ITT: The greatest quips

ITT: The greatest quips

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>In which Spider-Man mocks and beats a retarded person nowhere near strong enough to pose a legitimate threat to him

what's the problem?

Spiderman would have a lot less psychos if he didn't relentlessly mock everyone he fought.

he breeds grudges

He can't help it, he bullies people to cope with his low self-esteem.

Spider-man has a tiny dick

I like to imagine that if joker or riddler ever decided to take over new york they'd give up after Spidey relentlessly mocks them
Both of them have egos more fragile than Doom

More like Spider-JERK!

Yes, Spider-Man is a bully while he's fighting people he mentally justifies as 'bad people'.

This isn't a new discovery?

Go to bed Jonah

I like to think Doom finds spidey funny and that's the only reason he tolerates him.


The one where he falls on the chair and the villain falls in the pool and says "Really god!? Really?"

I need an issue. This is GOAT bantz.

Get out of here Kbox


Talk shit, get hit. Just because some idiot is not doing a very good job of trying to kill you, it doesn't mean you have to take any of their shit.

I always love butthurt Osborn.

And, honestly, if you are waving weapons around and robbing people, you are giving up some of the consideration that other people have to have for your feelings.

Spiderman is what happens when you give a bullied kid power. He becomes a bully to those weaker to him.

God I miss that show

Who cares? Ox is a douche, he had it coming.

>to those weaker than him
You mean to those weaker than him that also happen to be criminals.

Christ, I hope nobody ever lets Clevinger out of his little Atomic Robo / webcomic ghetto again.

"Yes, Brian, thank you for telling us how great Tesla was... again. Yes, Brian, we know you fucking love science. Yes, Brian, we know that Edison dicked over Tesla and also that Tesla was great, please stop telling us now."

>Spider-Man makes fat joke about Kingpin.jpg

He was too good for this, or any, world.


in fairness that second screencap is spot on for both characters
Doom would correct even the smallest of errors and Spider-man would get a kick that he knew the answer to that so readily

Makes me smile every time.

See, this is a really cool scene. Only problem is that the fucking Green Goblin figured out Spidey was actually Doc Ock before anyone in his everyday life that he's been close to for years did.

But then that comic was capstoned by this shit.

People shit on Bendis all day around here, but he is 100x the Spider-man writer that Slott is.

Slott and Bendis seem like they are just burned out writing Spider-man, they've made some good Spider-man stories in the past, but that's long gone



I think the problem is the Miles is not nearly as interesting a character as Peter. USM was amazing right up until Peter died even as the rest of the Ultimate universe fell apart.

I've been creeped out by that kid since the 90s.

Look at Fisk's face in the last panel.

That's a fair assumption, but I think being a friend of Sue's who isn't Reed but is also rather intelligent helps too.

Yes, he bullies anyone who he deems as "wrong" or an acceptable target. That's what bullies do.

He's just bullying people who are already WAY over the edge

Go home tumblr

Remember that time Spidey quipped so hard he almost got shot by The Punisher?

It was worth it.

>Spider-Man bullies bad people. Most bullies pick on what they see as "bad."

user, are you retarded?
Bully is not synonymous with evil.

Insulting crooks isn't bullying them.

Yesss, I was waiting for someone to post this.

>They're bad people so it doesn't count.
If he just threw out an insult once in a while you'd have a point, but his whole thing is to incessantly mock, tease and verbally tear his opponents apart. The fact that they're criminals doesn't change that he's a bully.


The weak should fear the strong.

616 Spidey is better.

It was at that moment that the Kingpin decided to store extra pants in the office, just in case.

U Spidey had more consistent high quality, but that is a benefit of not having to keep going for 50 years with dozens of different writers.


It's like his brain is processing all the facts to make the best quip possible. Love it

What run is this? This is the kinda Spiderman stuffIm looking for

He has radioactive quipping powers.

Is this just a Spidey thread now?
Not complaining

Even the villains sometimes got great quips in USM. This one is nice and understated.

>but his whole thing is to incessantly mock, tease and verbally tear his opponents apart
Yes, that's very much the point. Peter explains this multiple times to people.

It's always been the case that so long as Peter makes his quips and jokes he's not going all out.

It's when he goes silent that you have to worry.

Case in point: when he does the black Spidey outfit after someone shoots Aunt May.

Were you bullied at school or something?

>people think that spidey cracking jokes and mocking criminals is bullying them.

neo Cred Forums was a mistake.

