"Why did your people roll over for Nazi Germany during World War 2...

How about

>"So I leave to find more men, right? I didn't know you were like that, but that's alright."

>Is that it? Is that the best you've got? Female comedians, everyone!

>"Well, I guess not everyone can be as talented and funny as Amy Schumer.. nice try, though."

>"You're incredible! I'm going to set up a meet with Judd and Amy Schumer, I sense something big here!

Something big and B L A C K "

>yeah well i had sex with ur mom

The longer these theads go on, the funnier it gets because noone even cares about this anymore.

>aaaahhhhh!
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>this is why you don't have a husband yet women child

>OK. Good thing I value my own opinion of myself more than the opinions of others.

This would actually work if it was acted well.

In 1884, meridian time personnel met
in Washington to change Earth time.
First words said was that only 1 day
could be used on Earth to not change
the 1 day bible. So they applied the 1
day and ignored the other 3 days.
The bible time was wrong then and it
proved wrong today. This a major lie
has so much evil feed from it's wrong.
No man on Earth has no belly-button,
it proves every believer on Earth a liar.

Children will be blessed for
Killing Of Educated Adults
Who Ignore 4 Simultaneous
Days Same Earth Rotation.
Practicing Evil ONEness -
Upon Earth Of Quadrants.
Evil Adult Crime VS Youth.
Supports Lie Of Integration.
1 Educated Are Most Dumb.
Not 1 Human Except Dead 1.
Man Is Paired, 2 Half 4 Self.
1 of God Is Only 1/4 Of God. Bible A Lie & Word Is Lies.
Navel Connects 4 Corner 4s.
God Is Born Of A Mother –
She Left Belly B. Signature.
Every Priest Has Ma Sign
But Lies To Honor Queers.
Belly B. Proves 4 Corners.

Your dirty lying teachers
use only the midnight to
midnight 1 day (ignoring
3 other days) Time to not
foul (already wrong) bible
time. Lie that corrupts earth
you educated stupid fools.

GoBelly-Button Logic Works.

When Do Teenagers Die?
Adults Eat Teenagers Alive,
No Record Of Their Death.
Father Son Image, Not Gods.
Every Man Born Of Woman.


Belly-Button Is the Signature
Of Your Personal Creator -
I Believe Her Name Mama.

Pastor Told His Flock That
God Created All Of Them -
Truth Was That They All had
Mama Made Belly Buttons,
Church Was Full Of Liars.

Earth Has 4 Days In Same 24 Hrs., 1 Day God Was Wrong.
Einstein Was ONEist Brain.

Try My Belly-Button Logic.

No God Knows About 4 Days, It Is Evil To Ignore 4 Days,

Does Your Teacher Know ?

in his position i literally would have started crying

I have a fantasy where I laugh at a weathergirl for not being as successful as me.

>Oh i get it, it's because I'm a jew isn't it?

>Oh yeah? Yeah you like that *grabs into pants and starts flinging shit at her* Yeah you like this? Yeah, you think this is good? Yeah *continues throwing his shit at her* Yeah? Yeah you like this? This good? This French perfume? *Continues throwing his shit at her* Am I a monkey? Am I monkey? Yeah you want some more? Ooooh oooh ooh I'm like a monkey yeah? Dancing monkey? *Throws more shit*

This isn't too bad, actually.

>"Y-you too..."

>wow. I don't want to slutshame but wow. Next subject.

Yeah, making fun of someone for being born in a specific country and then pointing out something that happened 70+ years ago is such a deep cut.

What? No way!

>'That was a good joke'

>FOR YOU

First part was OK, take out the profanity though, we run a classy establishment here.

Huh, and just when I thought you were a nice person you go ahead and say something rude like that. I really hate saying this, but you're a bully. Just because you perceive me as someone that can take a joke, I'm really not. I'm an insecure slob that will never be taken seriously as an actor because I am typecast for roles of blobbish friend of attractive male. I use Bing rewards for subway gift cards, that is how pathetic my life is. So maybe take a minute to think before you say something that might hurt someone's feelings.

The perfect comeback to that would be
>brad wouldn't touch you with a stolen dick.

Is that like some kind of indie bookstore?

>"Yeah? You think they would want to have with your horse face? You uppity french bulldog eating whore. Leo is my friend you really think he would ditch me to just have a sex with you? Are you actually insane? No, no I'll wait for your answer. ARE. YOU. ACTUALLY. CRAZY?
Yeah just like I thought. Next time just keep your mouth shut and only open it when I am standing in front of you so my dick can go inside.

*drops mike*

MAAAHAA THE FRENSH

too long

cringe teir

best

well why dont you give us a good come back

hey autists

for it to be a real comeback it would need to be fast and short and show no emotion so it didn't feel like he got assblasted seconds ago

this means no cussing, nothing so complicated

just something simple like

"you have three holes im not going anywhere"

>liking the worst one

Found the samefagging pleb

I realize Jonah Hill has copped a lot of flab in recent years for not straying too far from comedy and tucking into much meatier rolls, but there's a lot more to this man than meets the ribeye, and it turns out he's really an all-round good guy.
If everyone on here could get off their high whores, face the cold hard fats, and stop pudding him down for two seconds, they'd realize being a fry in the ointment isn't always a piece of cake.
If there is subway you could find it in your hearts to show the milf of human kindness towards Jonah, you might come to see the reason he's regarded widely by his peers, and is, pound for pound, a true heavyweight of the Hollywood scene.
As Jonah himself once said, "when I'm sorting the beef from the chaff I always beer in mind, every hotdog has his day when the chips are brown. You've just gotta keep your eggs held high and remember that a burger in the hand is worth chewing the bush."

