What went right

fpbp

Based T-Rex saving the day

The worst. Honestly I'd rather watch the vrappy cringe comedy of a Transformers than this.

>disappointing
>a summer flick that was EXACTLY like the trailer

What's it like being twelve?

>do I fit in yet guys???

>people defend this
It felt like a parody.

And now the director gives us the "le sequel will be very dark like Empire Strikes Back" meme

JUST reboot it! Get Pratt back and pretend that his character was drunk and all the events of JW never happened and the park is yet to be opened.

>a summer flick that was EXACTLY like the trailer
The trailer didn't have all the goofy comedic scenes that we saw in the film.

>I am 12 because I don't like Jurassic World
...

It's a shit movie user.

I am not the only one saying this. Go on IMDB where almost all agree it is shit.

Jurassic Park 3 is miles better than this piece of shit which had pathetic moments like the park being built with vehicles that anyone can control themself instead of them being on a track.

NO PARK would ever release like this.

This.

no you're twelve for having some wild expectations and being let down over a popcorn flick that was EXACTLY what it was advertised as.

a parody of what? The original JP and the others all had one-liners and gag-humor.

I was expecting this to be like Jurassic Park 1 which was a thriller not a popcorn flick.

I am SORRY that I assumed that JW would be anywhere similar to the first...

Again: the trailer did not advertise JW to be cheesy and goofy which is what we got.

btw my favorite parts of JW was the "Goldblum like character" because he made sense to be goofy whilst Pratt needed a better script and the plot of getting Dinosaurs to battle Al Quada or some shit was so ridiculous.

>running in heels

I've seen women run in heels before. Why is this a big thing now? Scully ran in heels.

>I was expecting this to be like Jurassic Park 1 which was a thriller not a popcorn flick.

>revisionist teenagers who weren't even born when Jurassic Park came out
>thriller

It was a watered down family-friendly monster movie with quips, memes, and fecal humor. Try actually watching the movie sometime.

POST THICC BDH

>a parody of what?
see
>Gyrospheres can't be controlled remotely
>the aunt death scene
>training dinosaurs to go fight in middle east
>Indominus Rex teams up with another dinosaur in 5 seconds of meeting him because they share the same DNA (even worse than the Martha scene in BvS)
The ending also reminded me of the ending of the 2014 Godzilla where Godzilla just leaves after "helping the humans".

Why do Americans suck so much at making realistic films nowadays?

The Japanese Shin Godzilla gets the realism top notch.

>It was a watered down family-friendly monster movie with quips, memes, and fecal humor. Try actually watching the movie sometime.
No, it was a pretty serious toned thriller

CUM

>using complete bullshit arguments as "proof"

I'm not even assuming (you) there, but it wouldn't surprise me.

>Gyrospheres can't be controlled remotely
So you're complaining about the non-real mechanics of non-real technology?
>the aunt death scene
No aunt dies. I'm guessing you're talking about the British chaperone. This is fundamentally different from the lawyer in JP1 getting eaten on the toilet how?

>training dinosaurs to go fight in middle east
Which has no relevance to the actual movie or anything that happens on screen other than as exposition. It's not like we saw them fighting soldiers, which isn't even a stretch because in JP1 raptors literally do attack security teams.

>Indominus Rex teams up with another dinosaur in 5 seconds of meeting him because they share the same DNA (even worse than the Martha scene in BvS)
Again complaining about the behavior of a literal fictional creature. And alpha-pack mentality actually does exist in animals.

The good:
Sweaty bryce
T-Rex btfoing sci-fi overpowered abomination
CGI wasn't that bad except a few places
Smaller kid was good and convincing
Nostalgia-esque scenes were there but not overdone
God-tier soundtrack and JP theme brings tears to your eyes
Indominus was legit scary

The bad:
Best way I can explain is: "Visual was too clean", seemed like an apple comercial or something
Some "funny" scenes were out of place
Teen dude was cringy/forced and in the end didn't do shit
Worst security ever for a park like that
Whole plot to use dinosaur as weapons for the military or some shit was dumb as fuck and the fat dude was shit
Has chris pratt and worse, his character is pretty generic
Park is already fucked good luck in the sequel

yeah like that part where the brachiosaurus sneezes all over them (snot humor kids!). "When you gotta go you gotta go" (toilet humor kids!). Poop jokes at the sick Triceratops. Nedry was literally a walking punchline.

>So you're complaining about the non-real mechanics of non-real technology?
Of course I am complaining about this because it makes no sense to fucking reality!

>But this movie is fiction so therefore Pratt should be able to fly in the air and punch dinosaurs because why would you want realism?
This is how your reply reads to me.

