Guys, tell me what some of your favorite Family Guy jokes are

Guys, tell me what some of your favorite Family Guy jokes are.

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m.youtube.com/watch?list=LL8CfOOBCDUZs1XrLay_8EBw&v=-dKUEyG_LOw
twitter.com/AnonBabble

Oh geeze I'm feeling pressured

um...the one where peter..uummmmmmm

shit sorry

You better watch who you're calling a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, then do you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert.

The one we're Peter beats his kids
Nono wait the one we're he beats his wife

Oh I see huh, no paper trail, huh? What'cha selling? Reefer? Crack? Smack? Horse? X? Shrooms? Dust? Meth? In my neighborhood? I don't think so!

>we're going out to eat, family!
>well at least i don't have to cook dinner
>nah, cook it anyways and we'll throw it out. i don't want you to get rusty.

The entire volcano insurance sequence.
youtu.be/UiOx7h3eOZY

It's okay to be scared. Isn't that right, Julia Roberts?

-insert random movie quote-

>Guys, tell me what some of your favorite Family Guy jokes are.

The fact that some people actually like it

>i laughed way too hard at this when it came out

youtu.be/ZEj79LX71Tw

Cleveland falling out of his bathtub.

>If you don't stop we're not going to mcdonalds after church.
>oh no, we're going.... uh...but you can't get supersize.
>awww!
>okay you can get supersize but you can't get apple pie.
>oh come on!
>alright you can get apple pie, but you can't blow on it.

the mystery box may have been a simpson's joke, but family guy perfected it.

youtube.com/watch?v=GKZJdaiJF84

When Peter was implied to have raped a girl while Lois watched
>mysterious stranger game or something

>"You guys are stupid, you see they're gonna be lookin' for Army guys."

"Well Peter, Stewie's birthday is in an hour. If you're gonna pull a party out of your ass you might as well stand up."
Remember when Brian operated as Peter's conscience and not a blowhard douchebag?

>huh I thought something was Amish

>smack

">You don't even know who I am."

IMAGINE ME PRESIDENT!

I haven't watched that much family guy
But the time Peter was making an energy drink out of cleaning products and his wife threw it into the flower bed and a flower grew into to person size, walked over to car and threw its passenger out and drove off while saying"official flower business" made me laugh pretty hard

>And when I freeze-frame, that's you driving the car
Still gets me.

Peter falling down the stairs repeatedly is also funny, but only the censored version because the bleeps are what makes it funny.

Same beer..?

Mysterious Intruder

>Peter, did you paste a new picture of your self, on our wedding portrait?
>Yeah, I think it looks better.
>You pasted it over me!
>Yeah, I think it looks better.

>You don't remember what it's like to be my age!
>I'm two years younger then you!
Old Lois/Peter banter was great.

Also shoutout to
>And that's the story of Petoria, a little nation that, 200 years ago, seceded and repatriated in less than a week.
>Any questions?
>So, like, can the family understand the baby, or what's the deal with that?

>You are so good... At cursive!

youtube.com/watch?v=IxOSoGpjfFw

youtube.com/watch?v=aSHalUwk6cE

youtube.com/watch?v=mRZrJvUl75M

Is family guy the only cartoon where physical violence against women is repeatedly the punchline?

The one where this one character is saying something like "That is worse then [insert lolrandom situation here]" and then they cut back and SHOW IT! THOSE MADMEN!

I like the one when Meg was abused.

youtube.com/watch?v=gEyC3IWkguk

Thanks

>"Aren't you two a little old to be drinking illegally?"
>"Uh, Lois! Look over there! Run guys!"
>Cops run

SAME SHOW!?

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
Lois this is not my Batman glass

Yeah, climb any mountain, rent any video, dial any phone. And not just our phone, Lois, other people's phones. Decent phones, God-fearing phones, phones that everybody else gave up on, but we knew better because we were a team!

youtu.be/-XIXKS4gSe0

And that's my plan. What d'ya think?