I need this image edited, showing how Osborn run away.

>mentally justifies
Sure help that they're committing crimes and put other people's lives in danger.

If we agree, why the fuck are we arguing?

No. I'm just saying what it is. Saying it's not bullying is like saying Batman isn't a vigilante because he's always in the right.

>Thinks bullying is inherently bad.
>Calls others neo-Cred Forums

Not really, the definition of bullying is way murkier than that of vigilantism.

You might be the most contrarian poster I've seen recently.

Verbal misdirection and goading is not the same as bullying. The intent, the desired goals, the personal power structures are different enough that while we can easily see they are similar and in fact confuse the two, proper observations show vast difference.

Guess that explains the burns.

Go to bed, Spiderman.

Thanks for the compliment.

>I put on a red and blue spandex to punch poor people in NYC so desperate that they resorted to being criminal
>The true criminals, corrupt bankers in Wall St is not my problem
>I don't kill so it's ok. All those internal bleeding, broken ribcage, brain damages, hope you have Obamacare

Mayor Guilianni has done more to clean up NYC than Spiderman

>Spider-Man is this thing most people would agree with. That's not necessarily bad.

The fuck?
If I was being contrarian I would say that he in no way resembles a bully and that you need to grow a thicker skin if you think the things he says are hurtful.

stop bullying me

I don't have but when Daredevil gives Tony a silver coin and calls him Judas

>I beat up and verbally abuse jerks because it makes me look good and feel good about myself.
>I sure am nothing like those jerks back in High School.

Motherfucker, I love Peter and he dindu nuffin, but he still totally engages in the same behavior kids like Flash did for similar reasons. The difference is that he's also being mostly selfless and saving lives in the process.

Ox has a point though. In fact Spidey comes across as quite insensitive here.

Oh God. They would, wouldn't they?

Nothing worst for self-proclaimed comedians and intellectuals than a heckler busting out insults faster than they can respond. Joker would especially go into "PLS NO BULLY" after going the first dozen or so bouts raging as Spidey relentlessly mocks him.

>"Hey, Riddler, did you pass the Community College entrance exam this time? I heard they were giving exception to Special Needs Villains!"

>"Hey, Joker, the comedy club called. They want you back... their janitor quit last week and they need someone familiar with crap."

>"Sheesh, no wonder you turned to crime. If I practiced YOUR jokes in the mirror every day, they'd put me on suicide watch!"

This certainly sounds like natural character dialogue and not a writer inserting his head canon directly into a comic.

post something with the black cat

Realistically between the carnage around the action and muffled voice, can anyone besides Spidey himself hear his quips?

I'd say the nervous headcannon is a better explanation. Tobey Spidey goes from nerd to quippy asshole. Garfield spidey goes from quippy asshole to quippy asshole. The current MCU Spidey though has justifiable quips out of nervousness

There is an issue where he is in a rush fighting one of the snake guys and he doesnt joke. The bystanders and the villain comment about the lack of jokes.

If memory serves, throughout the entire issue he's rushing to get to a date with MJ but he's busy doing all the super-heroing because the villains won't stop trying to steal stuff for more than 5 minutes so he can finally get to the date.

So instead of his normal quips and jokes he's super serious and just bodies a villain in a couple panels before leaving them to the cops. It's only when he gets to the snake guys mid-heist that he has to actually stay still and fight them, because there's more than one.

I think his anonymity in the mask helps make him more of a quippy dick too. Like he can say what he wants and probably finds that pretty liberating.


Cause Giuliani was able to do so much about bankers and stockbrokers.

It's almost like he belongs on Cred Forums.

We all do, user. We all do.

That DOES sound like Peter, though. And if you're going to argue about "headcanon" then literally every writer after Lee and Ditko has just been writing fanfiction.

The fuck are you talking about? These people are criminals, Pete doesn't give a fuck if he's "bullying" them.

So.. Gerald will be a super hero in Southpark soon?

Peter is a lot more like Kyle than like Gerald.

No no, I mean Gerald getting his own costume and shit since this season is supposedly related to Fractured But Whole.

Huh. I could almost see that.

And it spreads. Once everyone puts on masks, everyone tells the truth, feelings and political correctness be damned.

No wonder SJWs and fundies hate anonymity so much.

Actually, the funny thing is that SJWs and fundies themselves are just as bad as those that remain anonymous and stuff.

....this is why i always vouch for the villains...

