Harry, do you remember that giant snake you killed when you were 12...

Harry, do you remember that giant snake you killed when you were 12? Well it turns out the corpse of the dead giant snake is still down there because no one decided to get rid of it or even think about it ever again after all those children nearly died. Now I'm going to die because I tied some spell to destroy this horcrux instead of just using one of the fangs which we already know can destroy them. Also you'll need to spend half a year looking for a magic sword that disappears and reappears randomly whenever it feels like because it has the properties of these fangs instead of just using the fangs themselves (even though you and I both know exactly where they are.) I've been considered the greatest wizard of my time, but I couldn't figure out this small detail even though it's something two 17 year old kids could come up spur of the moment in less than an hour while the entire school is being destroyed around them. Oh yeah I almost forgot.. you're a horcrux too and will need to die as well but not until the opportune moment. I'm a good friend

But did they actually know the book was a horcrux at the time?

Why was dumbledore such a shitty teacher, now wonder Harry became resentful. Is Rowling a hack?

Well done slitherin, well done slitherin

Dumbledore knew it was a Horcrux in Book 2

>Why was dumbledore such a shitty teacher
Because he was a pillow biter

Harry, did I ever tell you that you were in easily one of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises? Each episode following you and your pals from Hogwarts Academy as you fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series if only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but itüfs certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

a-at least the books are g-g-good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King. Xir wasn't a good friend.

The fact that Ron opened the chamber of secrets was more bullshit writing than the OP.

Test

Giant snake total amount of people killed:

0

>making fun of childrens books

also Goosebumps sucks too

fail, try again

Yes, and some glass was enough to save people from those gaze-killing properties. If only they developed some filter to block yellow light wavelength since apparently it's strictly optical...

So you're only 11? Read 1984, not this Wizard shit. Then Atlas Shrugs.

Not anything written in the modern era, since people cannot change styles of writing, else Cred Forums users will say they're dumb.

Notice that list misses some of the modern writers like Chuck Palahniuk but includes playwrights LITERALLY NOT EVEN NOVELS JUST A PLAY SCRIPT, and does not include even one of the top Sci-Fi writers like Isaac Asimov, Robert A. Heinlein, Arthur C. Clarke, Philip K. Dick, Ray Bradbury, H. G. Wells,

but the lesser tier George Orwell and buts FUCKING Ayn Rand above that?

You think that's a intellectual list that makes you superior, but frankly makes people like me see that you have NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE PASTAING.

Also,
From the beginning, King was dismissed as a ‘genre writer’. But really, he is polymorphous. In addition to horror, science fiction and fantasy novels, he has written historical fiction (his recent 11/22/63, in which a man travels back in time to kill Lee Harvey Oswald, won a Los Angeles Times book award and was a New York Times ‘top ten of the year’ pick), Westerns and literary short stories, which he describes as “the way I affirm, at least to myself, the fact that I haven't sold out”.

Or a gun?

...

You can't aim well without seeing the target. And I bet basilisk scales are too hard to penetrate with 9mm "bullets".

also would have been nice to see Clockwork Orange in that list, but it's a sci-fi so I am guessing mid tier max.

myrtle

This is why god invented the automatic shotgun.

HEARSAY!

How did Dumbledore get the Elder Wand exactly?

And did Dumbledore just not care that 12 year old Harry had one of the Deathly Hallows? Or did Dumbeldore give it to him secretly?

It would depend how Sci-fi it is. Atlas Shrugged definitely has sci-fi elements.

dumbledore gave him the cloak, it belonged to the potters

But none of the books are seen as sci-fi and it seems to trivialize sci-fi as a genre since that list would exist almost as it is 100 years ago, and just put anything new as shit tier, including Tolkien.

It has to be the most pretentious list I could ever imagine and I am saving it just to ironically shit on peeps. Trust me, if you read even HALF of those books you would agree how fucking boring they are.

I usually have a book like Harry Potter as an interesting read to help me get through the interesting but dry books. 1984 for me falls into entertaining so I am surprised to see that even up there.

But answer the question: no, it isn't sci-fi, although there are fictional technology elements. The story in no way explores technology or how scientific advancements have changed mankind. It's a world tailored to give Rand soapbox mouthpieces for her philosophical arguments. Any sci-fi elements are just plot devices.

You take one of the "Big Three" of science fiction authors, Robert A. Heinlein, Isaac Asimov, and Arthur C. Clarke, and you'd understand.

So to summarily dismiss the most important and modern genre that even helped define the day and age we live in that even coined not only the words like 'Robotics' but even define the ethics and implications of the modern technology decades before it existed, you'd see it was more about the love of writing, and not just political agendas.

That book list seems more like a Cred Forums thing then a /lit/ thing.

...

I mean Asimov even defined Wikipedia and YouTube half a century in advance.

Thinking that 'bad' movies or books poisons the mind is retarded. Much the same way that College will not make a fool successful, watching 'good' art will not make you more intellectual. An intellectual can watch shitty art and still discern for themselves what it's worth and why.

The pseudo intellectuals on the other hand cannot decide for themselves what is good or bad and is why they take the opinions of others to understand what is 'good' and what is 'bad' and thus why they avoid 'bad' art.

There's no such thing as wasting your time reading a 'bad' book or a 'bad' movie compared to watching 'good' movies or reading 'good' books.

That's something that just lessens the pallet not broadens it. You'll never appreciate good art if all you take in is pretentious fucking faux-art that doesn't even strive to entertain. You'd be better off reading a news paper or watching a documentary if you want to be intellectual.

I also like how they slipped in citizen Bane into there.

What fucking kid wants to watch Citizen Bane or Vertigo vs. Harry Potter.

seems kinda dumb.


Also 2001 is shit, glad to see Avatar there, but don't really see what difference is from Harry Potter at that point...

>Avatar

Is this bait?

I love this pasta, but it's beyond me how it's still getting (you)s

ok bro, I'll take your word over Schopenhauer's

Just don't look it in the eyes? I'm sure an antisocial cuck like you would have plenty of practice in that.

>Someone, somewhere has actually wasted their time with all that shit instead of having a comfy time watching some HP.

