What's your longest relationship?

>What's your longest relationship?

Jesus, do women really ask this on dates now

Don't you know?

>people ask me about my longest relationship
>8 years
>their jaws literally drop

Jesus, how hard is it to stay with someone? Do people really hate each other? And then people talk about their 3 month relationships they think are significant.

Yes, especially if they're pushing 30.
At that point they're not looking for a boyfriend, they're looking for a husband, and so she's hoping you'll say something in the 1--3 year range to show that you are capable of sticking around.

This is something you should realize whenever you're seeing a woman over the age of, let's say conservatively, 26. You're sizing her up as a fuckpuppet or (if you're generous) someone you could have over to watch Preacher or whatever the new meme show is, and she's thinking about how your potential offspring would look.

no, i haven't left the house in 5 years

Should I lie if that ever happens to me?

Because currently my honest answer is "I never had a girlfriend in my life".

never

is that bad

Yes. Yes they do ask it.

No they ask about your credit score.

The problem is that these days that kind of thing is going to catch up to you. Because of social media etc, people would expect to see you with your gf on there. If you lie, it's easy enough to find out.

How do you do it user?

how old are you?

I don't use Facebook or Instagram

Why couldn't he get hard? Was he a racist?

loser

26

Yes they do.

this movie is comfy tier
what was your longest relationship Cred Forums?

Wew. You're gay. Sorry/congrats.

Yes, you should lie.

Make up a fucked-up ex that you dated for multiple years.
If you ever get asked that question, say you got out of a that lengthy relationship within 2--4 months before, and that since then you've been living single.

Imply something dark about that ex-girlfriend, but in such a way that makes it too heavy to talk about that soon. But then when she does eventually ask you about it again (and she will, it might take weeks, but she will not forget), have the details ironed out. Maybe she was abusive toward you in whatever way, maybe she had a secret addiction to pills, maybe she cheated on you, just make it something to where you're DEFINITELY not at fault in any conceivable way. Maybe even connect it to some real or fake childhood trauma, to perhaps explain why you put up with this psycho for so long.

At this point you've revealed yourself as being both strong enough to have survived and escaped a dysfunctional relationship, and yet slightly fragile so that this new woman can get a little bit motherly.

Relationships are just clockwork machines, barring legitimately insane whores like the one you're inventing for your past, everything is predictable.

Ditto. I've been dating the same girl since we were both in the eighth grade, about ten years, and people are fucking shocked.

>ask a qt out for a bite on Tuesday
>she never responds

And she's like 25, I'd expect her to be more mature than that.
Fuck you too, Rachel. I'm pretty fucking good looking nowadays

Sounds like a bitch.
You'll find someone.

If I could, anyone can.

Yeah we were talking fine for a few days. I found out that she was in town and we talked and I sprung it on her since my schedule changed and so it was my only available time.

Didn't even message me back.
Fuck her, hope she sees me out somewhere and I'm looking good.

I'd expect it out of a 18 year old, not a 25 year old

I'm 21 and never been in one, do I have to lie? I don't think so, but I'm autistic so

Sadly yes.

Its happened to me 2/2 for out of all the girls I've been in a relationship with.

Remember lads always lie to the first one. She doesn't matter anyways

There's plenty of autistic girls out there who live shut-in dateless lives and are fairly attractive. The internet has allowed this happen, in most cases.

You can find someone.

This is my hope.

>Remember lads always lie to the first one. She doesn't matter anyways

Getting mixed signals here hombres

what do you mean?

>doctor at the check-up asks me when was the last time I had sex
>have to make shit up
>have to undergo several tests to rule of the STDs I could've never caught

Just throw it back in their faces

"I've been in a strong, passionite relationship with Our Lord And Savior Jesus Christ for my entire life, and I don't ever plan on breaking up.

How long have you been in a relationship?"

>have sex for the first time in six years
>get chlamydia

>strong, passionite relationship with Our Lord And Savior Jesus Christ for my entire life
A bit gay pham

The fuck do i say of im ever asked this? I been with my gf 11 years, maybe 12. Im 31 yo.

Hey, as long as they're both straight.

Fact: Jesus is totally straight

Drone, sheep, moron, etc.

It's different for everyone.
High school or middle school sweethearts don't usually work out, but sometimes they do. But regardless of success or failure, it's more common for a person to do their serious dating after high school.

The thing the other user meant is that the first serious relationship for a person more likely isn't also going to be their last. You should temper your expectations, and maybe even consider it good practice for the future if you're a month in and things are mediocre.

Which isn't to say you should drop a bitch at the first sign of friction, but also don't be a doormat or overlook glaring flaws that might eat away at you until you hate her or even yourself.

>have sex for the first time in 8 years
>couldn't cum

Leave him be faggot, im the same age and also a hkv. We anit all that bad.

thats pretty lucky a lot of people nowadays dont really believe in love

>do part time modeling work
>be /fit/
>over six feet tall
>still a virgin well into my mid 20s

Who else knows this feeling?
I'm attracted to women but it's so hard wasting time with a woman long enough to have sex. I get bored of conversations with women by the first few minutes. I've never heard them say anything mildly interesting.
How do you fuckers make it through whole dates? I just don't have the patience.

One date when I was 25 if that counts. Which I don't count actually.

Do not lie. Women are stalker psychos and it will catch up with you. If you're looking for something real then you have to be real. Just say you've never been in a relationship because the way the world seems is that no one takes them seriously anymore. Say every time you've tried making connections or gotten close to anyone they showed their true colors or didn't show any sign of caring back. Just say you prefer to be alone rather than used. Basically say all the shit women say about men minus the "all are cheating pigs" and such. If your confident with yourself women will see that and won't care about previous women. Also tell her you've been with plenty of hookers so not to worry about sexual experience.