>H-hey don't I at least get a Chumba Wumba song?
>Fine
>Chumba wumba doo-kicks him

youtube.com/watch?v=Q12Sguptyr0

>Go _uck Yourself
>"I'd like to solve the puzzle"
>"Go Tuck Yourself In"
>Ding

>Chris:"You were close, Dad"
>Peter:"I can't believe we missed My Hairy Aunt"

Like 4 good jokes wrapped together to make a perfect rapid fire of funny

EVERYBODY SAYS THE BIRD IS A WORD

>Peter, I swear sometimes you can be such a child!
>Oh yeah, well if I'm a child then that makes you a pedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna sit here and be lectured by a pervert.

This is such a weird clip because normally they don't even bother to animate a shadow.

This is definitely one of my favorites.

But my all time favorite cutaway scene was

>Today class, we're going to dissect... A CLOWN!
>Oh, no wonder this clown died. His lungs were full of...
>CANDYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

shame I can't find it on YouTube

It's REALLY sad and telling how a lot of these are from the first three seasons.

Recent Family Guy mostly sucks turtle ass but two of my favorite FG cutaways came from recent seasons: Huey Lewis and The Jews

Huey (singing Power Of Love): "Well, you don't need money...."
The Jewish guys: (instantly stops playing the music) "Sorry. The band's breaking up."

And the Debussy scene is fucking classic. Especially how the 'audience' cheered and threw bouquets of flowers to Peter and the foreign guy at the end of it

Cutaways jokes like that are why people still watch FG. We all know it's 80% shit, but we don't wanna miss the 20% gold that they randomly give us

Man going back to old Family guy episodes feels like watching a entirely different show
what the hell happened

That episode where Peter mentioned that one time Meg wouldn't shut up, so he jumped into one of his peter themed vehicles and drove it into her, which caused cleveland's house to explode.

Cleveland was having a bath, and ended up falling out of his house while saying "no no no nooooooo"

That was a pretty funny bit.

the credits

The Ipecac scene.
>youtube.com/watch?v=_SKdN1xQBjk

I found their abject suffering hilarious.

>"Heh, you said "nuclear". It's nucular, dummy. The 'S' is silent!"

DANCE WITH ME LOIS! DANCE THE DANCE OF LIFE!

>what the hell happened

Same thing that happened to Spongebob: different writers.

I wish there was a rule where if more than 30% of the original writing crew leaves, then the show ends. Because the show simply won't be the same after that.

When the family was singing the national anthem, then Chris suddenly started singing "AND IIIIIIII-E-IIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOOOOVE YOUUUUUU-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO"

Peter trying to breastfeed Stewie, and Stewie's reaction when he realized what was happening

Wow. One of the rare examples of a woman being cuckolded.

A boats a boat, but this could be anything! It could even be a boat! You know how much we've wanted one of those.

Holy shit, the salesman is the exact same guy in both of those.

Holy shit....this reminded me of that ridiculous cloud cutaway they did

Peter: Look at those clouds up there. Just plotting. Picking their moment.

Cloud #1: So, Bill.....we attack tomorrow.
Cloud #2: Yes. Tomorrow.

(long pause)

Cloud #1: .....I mean it this time....
Cloud #2 (quickly interrupts): I do, too.

You had to hear the way they DELIVERED the fucking dialogue. I lost my shit when I first saw that.

I've got a soft spot for this visual joke.

It wasn't really that funny, but I always liked the Jason Mraz flashback they did

(Peter) *runs up to some random guy in a hat* Oh my God, it's Jason Mraz!
(Guy) No I'm not. I'm just some guy wearing a hat.
(Peter) Yeah, that's who Jason Mraz is!

The random guy in the hat was actually voiced by Jason Mraz, lel

The scene with the cow orgasming as it's being milked will never not be funny to me.

youtube.com/watch?v=DZpKPrUKn1U

The fact that this show exists, let alone was brought back from the dead is a fucking joke.

In one of the early episodes Peter has to bring a parade home to act as Stewie's birthday entertainment. To do so he picks up a directional sign, obviously hinting that he's going to make them take a detour.
Then he smashes the conductor with the sign and takes his place.
That's the joke that sold me on the show, because it did unexpected things.

Well, that ended pretty soon.