That was pretty mean of you. I expected this interview to be zany but the cheesy bits I anticipated have turn and now the room reeks of limburger.

I'm going to take the Métro to Subwæy. I bid you adieu.

Like Mike out this he's us good kid.

>"Oh yeah? Heh, you're gonna regret that."
>unsheathes dual katanas
>"Heh heh...good night!"
>teleports behind her and kills her
>"Tch, nothin personnel kid."
>sheathes katanas

I think Jonah should have gone with my idea.

this is why there has to be shariah

she should have been stoned by the crowd so jonah didn't have to deal with this alone

Forgot pic

The joke is that they are terrible comebacks you dummy

I like it, but maybe a bit too crude. Really depends on the delivery, but this is a good one

>Oh yeah? At least I'm not a namefag!

are you mad?

to be honest I could be a writer for any top 5 comedy on the lamestream media channels these days but to be honest i have met some of the writers at these places and they are all unsufferible hipsters

i got offered at like 3 of the top 5 shows currently airing now but turned them down

nice comeback tripper fag im sure the whole owuld would gag laughting at your attempt at a comeback that took you 5minutes of sitting there and of sweating

i think its fine but he wouldn't get away with saying it

the media would run with calling him misogynist etc all the while ignoring the large public insult he was just subjected to

Spotted the cheese-eating surrender monkey.

>Jonah
>Fat as a whale
Kino pottery.

Bitch: Then you leave

[LAUGHS]

Johna: [laughing too] And do you charge extra for two guys? Or normal rate.

So, how's the Mission Accomplished eh?

>ALL OF YOU LAUGH, NOW!
top lel

>Funny you say that, cause I have the same fantasy, only instead you leave the room, and brad and leo come in and we face fuck each others ass's

this is also short and sweet, its good

>Imagine if the roles were reversed here. Imagine a male talk show host mocking an overweight female comedian about her weight and humiliating her on TV by saying that he would rather sleep with her two thin, attractive friends instead of her. What do you think would happen to him? At best he would lose his current job, but I suspect he'd probably have trouble ever finding work in show business again. He'd be blacklisted for mocking a woman for her appearance. But because I'm a guy, it's okay for you to degrade me about my physical appearance.

Europe really is a different place. Really makes you think

WORDS CAN'T BRING ME DOOOWN

>*stands up*
>I challenge you to a duel
>select your weapon

who wins?

>"You're really bad at your job... but now that I know how you think, I kind of understand how you get it"

"MILES.....tell'er how good i am in bed"

>I don't know what you expect to find out there, you know what you want better than me. But there's one thing I do know. I know I can stand here watching you destroy everything I've ever wanted in my life, wanting to smash your face with my fists, because you won't make even the slightest effort to opt for happiness and still know that I love you. You mean so much to me that I'm willing to take all your abuse and insults and insensitivity. Because that's what you need to do to prove I'm not going to leave you. I'm sick and tired of running from places and people and relationships. You want me, then fight for me, because I'm sure as hell fighting for you.

>I think if they had a fantasy with you in it they'd leave too

Nah I think and all makes it weak. I still think it's better to say
>That's why it's called a fantasy. It would never happen to you ever.

*stands up quickly*
*slams meaty palm on table*
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

No seriously. Who the FUCK are you? I'm Jonah FUCKING Hill, the new John Candy, and I don't need to sit here and take shit from some no-name French broad.

I have more FUCKING money than you have dead bodies on the sidewalks after your peaceful guests make a mockery of your nation.

You listen to me and you listen good, you fat cunt. If anybody fucks my friends it's gonna be me because they deserve the best, rather than a woman doing a battlefield re-enactment of Verdun on her face.

>"best" is longer than almost all of "too long"

>I leave? Come on, you have three holes!

>you fat cunt
*audience laughs*

>SHUT UP! 50 YEARS AGO WE'D HAVE YOU UPSIDE DOWN WITH A FUCKING BAGUETTE UP YOUR ASS! YOU CAN TALK YOU CAN TALK, YOU'RE BRAVE NOW MOTHERFUCKER!
>THROW HER ASS OUT! SHE'S A FROG! SHE'S A FROG! SHE'S A FROG! A FROG! LOOK THERE'S A FROG!
>Ooooooh! Oooooh! Alright you see? This shocks you, it shocks you to see what's buried beneath you stupid MOTHERFUCKERS!

This.

That makes him a rapist you dolt

"And how much money should I tell them to bring? $300?"

what she said all come down to "you're ugly" and the truth is there's no good comeback to this (if you're actually ugly and if the person saying it is not).

remember your middle school/high school years it probably happened to you as well

"I'm fat where it counts. Brad likes chestlets and Leo only likes bears. I'm all you got"

Woah

would be edge