For like the fifth time, nobody said it's a bad thing.

The possibilities are endless. Did he run into an alley, jump down an open manhole, leap into a waiting escape rocket? It could be anything.

I feel like if Joker and Riddler dealt with Spider-Man, they'd deal with an exchange like these videos

We already know how a confrontation with Joker would go

Ironic, isn't it?

The big difference, of course, is that SJWs and fundies pretend they're being some sort of savior by bullying people for not meeting their arbitrary standards.

We just do it for the lulz, which in their eyes makes us Satan.

How about all 3?

I laugh every time and then feel slightly ashamed.

You shouldn't feel bad, it's pretty funny.

That was a back up, as much as I hate Slott that page wasn't written by him.

The arc finale wasn't written by Slott?


>poor people in NYC so desperate that they resorted to being criminal
Dude, his biggest nemeses are fucking rich sociopaths.

>too hard to spell
Actually funny quips for once.

What Peter does has nothing to do with fucking bullying. You've either been bullied way too much to the point of projecting or you have no idea what actual bullying is.

Jesus if you look at him for a few seconds he looks fucking scary. I guess it's the eyes and/or art style.

The black costume is srs business.

That picture will forever be six spider limbs away from being perfect.

I feel like it was missing something.

I've seen an edit someone made with a jetski just out of frame

Sorry to burst y'all bubble but that post was clearly talking about the particular pic OP posted. Now tell me how outright demeaning a guy because he doesn't talk like a fancy college nerd is not a shit thing to do, or how both Spidey's banter and him ignoring the point Ox was making about class struggle make him the better man in that particular conversation.


Maybe All-New Ox shouldn't be trying to murder people with big pieces of rubble if he didn't want his would-be victims to say unkind things to him.

It's classic SJW/fundie logic - fighting back against your oppressor, especially by making fun of them, is bullying. The oppressor is never a bully, of course - their power is righteous because it comes from fists, not words.

Being bad with words is no reason to use your fists - especially when you attack first.

It's absurd to blame the guy using the pen for fighting back against the guy using the sword.

>You must be an extremist if you think something that fits the definition of bullying is bullying.

Please fuck off with your holier than thou bullshit.

Nobody is saying the villains are undeserving victims or being oppressed. Peter isn't being regarded unfavorably compared to them. Other heroes who mock or taunt aren't called bullies for "fighting their oppressors with their words" because insults aren't the same thing.

Peter acts like a schoolyard bully. He makes childish, sarcastic quips and corny, piercing observations. He is putting other people down nonstop to cope with his anxiety and low self-esteem. He's not WRONG to do it, but what he does is textbook bullying. And if they were rational, mature people, his villains wouldn't care. They're all childish morons who can't deal with childish barbs.

You cannot deceive me, Craven!

>He makes childish, sarcastic quips and corny, piercing observations
>what he does is textbook bullying
I guess standup comedians are bullies now too.

Most of the time, bullies aren't in danger of having their person or their friends and family murdered by the person they're bullying.
Outside America, anyway.

Famous historical bullies have included Oliver Swift, Oscar Wilde, Shakespeare, Edmund Blackadder and Winston Churchill

> Cred Forums is still taking this bait

Holy shit.

Yeah, nobody would say Peter is wrong for doing it. He just does it. It's kind of the point.

these fuckers continue to be butthurt that you could ascribe a term like bully to MUH SPIDER-MAN and refuse to actually refute the point.

>not realizing Spidey is and has always been an evil man trying and failing to be good

>That time he wanted to fucking murder Flash.

>all those "angry Spidey" moments where he tears somebody's face off or some shit

It isn't Peter's fault that Flash had a glass jaw.

I absolutely love this.

One of my favorite tropes hands down.

>hero leaves or disguises himself or someone takes his place
>arch enemy immediately notices "new hero" isn't his good guy or immediately notices old hero is back

I think Joker and Catwoman do this a lot.

>guys is kinda retarded so apparently he's not accountable for this actions
>Spider-Man shouldn't "bully" a guy who is trying to beat the shit out of him and throw a giant rock at him because hes way stronger

Are you guys upset because you too are kinda retarded and are projecting yourself on to the dumb OX?

"That show" is what ruined Cred Forums. This thread wouldn't exist if "that show" never happened.

What show are you referring to?

No, he's talking about Avenging Spider-Man #11

That part was written by Slott. That was still part of the main issue.