Was he truly a good friend though?

HOWEVER

>he's so autistic he thinks writing a couple of paragraphs is a lot of work

>I tied some spell to destroy this horcrux instead

The Ring was cursed. He was just a weak willed dumbass and touched it.

>its a garbage meme trying to emulate another garbage meme that was paid for by disney
>>image.jpg
What a surprise

>expecting anything more from some low IQ that uses words like "comfy"
You might be a frogposter, but hes a dumbposter

Welcome to Generation Y bother

>1,500 minutes (approx)
>Ameritards in charge of approximating anything

It's not even 1200.

that quote is godawful

>Citizen Bane

>Citizen Bane

How much of a dumb butthurt faggot is that snake? He couldn't even kill a cat.

Harry, did I ever tell you about Horcruxes? they are vessels used to store a part of your soul that anchors you to the world. That's how Voldemort survived. There's nothing mystical or mysterious about his escape from death, it's just a spell anyone can find in a book in the library of this school. Yet somehow people marvel at how Voldemort was resurrected and the Aurors who study dark magic in order to counter it never thought to put a Taboo spell on the words of the Horcrux spell to know if someone uses it. It's a good spell.

Very unfunny, Oddy

Literally build a time machine, go back in time. Then rape and kill your grandmother.

It's not supposed to be funny

Why did harry name his son after Snape? Snape was still a huge piece of shit

No, it's advanced anti-intelectuaist/anti-modernist kino with strong religious undertones.

And Neytiri is top qt

Snape protected/cared about him all his life

Well whatever it was supposed to be it was garbage. Stick to videogames

>Snape was still a huge piece of shit

And he was a good friend.

this desu

Did Snape die a virgin?

#notalldeatheaters

very likely

LOL I came.

This is what a woman wants out of her beta orbiter. Complete and utter dedication to her and her alone.

We can see that... Do you have anything of value to contribute to the thread now that you're here?

Then why did they need Slughorn's memory to tell them that all those years later?

to know that he created 7

and to add filler to a book that had no real plot anyway

No. He sexed Lily while polyjuicing as James and Harry was conceived.

I mean I have a 1000 years on the guy, and frankly that's just a contrarian view, that doesn't make you patrician. They didn't have the same access to information that we do now, and if you think that he's more informed, that odd. is all.

Back then you couldn't look up the net about topics, so if you got some bad information it would just stick.

All of that is just me, I've seen it before, but what if other people actually thought it was serious. I am bored.... ;__; and lonely. I fight with pasta...

LOL

Dude's potion master, only takes a month to make polyjuice. You don't think he didn't have like a dozen of them going at any one time you'd be mistaken.

Also Polyjuice is legal.

POLYJUICE IS LEGAL BITCH.

HOW WAS THAT SHIT NOT ILLEGAL!?

FUCKING FIRST YEARS COULD MAKE IT WITH AN EMPTY BATHROOM.

YOU CAN EVEN POLYJUICE INTO A HALF CAT THING, THAT WOULD JUST BE NEAT IF NOTHING ELSE.... fetish wise...

Reminder that when three teenagers went to the equivalent of a "top-serucrity bank" they were able to use polyjuice to impersonate someone else and access their belongings. And the only form of identification required to prove your identity was a WAND (which of course we've seen are easy to take away from another wizard)

Then again, none of this matters because the teenagers were still able to fool the security guards using a spell that is basic curriculum for grade school children.

Wait, did Snape really framed Black?

I don't remeber anything about this... if it's true, I think Black would have killed him in PoA.

The Imperio spell breaks everything.

You can charm someone and sent him to kill your enemy and then himself. Zero traces.

finding plot holes in the Harry Potter universe is like shooting fish in a barrel.

Hahahhahha fucking gold. Take that potter fags. Abracafuckingdabra!

when he beat his gay lover grindlewald in wizard duel he took elder wand

this, it's so old but people keep falling for it

Why are there no wizard furries if all you need is an animal's hair?

Pretty sure Hargrid was a wizard furry

Also, nice dubs.

Remember at the end of the fourth book when Harry rode in one of the "horseless carriages" and didn't notice the thestrals pulling it, even though he should have been able to see them since he just watched Cedric die? It's almost like Rowling just pulled them out of her ass for the fifth book.

I think it's pretty obvious she was just making shit up as she went along

Because shit can go wrong and then you have to explain to the wizard nurse why you're half timber wolf

Was Hagrid even a wizard or was he a Squib like Filch?

man i miss quentin

He was a wizard but they snapped his wand after he got framed for killing mudbloods

>harry did I ever tell you voldemort and hagrid with classmates?

why didn't he get a new one? Or was Harry Potter the first wizard in history to figure out you could a new wand if your original one broke?

Harry, did I ever tell you that on the night your parents died I was out partying and left Professor McGonagall alone on a street corner all day? It was a special day and it was lucky that neither of us had to teach at Hogwarts. Also I didn't visit the crime scene myself to make sure Voldemort was gone, I just left an oafish retard to fetch the boy. Ooh, I forgot to mention that I also knew who their secret keeper was, if I hadn't I would never have been able to know where they lived. In fact anyone who visited them would have had to specifically be told by the secret keeper. Oh well. That same night I did in fact meet McGonagall outside the same house you grew up in. She seemed surprised that I knew she was an animagus even though I had known her for a very long time and also hired her to work for me. Luckily she didn't ask why I was in charge of the operation to rescue Harry Potter rather than the ministry of magic. I suppose they could have all been in service to the now dead Voldemort but if so that raises even more serious questions about how we managed to recuperate so quickly or why every single wizard was celebrating to such a degree that the streets of London were teaming with witches and wizards and I managed to attend a dozen or so parties. It's all irrelevant however, the real point of this story is to tell you about that scar on your forehead. Even though nothing like it had ever happened before I knew that it could not ever be removed and I would have refused to do so even if I could.

This is all in the first chapter

Oh shit I forgot about this. He opens it just by mimicking snake hisses in a random manner. And then the best part is they never actually end up using the fangs, so that plot hole was created for literally no reason

iirc doesn't the last book shit all over dumbledore or am i just remembering wrong

it's been fucking years

They fuck the cup with it, bitch

>the hitler of wizards couldn't even take over one school or kill a baby
>yet he was the most feared wizard of all time

absolutely silly.

