Pretend I'm with a major studio. Pitch me your movie

Pretend I'm with a major studio. Pitch me your movie.

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Hayley Atwell owns a horse ranch. No sex stuff, but lots of bouncing. I call it Brokefap Mountain.

It's about a black jew in the holocaust who finds strength by playing the violin and is the first to undergo a sex change operation

Feel free to fuck right off, Amy Pascal.

Your suits barely fit. You don't have the budget for my vision.

Good god how do we crowdfund this project

ANTIFA'S COGNITIVE DISSONANCE IN "MULTI""CULTURAL"" EUROPE

A movie where all Superheros become completely apathetic nilhilists, and kill themselves and humanity goes on without them just fine.

>Okay, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens.
>We take all of Episode IV: A New Hope and just change the cast around with a black guy, a fish-eyed British girl, and make Yoda yellow and female.
>That's it. That's the movie.

Jaws cinematic universe

a movie about how the jews that run hollywood are all pedophiles and are trying to brainwash white america into hating itself

we'll call the film "Real Life"

youtube.com/watch?v=Pl092whRLlI

Star Trek: Wrath of Khan remade as a WWII submarine movie. No? OK, we have this one, a period heist movie we're working on where President Teddy Roosevelt and his old Rough Rider pals steal the Spanish crown jewels. No? How about young OJ Simpson and the birth of disco? OK, OK, we have a buddy movie where Neil DeGrass Tyson and fashion icon Tim Gunn are accidentally stranded on the moon. Or this screenplay we have where the Muslim kid with the clock invents a magical game console. Or Die Hard set in the Renaissance. Oh! Almost forgot the Paul F Thompkins vehicle where he's a security guard at the Large Hadron Collider -- we're calling it "Black Hole Son". We have more...

The world plunges into a permanent midnight, and the only illumination is a blood-red giant moon that kills anyone who looks directly at it. Also demonic, shadow-enveloped creature have begun roaming the wilderness.

We want to make money, not win an academy award.

A twentysomething aimless burnout finds himself held hostage by a stranger with mysterious powers, and forced to outrun the feds in a high-speed midnight chase.

Here's the first page of the script. I wrote it a while ago but I never actually expanded on it. It's basically just a To Be Continued meme.

I created a world when these four guys are my best friends ever, i even get lucid dreams about them
they're like a family to me, my dream is a sitcom when i'm the main character and they're my friends and we're like living together and there's a lot of fun stuff going out
it's like seindfeld, but better
you guys would loved it, there's a lot of Cred Forums references and stuff.


paddington is /r9k/
babadook is /x/
shrek is Cred Forums
marmaduke is /fa/ and /soc

OK, how about a romcom where Nasim Pedram falls in love with a sentient Tesla? Bill Hader's attached! How about a all-Latina remake of the Poseidon Adventure? Sound of Music where they are all ghosts? Antz but with Beetlez? Mulan with white people? 2 Fast 2 Spurious? We have more...

shrek is the leader of a gang
babadook is muscle
paddington is the smart one
marmaduke is ladies man & comic relief.


the episode starts with shrek living in his swamp all by himself, the wife left him & the donkey dude too, then he decides to find a new group of friends, and because he's shrek he can travel through dimensions, he carefully doing research about everyone in all of the dimensions, that's how he found babadook, his first new friend, babadook is alone all by himself watching over his wife & child in the shadows al always, that's when shrek appears and says ''Hey'' babadook scared shitless and saying stuff like '' what the fuck who are you'' and shrek is like ''like it or not, i'm your new best friend'' and babadook responds with tears on his face ''a f-friend?...you wanna be friends with ME? I'm a MONSTER, dude'' and shrek answers gently ''Pshh....no tears, only dreams now''
that's the early draft of first episode, what do you think?

