fuck it. I'm so alone, I have no one else to talk to and I'm drunk as fuck.
I don't even know what kick started this 3 day long episode of complete depression that I haven't experienced in months but it might have something to do with the documentary "Would You Be My Neighbor?". I won't go into my beliefs and shit but the overall goal and mission Fred Rodgers had probably fell into the category of one of the most important goals anyone aspire to in life. I don't expect you guys to understand but take my word for it when I say the kids are fucking important.
The night I watched it when I went to bed I remembered the last time me and my dad played catch. It was all I had left as far as the relationship with my dad went, and I really enjoyed it. We would normally toss a baseball back and forth in the middle of the street for like 20 minutes at least but after a few throws he apologized to me and just wanted to go inside.That was the only thing I had with my dad and he tried to do it but just didn't want to and threw in the towel. Not only that but I loved doing it. It meant he still cared and would sacrifice the time and energy to spend time with me. We never played catch again. I thought about that and balled my fucking eyes out and cried myself to sleep and the same thing happened the night after, but I didn't think about my dad the second night I just fucking wept for not particular reason.
I'm so upset Cred Forums I just want to die. The only reason I refuse to an hero is because I won't do that to my mom and my sister who have been through enough and who have been there for me.
So many people have told me I can talk to them if I ever needed someone to talk to but I've opened up to man of them before and they just don't seem to care or have nothing to say. I don't know what to do. Any decisions one can make in life don't matter even if it makes your life better, even if you do it for YOU, user. I could dedicate my whole life to something I think worthwhile like being there for teenagers who's parents (who never should have had kids because they're bound to fuck them up) have let them down or done them a disjustice, or for teenagers who are struggling with things that they couldn't possibly have the skills to do deal with because of their shitty parents, and to be there for them, and teach them the skills they need to not end up in a situation like the one I find myself in. If I choose to do that what happens after I die, and when I'm no longer there for them? They will maybe lead good lives and do good in the world *IF* I do my job well enough but it still won't matter in the grand scheme of life and the universe and shit blah blah.
Ian Bennett
I don't even want to engage in the hobby that I *think* I love because it doesn't really matter and is an act of chasing hedonism, as well as trying to be close to my dad because in at least 50 years it won't be around anymore. At least that's my uneducated guess. The future is here and electric cars are going to phase out the internal combustion engine, the spirit of the car is going to die with the rise of Tesla and the big car companies following suite because of competition, electric cars aren't the same as a screaming internal combustion engine powered JDM or American Muscle car. No matter how much better it performs. And now I'm pandering about something that doesn't even matter. Should I even be this upset? Does it even matter? Does the fact that I don't want to an hero to save my mom and my sister from the suffering they would have to do endure from my departure even matter? Should I just do it? What reason could I have for turning myself around with a complete 180 and become something great in my own eyes?
Ian Williams
Not that that could even happen since a huge part of life is the connection two people have after discovering each other and falling in love and stuff which I will never have because "In order to love another one must love oneself" which will never happen. I've been thinking about it and with the state of mind I'm in, I feel like it has a lot do with things I understand about life and inherent truths about the way things are that are fucking depressing. Because of who I am and the kind of person I am and the things I can't change about myself, making me an obsolete male specimen in the eyes of mother nature herself, so why would I even condemn a girl that I have feelings for to be stuck with me because they can obviously do better, and be inherently more happy? Fuck settling. I don't want to marry or date someone I would have to settle for or fuck another mediocre girl just to be ashamed of myself for doing so. Which doesn't even matter because I'll never get THAT girl.
I'm sad Cred Forums. I hate this. I'm sorry for whining like a little bitch but I have one else. Sorry if its a little incoherent but I'm super lightweight and I'm basically close to being hammered
Isaac Hughes
noe one cares tho so its fine
John Hall
It's alright buddy. This too will pass.
Charles Brown
If you're depressed then get it out of your system with some physical exercise or just cry it out. Drinking just makes you more depressed. Weed is much better
Parker Thompson
well fuck. I'm on a tolerance break.
Landon Butler
Maybe that's why you're so depressed
Samuel Moore
OP is a massive faggot with sad hatred in his heart if you give yourself attention you're a double nigger so much attention that you post on Cred Forums about it you must be a sad fucker you either want the attention deep in your heart, or maybe you just hate everyone because you hate yourself. grow up faggot.nigger
Easton Butler
I agree with trying to limit the drinking, when i get in a sad state it only makes me feel worse. But thats not good advice for someone who is half drunk already though.
Loss and a struggling love life are hard things to cope with, i woke up crying last night about my grandma dying like 10 years ago. Its Its something i havent thought about in a while but still weighs heavy on my self conscious. I also lost the girl of my dreams so i know the pain that can cause being single now in my 30s. I think its good to talk about it even on a toxic ass board like Cred Forums and i hope you feel a little better after just venting your feelings. Good luck
Isaiah Morgan
I thought about making a post probably 12 hours ago. Didn't want to at first because I somewhat share your opinion.
Charles Campbell
>Because of who I am and the kind of person I am and the things I can't change about myself,
you are doing the right thing by asking for help. maybe it is time to see a therapist who can help change you into the person you want to be
Jayden Green
There is this one poster on Cred Forums I think her name is Alice she will post things like “h-have some tea and tell me whats wrong”
posting on her threads has literally taken the gun out of my mouth
Isaiah Sanders
awe
The counselor I see is basically a fucking wizar with the amount of wisdom he possess and I'm seeing a social worker who's plan is to get me a job in mechanic shop which I will actually enjoy so way ahead of you. :/
I got nothing. Been suicidally depressed before and I think the only thing that got me out was accepting how depressed I was (and I use a pit as my analogy) and instead of hanging onto the edge trying to get back to a life of normalcy I let go and gave into it. Turns out it's more of a tunnel and you come out on the other side a slightly different but stronger person. It is hell tho, so if you're gonna go, go with intent and don't stop. It still may take a few days to do it, but one day hopefully you'll realize these were small things and your life does not need to revolve around them. You got 80 or so years here. This too will pass.
To me, based off this, you put too much pressure on yourself and others to be perfect. It's just too idealistic and unrealistic. Give up on it and accept humans as faulty sacks of crap who can be pretty entertaining and useful. Also sorry but your dad didn't care about growing you as a complete person, but had kids to complete his life. You were an end to his means. Same. Sadly this is all too common. You can tell when a parent merely babysits rather than parenting. But you can take the reigns. Books are cheap. Heck, just read them at Barnes & Noble for free.
Also holy shit i recommend/10 keeping up the car mechanic stuff. I am. The internal combustion won't be entirely fazed out in our lifetime, but either A- you'll save a small fortune as traditional mechanic shops become more obsolete, or B- can charge a tiny fortune as a side business.
Also yeah, it's just a shit show. Nothing matters. Enjoy what you can while you can. I for one keep fearing the impending financial cliff our nation is hell-bent on going over. Maybe look up like in Mumbai or Gaza and then tell us how you feel. (Like shit. You're gonna feel like shit that you ever had it this good lol)
Jonathan Anderson
thanks user, I'm fucking balling my eyes out after reading this shit but it really helps.
thank you
Alexander Reyes
Find salvation in islam and you shall have eternal jannah
great plan. Fuck goats, blow up in a terrorist attack ....
Ryan Wright
wow me
Nolan Bailey
Keep working on yourself. Depression only gets a little better at a time. And sometimes you relapse. But at least you have the experience to get back to where you were before you fell. But fuck does it hurt to climb back up.