Did you even read what I stated? T-Rex walking away is so pathetic like the American 2014 Godzilla ending.

I suppose you people have watched too many American capeshit films to understand how to make your films a tiny but realistic.

>Whole plot to use dinosaur as weapons for the military or some shit was dumb as fuck and the fat dude was shit

Why do people say this? Do people really not believe a government that tried to use bats and dolphins as weapons wouldn't try to at least see if a raptor could be used?

>Of course I am complaining about this because it makes no sense to fucking reality!
Hope you never watch Blade Runner, the Matrix, or any other movie ever made that has nonsensical technology.

>This is how your reply reads to me.
That's because you're a moron with no reading comprehension who creates strawmen when you don't have valid points.

How long has this retard being samefagging like this? do you enjoy getting btfo in every thread?

archive.4plebs.org/tv/thread/73549603/#73549797

archive.4plebs.org/tv/thread/73549603/#73549915

archive.4plebs.org/tv/thread/73549603/#73549969

autistic fuck

...

the final fight between t-rex, raptors and animanidingus was okay I guess..
on another note, I thought Cred Forums was being typically contrarian when they bashed this movie, but I watched it last night and muh god 15 min in and I already knew it really was that bad.

I actually hope the sequel fucking bombs, hollywood needs some hard lessons about now, even your average normie is starting to realise that all these 'hype' remake movies are pretty trash/mediocre overall

>Hope you never watch Blade Runner, the Matrix, or any other movie ever made that has nonsensical technology.
How are you referring those to a movie that opened a themepark with LIVE DINOSAURS and installed vehicles without tracks so anyone can drive right up to the dinosaurs and make them pissed so the dinosaurs kill them?

Yeah that is something that would never happen in any movie that TRIES to be realistic. This movie is such a parody

How am I autistic by stating how pathetic JW is?

The only thing I'm really pissed of about the whole Jurassic series is that there should have been way more scenes where people were eaten by dinosaurs.

That would be some quality Two Star Movie level horror.

its a good way to get eaten while running away from dinosaurs, twisting your ancle and getting blisters all over within an hour, ESPECIALLY if you're out of shape

>but I watched it last night and muh god 15 min in and I already knew it really was that bad.
yeah I tried to rewatch it but I just couldn't. It was too cringey.

I feel sorry for the young kids who had to go see this when instead they could have grown up seeing the second or 3rd film in the cinemas (like I did and I absolutely loved the villain of the 3rd film).

...

>I-its fantasy/sci-fi, you can't critizise it, it doesnt h-have to make sense!

>so anyone can drive right up to the dinosaurs and make them pissed so the dinosaurs kill them?

except they didn't because the only dangerous dinosaurs were in enclosures. did you even watch the movie or are you just going to recycling from that same clickbait article you keep referencing?

>a movie that isn't realistic to real life is a parody
I know you must be proud to have learned that word today in your 6th grade class, but that's not what it means.

>makes sense
if you have trouble comprehending anything that happened in that movie then maybe you should stick to the Disney channel

Yeah but they can still use the vehicles to drive into forbidden territories which is what the kids did.

The WORST decision to open a park and not have vehicles on a track so the humans DO NOT decide to journey all across the island and accidentally find dangerous dinosaurs (which is what happened).

>this guy unironically spends his life going into every JW article on Cred Forums and autistically arguing the same points

Wow dude an opinion from some literal WHO blog pointing how an character acting in some stupid manner when confronted with a extreme serious or panic situation, MAJOR PLOTHOLE you truly showed me

kill yourself faggot

the reason it was dumb as shit was because theres no way anyone with an IQ would look at how the raptor sequence in the beginning of the movie and go 'HOLY SHIT we can CNTRLLL THESE THINGS WAOW xd therrr READY'

also holy shit the secourity was just laughable. really, the writers couldnt come up with ANY better way to get the park out of controll other than 'erhh, the dinosaur can camouflage, is invisible to thermal heat sensors (how the fuck does that even work), and we have 0 cameras, only 1 fat guy going NOM NOM at his desk at guard around it, and them not checking the locator beacon BEFORE going into the cage?
not to mention how auntie red had to drive what seems like miles away from the enclosure, get on her fucking PHONE and call the control room to get someone to check up on the locator beacon? you REALLY don't have a fucking hotline at the inclosure itself where you just go 'fuck guys we cant dino check where it is' and BAM situation is solved within 30 sec.

you're writers being paid bazillions of moneys and this is the best you come up with? le everyone is incompetent xd

fucking terrible writing

...

The forbidden territory was only accessible because the Indominus escaped and had broken through the containment area.

Who was in the wrong here?

Who cares, it is still the worst decision anyone building a live dinosaur park to make with designing the vehicles.