>hitler of wizard
>not grindlewald

dude literally was the nazi wizard

...

There was never a school shooting in Hogwarts

Who said there was?

there were multiple.

>Teacher is literally torturing a student
Normal Teacher:
>Calls police, informs parents/guardians, provides therapy
Mcgonnagal:
>Advises student to keep his head down

Dumbledore (or anyone else in the school) couldn't get in the Chamber since they didn't speak snek. He knew the sword was impregnated with the venom anyway and the big snek was dead so why bother anyway. Just use the sword and have Snape fed-ex it when Potter needs it.

He didn't try any spell to destroy the ring, he put it on the moment he had it because he became possessed by the possibility or seeing his mother and sister again. He knew he fucked up and used the sword to destroy it.

JUST GIVE ME THE POINTS

>Dumbledore (or anyone else in the school) couldn't get in the Chamber since they didn't speak snek.

Except Ron shows us that it's possible to "learn to speak snek" Also, he could have told Harry to go down and get them in case they need a backup in the event the sword goes missing.

Not much they could do in that case, Umbridge was specifically chosen by the Ministry itself, and Dumbledore had to bail.

It was never really touched upon but probably a lot of people guessed he used a Horcrux when he came back. It's a banned subject pretty much everywhere but Aurors and stuff know about it for sure. They just had no way of knowing what the Horcrux was or knowing that he made a bunch of them.

Also Taboos are strictly forbidden and it took all the might of the Ministry + Death Eaters (including the Chief) to Taboo a single word.

The higher security in Gringots is the fact that only a Goblin can penetrate it. And Goblins hate wizards and would never do such a thing.

The explanation to that is that it's not about witnessing a death but about having it "sink in". Just witnessing it doesn't do anything, that's why Harry didn't see them in the first place even after he watched his parents die before.

unless they fool them with polyjuice + stolen wand.

or the imperio curse.

That's some nice headcanon you have there

sounds like "bad writing" to me

The only way t o stop a bad wizard with a wand is a good wizard with a wand.

>It was never really touched upon but probably a lot of people guessed he used a Horcrux when he came back.

this is just you trying to make sense out of a plot hole

>Also Taboos are strictly forbidden and it took all the might of the Ministry + Death Eaters (including the Chief) to Taboo a single word

yeah... because we've seen characters show such restraint when it comes to doing things that are """""forbidden""""" (i.e. pretty much all of Harry, Ron, and Hermiones exploits)

>Except Ron shows us that it's possible to "learn to speak snek"

Imagine a door that only opens in response to a German word. You don't know German, but you can still say the word and open it. Understand now?

Did you even watch the movies or read the books? Snapping the wand was more of a symbolic gesture. He was banned from doing magic, but kept the wand fragments in his gay umbrella and did small magic in secret sometimes.

Did he remember the word after 5 years

No it really is the excuse Rowling gave.

Rowling is a hack and I'm surprised there is such a cult following considering all the plot holes in her series. At least in LotR they just have muh eagles, and the rest pretty much blends.

listen faggot you just said they couldn't open the door because they couldn't speak snek, but now you're saying they can open it anyway without knowing it. If Ron could do it, then literally anyone could.

That IS weird, but not the opening the Chamber part.

They have a defence in place that washes over the Imperio curse and any disguise including polyjuice. The Thief's Cascade or whatever it was called.

I mean it's not like it's brilliantly written but just as easy to find plotholes and it is to "patch" them up.

>Except Ron shows us that it's possible to "learn to speak snek"
Yeah but who the fuck could have guessed that? You can't blame Dumbledore for not thinking that would work. Snek guys were rare and usually very secretive of their shit. It's easy to immagine Mcgonagall saying "hey Albus maybe imitate the way Potter speaks or something" and him replying "That's fucking retarded Minerva, lay off the brandy". Also I would have thought the venom would have dried on the fangs long ago honestly. The whole idea was so shit it's no wonder it was a couple of teenagers coming up with it and not him. All he could say was "well shit" as he watched them from heaven

>listen faggot you just said they couldn't open the door because they couldn't speak snek

No, I didn't say it. It was someone else. And yes, anyone who is given the password could.

Didn't Harry watch both his parents, or at least his mother, die?

>I mean it's not like it's brilliantly written

>The whole idea was so shit

Now you're starting to get it, user

>Snek guys were rare and usually very secretive of their shit

Dumbledore showed an ability to understand Parseltongue, either because he learnt it or because he had some translator other than Harry (maybe Voldemort's inbred uncle which he met in prison).

He says Harry talks in his sleep all time. He just stood there imitating sounds Harry makes for a while until it worked.

Its just /lit/ rejects and pretentious manchildren

Rowling also said Hermione could be black even though the books explicitly say otherwise. If it's not in the books, it's not canon.

He was dying because he tried to use the resurrection stone, not destroy it.

If someone spoke random Icelandic words in their sleep, could you mimic the word for "open" without knowing what you were saying?

Just saying, it's not something he made up.

Ron heard Harry saying open in Parseltongue a few months earlier when opening the Locket.

>Dumbledore showed an ability to understand Parseltongue

He did? In the book he doesn't understand anything when they speak parseltongue in the memories. He just tells Harry "I suppose you understood that shit"

Yeah he did but he was too young to understand it. When he came off age to understand death he knew his parents were dead and that was it. He didn't have that moment of "oh man it's over, I will NEVER see that person again". Supposedly that's what allows you to see the horses.

He heard him open the chamber long ago and more recently open the locket horcrux. So he had an idea what it sounded like.

>oh man it's over, I will NEVER see that person again
He has that moment about his parents multiple times per book.

>In the book he doesn't understand anything when they speak parseltongue in the memories

He discussed the conversation they heard, he obviously knew what they were saying. Also Dumbledore was able to speak Mermish which is also an inhuman language with weird sounds, so it's not far fetched to speculate that he learned Parseltongue.

