I met Matt Damon about a week ago. I work as an electrician, and I went to his house to fix install some wiring, and his butler refused to let me in. Then Matt got home and fired him on the spot for wasting everyone's time. So the butler gets really angry and starts throwing things off the table... expensive cases and glass dishes, etc. So Matt completely loses it and tackles the old man to the floor, screaming obscenities at him and literally choking him out. He only eased up when the butler started struggling for air and started weeping like a baby. Felt kind of bad for the guy. He later apologized for his butler acting out of line and paid me in cash where as he tipped me $10 for having to wait. Anyone else have similar stories about celebrities?
I met Matt Damon about a week ago. I work as an electrician, and I went to his house to fix install some wiring...
I met Bam Margera when I worked at a drug store. He was looking for antiseptic cream for an infected piercing.
Has he become fatter?
Did he scream obscenities with his Baaawwstin accent?
Holy shit is this real??? what a dick
>being this new
Have you got Cred Forums pass yet?
If not hurry up while they are cheap
electricians charge by the hour
>10 dollar tip
fuck off dickhead
>being this new
I met Dustin at a bar, he was asking me if I knew where he could buy an 8 ball of coke. I told him I could probably hook him up if we went back to my place. We got home and I offered him a stiff drink, I called up a guy that I fuck sometimes and told him that Dustin Diamond needed an 8 ball of coke. He dropped it off, while Dustin downed a few more drinks. Dustin and I talked about chess and his comedy, I really think we hit it off. He asked me if he could smoke some in my house. I said it was cool. He took out a little glass pipe that looked just like a penis. He smiled when he saw that I noticed it. He lit up and smoked. After a while we started to make out with me. He shoved his tongue down my throat and began to stroke my now fully erect cock. He took my pants off and began to suck my cock. He got naked and put his ass up to my mouth and I gave him a Russian trombone. I made him cum all over the floor, than I put my cock deep inside his ass and pounded him like I’ve never pounded before. He let out a whimper like a little puppy as I slowly took my cock out and penetrated deeper. We fucked all night long until he started having trouble getting hard, so he said he needed more coke. He dumped some on my cock and began to snort it off, than licked off the rest. He slammed down some tequila and began rimming me. I asked him to hold on and I went into the bathroom and changed into my Screech outfit. When I went back out he instantly got hard and began pounding me to the point that shit leaked out of my ass. He got on the floor and asked me to let my juices flow on his nelly. I took a big runny shit all over his stomach, than I started to let it drip on his face and goatee. He stroked his dick until he came, while he also fingered his ass. The whole room smelled of coke, cum and shit. We stayed up all night and in the morning we took a shower together. He left and told me he would call me next time he was in town. I’m sure he says that to all the guys
Retard
For anyone who rememembers Discovery Kids and Mystery Hunters, my cousins and I met Skeptic Steve at a wedding about 15 years ago. He was very nice.
I saw Aaron Paul at a restaurant today. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like after my role of a lifetime?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and went back to my table and I heard him saying "science bitch!" as I walked off. When it came time to pay for his food i saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen napkins in his hands without paying.
The waitress was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for your food first.” At first he kept pretending to be a big movie star and not hear her, but eventually he turned back around.
When she gave the bill to him and started saying the price, he stopped her and told her to categorize the meal price individually “to prevent any movie role infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she told the price and asked for tip, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
I met Bryan Singer when I was 10 years old. I still can't poop without it bleeding.
You'd imagine his blood would disinfect pretty much anything these days.
I saw Rooney Mara at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told her how cool it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother her and ask her for photos or anything.
She said, “Y-you too.”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” while trying to talk to her but she kept shuffling away and staring into the distance and fiddling with her fingers in front of me. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard her sob as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw her trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen SpaghettiOs cans in her cart without paying.
The guy at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Ma'am, you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to be normal and hear him, but eventually turned back around and told him that she didn't know how stores worked.
When he took one of the cans and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped him and told him to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and swished her cape. I don’t even think that’s a normal item of clothing. After he scanned each can and put them in her cart and started to say the price, she kept interrupting him by saying that Kate had the money.
He was accused of fucking a 17 year old, it's not the same is it really?
anyone got that pasta where x gets things delivered to his hotel room but they never come out?
I was in a hotel in LA and got into the wrong room, the door was unlocked. I saw Steve Carell jacking it to black and white printed pictures of fuck knows what. He kept masturbating as he yelled EEEEAAAAAHHHH GET OUT and threw a pillow at me with his right hand (he was jacking off with his left hand??????) so I quickly closed the door and left. I was still looking for my room when I heard him trip over something and scream, maybe he hurt his dick with something.
I met Steven Seagal
I am a member of a 6 man Tactical Rapid Response Team in our shopping mall security team in Maricopa County in Arizona. Steven was our instructor in our weekend long Tactical Training Course.
He taught us cool stuff like Aikido, hand switch technique, CQC, sniper and survival techniques.
Did he teach you how to snatch a motherfucker birthday?
Met Paddy on Holiday in 2004
He taught us peace, wisdom and inner strenght. He taught us what being warrior is all about. He taught us what serving your god, country and shopping mall really means.
One day i will be as good as him and will be able to snatch birthday from anybody who even looks me with a mean eye.
Holy fuck Mystery Hunters was me and my sister's shit, loved that fucking show
>no swordfighting
what a waste
So did you get a chance to see the good Mara sister?
I once met Eric Roberts in a shopping mall. I asked him what he was doing in there.
He said that he was filming his new movie there. I asked him where are the cameras and the crew.
He said "oh they are around". I turned and tried to look for the cameras, but when i turned back Eric had completely vanished.
WTF?
Do you live in west chester? I think everyone here has a story about bam
I called Jamie Bell a silly prick once.
she looks so awkward. at least she got molested by cate blanchett though
the irony...unless this is a double ironic post chain
I'm a pharmacist in minneapolis
Prince came in a few times
I saw Ryan Gosling at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
I served Vince Vaughn an Old Fashioned once. He told me it was very good.
what about caspere?
I met Rod Stewart in a Wetherspoons once. That was pretty neat.
Also met pic related in a club in Leeds, but i called him neville and that pissed him off.
Had dinner with Rooney Mara at a mutual friends house.
All I could think of was raping her asshole.
epic
I saw Chloe Mortez at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told her how cool it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother her and ask her for photos or anything.
She said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but she kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing her massive hand shut in front of my face. Her brother Trevor noticed that i was talking to her and he ran toward us but he had trouble running because his chastity device was hurting his crotch. He yelled loudly with nasally high pitched voice "LEAVE HER ALONE". I just walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard them giggle like little girls as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw her trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in her big hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Miss you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any career destroying infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, she kept interrupting her by smacking her big lips really loudly. Then she told Trevor to pay for her stuff and told him to carry bag.