"virtual stuck behind a bus" makes me laugh every time. And from the same episode, I think, Chris's delivery on the line "Yay! We get to live at the bank!" When repo men come to take their stuff away.

Nah different episodes. Virtual bus is the pilot at Cheesie Charlies, repo men episode is when Peter is on welfare.

Agreed.

Another part I liked, despite it being in the newer seasons:

>Peter and Joe get drunk
>Peter: "Joe you're too drunk to drive your car, lemme take your keys... okay here's my keys, see you tomorrow"
>Both take the other's car
>Peter immediately pulls Joe over in his own police car
>Peter: "Sir how much have you had to drink"
>Joe: "No it's fine officer, I'm fine"
>Peter: "Step out of the car please"
>Joe opens the door and falls flat on his face

>Well there's your hook!
>Get out.

>sir I'll give you $500 for what's in the back of your car
>$500 for a bumper sticker?
>"I lost my self respect at Wes' ribhouse"

youtube.com/watch?v=DZpKPrUKn1U

>family guy used to have witty jokes
What happened

>Peter: remember earlier when we said we all had erections... I lied
>Joe: me too

>that parody of the naked gun intro with stewie on the bicycle
>runs over Homer at the end
>Peter: Hey, Stewie. Who the hell is that?

Then I got that letter...MY BLACK SON! MY BLACK SON! DON'T EVEN REMEMBER SLEEPING WITH THAT LADY

Also he's an ninja

>I haven't heard an idea this bad since moot created Cred Forums

>moot typing on keyboard
>aaaand, all done.
>slight pause
>computer explodes, with moot's blood and flesh flying all over the place

>Look at me, I'm Joe. My legs don't work but I make up for it by having a very strong upper body.
>HaHaHa, well I do say that

>All right, we're gonna use a fan brush here, and, uh I want you to take some hunter green, and we're gonna put a happy little bush down here in the corner there. And that'll just be our little secret. And if you tell anyone...that that bush is there...I will come to your house and I will cut you.

Runners up

>So, Peter, where do you see yourself in five years
>Don't say, "Doing your wife." Don't say, "Doing your wife." Don't say, "Doing your wife."
>Doing your...son?

>You vill find more on Germany's contributions to ze arts in ze pamphlets ve have provided
>Yeah, about your pamphlet... uh, I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a big gap
> Everyone was on vacation. On your left is Munich's first city hall, erected in 15...
>Wait, what are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and...
>We were invited. Punch vas served. Check vit Poland.
>You can't just ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Nazism's stranglehold on Germany.
>Nope, nope. He left to manage a Dairy Queen.
>A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous
>I vill hear no more insinuations about the German people. Nothing bad happened. Sie werden sich hinsetzen. Sie werden ruhig sein. Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland.
>Uh, is that a beer hall?
>Oh yes, Munich is renowned for its historic beer halls.

>Cooool!

gets me every time

Quagmire: "Fat chicks need love, too!......but they gotta PAY."

>What are you doing?

>Crack.

>Where'd you get crack?

>From Blacks.

>What?

>Yah behind Black's hardware there's a white guy selling it.

The Grizzly Adams scene cracked me up...."long enough to GET YOUR NUMBER!"

The time when Peter snuck into the rehab place and a woman approached him asking who he was....he tries to make up a fake name, and comes up with "Pea Tear Griffin"

The time when Meg asks God to kill her. He's just about to snipe her off from heaven when he gets a phone call. He answers it and suggestively says "Karen" like it's one of his favorite hoes calling

The time when Peter talked to his bad conscience and wondered where his good conscience was....and it showed his good conscience stuck in traffic

When Peter got into a car accident with the deer, and the deer got frustrated with him because he was trying not to give him his information

God, early Family Guy is so underrated. It has such a shitty reputation now because most people only see it as the "Conway Twitty for 3 minutes" bullshit that it eventually became. Its early golden age is like a hidden gem that only real fans are aware of.

Herbert singing YMCA at his Quahog Boys Club booth always gets me whenever I see it

I don't know why, but I really like the "John Wayne at the first Thanksgiving" bit.