>SURE IF SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS THEN THESE VEHICLES COULD DANGER THE PEOPLE DRIVING THEM BUT NAHH I DOUBT ANY DANGER WILL HAPPEN SO LETS RELEASE THESE NOT ON TRACKS
Absolutely abomination

You literally cannot make this shit up, The same images from the same article even, how autistic can someone be?

...

the car fixing scene was basically 'holy shit our teenage horny boy character is a fucking useless annoying fuck better give him a scene of redemption and some semi deus-ex machina ability to fix a 22 year old jeep thats for some fuckall reason abandondoned in a building that is for some fuckall reason also abandoned out there without being cleared out?

also I dont get the gyroscope thingies, they were invisible? the visitors could drive them themselves?? THE RIDE FUCKING SHUTS DOWN AND THERES NOT EVEN A PROPER COMMUNICATION CHANNEL IN THERE OR AN AUTOMATIC OVVERIDE SYSTEM?

le
incompetent
people
in charge
meme
xd

awfull writing holy shit
and because its from some random blog all the points are void?
everyone with half a brain picked up on these things without anyone telling them
get out of here shill
and no I'm not samefagging

the writers

>images from the same article because they address all the problems with the movie
Wow this has never been seen before

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my biggest gripe was how we were supposed to root for aunt red
they decided to start her character introduction off with her being a beurocratic, nervous beurocrat incapable of making good decisions, and as a cold bitch which gets 'redeemed' because she cried a little while petting a big littlefoot.
man, imagine how many died to the flying dinos because she didnt order them to fucking stay indoors.

10 year old me was a better park administrator than her

Since june doing this if not earlier, really makes you think

archive.4plebs.org/tv/thread/70401437/#70401844

The size of the island was all kinds of fucked up.
Fromt the helicopter scenes it looks like the island is massive and that the official park only occupies a small part in the south while there's huge jungles and mountain ranges in the north.
But then they show maps in the control room multiple times where the park clearly takes up 60% or more of the island with just a tiny bit of land in the north where they conduct their experiments.

The only shill here is you showing off your blog-tier movie critics, get a grip you retard

you're welcome to actually explain why the criticism is void
hard mode: no 'cant critizise fantasy/sci-fi :^)'
nightmare mode: no shilling

see

>Operation Genesis
Holy fuck, a return to park building sims when? How did they not license a sequel to this when JW came out? It would have printed money.

Although 10 year old me wasn't such a good park administrator, I put a janitor building in the raptor pen and if I had enough spare money and park rating I'd buy janitors just to watch them get hunted down and killed. I had the balloon ride go right over it too.

Nitpicking suspension of disbelief isn't plotholes, next you'll quote some other of your articles saying the dinosaurs don't have feathers so it's unrealistic and a plothole

>they could have released a sequel to the game alongside JW's release
why the fuck not?

We haven't gotten a good video game based off a movie in a decade.

it stops being nitpicking when they are major issues in terms of writings that happens every 10 min

also to top it off:
bad characters (teenage kid is shown slobbering over girls half the time for no fucking reason while being a dick to his brother only to magically fix a car with some terrible dialouge on top right after almost getting him and his brother killed due to some more bad writing as to what the fuck those gyrosphere thingies was and who the fuck designed them)
boring romance plot (no surprise there though)
teenage guy

the whole plot of the movie is le incompetent people in charge xd and oh ehmm greedy fat millitary man who don't know what he's talking about xd

>teenage kid is shown slobbering over girls half the time for no fucking reason
Yeah this plot went nowhere... at least actually have him make out with a random girl and then he realizes he has made a terrible mistake and remembers the long relationship that he has with his gf back at home... basic story writing.

What was his problem anyway?
>has gf back home
>is going to college soon so not even some over hormonal teen who just discovered he's into girls
>doesn't care for fucking dinosaurs, even though he never seen one before in person and probably won't ever see one again

It had a Muldoon.

>T-Rex Just Gives Up & Leaves

I mean, I'm not saying it's the perfect film but this seems more nitpicky than anything.

My impression was that the T-Rex basically went "fuck it" and took off, since it had been beaten up pretty badly (it was limping too when it walked away). There wasn't any "communication" between the Rex and the Raptor either, they just sorta sized each other up for a second

I kind of agree, but It was clearly portrayed as 'hey buddy thnaks for evrything LOL lets go home xd', would make so much more sense if the t-rex started sizing up against the raptor, walking towards it threateninglyonly to have the raptor back off, and then the T-rex not bother chasing and walk away, or do a big roar before walking away, obviously replacing the 't-rex on roof roaring', or some shit

Now I think of it, it's not that much more ridiculous than resurrecting animals that have been dead for millions of years for the sole purpose of opening a theme park.

