Luke, did I ever tell you about your grandmother Shmi Skywalker?
When I rescued your father from this desert planet, I chose to leave her here in slavery.
Later, she was kidnapped and raped to death by Sand People, a fate you were just about to experience firsthand if I hadn't shown up.
She was a good friend.
Luke, did I ever tell you about breasts?
Luke, did I ever tell you about testes?
Luke did I ever tell how your father hated sand?
So I left you in the sandest planet of the galaxy
That's.... a brilliant way to protect him from discovery
Luke, did I ever tell you about chairs?
You might want to sit down for this one
>Luke, did I ever tell you that our galaxy is actually hell?
That was actually Qi Gong's fault
You know. This is not a meme. That's the actual reason. Anankin hates Tattooine and would never under any circumstances return to it. He also hates sand because of Tattooine. That's why he said he likes the sand on Nabu. He doesn't hate sand in general, he hates the wasteland and the desert.
>Luke did I ever tell you I'm in my 50s
>Time has not been a good friend
Luke, did I ever tell you I am hiding from your father and his evil empire on the same plante he used to live on, and under the same name that I was known years ago? I am a good fugitive.
>starwars.wikia.com
so chairs are star-wars canon.
>Intredasting
>leaving the main character on the antagonist's, who happens to own a giant planet destroying device, on his least favorite planet
>a good idea
Obi Wan didn't know about the Death Star, nor that it could destroy planets
>"Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I rode Boga, the large lizard-like female varactyl? During my search for General Grievous on Utapau, I found myself in a need of a mount. So I visited an area of pens where the Pau'an natives kept varactyls. And I took from them savages one of those inconspicuous huge bright screaming dragons instead of any other more advanced transport vehicle we had at our hands at the time. The fucker couldn't even fly like the majority of our vehicles so we both got blasted hard during Order 66. He is probably dead who knows lmao. He was a good friend."
>"Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I built a bridge across the river Kwai for the Japanese under Colonel Saito, even though doing so made me a collaborator? He was a good friend"
FUCKING KEK
kek
Luke, did I ever tell you I was deathly afraid of flying as a young man? Of course now I'm old I see the necessity for everyday space travel but back then I couldn't even look at a ship without clenching my ass.
It makes a cool sound though
youtu.be
>starwars.wikia.com
>A housewarming party was an event held for the new owner of a home. Friends brought gifts for the homeowner, who entertained them in his or her new residence.
Kek, it didn't even occur to the writers of wookiepedia that a couple might move into a home, only single people.
bigger ben?
>"Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I was literally Hitler? That's how you know I'm a good friend"
...
Luke, did I ever tell you about the High ground?
I took it when your father had more power than I could possibly imagine, from a certain point of view. It is a certain victory for any Jedi who takes it. It was a good plan.
Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I experimented with death sticks? I wasn't a good friend.
> Watch out for that vicious bounty hunter Boba Fett, Luke. Did I ever tell you I fought his dad? He was hired to assassinate a senator me and your father were guarding. We kept bringing her around open windows and public areas in order to draw the would-be assassin out because we knew he had too much pride to just shoot her from long range. He had used his payment to hire another bounty hunter to kill the senator for him while he sent us on a wild bantha chase. Also the 2nd assassin used her payment to buy a robot to assassinate the senator for her. Did I mention the 2nd assassin was a shapeshifter? She could have been a good friend in disguise and just shot the senator for all we knew! Then the robot used its payment to buy poisonous bugs to release into the senator's room while she slept after lasering a hole through the window. It could have just lasered her too after that because we we weren't watching her at all, but it already bought the bugs. So we sense the hostile life forms (not the robot) in the room and rush in and save the senator in the nick of time! Then I jumped out the window to chase the robot back to its owner! Luckily it didn't have a self-destruct function. Then we found the 2nd assassin and chased her across the planet, and caught her when she tried to kill us instead of shapeshifting and escaping. But to our surprise, Jango Fett was watching the whole thing instead of going to kill the senator while we were away chasing the bugs chasing the robot chasing the shapeshifter. He shot her with a poisonous dart instead of sniper blaster, and only her instead of shooting all of us or blowing all of us with a rocket or something, then he escaped with his tiny jetpack. Luckily for the senator, my good friend Dexterr Jettster owned a 50s dinner on Courscant that had Republic secrets on the menu along with cheeseburgers and malt shakes. We found the assassin and Mace Window killed him later, right in front of Boba. And he was a good friend
Luke, did I ever tell you about how a double-bladed lightsabre can be used to fly? It could come in useful someday, and get you out of some tricky situations, possibly when cornered in a floating city. Sadly, you'll never actually get to do this, because your father left you a single-bladed lightsabre not a double-bladed one. He was a good friend.