Happy Thanksgiving, pilgrims!

holy crip he's a crapple

2009 happened. 2009, the year of no fucks given.

"Chris, our bath is ready!"
*awkward silence*
"I do not have the parenting skills to deal with this."

Not funny, but lewd as fuck

Remember the newspaper headline?

'Crip Cop Catches Crip'

>they respected me for saying it

>remembers when they brought in The Rock just to simulate sex between a Peter doll and a Lois doll

>do not pull
>Peter stares at it
>pulls it anyway and falls out
>"HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHhehehehe..."

Wow.....nobody mentioned the "I had sex with all these fish" scene yet? That one literally had me on the floor laughing

youtube.com/watch?v=vQIfYLlXbzU

VAGINA JUNCTION, WHAT'S YOUR FUNCTION?

Taking in sperrrrrrm and spittin' out babies....

SIMPSONS DID IT!
>youtube.com/watch?v=ZiYvxT_y-c4

Speaking of family guy. How the fuck is it being streamed 24/7 on youtube by some random guys without being taken down?

The Tom Selleck joke is the first one that comes to mind. It's not even clever, but it makes me laugh. Also, when Quagmire learns about internet porn.

At this point it won't affect ratings. FG isn't hurting in broadcast.

youtube.com/watch?v=uwkg-oIkwgU
>Cred Forums talks about Family Guy

It was a Simpsons clone in the older days.

Can't remember the exact quote but the entire episode where Peter and Lois dad think up of quick rich ideas

>now we got the drugs and the money!

>Peter can I speak to you near that open door.

The first Ollie Williams appearance

"IT'S GON' RAIN!!"

repo men is from the one where he buys a Fishing Boat and Lois and Meg are on Spring Break

youtube.com/watch?v=CchfZo0iSts

...

>okay sir you have a great night
>lotta crazies out here

youtube.com/watch?v=NTk56eSxxqA

Randy Newman
youtu.be/ARP6dXMlWQ8

>Peter is downstairs with a gun
>Peter accidentally fires off gun while it's pointing up, creating a hole in the ceiling
>Chris drops down from upstairs through hole
>Chris: "Hi, dad!"
>Peter: "Go to your room."
>Chris: "Okay!"
>Chris runs upstairs
>Chris immediately falls downstairs again through the same fucking hole

I really the "we built this city" joke

Chris: I hate this radio station, they make promises they can't deliver
Radio: Now we continue with the best rock & roll of all times
Radio plays We built this city

New Mayor West is still kinda funny, but he was the best early on.
>*Meg leaves with the scandal info*
>Well that could've gotten unpleasant, good thing she's just a figment of my imagination

>Nobody messes with Adam We

>His name...was boner! BONER!

>Maybe it was the Noid that should've avoided me

>Oh my god, I'm a tomato!

youtube.com/watch?v=1VicFO2U5Ko

youtube.com/watch?v=JqnPlH7Aol4

youtube.com/watch?v=agiAknjbDqQ

It's a huge and successful black market.

>"Get out of the left lane, you stupid Asian biiiiiiiiitch......I don't even know why you are there....."

That seriously needs to be a full song

>All the jokes people are listing are from classic Family Guy
Alright, we get your point. You stopped watching after the early seasons.

youtube.com/watch?v=UUXi4ppLm-U

>shut up GREG

see
I actually liked the most recent season. There's only really been like 2 'bad' seasons. sure, pre-cancellation FG was different, but that's it. It was 'different', not 'better'

...

a recent joke I liked was in one of the episodes where they used a cutaway to break into the pub

>Meg tries to get the burglars to fuck her and ends up getting arrested for sexual harrassment
>"Use the other mustard"

>how do ya do it?

This one kills me

You're welcome

youtu.be/wR-MrJwqcFc

Racist Kermit always gets me

m.youtube.com/watch?list=LL8CfOOBCDUZs1XrLay_8EBw&v=-dKUEyG_LOw

The first scene where Chris calls Lois a pig and then a bitch.

What do you want? The thread is about funny Family Guy jokes, and pre-cancellation Family Guy was the only time when the show was funny.

Are you Nikhil Cruz?