I still can't make up what the fuck is wrong with people who seriously think this is bad. What the fuck were you expected? I went in expecting dinosaur action and that's exactly what I got.

Eh who gives a fuck. If you don't want THICC BDH to wear heels you must be an enormous smoker of cocks.

Are you kidding, the T Rex and Raptor were executing combo attacks like it was a fighting game. And then Rex filled the gauge and used her ultimate, "Mosasaur Mash", for the KO.

We do use dolphins. The Navy seals use them for harbor infiltration and they are trained to place bombs on target ships or kill men. I've carried them on C17s to deployed locations. Shits so cash.

>combo attacks

Seemed more like they attacked it separately with each one using an independent effort to press their advantage.

It's somewhat irrelevant as far as "the raptor talked to the T-Rex and became friends and the T-Rex walked away" goes, though. I'm just saying, when I saw it I just assumed the Rex was fucking off to nurse its wounds. Even if not, it's not like the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park really EVER showed realistic behavior.

Dude how can you trust a dolphin to afix a bomb to a ship?

>kill men
I know you're baiting but I still want to know how they do this

sure...grab a frog pic starter pack and you Cred Forums approved....by the way, it blew and you know it

It's so predictable and cliche, the trope of 'trying to control savage creature to use for military purposes (and it doesn't work out)' is probably ageless but the oldest mainstream example I can think of is fucking Aliens, which came out seven years before Jurassic Park itself. As soon as a guy in military uniform showed up I immediately knew the entire subplot he'd be bringing to the film.

When you think about the hunting behavior of predatory animals, it makes some sense. The T. rex was initially territorial on account of a large predator in her territory. Now typically, in real world confrontations, two animals will size eachother up and bluff with roars and displays of aggression, like what Rex and Indie did. Keep in mind, this is to avoid physical confrontations, neither animal wants to get hurt, so these encounters rarely end in violence, 9 times out of 10, the smaller animal backs off. However, when they do end in violence, it gets insane. I've seen a documentary of a crocodile ripping the top jaw off of a rival crocodile just for mating with one of the females in his harem, and the crocodile lived too. Point is, once the big territorial threat was gone, all that was left was the raptor and the people who, mind you, weren't moving. Rex has taken a beating and has seen and fought raptors before, she still has the scar from her first encounter. Killing Blue would be much more trouble than it would be worth, and Blue wasn't behaving aggressively or territorially. Honestly, as far as animal behavior goes, they could have done a lot worse. I will say the Mosasaurus jumping out of the water to grab the Indominus was bullshit, looked cool, but bullshit.

I understand this, but personally I felt it was handled wrong. the t-rex definetely should have forced the raptor away, not go 'uma guma bro bro we friend now xd', that would reinforce the image of the t-rex being the TRUE king of da jungle, and not some friend

Absolutely, don't know why I didn't bring that up. So it's not the best, but it's not as bad as it could have been.

I just want a JP movie where there are no kids with parental issues

Anyone remember this site before it closed down?

>I understand your logical argument but personally I feel like believing my shit non-argument and "feel"

No, he's got a point, a large predator would at least show some aggression. It's not like a raptor is an ant to her, it's still threatening and competition for food. But otherwise we wouldn't get the last exchange between Owen and Blue so it's a balance thing.

Dolphins kill people for fun all the time.

>What went right?
The two leads and of course the wonderful Judy Greer.

>What went wrong?
Literally, no seriously LITERALLY everything else. From the fan fiction tier story to the awful cgi, the marvel tier quips, the fact that we're supposed to believe some paki owns the park, and those fucking kids I hated them. Bryce could've also been a lot thiccer but that's a minor nitpick. Not to mention the greatest crime of them all. They casted that numale Jake Johnson instead of based David Krumholtz.

Sure is no fun allowed in here. It has 7.0 on imdb and this is an example of their rating being absolutely spot on. It's a good fun 7/10 film.

Oh you didn't know that this movie based on a book for people to read on airplanes about a genetically modified dinosaur theme park is very serious business?

All joking aside, yeah it's a 7/10 summer movie that made a billion dollars because hey guess what, Hollywood movies are absolutely garbage nowadays.

The kids were the worst part obviously which sucks because that older one was great in kings of summer.

>I will say the Mosasaurus jumping out of the water to grab the Indominus was bullshit, looked cool, but bullshit.

It was hungry and no one had fed it in a while so it found food it could reach.

>how did they not license a sequel to this when JW came out? It would have printed money.

They did. Just not the sequel you wanted :^)

itunes.apple.com/au/app/jurassic-world-the-game/id791211390?mt=8