the second episode starts with shrek & babadook talking about their ex-wifes and kids, bonding and stuff like that,then babadook asks when are they going to look for a new friends, that's how they found out about a marmaduke, they watch him from the distance and babadook is already hating the guy saying stuff like ''i dont know, shrek. this guy is clearly a douchebag'' and shrek answers ''that's why we need him, we need a funny guy in our group, you know?'' and babadook signs, they wait for the night to talk to him, so they wake him up and marmaduke kinda doesn't understand everything thinks he's having a bad dream and saying ''wow, that's the most ugliest dudes i've seen in my entire doglife, no offense fellas. so is this a bad dream or a GOOD bad dream?'' and shrek is answers ''we're your new best friends, my name is shrek, this dude is babadook'' and marmaduke is like ''woah, woah, woah hold on guys, i dont need YOU as my friends, alright? i have standards'' and babadook is like ''i told you, shrek. this guy is a douche'' and shrek is like ''dont give up on people that easily, they will surprise you'' and marmaduke is like ''On second thought, maybe i can give this relationships a chance, that's a dream after all'' and shrek is like ''Alright, see you tomorrow''
Then in the morning marmaduke wakes up from a knocking at his door, opens it and sees Shrek & Marmaduke and just faints, that's the end of episode 2

New Fantasia made by Pixar made for virtual reality that fully explores 3d technology as a means of artistic expression.

Okay, you know those science fiction movies? Star Trek, Star Wars. They need an exotic location to shoot. Moonscape, Mars, desert, you know. Now, imagine this: they're a Canadian film crew on a location scout for a science fiction movie. We put it out there - the Canadian producers put out there - that we're looking at Egypt, Istanbul. Then we go to the consulate and say "Hey, we wanna look at Iran, too." I fly into Tehran, we all fly out together as a film crew. Done.

alright time for episode 3
shrek & babadook chilling at marmaduke's house and waiting for him to wake up, marmaduke finally waking up and sees them and is like ''OH NO NO NO NO NO, why cant i just wake up from this nightmare'' and shrek is like ''calm down, man. it's not a dream, we're real'' marmake trying to digest it all saying ''Alright, what do you want? Are you hitmans or what? Who do i pissed off this time'' and shrek answers ''No, you didn't pissed off anyone, we're here to be your friends. And we're not having ''No'' for an answer, it's already been decided'' and marmaduke is like ''By whom? and shrek answers ''By me.'' and marmaduke is like ''jezz man, you're creeping me out, alright i'll be your friends or whatever this is'' after that they went to a pub and started talking about life, marmaduke really starting to like shrek saying ''Shrek you're alright, i suppose i was wrong about you, but your friend still creeps me out, he hasn't said a word for hours, just starring at me, what's he even supposed to be he ain't no animal, and clearly not a human, who are you, dude?'' pointing at him, and babadook silently whispers ''You don't wanna know, man. And i dont like you, it's mutual, i dont know what's shrek found in you, but i clearly isn't seeing it at all, you're just a douche, nothing more'' then shrek stopped them and said ''Cut the crap, you're gonna be friends, no arguing about it, the faster you realize that, the better'' and then some chads at the pub started yelling ''HEY YOU UGLY CREATURES SHUT THE FUCK UP'' and shrek is like ''Calm down, fellas. We're leaving'' and babadook is like ''No, we're not'' marmaduke agreeing with him ''Yeah, no way i'm gonna leave because some retarded kids said so.'' so the chads stand up and started walking towards their table, the main chad guy saying ''What did you just said to us? Retarded Kids? You're just a fucking talking DOG, you're the one who's retarded, you fucking monstrocity'' and marmaduke stand up..