Yea you are gay.

If that happened, that's pathetic. They don't care whether or nor you're a virgin and you added unnecessary inconvenince to your life just because you couldn't take a few minuts of embarrassment.

He bottles

pretty much same except im not a model

we should just have sex with each other as a joke and to despise stupid whores

they wouldn't appreciate my gains anyways

I had this problem all throughout high school.
I'm not a model, but I'm not fat and I'm reasonably good looking, I had prospects.

Having to text a girl constantly or make small talk or whatever was the most tedious thing in the world to me. I was lucky enough to know a few sluts who'd give it up without much work, but I didn't have a real girlfriend until I was 22.

And that's only lasted because I have since realized I have to deaden myself inside and just listen to her talk or make up things that happened during my day.

It's annoying, but it's worth it in the end because I like to cuddle.

>it's another virginshaming thread

ahahahhahaahha get fucked nerd

Probably shocked that you've had an 8 year relationship that didn't pan out

>People ask me about my longest relationship

Haha

I did have a gf for six months five years ago I guess.

That's the thing. I'm not gay. I gave it a legitimate shot and I'm not attracted to men.
I'm sexually attracted to women but they're just not worth the mental exhaustion.

What's funny is that I would have killed for a minute with a girl that was interested in me when I was a fat teenager and now I can't stand being around them.
> I have since realized I have to deaden myself inside and just listen to her talk or make up things that happened during my day

I can't do that. God knows I've tried. The longer I listen to them talk, the less attractive they become. And then after a few minutes of talking, my sex drive completely dies down out of annoyance.

>Had sex four years ago while completely wasted without a condom
>Get herpes

At least you're not me

Same as you senpai except I'm 23 and still can't handle talking to women who are boring

>drinking
>fornication
You brought it upon yourself. Unless you were raped, in which you might have brought it upon yourself, but I'm going to assume that's not what happened.

I've never had a gf or a love interest in my life. I'm 33 years old

Then I'd suggest finding some mousey, quiet type of girl. The kind who'd let their boyfriend/husband beat them and just accept it as a part of their life, but of course don't do that. Just find one of those types of girls.

What you need might be a girl like that, one who can just follow your lead and be quiet and just hang around doing whatever you do or watching from somewhere close by and also has sex with you. She'd probably also cook.

tfw same, I don't want to talk with women about inane shit like some fucking cuck

Me, but 23 and I fall in love with escorts sometimes.

About as close to it as possible. I'd ended up in some seedy bar, I was so drunk I don't remember what happened, the only thing I remember is that I put my dick in somebody and then left.

I hate myself and pretty much have depression so there you go. I guess I brought it on myself.

>women who are boring

They're all boring, it's their curse.
There are exceptions, of course, but like some sexy Australian chick who trains leopard seals at an aquarium or like a hot Taekwondo girl who moonlights in a popular Korean jazz group probably wouldn't just date some dude.

Everyone has to settle, just find someone with flaws you can live with.

It's actually quite easy as long as you have an enabler

I'm actually dying of kidney failure. Not lying at all user. I have a rare blood type too so transplants are out of picture and my doctors said I have probably 10 years max. My entire point of this is be grateful with you have. I've been dialysis for almost 4 years now fyi

and when this girlfriend/potential wife mentions any part of this giant fabrication to his friends or family are they all going to be in on the lie too? This would never be sustainable for the purposes of a long term relationship.

It sounds like a good idea on paper, but I tried it once and she was painfully clingy. She would get depressed if I didn't spend every fucking waking minute texting her and it was a pain because being a quiet mousy girl, she had nothing to fucking talk about and was terrible at following jokes or doing back and forths. Then there were her crushing self esteem issues.
You would think they would be like the fish equivalent of a girlfriend where you only have to feed them once a day and you're done, but in reality, quiet mousy girls are super high maintenance shit like a fucking panda or some shit.
Did I just have bad luck?

No that's not true. I actually have a few women friends who aren't boring, who are funny, and who are cute. The thing is that they're extremely rare and none of them like me being being a friend yada yada.

I guarantee you if those women friends were male, they'd be a whole lot less interesting. Men have lower standards for female company in general. We let women get away with being way more boring than we would ever allow a guy to get away with.

>dont really believe in love
then in what? do they think the benis will always work?

the woman will lie about her sex life too so don't worry

most people don't believe in love, relationships are just exchanges for them. So lie to put yourself in a better position

keep trying bro

My relationships usually last about week.

See i always have different waifu for every week

t. elliot rogers

i'm not memeing. you think you're good looking or above average, but you're full blown autists who behave like creepy serial killers in real life and everybody can see it.

Oh, well I mean if you're living at your parents or you haven't been away from them for any amount of time, then you'd have to work it out in a different way.

My method assumes you've been on your own for long enough that your family wouldn't know your day to day life. But regardless you could always say you were too embarrassed to ever mention it to any of them. She'd have no reason to not believe you, because she'd never think anyone would lie about such a thing. It's not something a normal person would consider.

Maybe.
Personally, I can deal with clingy, I guess. My current girlfriend is clingy and has self-esteem issues, but at the same time I always remember the first week we were dating, and I happened to mention, oh "I've always liked bangs" when over at my apartment and she was talking about hair or something, and she went "Oh, okay," and then cut her bangs short over her eyebrows within five minutes of my comment.

That's when I knew. Because I got a giant boner and fucked her right then, but also it was a sign that she was like clay and I could remodel her into whatever I wanted.

