ITT: We write the second season of Stranger Things

tadzio

MIKE: Dude, Jacob, calm down. Will's been through a lot. He was in the Upside Down for like an entire week without food or water. It's probably just PTSD.

WILL: No, Mike, I'm like honestly positive his name is Lucas. It said so on IMDB and everything.

JACOB: CRACKER ASS BITCH DA FUCK IS IMDB N SHIET?

>The door to the basement opens. ENTER LUCAS SINCLAIR

LUCAS: Hey guys, sorry I'm late. I was just selling some stolen bikes to buy some of that crack cocaine I keep hearing so much about.

>LUCAS spots JACOB and stops.

LUCAS:Who is this?

MIKE: Wait, this is Jacob. He's the black kid in the group.

LUCAS: No, I'm the black kid in the group and my name is Lucas. I've known you since kindergarten. I'm the only black kid in the whole town.

MIKE:Uh. I'm sorry. Truth be told I never bothered learning your name. I saw Jacob here and figured it was you because all black people look the same to me.

fucking kek

>Suddenly Mike's mother, Mrs. Wheeler, comes into the room.

>MRS WHEELER is clad only in see-through negligé

MRS WHEELER: Mike, it's 11:30. Time for bed

>MRS WHEELER spots Jacob and Lucas

MRS WHEELER: Oh my, there are two of you now?

>MRS WHEELER begins to contemplate...

Hopper falls in love with Eleven

In a platonic way and adopts her.

mike and eleven go to the snow ball together

the end

will get ipad

>Camera cuts to MRS Wheeler and slowly pans in dramatically as a sly smile begins to form on her face

>Cut to LUCAS and JACOB. Camera pans in slowly and dramatically. LUCAS looks frightened. JACOB looks like he just wandered into a swimming pool filled with the Colonel's fried chicken.

>Synth bassline fades in

youtube.com/watch?v=VPDZkbq0Zp8

>EXTERIOR - DAY

>POLICE CAR pulls into an open and snowy field. The area is vacant apart from a small wooden box.

>POLICE CAR parks and out steps SHERIFF HOPPER. He is holding a box of EGGO WAFFLES. He saunters over to the box and sits down, his look is that of a man grown old before his time. A man who has seen some things. And some stuff. After a moment of contemplation he opens the box and places the WAFFLES inside.

HOPPER: You know, kid. Today is our one year anniversary.

>The box of EGGO WAFFLES is pulled in. We hear ravenous, vulgar eating sounds like those of the Tasmanian Devil. Loud slurping and growling. A loud belch is followed by the skeleton of a dead fish popping out of the box. This inappropriate and cliched cartoon sight gag is not explained.

HOPPER: Yeah, kid. You always know just what to say.

BOX: Mike? Promise.

HOPPER: No, it's not Mike. It's just me. Police Chief Hopper. That little shit hasn't brought you waffles even once.

BOX: Mike. Promise?

HOPPER: Fucker, I don't even know what that means.

BOX: Mike. Promise.

HOPPER: It's always the same with you. Well let me tell you something, Eleven. I don't have to keep feeding you like this you know? The government is breathing down my cock on a regular basis, and I got enough shit to deal with. Think I like coming out here every day in the cold and delivering frozen waffles to a fucking ingrate autistic person? Hell, it's a goddamn miracle that I even found this apparent portal into the Upside-Down in the first place. And that I eventually guessed that you like Eggo's at all. I wasn't even in the goddamn scenes where it was established that you like them, and all you seem to know how to say is fucking Mike fucking promise. Well I'll tell you something, faggot. I'm done. I'm fucking done.

BOX: Mike, promise.

SCENE: DAY OF SNOW BALL

Caleb: Mike, yo bitch ain't comin', quit dreamin' you bitch ass pussy.

Mike: B-but we agreed to go together. She's never been to a dance before and seemed keen...

Caleb: She's a LIAR.

Dustin: Thorry Mike *spits* buth Caleb might have a pointh.

Will: C'mon Dustin! We asked for the news not the weather!

*Eleven appears out of nowhere decked out in a lilac dress and blonde wig*

Eleven: "Friends keep promises."

END SCENE

woops, meant lucas for caleb

>C'mon Dustin! We asked for the news not the weather!
Fucking kek, this line better be in the next season

>HAWKINS MIDDLE SCHOOL. EXTERIOR - DAY

>SCHOOL BELL rings and a dizzying torrent of students begin to pour out from the school's main corridor. MIKE, LUCAS, DUSTIN and WILL make their way to the bike rack

DUSTIN: So what did Mrs Wheeler want with you and Jacob last night?

LUCAS: I don't want to talk about it.