Why don't they just buy a gun and kill all the bad wizards?

Why all the dumb magic tug-o-war when you can just shoot them in the head.

So what?

It's no masterpiece but it's still enjoyable. Throwing a tantrum over people enjoying something that isn't the highest of the masterworks is silly.

>Bongistan
>Guns

pick one

Dumbledore was dying because he tried to wear the ring. The stone in the ring was the resurrection stone, and he wanted to see his dead little sister again. He destroyed the ring with the sword of gryffindor.

Then why not ask some assistance from Freedomland?

Not exactly. He grew up knowing it was like that, it was never a sudden realization.

I think, rather than comparing it to learning another language, a better comparison would be to learning how to speak dog. and that occasionally, someone is born with the rare ability to speak dog.

sure, Ron could remember a specific hiss or some shit, but he couldnt learn the language.

If Dumbledore knew it that doesnt mean much, since dumbledore is established as a very very powerful and smart wizard, the kind who'd be able to learn how to understand parseltongue, even if not speak it

I might be remembering wrong but I'm pretty sure he guessed at what was being spoken in parseltongue out of context, that was it.

>user makes a meme post poking fun at plot incontinuities in your favorite children's book

>NO!!!!! It actually makes sense as long as you make mental stretches to explain the writing which even I admit is sub-par! Quit throwing a tantrum!

No, I'm pretty sure he remembered details. Otherwise he would have asked Harry to translate.

>12 year old wizards are allowed to learn magic
>I can't even buy a butter knife until I'm 18

Why didn't he get a pardon when it turned out Voldemort did it?

Sure user.

>harry, mind opening this door for me?
>sure

He still raised a huge spider inside a school, and was expelled, and it's illegal for people who were expelled before 16 or something to use wands.

Snape was pretending to be Voldermort's third in command, while also working with Dumbledore. Snape was actually a former DeathEather, which is why he Voldermort that the Ministey will send him to Azkaban, unless he teaches at Hogwarts. That's why Voldermort is okay with Snape being at Hogwarts.

Snape had to be an asshole, or else Voldermort could read Harry's mind to see Snape being nice to Muggles or half bloods

The thing is though that Snape himself is the Half-Blood Prince, which no one knows he is, except when he secretly tells Harry. Possibly Dumbledore knew that Snape was the Half-Blood Prince.

Snape is the bravest man Harry knew, because Snape was a double agent the whole time. While Harry is fucking around with Quiditch, Dumbledore and Snape have been constantly working behind the scenes for the past 12 years.

Except Dumbledore knew that Harry would eventually die, and Snape didn't. That's why Snape was pissed at Dumbledore.

>turns out there's this entire chamber below the school where a giant snek has been living all this time. should we go down there and make sure there's nothing else of note?

>nah better just ignore it and completely forget it exists.

>Expelling a student for a having a giant spider while you put a giant 3 headed dog in the school and don't tell anyone except for a vague comment to stay away from that wing of the school

Or the students who got away with attempted murder.

Like that user said though, why bother? You have a kickass magical sword that does the same thing while never rusting or dulling. Maybe Albus isn't that different from Tom in some regards; Voldemort wanted items from the founders to make Horcruxes and he did get all but Gryffindor, Dumbledore would have thought it poetic that it would be an item from Gryffindor to destroy the others.

Plus leaving Harry basilisk fangs on his will would have given the ministry a great hint that he was hunting Horcruxes (and thus Voldemort himself when he took over the ministry).

It's funny to me that some 'sperger writing a sonic webcomic is better than a professional writer with editors when it comes to tying in old plot pieces to new shit he wants to make up

except this kickass magical sword will just randomly disappear from time to time. wouldn't need to put it in a will either. maybe just go down and check sometime during the 4 years that you and the snek language boy are in the same building every single day.

Or he could have just told him "btw, Harry, if you ever need to destroy a Horcrux and I'm not around, a basilisk fang is nice"

But that's too logical for Rowling's idiot plot.

We get it, stories have plotholes. If you wrote down our world history, I'm sure you could give it to an alien and he'd be asking questions just like this.

>So you guys just went to the moon one time to leave a bunch of trash there and pick up rocks?

The school doesn't really give a fuck.

At the time the Ministry was panicky since a kid had been killed, parents were pissed and the school was going to be closed. It was the ministry that expelled Hagrid, I'd say.

Personally, I don't mind the plotholes/inconsistencies as much as the terrible patchwork attempts, many of which were never actually included in the books.

>Continuous narrative running through the series that Voldemort is just a temporary problem and the real issue is that Wizard society is fundamentally corrupt and broken
>Ending is nah we just put in a new minister and everything was totally fine forever

harry, ron and hermoine were students, with the principal of the school being a good friend
if they fucked up and were exposed they faced detention

if the ministry pulled a morally reprehensible act and were found out, that'd be impeachment, riots and time in horrific soulsucking prison

...

>have a perfect opening for a sequel of harry and the gang overcoming the residual clusterfuck that is wizard society, from the inside this time
>decide to go with a time travel plot that would get laughed out of FF.net

>Duuurrrr why does this school not treat students fairly or take the giant snake from the chamber

Because Dumbledore. From the very first movie, he and Snape have already planned basically the whole plot. The only rules of the school: do what Dumbledore says

Dumbledore's plan being a huge mess is a plot point in the book. It was like that to slow the kids down, make them take their time and come to the right conclusions- one in particular especially: Horcruxes or Hallows? Harry had to find out about the Hallows but not get consumed by the idea, he had to continue hunting the Horcruxes.

It could also be argued Dumbledore meant to destroy the locket together with Harry when he had it, showing him how to do it. But Malfoy was cunt and fucked shit up faster than anticipated.

>harry and the gang overcoming the residual clusterfuck that is wizard society, from the inside this time

Sounds boring as fuck.