Every time.
Obi-Wan didn't rescue Anakin, that was Qui-gon. You shitposter.
Luke, calm down now. We couldn't actually take her with us, because we only won one slave from the owner, and we had no money to buy Shmi free.
Why we didn't go back as soon as possible after visiting Coruscant to pick up cash though, that's anyone's guess.
>Luke
>Have I ever told you about how I escaped a planet of 20 or so pilots, a handful of bureaucrats and an underwater civilization of cartoon rabbits?
>Cruising through the blockade set up by battleships owned by the """"Trade"""" federation our ship was damaged
>We had to crash land on tattooine, yes this very planet
>My master Qui Gon went out to find the parts for the ship while me and the guard protected the queen on aboard her ship
>Only the queen went out as a decoy, that's right, my master took a girl, a slow moving droid and a cartoon rabbit downtown to in his own words "not draw attention"
>He then reportedly went to one of the smaller dealers first where we was scammed by a hebrew called Wattowitz using an older than dirt sales trick on Qui Qon making him believe he was the only one who had the part
>Here he met with young Anakin who was a slave back then and there
>Using mind tricks on Wattstein didn't work but neither did Qui Qon change up the currency somewhere else
>Infact he conducted a plan to help young Anakin and help him to escape this captive life.
>He made a bet that Anakin wouldn't die a gruesome death in a podrace.
>After my master died a lot of banther ensued offscreen while on screen we mostly complained about each other when Anakin became my pupil
>A decade later I cut off his legs and watched him die on a volcanic hill
>And he was a good friend
>republic credits
>in hutt territory
the fuck you on lad
> Did I tell you about the time when everyone in the Jedi council was worried that your father was about to turn to the darkside as he was showing symptoms of becoming evil and instead of keeping me, his master, to look over him and care for him, Master Yoda sent me off on a mission where I rode on a giant lizard and thought a giant 4 armed robot by jumping right into the middle of his army and just happened to not be gunned down by 1000 droids at once. All the while Yoda allowed the dark spirited soul that was your father to spend time with a woman we all suspected he was having an affair with and allowing him to speak to that very suspicious chancellor who now I think about it, sounds a lot like the emperor. Anyway, Your Father went to commit genocide, kill your mother & have his legs chopped off and have his body burnt to a crisp by me. I eventually took you and your twin sister, who now I think about it, I haven't told you about yet, to different parts of the galaxy. You where your father was born and raised and your sister to be given to royalty and mothered by a barren queen. Also, I made sure that you would keep the same name as your father, Skywalker, as a way of making sure that your father would never find you. As yes, your father - He was a good friend
Why didn't they just kill Watto and take her anyway
Was refreshing the thread just for this.
>then he escaped with his tiny jetpack
gets me every time
>Luke
>Luke, wake up
>Are you awake yet?
>Listen, this is important
>I forgot to tell you about tax stamps, you need to know this before you head out to destroy the Death Star in a few hours
>A tax stamp was a type of stamp, presumably for the recording of taxes in some fashion. Barrels of ebla beer were among objects that were required to have this type of stamp, by order of the Galactic Empire. Nazhros Oleg once questioned a Lothal citizen as part of a security sweep, who reported that he had observed barrels of ebla beer being brought into a nearby bar at night that didn't have tax stamps
>Now sleep Luke, you need to rest
fucking lol
>Luke, wake up
>There is something I have been meaning to tell you ever since we left Tatooine
>I've been waiting for the right moment to tell you this, but it might never come so I'll just have to tell you now
>Are you listening, Luke?
>Did I ever tell you about fedoras?
>A fedora was a hat of archaeological significance. The fedora was a type of hat in the galaxy. Though fedoras were typically colored brown, they could come in a wide variety of hues. They were considered archaeologically significant, and at least one spacer was known to have worn this type of hat during 1 ABY.
