs held high and remember that a burger in the hand is worth chewing the bush."

The only one I saw was
>But if I left, who would pay attention to you?

sorry can anyone tell me what the fuck thread this is about? what interview was that faggot blown out in? i want to watch!

>The boyz n tha hood are always hard
>You come talkin that trash we'll pull your card
>Knowin nothin in life but to be legit
>Don't quote me boy, cuz I ain't sayin shit

looks like hes tossing the part hat

WHAT IF JONAH JUST OUT A GUN AND KILED HIMSELF RIGHT THEN AND THERE THEN THAT BITCH WOULDNT BE LAUHGING.

FUCKING BITCH DESEVES TO HAVE HER FUCKINF CUNT RAPED FUCKING IDIOT BITCH JONAH SHOULD HAVE JUST SHOT HIMSELF RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER THEN IT WOULNT HAVE BEEN SO FUCKING HIALRIOUS TO HER.

>"choke on a baguette, you french whore dog!"

That's how it's done.

DONT FUCKING MAKE FUJN OF FAT PEOPLE BITCH YOULL LEARN SOMEDAY.

I like this one.

*maniacal laughter*
hehe..you sound just like my mother...
...YOU FUCKING CUNT GET THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW
GET OUT YOU DRUNK BITCH
YOU FUCKING IDIOT
*starts prancing around stage*
"IVE GOT A CUNT THAT MEANS I CAN BE RUDE TO PERFORMERS"
"IVE GOT A CUNT THAT MEANS I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT"
hehe.. sorry you had to see that guys :^)

He was the funniest actor in This Is The End, and that was mostly improv

i feel like this has triggered some sort of intercity Cred Forums browsers have deep down

you guys are trying REALLY fucking hard to come up with a response for this like theres something he needed to recover from in the first place

>I hope your Muslim boyfriend doesn't hear that, otherwise we're both getting stoned tonight

>neither you nor jonah will ever bang ornella fleury

And if nobody laughs just start crying
That'll show them who's boss

>Your fantasy is to be a whore?

because he got btfo

>You know that could be arranged
>But that just lost your chance

"Haha that's what you're mom say'd :)"

>fuck you, cunt
i think this could work