>h-hey guys you know mudbloods are people too? we should have more goblin teachers... diversity makes us strong!

if it wasn't for that distant ending I'd have chalked the "good ending" up to the books being told from Harry pov so he wouldn't really care that much yet about the deep rooted corruption of the entire wizarding society

but sadly that happened, otherwise I'd happily have imagined that due to growing friction within the wizarding society as well as the advent of large scale camera usage and the internet and the sheer amount of inertia and unwillingness to adapt by their government the masquerade would have been shot to hell and back in around their universes equivalent of the mid 2000's

as many plot holes and stuff there are the movies are still fun

You're right.
Ebony D'arkness Dementia Way, daughter of Bellatrix and Voldemort, was such a better choice.
And who could forget Cedric the Death Eater, pants on head retarded plans and the wild ride of Daddy issues?

Harry Potter was one of the first books I read on my own and I really liked it but I can't understand how any adult or even teenager could give a fuck about it, the writing is horrible.

>decide to go with a time travel plot that would get laughed out of FF.net
Thi is completely true. I didn't save the worst of the exerpts from the play, but here are a couple of bad ones.

if Rowling had some talent she could have written a more "adult" story about Harry's struggles with the system mixed in with his exploits as auror which would have sold plenty given the kids that grew up with harry potter would now be ready for more adult literature

He knew that there were numerous horcruxes, as he had destroyed 1 and knew Harry had inadvertently destroyed one, too.

What he needed to know was how many there are, while also getting confirmation that the horcrux was Voldemort's and not some other dark wizard. Maybe Voldemort only made the diary, though that seemed unlikely. Dumbledore needed to hear Slughorn admit to Tom that you could make numerous horcruxes, and that making 7 would be theoretically possible, if horridly damaging to the soul.

...

they're still fun/comfy but that doesn't mean we can't laugh at some of the more ridiculous parts of the plot

I hate the Cursed Child more than anyone, but your idea was bad as well. I mean there are fix fics like that and the problem is that an entire society can't just change in a short amount of time. It'll have to be a 50 year narrative at least to really change wizarding society.

nice buzzword!

It's pretty obvious that Draco was just a nice guy with fucked up parents. I don't see the problem.

Those aren't even close to being the worst parts.

and making multiple was something unique even by dark wizard standards so he needed to be absolutely 100% sure

also it was a job Harry could handle while he was doing the real work: actually figuring out where the other ones were and at the same time preparing everything for when he eventually croaked.

Only if you reduce it to the stupidity of your earlier post.
>h-hey guys you know mudbloods are people too? we should have more goblin teachers... diversity makes us strong!
Seriously, what the fuck were you thinking when you typed that?

A group of wizard Armed Response offices dealing with corruption could be great. It's not as if there isn't plenty of inspiration to draw from.
Just throw in some missions to get a greater view of the world, show that Kingsley taking over hasn't magically transformed everything into sunshine and rainbows, and have some antagonist trying to pull strings to make sure the ministry stays in a stagnant state they can control.
Not hard.

To be fair, the whole thing is meant to be a play, not a book.

It's still terrible.

Harry, did I ever tell you about the time I put a vicious man-eating dog behind a flimsy door with a lock that we teach 6th graders to break? I was a good headmaster.

I refuse to believe she actually wrote this shit. Although she is by no means a good writer (she's horrible) I refuse to accept she thought the cursed child was a good idea.

>Los Angeles Times book award and was a New York Times ‘top ten of the year’ pick)

Plebs also clapped at Transformers.

>Every inch a hero

O I am laffin

I heard that the actors made such a fine job of it that barely anyone noticed.

If that's true, and not just cognitive dissonance in action, somebody needs to get them a fast track to playing the Dane, because they must be Gods of the stage.

>A group of wizard Armed Response offices dealing with corruption could be great. It's not as if there isn't plenty of inspiration to draw from.

No it isn't. How fucking old are you? do you understand bureaucratic systems? there's nothing exciting about any of it. Armed Response certainly isn't part of it.

why didn't they tell the muggles to get a sniper team ready to shoot voldemort. it would have been really easy.

Gee wiz.
I wonder why Harry Potter as an Auror might be able to circumvent standard bureaucracy and affect change despite it not being his department.

I assume you're purposely being a retard now, or lashing out because you wrote something retarded in a rush, and now don't realise the fact that you're anonymous means you can just stop posting and nobody will link your retardation to further posts

A wizard of that calibre probably has a constant shield-charm around him or something. Enchanted on their own skin.

I mean if you'll rip your soul to pieces so you can anchor your spirit on Earth even if your body is destroyed, enchanting your skin with powerful enchantments and wacky shit like that is probably what you do when you're bored on Sunday

They didn't know where Voldemort was.

No, user. Your idea is just bad. But humour me. How exactly do you see this story going? how will Harry deal with those corrupt bureaucrats? and what will be interesting about it?

Why didn't Ministry of Magic ask for help from other countries.

Voldemort would walk into ministry and BAM, there's like two thousand battlemages.

>Harry, did I ever tell you about the time I put a vicious man-eating dog behind a flimsy door with a lock that we teach 6th graders to break? I was a good headmaster

Hermione is a child prodigy. Harry Potter is the chosen one. It's not like Crump or Neville was going to break it.

>accio akm
>ammunitum infiniti
>the spell rita skeeter used to make her quill animated
All your fucking problems gone.

The Death Eaters controlled the Ministry

And what after they openly come out, and controlled it?

Isn't that the same as ISIS ? Or simply nobody cared about Britain?

>Harry, did I ever tell you about the importance of tolerance? It's the driving force of conflict between good wizards and dark wizards. Lord Voldemort, widely considered the vilest of all wizards, is intolerant towards muggles and muggle-born wizards whereas good, heroic wizards such as myself believe that all people should be treated fairly and equally. Aside from those Slytherin fucking shits, of course. Throw the entire Slytherin student body in the dungeons for all I care, since one teenage girl among them urged her friends to take Voldemort's offer to surrender Harry Potter in exchange for their lives and was completely ignored by her peers. They are all destined to be evil no matter what they do, and they should be treated accordingly before committing any crimes. They are not good students.

Horcruxes were some super elite secret form of magic though that only Death Eaters, a handful of Aurors and Dumbledore really knew about.

Minerva McGonnallberg?

Now replace 'Slytherin' with 'Jews' and 'Dungeon' with 'Gas Chambers'.