WILL: Say, what happened to Jacob anyway?

LUCAS: He was arrested for inappropriate relations with a white woman and because it is not CURRENT YEAR, interracial couplings are not allowed. Also, the male is always the perpetrator.

>The gang is about to unchain their bikes when their path is blocked by a 12 year old red headed girl.

MAX: Hey faggots, these your bikes?

MIKE: Y-Yes

MAX: Oh, so you admit that you're all faggots then?

WILL: I'm a faggot.

MAX: Shut the fuck up, pussy. My name is Max, and I'm new in town. I've been looking for a date to the Snow Ball and shit. Guess I'll take you since you're the least weird looking of the weird looking kids.

>She gestures to MIKE

MAX: Well, a part from the blonde one but he is a faggot.

MIKE: Uh. I-I don't know if that's possible. I made a promise to a...

MAX: What the fuck did you just say to me, pussy? Who did you make a promise to?

MIKE: I knew this girl. Her name was E-El.

MAX: The fuck kind of a name is that?

MIKE: Well, her real name was Eleven. I mean, it wasn't really a name so much as a number tattooed on her wrist during a covert CIA operation where I guess they gave people super powers and also found a portal to another dimension that was populated by a single monster who hunted people by smelling their blood. Except for when it found Will. He wasn't bleeding. Also it's kind of strange that no one in all of Hawkins was bleeding for any reason during the week the monster was around. Like, it really didn't need all that much blood. My sisters friend got eaten and she just had a small scratch. It's pretty lucky that no one had like a paper cut or a period or anything like that.

Why does Fruhgguhs jacket say New York? He's Canadian.

Most of the cast live in New York I think

Do the rest of them have jackets that say Canada?

Probably just something he bought as a souvenir

The portal expands over the whole town and the monsters in the Upside Down have to be fought off by the townspeople.

MAX: Wait, the monster took Will but didn't eat him? Why not?

WILL: I'm good at hiding. They said it in episode 2.

MAX: That's fucking stupid as shit and this story sounds made up.

DUSTIN: No, it totally happened. There was a major government coverup about it where they made a full scale photo accurate will cadaver and everything. It almost fooled his mother but it was missing a birth mark. Also it was filled with cotton. They had a funeral for him and everything.

MAX: Wait. What? The Government made a fake Will and filled it with cotton? Wouldn't that weigh like 10 pounds? And he obviously came back. Isn't that proof that the government fucking lied and tried to cover up the death of a child and had been doing this whole crazy experimentation thing? Wouldn't that lead to some kind of outrageous media circus?

WILL: No, there was just an article in the local newspaper about how I came back. The article was called. "The Boy Who Came Back To Life" because at some point in the future, "The Boy Who Lived" will have been taken by a much more popular thing.

Because David Bowie stole his green bomber jacket.

INT. NANCY'S ROOM

NANCY: Steve, do you really have to stay here? You know how worried my mom gets.
STEVE: I gotta baby, cause *technically I'm homeless*.
NANCY: I still can't believe your parents kicked you out.
STEVE: Well, when life gives you lemons you steal some of your grandmothers jewelry and go clubbing.
NANCY: Whatever, can you help me out with this obligatory for Barb?
STEVE: Okay, this is what I would do. I would start with a joke. Joke. Vince Vaughan quote. Obviously.
NANCY: Who's Vince Vaughan?
STEVE: Fred Claus-

>Before STEVE can finish, DUSTIN barges through the door unannounced.

DUSTIN: Hey, Nanthcy. Hey, Stheve. *spits* You want some pithza?
STEVE: 'P' to the 'i' to the 'z','z','a'; gimme that slice and then go away- now.

>STEVE: 'P' to the 'i' to the 'z','z','a'; gimme that slice and then go away- now.

Brilliant.

Shit *obituary

>help me out with this obligatory for Barb?

Bamp. This thread is relevant to my interests.

INT. Nancy's Room

NANCY: I'm glad you kicked Dustin out. Now we can have some...privacy.
STEVE begins to take off his PANTS.
NANCY: Wait, before we start - I want to try something new.
NANCY pulls out a long, rectangular BOX.
STEVE: What's in the box, Nance?
NANCY: Shut up and turn around. For the next hour you're going to call me Jonathan.

bump

EXT. Wheeler House.

JONATHAN BYERS is perched on tree branch outside NANCY's bedroom. He is holding a camera with an absurdly long lens. He is watching NANCY and STEVE's debaucherous evening from outside. I TOUCH MYSELF by the DIVINYLS can be heard playing from inside. JONATHAN is breathing heavily while snapping pictures. His hands slowly begins to slip from the camera and descending downward toward his pandts. UNZIPS DICK

DUSTIN: Dude, what the fuck are you doing.