cont
Marmaduke stands up, walks to a main chad and saying to his face ''Yeah, i'm a fucking talking dog, and even i'm smarter than you, you feel me?'' main chad loses it and hitting marmaduke in the face, babadook stands up and starting running towards chads, some of them freaked out and runned from the pub, they're started fighting marmaduke & babadook, chads clearly beating the shit out of them, finally shrek stands up and yelled ''ENOUGH, GET OUT OF THIS PUB RIGHT NOW, OR YOU'LL GONNA CRAWL'' chads respond ''FUCK YOU, YOU UGLY OGRE PIECE OF SHIT, GO BACK TO YOUR SWAMP'' so shrek has lost it and started beating the shit out of them, police sirens are heared in the distance, chads are all beaten up, so shrek quicky grabs marmaduke & babadook and gets them out. After that they're back at marmadukes place to take rest after fight, and babadook started conversation with marmaduke and said ''Hey, thanks for having my back, man. This fucking generation, i swear'' and marmaduke responds ''Dont mention it, bro. We sure showed them, huh?'' and babadook laughs and said ''hahaha, yeah, sure we did'' then shrek walks in the room and said ''You know what's gonna cheer you guys up?'' they respond ''what?'' shrek answered ''A trip'' babadook asking ''Where?'' and shrek responds ''England''
cut to black
end of episode 3

episode 4
Guys in the plane, about to arrive
in London. Marmaduke sitting right next to babadook, and babadook is shaking like crazy, marmaduke asks ''Dude, you alright? You look nervous'' babadook respond ''I'm a-a-a-a-alright, it's n-n-nothing'' shrek yelled ''You just scared of height, aren't you? Hahaha'' babadook panickly responds ''NO ITS NOT LIKE THAT, I'M NOT AFRAID OF EVERYTHING. EVERYONE IS AFRAID OF ME!'' and shrek is like ''jezz, calm down man, i'm just talking shit. Can't handle a joke?''
So they finnally come out of airport, and marmaduke is saying ''Yo shrek, that was your idea, where to next?'' shrek answers ''You're about to meet your new best friend, let's take a cab'' so they finally arrived in some bad london neighboorhood, and babadook said ''Are we here to get stabbed and robbed?'' shrek responds ''Relax man, what's got into you today? You acting like a pussy'' and babadook answers ''whatever man, who's this guy anyway?'' shrek respond ''You're about to find out'' they starting walking towards some really creepy building, and marmaduke asks ''Is this dude really lives there? Man, and i thought babadook was bad'' and babadook said ''Man, this place scares me, let's get out'' Shrek walked in the building, and guys followed him, the place is some kinda fucked up den, lot's of used condoms and syringes, unconscious people on the floor, and finally shrek stopped walking and about to open the door where suppose to live their new best friend

cont.
Shrek opened the door, and it's really dark in there, windows are all barricaded, cant see a thing, shrek asks ''Is anybody here? We're here to see mr. Paddington,'' finally someone lighted the cigarette in the corner of the room and some really high-pitched voice responds ''Paddington is dead, he's killed by the Browns family'' and shrek is like ''What? Who are you?'' and stranger responds ''My name is not important, but what important is what i'm about to do'' and started screaming and running towards the group, the gang is all freaked out, marmaduke running out of the den, stranger attacks shrek with a knife, shrek is barely can handle the guy and yells ''calm down, man, we're not here to hurt you'' babadook kicks stranger in the head and knocks him out, and said ''jesus fucking christ, Shrek, is that him? this is some one fucked up little bear, and shrek responds ''Yeah, that's him, it's Paddington.''
cut to black
end of episode 4

A Children of Men type virus spreads throughout the world, only it just kills all men. I am the only one immune to it and now I have to impregnate the women of the world. I will play myself.

