Here you are si.... Wait you're not single are you?

It's called common courtesy. Don't go out if you cant afford it honestly.

Y-y-y-o-o-y-u-y-ou t-t-t- bane t-t-t-o bane too

PAY THEIR WAGES SO THE THEATRE DOESN'T HAVE TO YOU ENTITLED CUNT

No I brought my falcon

So she doesn't spit in it next time, unless you plan on never going back there.

>Sir, can you come back here for semen inspection?
>o-ok

I can afford it, but tipping is a scam and for the birds.

Hope they enjoy sweeping up the popcorn I don't finish and pour on the floor when the movie finishes.

I'll try this one

when i stand at the counter i can literally see every single thing they do with the food because they have like 10 square feet of space to work with, how is she going to spit into it?

Fuck off, tipping outside of restaurants is ludicrous. Let the weak know, they need to get themselves together, go back into their little apartments, look in the mirror, grip the razor, and CHA CHA CHA CHA MA MA MA MA FOH FOH FOH FOH cut the face off themselves, then go out with their crimson mask and rape.

Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-oooooooou to-o

>being this american

Please don't report me, I just want to watch the new Nicholas Winding Refn movie.

They have hidden pre-spat popcorn cups, obviously

Are there actually theatres with a no singles policy or no?

>go to movies by myself because I can
>ask ticket bitch for my ticket "ticket for one for The Hangover 2"
>ticket bitch says "for ONE? what's it like going to the movies alone?"
>I say "Yes, for one. what's it like earning 9 dollars an hour?" laugh in ticket bitch's face and walk away
>walk up to stub ripper...say "IS THIS YOUR WHOLE JOB? YOUR PARENTS MUST BE SO PROUD LOL" rip my own stub because I'm not an idiot
>enter eatery, walk up to servant "what will you have?" she asks, "it's okay! I brought my own!" I say while showing her the contents of my backpack with cola and homemade popcorn inside
>turn to those behind me and say "ENJOY PAYING THREE BUCKS FOR COLA, MORONS"
>make my way to cinema doors...notice lots of couples
>"WHAT IS THIS? MAKE OUT HOUR? THIS IS A MOVIE MORONS, NOT A FUCKING LOVE IN, GTFO"
>laugh at them as they leave in embarrassment
>cinema all to myself, put my feet up and throw popcorn at my face because that's how I eat it
>mfw

Uhhhhhh, N-no my date just went to save us good seats

heh heh

I was kicked out of one of my theaters because of the no singles policy. I was pretty surprised. Never went back there.

I got as far as tipping the usher before I was confronted.

Fraid so, I once tried to go wearing a really long trench coat and stilts.

me: 2 tickets, one for me and one for my friend the legs
ticket gatekeeper: alright you two, enjoy the movie

The gatekeeper then must have realized the mistake he made due to my stiff walking and tackled my stilts.

Yes, typically it happens at theaters in places that have culture and are packed anyway. They also serve you crab legs but there is a whole charade you have to go through.

*Turns head around and winks into camera*

I am right now, but not for long. When do you get off? We can get drinks and then you can sit on this dick...

I tried this once. She didn't believe me

No, it's just that for some reason Cred Forums feels nervous about going to the movies alone. All the best moviegoing experiences of my life have been enjoyed alone, or rather, with no in-group to impede my communion with fellow audience members unknown to me. We come together for that brief time and then are gone. Feels good man.

...

>have culture

What does that mean in this context?

>tipping in the cinema

what the fuck america

Third world shitholes don't have the policy. Go back to your shitstack you mongoloid.

Class, like you have to dress up to go there.

>interacting with strangers
Gtfo normie

>go to new cinema after failing the penis inspection at my local
>get past the cashiers by buying two tickets and saying my date is coming later
>go to theater showers
>get stopped by security
>my local cinema sent a copy of my theater ID to all nearby branches
>don't get to see finding dory

guess i'll wait for the blu ray rip

WTF??? Are you coming on to me?? Oh my gosh you sexist pig, just wait till my friends on Cred Forums hear about this!

How would that go down?

>not borrowing a penis for the inspection

Rookie move

Can't get stood up by anyone if you always go out alone.
I have to constantly make jokes with the bartenders that I have no friends. I think they're beginning to realize that it's actually true.