And it's been four years and she still cuts her bangs.

post face

Why not go out in a blaze of glory? Become immortal.

yes man, of course you know what these 3 idiots are like in real life

they do believe in the fact that they want a family and someone to lean on

seriously ask people, especially women, about love and they will laugh in your face/ shrug it off

>I haven't any relationship, because i'm not a fun person.
well .. thats not helping

>Have a medical check with doctor as a teen
>Doctor asks: Everything fine with your sex life? Something you would like to discuss?
>Me: N-no, everything's great. Just fine hehehehe
>Doctor sighs, takes out a condom from the desk and tells me to practice jacking off with a rubber on when I'm home

To make the thing more awkward, the doctor was my mom's cousin.

Unless you rotate the pillows, that would get pretty expensive.

Women are unfit to be married unless they are virgins.

The whole point of a marriage ceremony is showing the purity of the female with the white wedding dress.

How can you marry someone who has lost her virginity? The whole wedding is a sham.

Priests should do virginity tests on females before allowing them marry and all non-priest certified marriages should be void under law.

mate, i don't think you realize how common fit autists are these days
my gym is full of good looking guys with post fat kid syndrome, they're beefy as fuck but total virgins

That's good advice, jerking off with a condom on increases stamina.

>actually wanting to marry a used up whore when you are a virgin
don't fucking do this, her views on relationships and sex will be completely different and she will lie about it too since she 'doesn't want to hurt you'


then when she's talking about you with her friends she will complain about how lousy her sex life is now and sigh and numb her mind with wine

>female projecting

You'll be in your late 40s by the time you'd have to settle for 30 yo women, so that's not really an issue.

most women are trying to judge you if you still have feelings from your past relationship or if you are even capable of handling a relationship. usually safe answers are 2-3 years.

I believe that if you go past beyond 5 years in a relationship that's enough to know someone and you can decide if you want to marry them or not

>posts on 5chins
>doesn't only use facebook for stalking
>calls people losers

keke

all my waifus are contained in my hard drive usually in forms of JPG and PNG and my mind.

>two of my acquaintances have settled down with 30 year olds
>both of the chicks had a kid when they were in their late teens that they're now taking care of

Is this a new meme or am I this out of touch with the current world

At the time I took the advice as a way to get used to putting on a condom.

Nowadays I jack off with a rubber once every blue moon when I want to be fancy and shit.

"How long is this date?"

where?
>ten years summer festivals (1-2)years
yten+ years in as ingle workplace thousads employee
still not a fucking relationship
and now unemployed (no contact with anyone.), because the last bitch, with who i achieved something turned herself to a stranger, then managed to get fired me
>tinder, badoo etc are shit no bitch responds (of course i wont ask fats or uglies, i couldn pretend i leke them for longterm (or any term))

If I was single or dating around aimlessly in my late 40s I'd just pack it in for good and buy whores when I want sex and be alone otherwise.

you could be right about those guys, neither of us know. but is it really hard to believe some men can't stand talking to women? I can't stand it either but i put up with it because i really like having sex.

>settling down with a 30 yr old woman
>starting a family with a 30 yr old woman

kek. past her prime mate. females prime age for birthing is 22 - 25 up until 28, once you near 30 higher chance of miscarriage. 35 higher chance of birth defect

I met my current girlfriend (of four years) by liking her weird facepaint pictures on instagram and then becoming friends with her on facebook and then dating her in person and deciding, yes, I probably would stay if she stopped taking the pill without telling me and I got her pregnant.

the internet mad that happan too that these and 2/10 bitches has unfillable high expectations, becous they have 100+ followers

Yeah but uggos are even easier to avoid on the internet than in real life.

nah its because she wasnt some dirty sloot that he had to pay

>You'll be in your late 40s by the time you'd have to settle for 30 yo women, so that's not really an issue.

This is why we have skyrocketing autism rates.

do you proofread anything you type?

that's not true at all, girls are getting better and better at doctoring pictures.

>I probably would stay if she stopped taking the pill without telling me and I got her pregnant.

you know what's crazy is women legit do this all the fucking time. when i was younger i blew my load in so many chicks that said they were "on the pill". I never gave it a second thought back then. I guess i either got lucky or i wasn't enough of a catch to try and trap into a pregnancy.

I have 3 different friends that have children i'm almost 100 percent sure the girls tricked them into. My circle of friends is convinced the pill is useless because all 3 of the girls were on it when they got knocked up. Crazy bitches.

Woah same except 9 months

I've never been fooled.

Sex matters to women because it gives them pleasure (women are build for pleasure) and can be the beginning of a good relation with a provider

Sex matters to men because they compete for them [which is why they despise whores, since whores value each man equally], but more importantly, their pathetic orgasms make them believe they are relevant to reality during one instant. For men, Sex is an existential solution, which is why they praise whores, because the whore makes them cum during a few seconds.
But men are not build for pleasure and they equally need the competition with ''non whorish women'', which is why men think the dichotomy ''saint/pure/virgin and whore/slut''.

men always blame virgin girls for bad sex. men expected a virgin girl to be a whore somehow and they always always refuse to understand that a virgin girl is just a virgin.
Very few men are good in bed, with whatever women, and even fewer men can take a virgin girl properly. The best part is that men refuse to understand that they are the bad guy in this situation.
this is how betas work. Betas love the idea of virgin, but they need whore sin bed, precisely because they need their little orgasm and become furious if they do not get it.

>Why not go out in a blaze of glory? Become immortal.

Never. My life is my life and I have no one to blame but the random nature of this universe. It something that just happens and its basically outside my control. I was suppose to die at the age of 9 anyways (i've had serious kidneys disease since forever) but Canadian doctors saved my life.