>I hope you will remember this as you stride into battle, Luke
>Be safe. Now sleep
why didn't she just ride an eagle to anakin?
Obi Wan didn't know about that. Anakin never told him that, and Padme kept it hush hush.
>Luke, wake up
Why did people start doing this? Obi wan never wakes Luke up. He gets luke woke about the force but he never physically wakes him up in the movie.
The reason why "he was a good friend" was funny because it was a line in the movie.
Because it's funny to imagine him waking up Luke only to tell him completely uninteresting facts about something no one gives a rat's ass about
The meme evolved
To be fair, Obiwan forgot about the sister as well, he had to be reminded by Yoda.
>No, there is one other.
It's an easy thing to forget, it's not like he was present at the births or anything.
>Why did people start doing this?
Because the idea of Ghost Obi randomly appearing to Luke and reciting wookieepedia articles to him is hilarious
>[...]
>the large lizard-like female varactyl
>[...]
>He is probably dead who knows lmao.
>He was a good friend.
user at least be consistent.
I like the idea of wookiepedia getting written as people watch the films.
>Luke enters a room, pics up a blue box.
>"Luke did I ever tell you about the Unidentified Blue Box?"
Luke tends to doze off when hearing Obi-Wan's ridiculous anecdotes.
Luke, did I ever tell you that Jedi are being hunted throughout the galaxy even now?
I just though I'd warn you so you didn't do anything overt to draw attention to yourself
So make sure you don't flash your saber, use the force, or wear the distinctive robes of the Order.
What do you mean, you don't know what they look like? I'm wearing some right now, and have been for as long as you've known me.
The tailor was a good friend.
but is it Legacy Canon or Disney Canon, these are the questions
Did Obi-wan ever even meet Shmi?
>Luke, did I ever tell you about Dexter Jettster, who owned an Americana 1950s diner? He was a good friend.
...
Luke, did I ever tell you when Scottish actor Ewan McGregor was cast to play me, fresh off his acclaimed performance in Trainspotting? Everyone agreed he was a perfect choice to play me and was excited to see him as the main character of The Phantom Menace, only to be severely disappointed to learn I spent most of that movie sitting on a ship doing nothing. I was a good friend.
Luke, did I ever tell you about the Chancellor Palpatine Surgical Reconstruction Center, sometimes shortened to ChanPal SuRecon Center, crowned one of the tallest buildings on Coruscant. During the Clone Wars, it was also known as the Grand Republic Medical Facility or simply as the Grand Medical Facility. It later became known as the Emperor Palpatine Surgical Reconstruction Center, being commonly referred to as the EmPal SuRecon Center. It was an imposing spire that dominated its particular stretch of the Galactic City—later Imperial City—skyline.
It was a good Surgical Reconstruction Center.
Luke, did I ever tell you about when your father befriended an amphibian creature that single handedly caused the downfall of the galactic senate and ensured that your father ended up in the sphere of influence of Darth Sidious, otherwise known as Emperor Palpatine?
Infact, this entire thing pretty much happened because we gave power to an idiot, come to think of it.
He wasn't a very good friend, really. He was a bit of a cunt.
Did Jar Jar and Anakin ever say anything to each other, besides maybe a few hellos?
Luke did I ever tell you about bane?
He was a big friend.
>Lucas actually creates poetry for once
>RLM plebs too blinded by their hate boners to admit it
Does obi wan say
>Annie was a good friend
or
>And he was a good friend
What, have the important plot device talk to the other important plot device?
Since when did that ever happen in star wars?
LUKE!!
Luke wake up
Luke it ocurred to me I may have never told you about chairs. Chairs were pieces of furniture humanoids could sit in or on (depending on the type of the chair). Chairs came in many shapes and styles, and chairs that could hover also existed. Chairs were common household items throughout the galaxy.
Are you a fucking idiot?
How was Obi Wan supposed to know about the Death Star when its plans weren't discovered for over a decade later?
He said he hated sand before his mother got raped to death. He didn't hate tatooine
Because he was a good friend
>Luke, did I ever tell you how your father died?