>Are you guys upset because you too are kinda retarded and are projecting yourself on to the dumb OX?
/r9k/ is backing up into all the other boards.

Hey fuck you Atomic Robo is great

It has it's own board because of how cancerous it is.


You can't be this retarded


Gundam? Monday Night Raw?

It claims that companionship can be mystical.

Macross? Power Rangers/Super Sentai?

... /tg/?



Oh, Cred Forums.

Are we guessing boards or TV shows?

/qst/? /jp/?

Jesus christ dude did your bully always wear a spider-man shirt when you were a child?

fukkin burnt


Yeah. MLP ruined Cred Forums and I wish it never happened. Old Cred Forums was an actual good board.

Dont be a faggot

Everything was better in the previous decade. Get off my board young people!

Remember All Star?

Someone made this one back when we were having threads about how stupid it was.

No u

>Immediate jump to Ad Hominem
Spiderfags are hilarious. You can't even argue worth a damn.

Anti-bullyfags are hilarious. You can't even argue worth a damn without citing fallacies.

I miss silly shit like this being in ASM instead of exclusively appearing in spin-off books.

fucking saved

I'm not against bullying. Peter's one of my favorite superheroes. It's just dumbfucks like you who piss and moan when people imply he could possibly behave in a flawed, human way that disgust me.

If you think I'm wrong then argue your case. Otherwise you're as bad at problem solving as Spidey is.

>Otherwise you're as bad at problem solving as Spidey is.

Quips can solve any problem.

Alternatively, they end up with an old lady getting shot and you selling your marriage to Satan.

That was an out of character decision caused by a writer's poor problem solving skills regarding a problem that shouldn't have existed.

If Trump becomes president, will Joe Quesada get deported?

Moot point since it won't happen.

is this loss

Jesus, the Joker ones are top bantz.

Did he ever go One More Day on him?

Define bullying, then, because we clearly have different definitions.


>they've made some good Spider-man stories

Name two. Each.

Fucking lol. MLP hasn't been on Cred Forums for half a dozen years. You did this to yourself.

>Tobey Spidey goes from nerd to quippy asshole

No he didn't.

for Slott, Big Time and Spider-Man & Human Torch

What the hell even is going on?

How did he broke his black costume?

I hope the fact Galactus can't fucking stand Thanos is always a thing.

If Trump says "Quesada's leaving the country. We're gonna make Spider-Man great again! He's gonna be back with MJ." I guarantee that he'll see a rise in the polls.

It's the cloth version

>He's gonna be back with MJ
who do I vote for to get him back with Felicia?

That would be Bernie Sanders. So you can't. Hillary wants Gwen back.

then clearly the only solution is to assassinate all the other candidates so bernie wins by default

You'd think he'd just point out 'I'm aware he's real. He exists, I've interacted with him and seen others interact with him. That doesn't negate the fact that he's a robot. Sapience doesn't negate that fact either.'



JLI had some good quips.

Spider-man stopping a robbery. Because he's a superhero.

Yes, exquisite.

Tip top fucking kek.

>See, this is a really cool scene. Only problem is that the fucking Green Goblin figured out Spidey was actually Peter Parker before anyone in his everyday life that he's been close to for years did.

Osborn has had a history of knowing more about Spiderman than anyone.

Oi. I really didn't like how he was involved in bringing Aunt May back.

Fuck you buddy.

>"Your jokes are so bad I can turn on a David Spade marathon and be less bored."
>"I was thinking of naming you Chuckles. It's an ironic nickname."
>"Knock knock, who's there? Talent. Talent who? The talent that you don't have."
>"I think we can make a killing as a comedy duo. I'll be the comedy and you be the duo."
>"I don't think you're getting this straight man routine. I say the jokes and you laugh at yourself for being a failure riding on my talent."
>"Stop me if you've heard this one - oh, wait, I forgot who I was talking to. Of course you haven't! That'd mean you were funny!"
>"Come on, Clowney, you know we love you. If there was ever a place anyone in New York had to look for self esteem, it's with you. Who else can we turn to and tell ourselves: 'At least someone laughs at my knock knock jokes'?"

He's a threat to all the citizens around him, though.

The people he fights are usually villainous psychopaths trying to kill everyone or make peoples likes worse in some way.

>he's gotten away
Did he teleport away? Did Spidey have a glove that, while holding someone, prevents them from teleporting?

>spiderman intervenes at the gay pride

Entirety of Ult. Spiderman up to Peter's death.

I'll leave Slott to someone else.