>your family wouldn't know your day to day life
what mother wouldnt want to know about a long-term relationship of her child or what child wouldnt tell his mother of his more-than-a-year-already girlfriend?
The only reason I can think of is having had abusive/mistreating parents. But then any contact should be cut off anyway.

I moved out with 18, never taking a dime from my parents. Being 27 now, I still phone my mother every 3-4 days for a chatter.
inb4 mommyboy. I do the same with my granny and my father (with him not so frequently since we are quite alike).

Just start dating guys. They are just like girls but have dicks and are more interesting

What the fuck are you smoking?

Yeah.
I mean, I know she wouldn't do that, she's not insane, neither of us have jobs to where we'd want to have to start paying for a kid yet, but it was just a realization I had I think after I saw it happen in a movie or a tv show like a year ago.

It's like if you have a good friend, and you think, if he showed up at my place at 3 am and asked me to help him hide a body, you know what? I guess I would.

id consider it if 99% of gay guys weren't polygamous disease vectors.
i feel bad for the 5 gay guys in the world who aren't sluts and just want to settle down

>Is this a new meme

My wife's son is at least a one year old meme.

Yes, but if you became a male escort, or you were addicted to heroin, would you tell your mom about it on the phone or would you try to keep that to yourself?

>I have 3 different friends that have children i'm almost 100 percent sure the girls tricked them into. My circle of friends is convinced the pill is useless because all 3 of the girls were on it when they got knocked up.

I think the failure rate of sex on the pill is high mostly because women don't take the pills like clockwork.

Have enough sex off the pill, eventually she'll get pregnant.

However, more concerning to the "trapped" thing, is if the option of abortion never even came up. If it was just "I'm pregnant now, guess you're stuck", then it's probably deliberate.

Then again you could have prevented this by insisting on condom sex, getting a vasectomy, having her get an implant..

I solve this tricky issue with alcohol and a tumble down the stairs.

tell her face to face. if this is not possible, yes by phone.
I am dead honest with my parents about everything. Always were. This led to some funny situations but in retrospect it is a good way of interacting with them. They want to know and to my mind deserve to know. But I can see that this extend of honesty is not usual. See it as my way of partly repaying them for bringing me up and made a not fucked-up childhood possible.

if you go to china and pay a lot of money they will find a prisoner with the right kidneys for you

i always kinda fell in love and they probably freaked out on that and found it creepy.
than after a scoring bitch left,
became depressed mysogynist, w no interest in life @ 34 yo

>Tfw it's been 6 years since my last relationship

modern dating has turned into job interviews.

not just wasting time. entertaing her. as a depressed person, thats fucking tiresome.

hkv?

>creepy serial killers in real life and everybody can see it
i get this a lot too.
AND? they made people like this. and then they choose much much worse people to be with.

pretty stoic my man

handholdless
kissless
virgin

that could be a good pickup line.

never had one thanks for asking

>AND? they made people like this. and then they choose much much worse people to be with.

jesus dude. literally counting the days until i see you on the news.

Haha me too nigga!! Dont' worry. Just be honest. Always always honest. But don't let your voice quiver. They can smell insecurity. They

can

SMELL

it.

I only had one relationship, in highschool. Didn't even get it hold her hand or kiss her after 5 months because I bought the 'women hate sex/guys who are interested i sex' meme. She dumped me and DESU I don't blame her, I spent the whole time overthinking everything.

I'm 25 now. If I don't mention the complete lack of experience am I good?

I don't know.

Same here, 8 years, people always looks surprised to hear that. I didn't date anybody for about two years following that breakup. And yes, OP, women ask that.

What annoys me about the whole thing is that I don't know what it is I'm doing wrong. I can talk confidently, make girls laugh, all that sort of shit.

But I'm short, and unattractive. So maybe sudoku is the best option.

>tfw hench and good looking with a good career but whenever a girl gets close to me my brain activates self destruct mode and i subtly destroy the relationship before it's even really started

what is wrong with me

>But I'm short, and unattractive. So maybe sudoku is the best option.
Embrace your destiny.

Lie, but say only 1-3 months. Because 1-3 years would be traceable.

you hate yourself

I do it too tho

>I don't know what it is I'm doing wrong
>I'm short, and unattractive.

Well, trying or living; depends what makes you feel better

Can you repeat that in English?

>26 year old virgin
>neet for 8 years
>gave up all social media 8~ years ago
>gave up mobile phone 2~ years ago
>whenever I have a conversation with my guy friends on the phone its just short 30s-2min talks about organizing plans
>hate small talk with a passion
>perfectly fine in social situations but I'm very excitable from lack of social interaction and I crave to be liked by everyone and ask way too many questions
>manlet
>below average thickness 6 inch penis (I heard girth is very important)
>no stamina, sometimes when I'm masturbating I can cum in a couple of minutes, and I'm terrified of not being able to sexually satisfy my partner
>was infatuated with one girl from 13-17, turned down easy relationships / hook-ups because I just wanted the girl I liked
>she strung me along and knew exactly how to play me, gave me a nickname called "kudos" and called me her little dog / puppy
>(looking back it was probably because I was a loyal horny idiot who could only hump her leg)
>(and kudos could mean, "well done, but your not the winner")
>technically wasn't in a relationship but we would spend every day together after school for 2 years, so I felt like she cucked me whenever she did stuff with other guys, literally messed around with two of my closest friends, while teasing me on in several different ways
>never been in relationship since then
>barely leave the house

(this is only for people I actually like, probably would do something different if it was just a short term fling and I wasn't really interested)
but whenever I reemerge into the real world, I think I'm just going to tell the truth about never being in a relationship and then hopefully get to the point where she really wants to move it forward to physical stuff and then I tell her I'm a virgin

but what I'm really concerned about is the sexual satisfaction part, do I tell her I could possibly be a 2 pump chump and ask for other ways to help please her?