>49 times We fought that beast
>It had a chicken head with duck feet With a woman’s face too
>It was waiting in the bushes for us then it ripped off your dad’s face
>He was screaming something awful. In fact there was this huge mess and I had to change the floors
>You see, his blood drained into the boards and I had to change ’em
But we all got a chicken duck woman thing >waiting for us. He was a good friend
...
Obi-Wan: "I have something here for you. I wanted to give this deadly weapon which can instantly kill someone if handled improperly when you were still a young child, but your uncle wouldn't allow it. I stole it from your dad as he burned to death in a volcano after I cut off his arms and legs. Mostly he was just screaming in pain and he thought he had killed you, but I think he wanted you to have it when you were old enough. "
Luke: "What is it?"
Obi-Wan: "Your father's lightsaber. This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. He used it to slaughter a lot of children and commit genocide on multiple occasions. An elegant weapon... for a more civilized age."
>This is an actual thing, not even EU, it's literally canon
>Nazhros Oleg once questioned a Lothal citizen as part of a security sweep
>A decade later I cut off his legs and watched him die on a volcanic hill
>And he was a good friend
muh sides
>"REEEEEE!!! ITS NOT FUNNY CUZ ITS NOT A LINE FROM THE MOVIE! BAZINGA!!"
You really are fucking autistic
This is good. Well done.
>ChanPal
fuck, thats right there with sheev
Anakin, did I ever tell you about Darth Plagueis the wise?
>jokes don't have to have a logical set up that leads to the punchline!
>they can be anything!
>I LAUGH AT EVERYTHING YOU SHOULD TOO REEEEEEE YOU'RE THE AUTISTIC NOT ME REEEEEEEEEEEEEE
What the fuck
obi wans ghost waking luke up to inform him about inane facts that are canon from the star wars universe isnt a logical follow up the premise of this meme where obi wan is supposedly dropping in to tell luke inane facts that are canon in the star wars universe?
never 4get
Luke, did I ever tell you about Darth Maul? He was presumably a Sith, but he never talked so he could have just been a random hobo with a double bladed lightsaber he found in a dumpster for all we know. He attacked us to stop us from bringing information about an entire planet being attacked, even though it would be incredibly obvious since a massive planet just got all contact cut off and a communications disruption can mean only one thing. I cut him in half and he fell down a massive pit, but he actually survived. He made working spider robot legs out of junk metal somehow, and learned how to talk while isolated in a sewer system for a decade. Eventually he was rescued by his brother, who was also presumably a Sith, and conquered a planet with the help of Force Witches which can apparently just give anybody force powers with a magic spell. I'm not sure how that's supposed to work with midichlorians.
He was a good friend.
>where obi wan is supposedly dropping in
Have you even seen star wars? He's not dropping in you halfwit.
>The clawdite worked for the mercenary
>the masketta man
Luke, did I ever tell you I led an army of child soldiers? Oddly enough they betrayed me and attacked my lizard monster, who was a good friend btw.
They were bad friends.
They only did that because of the biological microchip implanted into their brains
>female
Oooh ara~ ara~
>Luke did I ever tell you that Choose a life. Choose an order. Choose a mission. Choose a council. Choose a fucking big holo communicator. Choose R2 machines, speedsters, compact blasters and electrical hand replacements... Choose Death sticks and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit crushing jedi speeches, stucking midichlorians into your mouth. Choose rotting away in the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable cave, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you take care off to replace yourself, choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that when I got sand people's funny powder?
That one really pissed me off
He had to leave him there, the dice said so.
Annie, its Annie. Please call me Annie... Palpy.
>Luuke
>hey Luuke
>wake up
>Did I ever tell you about The Real Skinner?
>Walter Seymour Skinner is a Sergeant in the U.S. Army, the son of Sheldon and Agnes Skinner. He dreamed of becoming principal of Springfield Elementary School, which he frequently told to the men under his command. After being captured by the enemy in Vietnam, he spent five years in a POW camp, before being sold to a shoe-producing company in a Chinese city called Wuhan, finally being released when the United Nations shut the sweatshop down. He then returned to Springfield, where he tried to take his life back, only to discover that one of the men who had once served in his unit, Armin Tamzarian, had moved to Springfield and assumed the identity of Seymour Skinner, to the point of living in his old house with his mother and even working in his dream job as the principal of Springfield Elementary.