episode 5, final episode of season 1
Shrek & Babadook walked out of the den, shrek carrying paddington, marmaduke is there hiding behind garbage can, ''Guys, is that y-you? Are you all right?'' shrek responds ''Yeah, we're alright, thanks for having ''our backs'' man, you sure helped us'' marmaduke answers ''Sorry guys, this little shit scared the shit out of me, what? are you carrying him? are you insane? W-wait.. dont tell me...'' shrek answers ''Yeah, he's your new best friend, Paddington'' and marmaduke answers ''That's it, man, i'm out. I can handle babadook, but this shit is too much, dude is clearly a fucking mental, and what's up with babadook? He looks fucking dead inside, man are you alright?'' babadook silently whispers ''I'm alright, just tired is all.'' shrek responds ''All right, let's take a cab and head to Motel.
Gang arrived at their luxury five stars motel, and walked into their president suite. Marmaduke said ''fucking tie this little shit up before he's killed us all'' shrek responds ''All right, lets tie him up'' They tied up paddington to a bed and started to chill after the long stressful day, it's almost midnight.
Finally paddington recovers and started to mumble ''You motherfuckers i'm gonna cut you all to little pieces, you want my fucking organs, well after my dead body you pieces of shit'' shrek responds calmly ''Relax man, no one is here wants your organs, we're here because we want something from you, it's important.'' paddington responds ''Did browns hired you? I have nothing, they took everything from me, there's nothing left, all is left is my pathetic life, just end it right now, i'm ready to die''

There's actually a comic similar to this premise that follows the last man on Earth because something (might have been a virus, I haven't read it) killed off all the men but him. I think it's called Y.

cont.
Paddington started crying, shrek slowly walking towards him with a knife...Paddington started to yell at shrek ''COME ON MAN, FINISH THIS, END IT RIGHT FUCKING NOW'' finally shrek stands before him and swings a knife at him.........cutting him loose, paddington is confused ''W-what?... Why did you do that? What's so important about me? If you're not from the browns, who are you?'' Shrek hugs him, and whisper to his ear ''Shrek is love, Shrek is life.'' the tear has rolled down paddington's cheek, he's happy, for the first time in a long time he has found a new home, a new friends.

Here's one -- we're developing a vehicle for Joseph Gordon Levitt where he stops terrorists in a LA highrise..."Try Hard"! No? Dennis the Menace joins ISIS? All Muppet version of "Hurt Locker"? We're working on a option for a graphic novel about zombies who fight crime. No not that one. No, not that one. No, not that one. Anyway, how about a summer camp for aliens? A sports movie -- vampires and hockey for some reason? Fred Flintstone meets Doug Funnie? M*A*S*H but with robots! Any of these?

what the hell am i reading

cont
After paddingtom calm down, shrek told everyone to get some rest. On the next morning shrek woke up everyone and said ''Alright guys, since we're all together now it's time to move'' marmaduke asks ''move where?'' shrek responds ''To our new home, it's a surprise''
The gang went to airport, and paddington asks ''Where are we flying?'' and shrek responds ''To a magical place, called Australia''
*while gang boarding the plane All Star by Smash Mouth playing*
the end of season 1

i'm gonna continue tomorrow, stick around guys, love you all

The Sandlot remake, except with people of color. That movie had too many crackers. It should be all black children. And no baseball, it should be basketball.

A 3 ninja remake with black kids. It worked for the karate kid.

An average looking girl is faced with a dramatic social situation that makes her the most important girl in the world. The two hottest men in the story both want to be with her. One is a tall hot bad boy and the other is a slightly shorter good boy. The plot, dialog and setting don't matter. But let's just say it's post-apocalyptic dystopia since that's popular.

Money? Ok Here you go

pseudointellectual existentialist kino about an autistic who can't cope with the absurdity of life and then kills himself


Sort of like a modern The Stranger by Camus

Hardball is pretty close but still about baseball tho.

>3 Niggahs

Rocky watches too many boxing movies, Colt likes his malt liquor, and Tum Tum just some fried chicken

What the fuck is this? Fuck off with this reddit thread.

A 3 hour long epic shot in a single take (and on 70mm film) of getting raped at a Reddit meetup.

>Rocky watches too many boxing movies, Colt likes his malt liquor, and Tum Tum just some fried chicken
kek

So it's like... a space adventure but set on Earth. But we don't know it's Earth. But the movie is called Earth.