ITT on a scale of 1 to hurt real good we post how damaged we are
>Go to store
>Cashier tells me to have a good day
>I don't
Throw away the key
ITT on a scale of 1 to hurt real good we post how damaged we are
>Go to store
>Cashier tells me to have a good day
>I don't
Throw away the key
>see little spider
>squash it with my heel
throw me in a hole and never let a rope down
>paper or plastic?
>plastic please
>I wanted paper
I hurt people.
>See homeless man
>Window is rolled down
>We catch eachother's look
>Avert eyes and slowly roll the window up
UTTER MADNESS
>Know flushable wipes are a drain on city funds
>use two every time I poop
total nihilistic sycopath
>pull out a card
>cashier asks credit or debit
>I hand her cash
>she asks me if I have a [whereever] card
>I do
>say I don't
>mfw I post "mfw" without posting mfw
>throw batteries away in recyclable trash can
totally damaged
>coming up on stop sign
>nobody else around
>roll slowly through it
somebody stop me
>somebody next to me sneezes
>I don't say "bless you"
CAN'T STOP ME
>call into work sick
>completely fine
>shitpost on 5chin all day
holy shit batman, this guy is looney tunes
>Sitting on curb
>man in car ask if i know where cherry st is
>i do
>say i don't
>ejaculate into paper towel
>forget cleaning lady is coming that day
>only feel mildly bad that she had to clean up your cum rag
True story
You should get therapy psychobro
> Really important test after a week.
> Don't study at all and instead shitpost on Cred Forums
HAHAHAHheeheeheeHOHOHO
It's total chaos
I've put her through worse. One time my toilet was clogged and I just said fuck it and left for work. She nearly puked when she had to unclog it. lmao
>my housemate is down to his last lighter
>take it when he isn't looking
>help him look for it for 30 minutes
>he and I can't smoke any more weed for the rest of the day
LOCK
ME
UP
>damaged thread
>i follow the rules and post in accordance
>go past kitchen
>regardless if hungry always look into the fridge and cupboards
>need to take a dump
>always flush toilet and wait for the tank to fill up back again while circling around bathroom sqieezing my anus before finally sitting down and loosening the fartring
What the fuck is wrong with me
>return dvd rental
>dont rewind
ABSOLUTE
>post a comment
>i dont keep the thread open or pin it in the watcher to see if i got any (you)s
it aint me starts playing
wtf? so you take a shit, walk around with your anus pinched, and then sit back down on the toilet seat to push out a fart?
Post in greentext thread
don't use >
IM UNSAVABLE
haha this guy rents DVDs
point and laugh, point and laaauuuggghhh
>meet sweet old lady who needs help crossing the street
>beat her to death with my briefcase
S I N I S T E R
>go to theatre that serves drinks
>sneak in a pint of vodka
M-A-D-M-A-N
m a d m a n
TOO FAR
The absolute madman
>friend asks me if I want anything to drink
>say I don't
>I actually do
LOCK ME UP
You've gone to far you sick fuck
>friend asks me whats my favourite tv show
>mad men
he actually did it the absolute madman
>flush toilet and wait for the tank to fill up back again
nigger what kind of 3rd world country do you live in
reported, you sick fucks are ruining this board
>go to bathroom
>sign says to wash my hands for 30 seconds
>wash my hands for 29.98 seconds
HERE COMES THE PAIN
>friend asks me how to make cool crystals
>tell him how to make mustard gas instead
Teeheehahahahahahohoheeeee
>Homeless man askes for a dollar
>give him a five
>work is selling $1 pizza slices for charity
>smell as much as I want for free
I'M. NOT. NORMAL.
>call out people for being redditors
>with reddit open in another tab
>gf says text me when I get home
>never talk to her again
>dvd
>rewind
holy shit you are fucked up man, kill yourself you disturbing piece of shit
Delete this
Is this a cry for help.
Did someone cut his breaks.