>Springfield hated him and tied him up and put him on a train out of town never to be mentioned again except that one time it was mentioned again
>Go back to sleep Luuke
I wrote this pasta
Stop reposting it without my persmission
>Luke had finally managed to hide from Obi-Wan's ghost who keeps driving him insane with his trivia and stories about countless past good friends
>When he's found at the end of EP7 and doesn't say anything, he's just frozen in horror because he knows his peace is over
Literally fuck off
>oy vey you need to pay royalties goy this is annudah shoah!
>Luke, did I ever tell you these were your father's droids? We went on wild adventures together for over 3 years in the Clone Wars, and the little one even saved me from a swarm of buzz droids, yet I somehow don't recognize them anymore. They were good friends.
>Luke, did I ever tell you that while your father was training on Coruscant, C-3PO served your family (Uncle Owen, Aunt Beru, Grandma Shmi, Grandpa Cliegg) for nearly 10 years? Somehow, your uncle didn't recognize Threepio when he returned to family's service.
>Hey Luke, did I ever tell you that all Jedi used to dress like homeless moisture farmers the same as I do, despite that still dressing like a Jedi is no good way to hide from Empire? It was a good robe though.
>Come here, Luke, today we will be training with this practice droid while you wear this helmet to blindfold yourself. You would think this was an impromptu training procedure, but no, we did this to younglings all the time and even built them special mini helmets. Right now you are literally worse than a child, Luke, like the ones your father killed with that lightsaber you are holding. He was a good friend.
>You must go to Dagobah, Luke, and seek out Yoda, the Jedi Master who trained me — well, actually, he's A Jedi Master who trained me. Before I moved up to Liam Neeson's service, I was one of the 20 younglings who went to Yoda's class every tuesday and thursday back in youngling school inbetween Jedi chemistry class and lunchtime. Nothing remarkable or mystic to our relationship at all. He was just my teacher who handed out droids and youngling-sized helmets to the class. Also, all his deep seemingly spur of the moment lessons and teachings from a true master are all fairly common Jedi sayings that he just butchers with his ghetto way of talking. A good friend, he was.
Honestly don't have a problem with the younglling blind helmets
MY GERMS!
that's like saying if i went to brazil i couldn't find anyone with dollars
kek
It's more like trying to use republic credits in hut controlled space
> implying that Lucas could create poetry not by a complete accident
> implying that Lucas isn't a hack
Grab my strong hand, Rey!
> Appearances
> Since breasts reasonably appear in every piece of Star Wars media, this list only includes specific mentions of them.
I'm fucking breathless.
no no you're fucking breastless
> the Republic allowing slavery anywhere in its territory in the first place
SW universe is poorly thought out that I'm still amazed as to how Lucas managed to make it into a franchise at all.
I do have breasts, though. Technically, so do you. Unless you've suffered a particularly gruesome trauma or something.
> fapping with this hand is so great, the rip on the skin never heals
Xe was gender fluid shitlord
>Having opinions when knowing nothing about the universe
Tattooine is on the outer rim and in a zone known as "hutt space" which is ruled by hutt crime lords
Slavery is outlawed in the republic
>When filming in Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999), Mcgregor kept imitating the noise of the lightsaber during his fights. George Lucas explained many times that this would be added in by the special effects people later on. Ewan said "I keep getting carried away."
>While shooting the space flight scenes for the start of Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith, McGregor continually held his breath in the cockpit of his Jedi Starfighter. Lucas explained many times that they were not really in space, but McGregor was concerned that the spacecraft was not airtight. "I can see little gaps all around the canopy," he is reported as saying. "Anakin and I could die up there."
>After filming the climactic duel scene for Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith, McGregor was apparently inconsolable regarding the fate of co-star Hayden Christensen. George Lucas explained many times that the latter's injuries were actually extremely sophisticated make-up, but McGregor was convinced he had seriously hurt him. "Anakin was such a promising young actor," he later sobbed to a reporter, "and I burned his face ... I burned it to a crisp!"