Startled, JONATHAN begins to fall backwards but steadies himself at the last moment the last moment

MR CLARKE: (from the branch above them) Whoa, easy there kiddo. You trying to kill me?

DUSTIN: Hey Mr. Clarke! Pizza?

TED WHEELER: (from an even higher branch) Would you fags cram a dick in it? I'm trying to masturbate.

I really like the non-linear narrative structure Netflix decided to use this season. Really keeps it fresh.

After a night where strange lights are seen coming from the forest, all the adults from the town have disappeared, and a strange force field surrounds the borders of the town.

The hero kids from the first season must now come together to find out what happened. Travelling to the place where the lights were seen coming from, they find a familiar girl.

Lucas: Step the fuck back pussy ass whiteboi faggots. That x-men bitch is about to get BLACKED

>The box of EGGO WAFFLES is pulled in. We hear ravenous, vulgar eating sounds like those of the Tasmanian Devil. Loud slurping and growling. A loud belch is followed by the skeleton of a dead fish popping out of the box. This inappropriate and cliched cartoon sight gag is not explained.

good shit

But then he gets drunk and does something he regrets the next morning. He's worried about the consequences of what he's done but then realizes that the girl is kind of crazy so no one is going to believe her anyway, even if she could one day string one coherent sentence together

HAWKINS MIDDLE SCHOOL CAFETERIA. INT - DAY

MIKE, WILL, DUSTIN, LUCAS and MAX are gathered around the lunch table.

DUSTIN: Is it gay to be turned on by watching a guy get it in the butt from a girl with a fake penis?
MIKE: That's a little bit gay, yes. Why do you ask?
DUSTIN: No reason.
MAX: Okay, so let's go over this one more time. There was a successful government conspiracy to generate working super powers which they were willing to have people who had no idea what they were dealing killed to keep secret, and they know for a fact that you know all about it and could tell literally anyone on earth, but for some reason you are all still alive?
MIKE: That's correct.
MAX: And they planted a fake body to convince people that Will here was dead, and people not only bought it, but gave fake will a very public funeral which was attended by the whole town. Then a week later Will came back and nobody really questioned it?
WILL: Yes.
MAX: So as far as anyone is concerned, Will may as well be Jesus?
MIKE: That's one way of thinking about it.
MAX:Hmm.. That gives me an idea.

A Star Wars style horizontal screen wipe changed the scene. It is both conspicuous and jarring.

HAWKINS MIDDLE EXT-DAY

The gang is sitting at what looks like a crudely made lemonade stand. Behind them is a sign that reads, "Miracles performed by the Boy Who Came Back to Life. One Dollar".

WILL: I don't know about this, Max. What happens when these people find out I'm not actually the messiah and can't perform actual miracles?
MAX: Who gives a shit? There's a fine line between miracle and placebo. How do you think faith healers and televangelists get away with it? People will believe whatever you tell them.

Just then, JONATHAN BYERS approaches the miracle stand.

JONATHAN: What the hell is this? You're performing miracles now?
WILL: Well I mean, no. Max just thought that-
JONATHAN: SOLD! Here's a dollar. I need you to make Nancy to fall in love with me.

WILL: But Jonathan, I didn't actually die. You of all people should know-
JONATHAN: IF YOU CAN'T PERFORM MIRACLES THEN HOW WERE YOU ABLE TO GET ALL THOSE LIGHTS TO FLICKER AND MUSIC TO PLAY?
WILL: I mean, the upside down is a strange place and-
JONATHAN: Just fucking do it, okay! You have no idea how much I need this.
DUSTIN: Dude, I kind of agree with Jonathan on this one. He's kind of desperate.
WILL: Okay, fine. Uhh... (he rubs his hands together like he's trying to warm them next to a fire) He's hot as Charlie Sheen and sensitive as John Cryer, make Nancy fall in love with Jonathan Byers.
JONATHAN: Did it work? I don't really feel any different.
WILL: Dude, I told you. I can't really-
JONATHAN: That's okay. Time to find Nancy.

JONATHAN exits.

STEVE enters

STEVE: You're performing miracles now?
WILL: I mean, I -
STEVE:SOLD! Here's a dollar. I need Jonathan to fall in love with me.
WILL: You what? What's going on with Nancy?
STEVE: Nancy is great, but last night she and I... Well, it's not important. I'm in love with Jonathan now. Can you help me out or what?
WILL: I-I guess I could try.
STEVE: Awesome. Take the dollar.
WILL: Okay. Uh.. He used to like girls, but I guess now he likes other men, make my Brother fall in love with his friend Steve Harington.
STEVE: AWESOME! Bye everyone.