(1/2)

learn to read, dunce

Pretty ridiculous how morons, like you, talk to someone else when they can't even contexually read a simple sentence.

(2/2)
considering just trying to date men, I'm bi at the very least but obviously with no experience or experimentation I have no way of knowing for sure, not attracted to mens faces unless they are crazy hot 7/10s+ which is totally out of my dating range, I'm like a 5/10~ on a good day

I wouldn't know, I've never been on dates and never plan to.

why not?

Why should I?

i don't know, i'm just curious

>asking over text
Its your own fault

honestly now.

What would a person even do on a date lol
Its such a silly concept

thread reported and hidden

Since women are psychos who will try to fact check everything you say, the best method is lie about something unfalsifiable.

My go-to answer is "about three hours" because it's half honest (I got a chick from tinder and we went to the museum and she came back to my place, but she went home after I had a panic attack when she touched my penis).

You could also say that you had relationships when you were extremely young (before you created any social media profiles) and had bad experiences, which will explain the later gaps she's sure to find.

women can be so fucking evil. I had a couple girls string me along like that early on in life, but never that badly. As revenge i treated girls like shit for about 10 years and cheated on almost every girlfriend i had. I'm back to being nice to chicks but here's the kicker, i never got so much pussy as when i was being a complete asshole all the time. I wish i could do it again, but i can't seem to fake the utter contempt i had for women back then, and now i get walked over by women a lot more.

Life is a trip man.

oh man dates are weird. usually i try to sneak wine into the date, if not there's no hope of relaxing. you basically talk and see if you're actually into the other person.

people who prepare for them make it even weirder. i've never actually been to a succesful "i've never had a conversation with you before" date.

I honestly don't even think that you can even have time to do on dates as an adult, I barely have time to browse Cred Forums and it's like maybe 15 minutes a day. I fail to see how a person over 18 with a job can have the time to indulge in such teen concepts like dating or having a family.

what are weekends for 500 alex

Overtime and working at home to meet the deadline.

ya well, i'd rather be a poorfag then work a job like that. the fuck is the point of money if you have no time to enjoy your life? I hate work

Man, i've had a 25 year old flake on me, im 23 and i feel like a fucking child

Holy fuck are you literally me 5 years from now?
Every single line you wrote applies to me except for the manlet stuff.

>i'd rather be a poorfag then work a job like that
That's pretty much any job in the world, if you want to actually be able to live off of it. I didn't even mention the time you need to commute, go shopping, clean the apartment, do the laundry, do the taxes, pay the bills and a fuckton of other every day things.
> the fuck is the point of money
Not ending up on the streets in a cardboard box, because you can't pay the bills?

>guess
Are pandas really THAT high maintenance?

>Not ending up on the streets in a cardboard box, because you can't pay the bills?
I was homeless for 3 years.

I legit miss it. I think that eventually I'll go back to it.
Being homeless here - Eastern Europe - is not the same as being homeless in US or UK.
I basically lived in the woods for a year before cops kicked me out. Then I moved to different region.
Went to the local city, picked up glass bottles and changed them in for coins - always managed to scrape up enough to buy myself cheap noodles for one day.
Winters were hardcore but the local church gave warm food every three days so that helped.

But it was... not fun, but... I can't put it in words.
I see no point in working +70 hours a week, paying

How was the sex?

how did this film not get nominated for any oscars?

I was asked the same question in a technical interview for a engineering position, followed by do you have a SO now?

can someone tell me who doesn't have a massive dong if a pussy is tighter than your hand ?

That's cute man, godspeed.

it's nowhere near as tight as your hand actually, which is why many people who fap a lot have problems cumming during sex. this can also work to your advantage however, as it can be interpreted as you simply having a lot of stamina

>tfw dating slutty christian girl for two years

I don't care cause I fuck hookers

>Not hating yourself from the day you were born
Is this even Cred Forums anymore?

Not true. If you don't feel enough stimulation you can lose hardness and then it basically becomes a wet noodle. Which is not hot.

i'd probably do the same but i'm terrified of std's, and i also really really love sex without condoms.

so i can't have the sex i really want, and I still have to worry about getting some nasty std

this desu

had sex for the first time in 8 years and could not cum, barely got close (too much jerking off). but afterwards i rubbed one out and came in like 2 minutes

PUA detected. Please leave this board

you are circumsized, wore a condom, or both.

I'd bet a million dollars on that. jerking off isn't the problem

in this fucked up country you are more likely than not to come from a divorced household and thus have a fucked idea of how serious to take relationships

WE WERE ON A BREAK

I know this isn't true but I still laughed

The logic behind that question makes no sense.

They want a man who has long relationships?
Because that means he is husband material?
But then why isnt he already married?

black women definitely do. they have no filter.

I majored in psychology: you're gay

Maybe not on first dates, but I get asked that usually after the second (or the morning after fucking).

>I could remodel her into whatever I wanted
This genuinely hurts my heart a little.

guess you arent that good looking

because they think the guy just hasn't met a woman sneaky enough to trap him into taking care of her for life. gotta learn how females think senpai, it will make you really depressed but it's pretty helpful

get the fuck out of here normie

>To attract a female you need one of these three things: Attractiveness, A good personality OR be extremely funny
>To be popular with women you need all 3

is this true?