>Upon completion of filming for Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace, McGregor was left out of pocket when the other performers collected handsome paychecks. George Lucas explained many times that young Anakin Skywalker would win the podrace, but McGregor wagered his entire fee for the film on the character Sebulba. "That little flying Jew told me that Sebulba always wins," he later explained to Esquire magazine. "Anakin only looked about 10 - how the fuck did he beat him?"
>Following the climactic duel between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jin against Darth Maul in Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace, McGregor spiraled into a deep state of mourning over the death of his co-star Liam Neeson. George Lucas explained many times that Neeson was in fact alive and his demise was entirely fictional, but McGregor was unconvinced, spending many days locked in his trailer. When Lucas called for Neeson to visit him in order to prove he was alive, McGregor chased after him with a prop lightsaber. Onlookers claimed McGregor claimed he needed to exorcise the Sith ghosts that were surely possessing Neeson's corpse.
>After watching the premier of Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith, actor Ewan McGregor assaulted fellow co-star Hayden Christensen, screaming "HOW COULD YOU DO IT, ANAKIN, THEY WERE CHILDREN!" Later on he repeatedly made phone calls to the Los Angeles police department offering information in the unlawful execution of one Count Dooku (a character portrayed in the series by veteran actor Christopher Lee) in exchange for an investigation of actor Ian McDiarmand, whom he volunteered to apprehend himself saying "He's a Sith Lord! It's right there on film, George caught him! Chancellor Palpatine is evil!" McGregor, who portrays the character Obi-Wan Kenobi was arrested outside McDiarmand's London estate two weeks later after breaking and entering the main house and bludgeoning the elderly stage actor with a toy lightsaber. He was charged with unlawful conduct and sentenced to three weeks on house arrest. When reached for comment, Ewan apologized and said simply "I keep getting carried away."
> the Republic allowing slavery to happen where it could easily intervene
That's… too realistic for comfort, actually.
But if we're talking EU, then
> the Republic existing for 20k years and having never expanded beyond its initial borders
SW EU is about the silliest EU there is, and that's counting parts of other franchises that are entirely tongue-in-cheek.
I wrote this pasta, you thief! And I say anyone can post it!
>Luke, did I ever tell you about spinning? It's a good trick, I learned it from your father.
> not the one where he awkwardly makes a circle with his sword
>they removed the naked Twi'Lek picture
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
FUCKING NORMIES GET OUT OF MY WOOKIPEDIA REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Spinning is actually a useful maneuver in fencing.
it's in legends lad
>anakin skywalker reveals his chest
>this fucking filename
attack of the clones was completely and utterly baffling
Fuck off. I was the one who created that pasta.
My sides, I forgot how corny this flick was.
...
...
This man acted in The Bridge over The river Kwai, Doctor Zhivago and Lawrence of Arabia.
>it's in legends
I feel silly now
How so? Not trying to make an argument, genuinely interested.
u wot m8
I can't believe someone was actually paid for that, even for a cartoon plot.
ahahahaha
Rey, did I ever tell you about Obi-Wan Kenobi? He was a fucking asshole.
I think that's complete bullshit.
Severely underrated
Change homeowner to homeowner(s) and see how fast it gets reverted
that's a real fencing technique
They interact more in the cgi cartoon. Surprise, anakin doesnt like him. Windu ESPECIALLY hates him.
top kek
>Luke, did I ever tell you about Jar Jar Binks?
>he was a retarded gungan but we made him senator lol
Id take a body shot off those sprayed on abs
It's too conservative compared to later instances of sword fights in the films. After watching all the leaps and spins, it's silly watching Obi Wan make realistic moves.
Yeah but the later films were shit
I love Goodfriendposting.
The whole franchise is shit. Nostalgia goggles and all, but don't pretend that the first trilogy was a B-movie series. Everyone involved in filming them save for Lucas most certainly thought so, and Lucas is a fucking hack in any case.
>Luke, did I ever tell you about user Post #75100987?
>He was a friendly man who loved good memes. He was a good friend.
Damn.
That's why I said the later films. I would have loved it if Empire was just Star Wars II. I have no idea why it became this huge thing
Fair enough, then.
Hey Luke, did I ever tell you about Darth Fish? He was a child rapist and cannibal, only chose victims who were mentally handicapped or African-American. Additionally, Fish was a masochist, and he would insert wool doused with lighter fluid into his own anus, and set it alight for his own enjoyment. Fish was finally arrested, and he immediately began confessing to killing 700 children, and he was dizzyingly happy about it. One of the detectives said he appeared as the devil himself. He was a real jerk.