And chemistry teachers

And Regulus Black

And everyone who opened the most notorious book about dark magic that was housed in the Hogwarts library.

stick to getting cucked

>why bother?
It would probably be in the best interest of the school to make sure the fucking Basilisk living in the basement is dead and also that there aren't any more secret dungeons harboring monsters under A FUCKING SCHOOL

>And what after they openly come out, and controlled it?

I'm unsure, but there might be rebellion groups like the Order of the Phoenix. Or as long as they were pure blood wizards, they might not care. Or, they might not know, if Voldemort wanted to keep it a secret.

The fact that killing someone and weakening your own soul was enough to scare away 99.99% of wizards. Tom Riddle was a psychopath though

>not wanting to spread your superior magical seed and fill the world with magic

>I refuse to believe she actually wrote this shit.
That's because she didn't. She just let them put her name on the cover to make it sell better.

>scorpius

Fawkes told Dumbledore it was k

Yes she did. She wrote it with two others. She at the very least approved that shit.

who the fuck is scorpius?

>It would probably be in the best interest of the school

There's your mistake. It was never about the interest of the school. Dumbledore and Snape spent the first 5 books doing everything in the best interest for Harry, not the school

WIZARD PRIDE WORLDWIDE

Wasn't Draco the best seeker in the school until Harry showed up?

Draco wife's son.

He is actually called "The Scorpion King" in an in-story alternative universe. I'm not making this up.

read
you'll get a good idea of who and why it happened

They were in the same year and no, Draco was gobshite.

>Oh, yes and by the way Harry, I'm dying, the horcruxes isn't even voldemorts endgame, there are the deathly hallows, you have the cloak and I have the other two right here, you can probably fuck up the living shit out of voldemort until his last sliver of soul rests within you, because you are also a horcrux, but this wand right here can accomplish more or less anything, so you can just solve that shit in a year tops.

>Snape has sworn a bloodoath to protect you because has a bloodboner lasting through life and death, for your mother who you can see with this stone that I'm going to store in this snitch that only you can open if you kiss it and say the magic phrase "I'm ready to die", don't ask why I chose that phrase it's part of a failed riddicolous plan I came up with when I was drunk.

>Oh yeah, if you have any questions, just use that stone again, I'll totally be there.

>Oh and we share a shitload of past like growing up with a troubled childhood in Godrics Hollow. And I joined the Wizard-Facists but then stopped Magic-Hitler single handedly and redeemed myself.

Anyway, let's not go to a super-well-protected Voldemort-fetish-cave full of zombies without backup. Also If we run into that famous "super-poison-potion-bowl" trick that magically doesn't empty itself except filling glasses with the liquid, remind me that the solution is sinply to conjure about nine more glasses, simple right?

In the books, dumby learned to speak snek.

I don't remember a lot. I read the books years ago and watched the movies as they came out.
I thought Slytherin was undefeated in quidditch, but then again Draco joined when Harry did

I'm pretty sure Voldemort didn't even know about the Deathly Hollows until he read Harry's mind. I could be wrong though.

No, Draco started playing only in second year. Harry was speshul snowflake so he was allowed to play in the first year unlike anyone else.

Voldemort never knew about the Hallows and Dumbledore makes an argument that he wouldn't even care about most of them, only the Wand.

No, she didn't. It was written by Jack Thorne, with input from John Tiffany and (supposedly) J.K. Rowling, but the extent of her input is unknown and most likely was miniscule. Jack Thorne is the sole scriptwriter.

Dying doesn't "use up" a Horcrux. It just functions as a tether that won't let you go since only complete souls go wherever souls go. That's also why it's so terrible to make a Horcrux, if/when it's destroyed you have nothing left tethering you you are stuck in "limbo" forever.

Please post the witch from the train bits.

>began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated.
Was Ctrl+F too hard?

>and (supposedly) J.K. Rowling

Stop inserting your speculations here. There are officially three writers, JK is one of them, and she approved it.

>ywn fuck Luna silly in the Astronomy Tower

Did I ever tell you about Quidditch, Harry?

Not only will you only play four games a year, the sport is so retarded there is literally only one important person on each team: the seeker.

Catching the Golden Snith is so disgustingly more important than anything else in the game that it's the most ridiculous sport ever conceived.

Also we're wizards but we only managed to create one sport while muggles created hundreds of popular sports.

>luck potion


>No, Draco started playing only in second year. Harry was speshul snowflake so he was allowed to play in the first year unlike anyone else.
Oh yeah, it's coming back to me now.

Why doesn't a poorly written childrens series live up to my man child pedo standards lads?

Why am I so iqletcore that I can't watch anything else?

What was even the point of Quidditch? it was basically just filler or a convenient event to insert catastrophes into.

>hey i'm a wizard i can make stuff float and dance and all kinds of amazing things
>nah fuck that i'll just throw balls around

There is officially one writer. John Tiffany and J.K. Rowling don't have writer credits. They only have story credits. I'm only arguing that she did not write a word of it, not that she wasn't involved with the story at all.

And of course she approved it, who wouldn't? She'll probably get another couple billions from it when they inevitably announce the movies.

>Harry, did I ever tell you about Tom Riddle? He grew up in an abusive, unloving household and was isolated from his peers, which is probably why he turned into a psychopath and the greatest threat to the wizarding world I've ever seen. You are our only chance against him, which is why I decided to foster you with your abusive, unloving aunts and keep you completely ignorant of your heritage and the other world in which you belong. I am a good mentor.

It really is fucking bonkers.
It's like a game of basketball or soccer where two guys run around chasing a ping pong ball strapped to a drone and the person who catches it wins the whole game.

IIRC in the Chamber of Secrets game you couldn't even really win unless you got the snitch. You'd have to score so many points with the regular balls that it's only the seeker that wins.

I miss being able to make fun of his dumb shitposts.

>each year there are five new boys and five new girls in every house in Hogwarts

So the sorting hat is actually a scam?