>asked to post "madman joker" posts on //tv
>don't do it, but do it still
Joker Kino
>goes to use the toiler
>leaves the toilet seat up
Total anarchy
> if you've liked our video please subscribe to our channel
> i don't
MOM'S
boring thread
>boring thread
>actually find it mildly amusing
H O L Y S H I T
>make post about how much of a madman I am
>I made it all up and don't do any of it IRL
I AM THE DANGER
>reply to someone saying I reported their post
>didn't actually report them
ONE NOTHING WRONG WITH ME
>This is getting out of hand now
>get dubs
>don't care
PUT ON A LITTLE MAKE UP
>see a thread about a movie on Cred Forums
>haven't seen the movie
>shitpost and call it reddit and anyone who likes it a pleb
>buying popcorn and drinks at the cinema
>"that would be 5 dollars plus tip"
>pay and leave without tipping
HAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAA
But user that's what we all do
• provide Cred Forums with janitorial services to a variety of boards
• notice off-topic threads which use up site-wide bandwidth and encourage shitposting
• could delete them or move them to /trash/
• don't
top lol
>want to ask out a girl
>never do
ABSOLUTE MADMAN
>frozen pizza says bake for 25 minutes 475 degrees
>sets oven for 480 degrees and cooks pizza for 27 minutes
WAKE ME UP
>hold door for random people in public
>they say thank you
>I don't say anything back in return
They always used to call me a problem boy
>bullet points
I kekd
>friend asks me to be best man at his wedding
>prepare a long speech congratulating him and reflecting on shared experiences
>end up not going and sleeping in instead
menace 2 society
>cum on hand
>wipe it on bedsheet
CANT WAKE UP
> Order food from Chik-fil-a
> They ask how many sauces I need
> 2
> I only use one
Burn it down.
>I'm looking at them right now (dubs)
>can't see dubs
WHO'S GOT THE STRAIGHT JACKET?!?
>Go to thread
>Post how I'm not gonna get dubs
>Get dubs
check em
>Order a rum and coke even though pepsi has less sodium and mixes better
This is unironically true, I haven't mixed whiskey with coke since I found out pepsi was better for it.
>this guy is still walking among us
Who gives a fuck about the sodium? Are you unironically gay or something?
what kind of nightmare inducing childhood trauma did you experience to be warped into such a twisted personage
...
>Purchase a candy bar for $1.26
>Pay with a dollar, a quarter, and a nickel, ask them to keep the change
>I had a penny the whole time but used a nickel instead
Reinstate the death penalty
>see a post
>reply implying the poster is homosexual
>label says "shake well before using"
>just give it an after piss dick shake
>dick has no label
>shake it well anyway
Forgive me Father for I have sinned
>Frozen dinner says microwave for 3 minutes, remove brownie, return to microwave for 3 minutes
>Stick dinner in for six minutes, burning brownie
BACK IN BLACK
>see a sign that reads "One Sample per Customer"
>take two and eat both myself
ABSOLUTE MONSTER!
More like black in back, faggot xD
NO REGRETS
HONKA HONKA HOWDY HONDA YOU GO GIRL
IS THAT THE STENCH OF DEATH? IT'S MICKY D TIME
>user actually makes a funny joke
>don't reply saying hahaha or lol or anything a like
CONQUERING THE WORM
zozzle
CALL THE POE LISS
There's a special place in hell for Bogarting a man's Bic
>shitpost about DEUS VULT on all boards as if I'm Cred Forums
>I'm actually Catholic and not joking
ABSOLUTE
MADMAN
>shitpost about DEUS VULT on all boards as if I'm Cred Forums
>I'm actually an atheist
...
>stupid faggot cia agent scream "this can't be happening, i'm in charge here"
>actually turns out i'm in charge here and it is happening
>lie to women about the size of my penis
>then who was phone?
>i was phone
HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME
I'VE MADE MY MISTAKES
>recipe says to stir occasionally
>stir constantly
I'M GOING OFF THE RAILS
>hit light pole
>pretends he doesn't want dubs
>says he'll get dubs
>ends up not getting dubs
ARREST THIS MAN WHILE YOU check em.
>user tells me to check em
>don't check em
DEAD I AM THE SKY
>tell her it's shorter than it actually is
CANT WAKE UP
>both the false and actual size are below 7 inches
>makes fun of somebody for failing to get dubs
>gets dubs without even trying
WALK ON HOME, BOY