I technicaly held a girls hand once. But not in a romantic way and it only made me feel worse.

not really, you are forgetting money and power. and while being funny seems to be endearing to some women i think it's importance is overstated

raw dog but circumsized yea

>she told me she shared needles like a week prior

dick didn't fall off yet senpai i think i'm in the clear

Before I was a normie with a gf I just said "nothing over 6 months, just never found the right girl." Usually works if youre under 30.

don't circumsize your kids folks. this is a thing that happens. if you aren't cut and get in a girl raw(barring some major psychological problem or disease) you are not gonna have a problem cumming.

>tfw you infiltrate the normies and hear them trash talking autists

just fuck my faith in humanity up f@m

how do i last longer though? the thought of a girl even being near my dick makes me coom instantly if im jerking off, i think id splooge in my pants if a girl even touched me in a sexual way.

I wish women could think this was endearing but I know 99% of them would just think you're a loser.

well i few things. I'm a fast cummer, always have been. jerking off as close to possible as a sexual encounter does wonders. if you are really jacked up you can on the low blow a load and still keep going. and if you can fake it for a couple weeks or so if you stay with a girl your dick/brain get desensitized to her and you start lasting longer. the hottest girl i ever dated was probably a 9/10(to me 10/10 but most would disagree probably) and i could barely even touch her at first without cumming buckets. A year later and i could last half an hour easy. I think that's why guys like to cheat so much, no matter how good looking a girl is or how good a fuck you tend to get bored, but that's a good thing for lasting longer

calling a woman
its like you WANT to have a restraining order against you. women are creeped out by guys who call them

being homeless is cool. i get my welfare check deposited straight in my account every month (since im homeless, they give me a lot) and i just chill at cafes with my laptop and browse Cred Forums. lifes great

>whats your longest relationship
hahaha when would I ever be in this situation. I'm leaving everyone in 4 weeks if i see them more than thrice a week.

>tfw still a virgin with no gf at 26

I'm fucked. Metaphorically that is.

>mfw women talk me up fairly often
>mfw I have nothing to respond
>mfw they lose interest or think I'm being rude
>27 yo hkv

Ironically they all have boyfriends

Then you have no one to blame but yourself on that one. But I say this small talk is shit 90% of the time

>neet for 6 years
>get fed up with it and get job
>within 5 months ive become a heroin addict, tried to fuck a crazy fat bitch thats in a 3 year relationship but couldnt get my dick up, am now dating and fucking a pregnant girl with a 3 year old boy

im not handling society very well

damn son you are lucky your job doesn't drug test. mine does and i'm getting pissy i can't do drugs except on the weekends sometimes

W-wut? Why? What's the explanation for that?

If the girl likes you enough, you can tell her you fucked a goat for several years & she wouldn't care.

Just don't be ugly.

How the fuck did you just become a heroin addict, I mean what? Surely you were doing some kind of drugs or something beforehand? I'm sorry user, I know how it is. Working and going to school was so depressing for the 6 months I did it and I had no free time I was about to kill myself til I just decided to say fuck this shit and stop and work on myself, my health mentally and physically. That's what you should do man. Get off the shit. I know it's Cred Forums but I actually care, come join us on 420chan.org/opiates/ it's a really chill board, few tripfags we all just hang out and shoot the shit (pun intended lmao) But seriously man feel better. Good luck.

where do you sleep

not lucky its just a shitty job

i work in fast food

Joe

>Ironically they all have boyfriends
>Then you have no one to blame but yourself on that one

They're just trying to be nice, they don't have any "interest" in me. I did the mistake of confusing that once, it ended badly

and what do i do if im ugly

Lower your standards heavily.

it was a little misleading as I had been doing prescription opiates off and on since high school. I discovered heroin through a friend and I hated that I had no money to buy it so i said fuck it and got a job. Since i tried heroin ive gotten a job, i have a great work ethic now, a car, tons of attention from girls, sex, new friends. I know its terrible but heroin gave me something to live for. .

but i (cant?) dont want to

My privacy settings are so restricted that even my friends can see about 3 pictures, only one of which is me. Looking around other profiles this is not the norm but also not that rare.

>tfw you realise you're only invited because one of girls wants your dick

can't i just like.. make friends

>woe is me, a girl wants to fuck me

female appearance > male appearance

There are a shitton of jobs/careers that don't require you to spend every waking minute working. I hope there's potential for you to get promoted to a big shot position. It's worth it in that case, but if you're not going to have a weekend off for the next 30 years you really should consider finding a new job tbqh famalam.

Here in America, divorce and splitting up quickly feel like the norm. Like I just want to find a girl who will keep dating for many years before I make the leap, but fucking, OH I DONT HAVE TIME IF YOURE NOT GONNA MARRY ME RIGHT NOW. The one that probably would be patient, I completely fumbled and regret it now. It's weird because the families I grew up around in our neighborhood all stayed together for 20+ years, some even 70+.

kill yourself faggot

>tfw attractive, make 73k at 25, athletic and funny
>except I'm 5'5" and I automatically assume every girl isn't attracted to me because of my height


What's worse is that recently my sister in law and I have become infatuated with each other now too. We made out a few weeks ago but we know we can't do that anymore.

I started to get more comfortable talking to women. The only problem I have is to transition that small talk to a date. I've only been on dates with two girls, but because I was inexperienced my whole life, I messed those up fairly quickly. I don't even know how I managed the courage to ask them out on dates.

How do you do it?

Why can't you be with your sister-in-law?

>all these posts only proving that being a manlet puts you out of the dating game

wow and i thought i actually had a chance

Just ask them about their life story. School, work, shit like that. You can also talk about music, movies, and t.v.

Maybe she and I could be together but she has to figure out if she wants to stay with my brother first. She might divorce him, might not. But if she doesn't it's way too risky to do anything more with her

you're a braver man than i. i just accept when girls ask me to hang out and we hit it off from there with ease usually. never asked one in my life but i've had 3 gfs somehow. i'm still scared to this day.