Guys just tell them you're a YouTube film critic, works for me. I just say I'm Chris Stuckmann ;-)

My first thought is that the idea of calling a movie equvalent of a coat-and-tie bar 'cultured' is horrifying but par for the American course. My second thought is that the idea of having a movie equivalent of a coat-and-tie bar is itself asinine, especially if they're showing mainstream movies. If they're not... how can they afford to turn down a single sale?

No, every country except America doesn't have the policy.

what the hell are you doing in bars?

Good one

Will say it next time

>going out to bars instead of drinking alone

But why?

These places get packed, some have exclusive membership deals where only a certain percentage can sign up and you need to pass various "tests" like they will deny you and won't explain why but you've failed.

Its either that or go to the movies to hear a wild pack of niggers hooting and hollering.

>ay white boi, you comin into my joint wit no side bitches?

what do you do?

The person on the left is a dude? No wonder white bois are cucked.

Aggressively suck his cock

That white girl looks perfect for a certain site I know

I have to drive across town to the adult theatre if I want to get out and catch a flick now since all the normal ones near me are couples only.

I am if u are bb ;)
*grabs her by the pussy*

*mumbles incoherently*
f-for you

>and his side bitches
Robert's bisexual? Huh, I suppose today is Coming Out Day.

>tfw haven't seen a film in the theater in 4 years due to the no single policy

I haven't seen a movie at the theater since episode 7

Literally everything since then has been trash I have no interest in

I don't have a TV and like to watch sports sometimes.

I hate drinking alone. It's so boring.

>with a date
>date times at cinema
>want to impress her
>see guy clearly on his own fumbling around
>he looks relieved when he gets to the front of the line to enter
>everyone is dressed smartly
>he is wearing supermarket style jeans and a stupid jacket and autism shoes
>ask my date if she is ok and if the guy looks suspicious to her
>she gets nervous when I bring up the implication and tells me to go get a staff to get him to leave
>he looks like your average robot or Cred Forumspatron
>walk down the line just before the ticket women stubs a ticket
>people think I am trying to cut and tut at me
>just before the women stubs the ticket,I ask he to one side
>people in line are now curious and are listen
>I ask her if they enforce a single policy due to recent events
>she quickly realizes the mistake she was about to make
>they tell him he has to go and his ticket will be refunded, unless he is in a couple
>he looks dizzy and starts fumbling looking for the exit at lobby
>people in line laughing a little
>they start getting impatient as he blocks the line
>I am back in line with my date as she grasps onto my arm
>people are now yelling "move dipsit"
>He welling up with tears
>for some reason instinct makes me trip him over as he walks out
>popcorn everywhere

My friends are coming later.

we are told to watch out for that line now

>no one actually does this

That sounds really horrible, I'd just go to the movies when it's less busy.

...

Deadpool was okay. Also there was a limited run of Young Frankenstein...so you fucked up.

Isn't there another theater you could go to?

>In line at the kinoplex
>Finally pass the penis inspection because I took five Viagras
>Bring my Grandma to get past the No Single Policy
>It's the designated theater shooter's day off
>Everything looks to be in the clear
>Suddenly remember you have to pass the Presidential Fitness Test
>Oh shit
>Try to do one push-up
>Collapse
>The theater police have never seen anything so pathetic
>Get thrown into the jail, bail set at $150,000
>Grandma sells her house to bail me out
>Court case coming up in two weeks
How fucked am I?

>due to recent events

If this is a real justification they use, that would be hilarious. Nothing's too grave to lie about for multiplex drones.

My local cinema unironically has a no singles policy

a lot do now

keeps out homeless, druggies, and unsavory people

you could get away going at non-peek hours or events

but if its date night you are going to be asked to leave

>in line for the theater alone
>see qt in line before me, dat ass
>grab it
>she turns round, smiles
>drops her pants
>bends and spreads, inviting insertion
>I mount
>she grips the razor
>CHA CHA CHA CHA MA MA MA MA FOH FOH FOH FOH cuts the face off herself
>goes out with her crimson mask and rapes

That's grotesque, it looks like a place only blacks would patronize.