>a few minutes into the sorting ceremony
>already hit the quota of 5 girls to ravenclaw
>new girl comes up
>clearly a fit for ravenclaw
>oh sorry ravenclaw is full now, you go to hufflepuff

nah there was that one time that they had to make sure not to catch the snitch until they caught back up cuz they were getting beat like 200-0 or something... Harry's team still won in the end though. That was the real point of Quidditch... just one more thing for Harry to be the best at.

>Voldemort is le most powerful wizard ever!!!
>Dumbledore disarms him and takes the Elder Wand from him

>Harry, did I ever tell you about my sister, Ariana? as a child, she was spotted by filthy muggles doing magic, and they raped her into insanity because of it, which ruined my family and life. That's why I decided to place you, our only hope, with a family of people who absolutely HATE magic. I'm a good friend.

These are trash

Why wouldn't they have the keeper and beaters guard the posts to stop scoring, one per goal, and have the seeker and catchers(?) search for the snitch? Foolproof strategy.

>Harry, did I ever tell you about Tom Riddle?

Yes, you told me in the second book, sir.

Yes. The Sorting Hat even tells Harry in one of the last books: All you have to do is ask me and I'll put you into any house you want

>just one more thing for Harry to be the best at.

Why couldn't it be something actually useful though?

your mum is trash

Unless he already filled the quota of guys or girls for that house, then you gotta pick one of the other houses.

>mirror will only reveal the sorcerer's stone to someone who really wants it, but will not use it himself

>Quirrell wasn't able to see it, but Harry was, since he didn't want to use it for himself

Only problem with this is that Quirrell should have seen it as well then by this logic. He didn't want to use it for himself, he was going to give it to Voldemort.

I'm also pretty sure that Dumbledore decided who would be in which house before the whole ceremony. Snape, who was the head of Slytherin, couldn't be too close to Harry, according to Dumbledore's plan

>your mum is trash
You are meme is trash.

>Albus, we need the address for Harry Potter's invitation letter.
>Under the Stairs, 4 Privet Drive, Little Winging.
>U-Under the Stairs, Albus?

Yeah I love this comics as well

>Be careful during your Quidditch match today Harry. Many people have died over the years playing this gruesome blood sport. HOWEVER there is also a potion that exists that when used will basically rig the game so you can't lose. The fact that this hasn't been exploited yet and that the sport hasn't been completely rigged at every level is surprising.

How come they teach no English, Math, Science or anything else at Hogwarts?

Every wizard coming out of Hogwarts is operating his life as an adult with only a 6th grade level understanding of these. .

You don't need these to be a wizard, and science doesn't even apply to them.

Also because it will take the jovial magical atmosphere from the books.

inb4 arithmancy

>Not using felix potion before attempting to kill death eaters with your bare hands

What the fuck is Hypersphere?!

>The Scorpion King
he was a good friend

It's pretty crazy how little shit like polymorph potions, time travel, luck potions etc. were used

If I had access to that stuff oh boy

Trash

you are mom is trash faggot

A metamodernist masterpiece. Transcends the immanence, and goes beyond the good/bad dichotomy in its ruthlessly brave exposition of metairony vis-a-vis new sincerity.

Speaking of retarded HP plotholes/nonsense:
Their money is fucked up. They have like 2-3 coins and the lowest one is worth about 0.02 cents and the highest is $7 something dollars.

Harry also paid ollivander less for his wand than the raw cost of the ingredient in the middle of it is worth

how is he still in business

Why the fuck do you people act like you've never read the book or seen the movies

The only person with enough skill who could make the Luck potion is the Half-Blood Prince or a Headmaster.

Harry made it because Harry used the Prince's book

Because most of that shit was created by Hermione, who was basically a wizarding genius, or Harry Potter, the Chosen One

Normal students aren't skilled enough to make them

what would happen if two players on opposing teams both used the felix potion? is it basically wizard steroids? is it like how the new england patriots get away witth cheating because "everyone does it" so in order to be competitive all pro quidditch players use felix felicis

>Harry made it because Harry used the Prince's book

Actually it was Slughorn you fucking dunce, he won it in a competition.

Don't ever respond to my posts again. Blocked.

You f*cking suck at posting and memeing

How come no student used some kind of "xray vision" spell to look at all the hot girls in school

you are mom iis cuck meme post shit lol kek

Durr like I said, a Headmaster or someone as equally skilled could make it


You're actually dumb enough to think any Neville Longbottom could go around making highly advanced potions

>A person under the potion's inspiration would likely prove highly adaptable to any unexpected change in the circumstances. There are always infinite possibilities in any situation, some of which doubtless lead to the desired outcome, and Felix can highlight them no matter what happens.

>Though Felix Felicis confers no extra powers on the user, it seems capable of drawing out the best reserves of their ability if needed.

>There is a period of 'coming down' when Felix Felicis wears off. During this time, the user's sense of confidence fades, and unlucky circumstances can quickly catch up to them if they are not vigilant.

It's basically wizard cocaine.

Why wouldn't everyone with a recipe and the ingredients be able to make it?

t. a frigging idiot faced dumb ass

I told you never to respond to my posts again.

lol dum dum piss man still triggered at shit post on baby book thread

When I was a child, my favorite house was Gryffindor

It wasn't until adulthood when I realized Slytherin was the better choice

t. should i shave my face like a f*cking idiot dog breath gay c/nt

It's obvious and it's in the book. Remember when Ollivander is showing Harry the wand selection and he stops and says "I think I have one just for you" well he gave him a knockoff phoenix feather wand that he spent years sticking it up his ass waiting for the day the The Boy Who Lived would enter his shop. The only thing Ollivander could think of during painful weeks of having a splintered wooden stick nestled in his anus was the thought of Harry sitting in class and sticking part of the wand in his mouth like a pencil. If you go back and watch Ollivander as he hands Harry the wand you can see greedy, lustful eyes finally fulfilled after months of hard work. Not only did he stick the famous Harry Potter's wand in his poop hole he also used it in his urethral sounding fetish routines.

Harry, did I ever tell you about Love Potions? they are pretty easy to make, legal to sell, and we actually teach how to brew them right here in a school full of horny teenagers. Watch out for chocolate gifts btw. If one is used for impregnation, the baby comes out a psychopath, like Voldemort. Despite being literal rape women take them very lightheartedly and laugh about using them. It's a shame I didn't use one on my friend Wizard Hitler.

poo poo pee pee u still reply to me!