Right, but then how do you make the next step to let them know you are interested? Do you just ask for their number outright?

Just go find an asian girl

I don't know what's with this bullshit of not responding or making excuses. Just say yes or no, it's fucking rude otherwise.

>have sex for the first time in 2 years
>it's a fat chick

This is true. 100% of /r9k/ had a 35+ year old mother when they were born.

But im fucking asian too

Don't you use Facebook for university? I can't wait to graduate to delete it.

>Cred Forums - Television & Film

Women are obsessed with the past and the future, can't seem to enjoy the moment if their life depends on it. Bitches are always stressing out about weird scenarios they make up in their heads. They imagine shit than judge you based on what they thought up.

With this level of autism I strongly doubt this is the case (unless she's desperate). Perhaps you could ask her for written confirmed?

>have sex for the first time
>wake up

Threads like these make me feel impossibly relieved about being asexual and aromatic. It's not ideal but whenever I witness this hellish and desperate urge in people to find a partner or fuckbuddy or whatever I have a second hand panic attack.

Aromatic? What do you smell like?

Very true. The amount of stress this causes and the mental resources it consumes is staggering. It is very close to being the meaning of life for some people.

>wake up in the middle of the night
>feel how utterly cold the other side of your bed is
>realise you always were and will always be alone
still the worst experience in my life so far

Why? If it's this important to you, get some smart clothes and a haircut, get on Tinder, play the numbers game and land a 6/10.

literally me, minus the model part. I do make 6 figures salary though

Why couldn't he get hard for her? Do only sluts that he has no plans to commit to turn him on?

Yeah, I bet you're asexual and aromantic """"""by choice"""""".

I'm socially retarded

You wouldn't believe how many socially retarded people get pussy.

this

You could be a mouth-breathing idiot and an asshole and all you would need to get laid (eventually) is to not give up.

Jesus Christ, man. I mean I don't know you and I feel like I shouldn't judge considering I'm also in this cesspool of degeneracy of a message board, but you do seem like a pretty demanding person who's not gonna be happy with any type of girl. No person on earth is actually tailored to your exact needs, love and relationships are built on compromises and acceptance in the long run and while you may find someone you're compatible with and have similar/same interests, there are always gonna be some parts which don't slot together properly, that's perfectly normal. And if you've really tried so many times and it never worked out then you should perhaps try to work out your own faults a bit more.

yeah, my so thinks that dating me is heroic or something

Not really though.

>go on a date
>its actually a job interview

well being a shut in doesnt seem so bad now

>green eyeballs

really

Whatever you say user. Someone will believe you.

why do people like sharing the bed with someone...

yes its nice to have a partner, but I reel at the thought of having to share my sleeping space with someone, very light sleeper, takes me an hour or two to fall asleep with constant rolling, generally sleep in the fetal position, no room for a chick

I don't fault you for assuming that, considering where we are it's logical to jump to that conclusion. But I've struggled for almost a decade with this until I finally came to accept it. I made several attempts and it just felt like I had to force myself through every step of it and always ended in me being disgusted/reluctant when it reached any kind of intimacy.
I'm actually really mad about media for forcing romance on young impressionable children from a very early age. Most cartoons and movies I've seen as a kid basically dictated that you weren't wholesome or right if you didn't strive for romantic love and I'm certainly not the only one who was made to feel inappropriate and wrong for not having a need to want a special someone.

Freshly mown grass.

and I'd probably break up with someone the instant I found out they were a snorer

>tfw confidence so non-existent i dont consider myself a person

God I hate those types of women. So fucking fragile.

>I want my women with dicks

Those two acquaintances are complete and utter fucking losers. Prime example of a beta male. Absolutely pathetic, sorry excuses for human beings.

Bull fucking shit. If she stops taking the pill, it takes weeks for her to resume her normal hormonal cycle. Every time a woman has an ''ooopsie'', it is a calculated move on her part to entrap the man via babby. And they feel no guilt or remorse for this.

inb4 angry virgin. This is simple biology folks.

You shouldn't base your self-worth on another person. Before you can have a healthy relationship you ought to make changes in your life so you feel good about yourself first. If you go into a relationship hating yourself or unhappy, sooner or later that is gonna bubble up and you will find you're either projecting your insecurities/issues on your partner, self-sabotage or feel like you're drowning if a crisis arises.
And you aren't supposed to feel like you're worthless if you don't have a gf to begin with. You should try live your life to the fullest regardless if you share it with someone.

>Nihilism
>left is depression
>right is hedonism
What did you mean by this?

>You shouldn't base your self-worth on another person.

You are as worthy as other people say you are. This is fact.

>And you aren't supposed to feel like you're worthless if you don't have a gf to begin with.

Being so undesirable that no woman (or man) wants to be with you is kind of a big deal.

>girl asks me if i have a girlfriend
no
>ask her do you have a boyfriend
she says shes given up o guys on this hemisphere
oh shit here's my chance
>wait too long because i have ZERO fucking confidence in myself and wanted to take it slow.
>now she acts really close to another guy but you're not sure they're dating or not and you don't want to ask to keep the illusion of you having a chance
I fucking hate myself

Of course humans are social animals and in most facets of life you rely on some kind of interaction. But people are also often careless assholes, that's something to take into account.

I was just implying that it isn't healthy if you only feel good about yourself when you are romantically involved with someone. That's not just true for guys, a lot of women feel pressured into believing they are worthless until they have a boyfriend/husband as well, that's what is partially to blame for those oh so bothersome "clingy" or jealous types.
It's important to first feel like you're adequate enough and self reliant as a singular person before entering a relationship and sharing your life.