Thank you for this.
You were a good friend.
Jar jar tells anakin that Padme is hot
...
Luke, did I ever tell you about Matt LeBlanc? When he auditioned for the role of Joey in "Friends" he only had $11 dollars to his name. When the cast got their paychecks, the first thing that Courteney Cox bought was a car. Matt LeBlanc bought a hot dinner, presumably to eat with a good friend.
...
...
>yfw the Japanese soldiers had more respect for him than they did for their own commander at the end
>yfw Saito knew it and was about to kill himself right before the bridge was attacked
...
The thing is Vader wouldn't go back to the place in which Anakin had such a strong connection to....its like going back to the place where your ex-gf broke up with you.
First reader here and holy shit this is gold.
>Additionally
nailed it
The words "ChanPal SuRecon Center" crossed my mind at work today for no reason and I laughed out loud like a sperg
according to the nu-EU Vader goes to Tatooine all the time to strike deals with Jabba and to massacre sand people for fun
which makes it retarded
Man those fuckers ruined the poetry. Those stanzas don't rhyme at all.
Kek
underrated,
and he rolls 9/11 as well
Oh thats good, underrated poast, laughed trying to imagine Obi Wans force ghost appearig next to him all excited and ready to give him new useless trivia
>Hello Luke do you know who this is?
Yeah, about that.... this is from the new comics that are basically part of the canon by order of Disney.
Vader had regular field trips to Tattooine solely for the purpose of massacring Sand People.
>That meeting where Nicholson and his officers takeover and explain how everything the Japanese have done is shit, and this is how you build "a proper bridge"
>take story away from George
>somehow it becomes worse
poetry
Say what you will about the Empire, but their removal of kebab is top notch
Luke, did I tell you your grandmother died of what appeared to be a simple cut on the forehead? She was a good friend.
Luke, did I ever tell you about IG-88? IG-88 uploaded his consciousness into a computer core destined for Death Star II. He succeeded in being uploaded, and was preparing to activate his program to take over all droids in the galaxy when it was destroyed. With his consciousness in the Death Star II, he would literally become the Death Star. Emperor Palpatine was the only known person on the Death Star to suspect something was wrong after the uploading of the computer core with IG-88 inside. Before the station's destruction, he noticed a series of doors in his throne room opening and closing sporadically. IG-88 did this to show the Emperor that he was not all powerful. However, IG-88 was utterly baffled when it appeared that Emperor Palpatine used some unseen force to attempt to push the doors open. However, IG-88 exerted more force and was able to continue to keep the Emperor locked in, until he grew tired of the game and unlocked the door. He was a good friend.
I know the EU had some odd stuff in it but I loved it all the same
This is comic book level shit.
Anyone have pasta from the bane kenobi thread
>the meme evolved
>That was never part of our meme!
I am altering the meme, pray I do not alter it further
I would not be a good friend
Luke did I ever tell you that at the age of 9, your father blew up the Federation's Headquarters by spinning?
It was a good trick.
...
>Anime was a good friend
Your training begins now, Rey
Did I ever tell you about Evar Orbus and his Galactic Jizz wailers?
They were a Jizz band that, after the tragic demise of Evar, found their way to Tatooine alongside Max Rebo. It's particularly important because when your Aunt was about to be raped by a giant space slug, they performed the musical accompaniment. Max himself eventually joined the Rebel Alliance to provide entertainment and steal as much food as he could.
And they were good friends
This is what happens when a wiki is edited by virgins
YOU SEET ON EET! BUT YOU CAHNT TAKE EET VIT YEW!
>luke did i ever tell you your dad built a full functional robot to help his mom when he was just 10 years old? Although he worked as a slave most of the time. He also build a pod raver on his own and even won the famous bunta eve race with it, remember luke, he was still just 10. Not to forget, he ended a whole war be destroying the opponents leader ship all ALONE, with a fighter jet he stole. And even when everyone was against him because he was too old, he became the most powerful jedi of all and even the youngest jedi to be a part of the jedi council. He probably saved dozents of planets and my life for countless times. He even got your mom, a 9/10 queen/senator gf. Even when i betrayed him and chopped his arms and legs off, he became the boss of the whole imperial fleet.
and you luke? what have you accomplished? you moon rats shooting piece of shit, you are a bad friend
>MWAAHHHHHHHH
>Luke did I ever tell you about Paul Masson?