Please tell me this post is supposed to be ironic

Why didn't Draco use the poo snake spell to spawn snakes made out poo that crawl into Harry's mouth?

Audibly kekked, 5 star post

Trash

Truly a master shitposter. Quentin was ahead of his time

Why doesn't Harry just use Imperio on Malfoy and tell him to not be a dick?

Why don't wizards just make everyone take the bloodoath spell and make them promise not to be a shitty person?

Do you think any wizard ever used spells to give himself a huge dick?

The rules of Quidditch are dumb. What's the point of scoring quaffles if the snitch gives you 150 points and ends the game? Why doesn't everyone just go after the snitch? Getting the snitch completely nullifies a 14-0 lead. It's almost as if they took a regular game, and added a new position and made that the most important position so they could have a most important player.

Swearing a blood oath permanently takes away a small part of your magic.

this is a good one m8

Small price to pay to make sure nobody secretly plans on murdering people and shit.

>dn't even take over one school or kill a baby
>>yet he was the most feared wizard of all time
>Harry is consumed in his grief.

Also

>Harry flies on a broom ONCE
>gets a training session that is like 5 minutes
>instantly is the seeker, as a first grader, on the gryffindor team

How do you think Hagrid was conceived? his father was a manlet and his mother a literal giant.

The distinction "for himself" wasn't there. It was only if you wanted to use it, period. He wanted to use it to help voldemort

He didn't try to use a spell to destroy the ring.

Your entire post is null and void now.

Congrats on wasting both your's and everyone else's time.

thanks m80

They could just do what Harry did and let her get raped by centaurs

>Voldemort you're back! You can do anything you want my lord, what is your desire?
>I really, REALLY want to live at my old school.

>Harry is consumed in his grief.

Yeah but hardly anyone in the story reached Harry and Hermione's level of sadism

NV goggles and use a .45-70

What's the context? Is Harry mourning Voldemort?

It was, though. But only in the movie, you are right concerning the books.

He clearly means they wasted their time watching all those other movies retard.

you're about the 18th person in this thread to point that out.

Also, nice dubs

So why did Dumbledore think Harry was able to rig the goblet or asked someone else to do it for him? Why did he let him stay in the tournament that was clearly way too dangerous for him?

They were 2nd years

Some magical contract bullshit.

>Scorpius

Fucking Harvey up in this Hogwarts

>reading Harry Potter digitally and not from your grade school library's copies

C U C K
U
C
K

If somebody says open in another language right next to me and later on i need to say open in the same language to open i can probably figure it out after a few tries

>too poor to have his mom buy him hardback first editions signed by the queen rowling herself

ultra cuck

that's the whole plothole though. originally parseltongue wasn't a language that you could "learn" to speak. it was an ability only a select few were born with. then all the sudden Ron can speak it just from hearing Harry talk in his sleep.

How many boyfriends did Ginny go through before Harry got her?

He copied what Harry said to open the locket.

>reading
LOL

Why didn't Harry, Ron or any other guy ever use magic to rape a girl, see them naked, fiddle them or other perv related things?

Surely at least Fred and George would have done this

Only Biggie, and they never ended their relationship

I owned the books too m8. But that poster obviously lived a shitty childhood if they had to download them off the internet like a chump.

Because you cant rape the willing user, Hogwarts was infamous for teenage pregnancies for a reason. Harry was just too much of a nerd to be allowed into the orgies.

TAKE SIX HOLLOW POINTS

please tell me she's 18

In OotP Dumbledore specifically tells Fudge that the Ministry doesn't have the authority to expell students from Hogwarts.

Felix potion is literally banned from Quidditch though.

"Mine own invention, my masterpiece; the crowning achievement of my career. Bottled good fortune. Brewed correctly the drinker of this potion will be lucky in all their endeavours, but be warned … excessive consumption is highly toxic and can cause extreme recklessness. Fans of Quidditch were quick to protest that a potion which gives the drinker good luck was hardly fair and use of my potion was banned, quite rightly, from all competitive events … except potion-making tournaments."

That's what Slughorns parties were all about though

Wizards come of age at 17

I always assumed Slughorn was basically the Jerry Sandusky of Hogwarts and his parties were just non stop pedo orgies

>Malfoy was a cunt and fucked shit up faster than anticipated.

This. Dumbledore didn't expect to die that night and most likely would have shown Harry how to destroy a horcrux using the sword.
Probably would have even realized who RAB was right away as well.

It's pretty heavily implied that Slughorn is grooming some of the students for sex, others for power

...

Magic masturbation is so good it killed their sex drive.
It is also the reason why underage students are so keen to get back to Hogwarts every summer, because they aren't allowed magic at home.

>1 sport
Fuck that. International Gobstone tourny live on WizardESPN 3 right now

>what?

Why can't basketball players goal tend? Or double dribble? Or just pick up the ball run to the goal and have a partner pick them up and put it in?

I'm guessing there are rules against that.

Deathly Hallows. Dumbledore gets the Elder Wand by defeating Voldemort who was wielding it. Dumbledore ended up keeping it until the final books. It was one of the 3 Hallows, the most powerful wand in history.

kek

Is this bait?

...Anyway, it's Grindelwald, not Voldemort, and he wasn't said to be the most powerful wizard.

>Dumbledore gets the Elder Wand by defeating Voldemort

It was Grindewald you dipshit

No, Dumbledore gets it from Grindelwald.

The real question is how he did that, but it probably has something to do with taking Grindelwald's other Elder Wand.

"Unbeatable wand" wasnt entirely accurate. Plenty of wizards lost duels and were killed by other wizards that wanted it.
It made the magic more powerful. Not the wizard more skillful.

Grindleward, Tom Riddle, Lord Voldemort, He Who Shall Not Be Named.. all the same names for the same guy just in different forms.

Accio bait

>no

>So why did Dumbledore think Harry was able to rig the goblet or asked someone else to do it for him?
He didn't. He asked Harry because the other Headmasters were giving them shit. The director is just a hack.