I'm sure that would also help with being more desirable, since you start feeling less like a useless waste which leads to taking better care of yourself etc.

>Not wanting women with backbone
Fucking shit eater

You can do it.

Not gonna lie, I would be surprised as to why 8 years old relationship wouldn't work out in the end.

It did pan out they were together for 8 years. What kind of stupid logic is this?

It's okay user, I don't judge.

I am engaged to be married to the same woman I have been dating since I was 14 and she was 12.
We have never dated anyone else so...20 years?
Getting married bc we are having a kid and I don't want to curse my son with bastrdry.

ok

>It's important to first feel like you're adequate enough and self reliant as a singular person before entering a relationship and sharing your life.

There are a lot of people in relationships that are not self-reliant. How come they can do it?

Can you guys really not meet anyone? We went to the same church and school; I am sorry for yall.
There is someone for everyone

>There is someone for everyone
Wrong. Why would you even say that?

I bet he believes in a just world too

Because it is true. Everyone at my church is in a good marriage or relationship. There just has to be. God wouldnt make you to be alone.
For it is written that it is just for a man to leave his family and join together with woman in the sight of God; this is right.

You spergs, just lie. Lying is the answer to 90% of your problems. Nobody is ever really going to carefully parse your social media for confirmation, but if you're worried just delete everything. It's not like you need it to show off your autism.

Yeah, nobody's surprised that you had an eight-year relationship. They're surprised you didn't get married.

Man, I believe in God, but that doesn't mean the world is just and ideal. Even the bible addresses this, and regardless if there really were someone for everyone then there wouldn't be thousands of unreported suicides every year.

Reading these comments makes most of you sound like sociopaths.

I hope you don't really believe the shit you type and if you do I pray you don't ever manipulate someone into spending time near you.

by year 4 you should know if you want to marry her. put a ring on it you fag.

Women don't date people they like.

2 months max, you can believe it or not but...

I'm a massive douche
I get tired of girls and just go after another one, I don't know what seems to be the problem

one girl upon breaking up with said I'm the biggest cunt she ever met and spit on the floor in disgust

I'm 29 now and it's kinda depressing

>God wouldnt make you to be alone.

Are you questioning God? Heathen.

>put a ring on it you fag.

if you are poor take this guys advice. if you are successful that's a really stupid idea

I am not saying it is but God promised ot never tempt someone beyond what they can take, so I do believe there is a mate for everybody. Just gotta look and have faith

This. I lied about having a job to my last gf for the entire 7 month relationship. I was actually a NEET the whole time

>dating girls youve known since HS and under and being in your 20s
get out and travel, you mongoloid

>it's a Cred Forumsirgns project their insecurities onto monolithic ideas of women episode

wtf i hate women now

I would trade all of my travel and casual sex memories for a lifelong relationship no question's asked

I can't stand talking to women. There's this cute girl in one of my classes. I got her number and talk to her after class. She's so boring. I don't know how other guys deal with this. I can't imagine going on a date and having to talk to her for three hours.

I make my own fun and my gf is just my sidekick

I can't help you if you're deliberately twisting around what I'm trying to convey.
There are so many people on this board (and all over) who feel bad about themselves because they see lovely, happy, pretty couples in media who have some minor quarrels, a misadventure or fight they overcome with a happy ending etc., which they don't have because of one reason or another. Sometimes it's good to read that happiness doesn't depend on one widely accepted and particular way of living and that you have a right to like yourself and feel good regardless.

There are all kinds of folks who are in a relationships out there. Good, bad, it doesn't matter. This wasn't about them.

This is some bullshit, my friends. Plenty of people who are in relationships hate themselves and have low self-esteem. Don't listen to this garbage.

Okay I guess I'll join in angsty projection knowing that in all likelihood my problems are my own fault.

Do girls not know how to talk anymore? Every girl I match with on Tinder or whatever gives like five word answers and contributes nothing proactive in the conversation. You have a choice to not swipe right or unmatch

It's fine if you feel good alone and all that, but don't delude yourself that being single/virgin (at this day and age no less) is seen as ok or normal.

The point is, the "everyone can do it" or "there's someone for everyone" stuff are obviously lies, and chances are Chads fabricated them in the first place.

Yeah, of course. What I wrote doesn't contradict that fact in any way. I just meant that you have an easier relationship if you don't go into it hating yourself and thinking that a relationship will make everything better. And that you don't necessarily NEED to have a partner to feel good about yourself in the first place. But learning that is a gradual process.

>Jesus, do women really ask this on dates now

They find you boring.

currently 3 months in, going good

fucl y0u

Underrated post

>in all likelihood my problems are my own fault.

This may come as a surprise to you, but other people can be wrong too.

judging by the psychos in this thread that aren't looking for a partner or to even view women as a human being but as a fuck toy and their objective is to find a way to suffer through what they have to say to get their end away, i'd say it's him and not them...

> Putting hoes before your literal bro

He better fucking beat her, or you're a piece of shit.

>going on dates with women
GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT

I'm convinced that Normal as such is just a word to guilt people into behaving a certain way, preoccupy their minds and to distract from improvement.
The way we as a civilization behave is absolutely disgusting. But hardly anyone thinks about the rampant pollution, pointless wars and unjust distribution of wealth as much as they think where next to stick their dick to feel good for a few minutes.

Not him and I'm having similar issue and he's not the problem because that's retarded. At least type more than fucking 5 words because I fucking want to know/talk about things you like or do but these dumbass bitches have the most awful resposnes. Like what's the point of you matching at all?

Why would you think there's psychos here?? What impression made you come to that conclusion? Also I'm pretty sure it's not him.