>The Corellian starpilots have always been known for their excellence.
>There is a Corellian starpilot who gave his life for the republic
>And like all good friends he was captured by the empire and fermented in carbonite
>Did I mention he was vintage dated?
>Luke?
>Prarie-fowl breasts
WTF?!! WHY DOES THIS NEED A WOOKIEPEDIA PAGE?
That's a lie (at least in terms of olympic/competitive type fencing). Turning your back to your opponent is dangerous, and is an immediate halt to play and an immediate red card.
>someone took some of their limited time on this Earth to write this and link several other articles with a straight face
>he posts on this site, where people do far worse every second of every day
well at least I'm fully aware and at ease that I'm wasting my life
Luke, did I ever tell you about Ben Solo? Your sister who I never met and that abrasive smuggler who derided me for my religion named him after me, or rather after my false name I used to hide from the Empire. I suppose Obi-Wan was a tad too exotic. At the time I was quite happy with this out of place honor, but it seems he's gone and pulled an Anakin. Quite ironic, huh?
Was he a good friend?
From a certain point of view
>shmi sounds very hebrew
was gramma shmi a jewess? what does this mean for luke as the hero, Cred Forums??
didn't you know that the jedi have future vision
>Albus Severus Potter...
...
Kek
>This is from the new comics that were created years after the first six movies.
Then I guess it's the comics' fault for contradicting the trilogies, isn't it?
>You know. This is not a meme. That's the actual reason. Anankin hates Tattooine and would never under any circumstances return to it
If only he had people who worked for him who could go there instead
It's not like he's the second in command of a galaxy-spanning empire or anything. Nope. In order to find Luke he's got to go there personally, and Darth Vader would never ever touch sand ever. Even to find his son. THAT'S how much he hates sand
Luke, did I ever tell you about the magical space tree that is the source of the force in all beings?
I'll tell you more about it next year
It gets everywhere man
Nice
What is currency exchange?
It means that he's The Chosen One
>Luke, did I ever tell you that memes were a mistake? They brought the Reddit to Cred Forums. They're a good friend.
I like this one!
>Breasts were the mammary glands of mammalian species. During the Age of the Empire, Thane Kyrell's petulant older brother Dalven Kyrell disparaged Thane's friend Ciena Ree and suggested that his younger brother go after another girl who had breasts already. Enraged by Dalven's discourteous remarks, Thane punched him before being pulled apart by their parents Oris and Ganaire Kyrell.
What the hell?
Show pusy slit
>Luke, did I ever tell you about force speed?
>its an ancient jedi technique that allows a jedi to move faster than a blaster shot!
>my master and I knew this ability however we only used it once, decades ago when we had to avoid the fire of some nasty battle droids
>thinking back I regret not using this technique more often as there were atleast a dozen situations where I could have saved the lives of innocent people and jedi
>it was a good skill
>Yes. I was once a hothead the same as your Mother's husband.
Kek
>Luke did I ever tell you about The Force?
>We could use it to do just about anything.
>Even open locked doors.
>I did it many times in my days as a Jedi.
>My master on the other hand thought that wasting time melting them with his lightsaber looked really cool
>He was a cunt
...
I swear he wakes him up on hoth ?
Leia obviously knew or knew of Obi-Wan considering she sent the droids to him with her message.
>Luke, did I ever tell you about the time Ensign Harry Kim was sucked out into the void of space through a hull breach? It's likely he spent about a long 20 seconds drifting through dead space, experiencing abject terror as he realized he had truly met his end. Luckily a duplicate came on board so there was no need to mourn his passing. He was a good friend.
The old EU canon sounds like shit, just a bunch of fanfiction tier crap about even the most insignificant things.
>Testes were the pair of male reproductive glands that produced the sperm in certain species.
>were
Every Wookiepedia article is written in past tense like that. I'm guessing it's because of the intro card that says "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away".
How can this shit never get old? Something new gets me every time.